20. Ember
Ember
I drove back home feeling out of sorts. I’d texted West earlier in the day to let him know where I was, and when I got home, he and Alejandro were curled up on the couch next to each other.
We’d made a small nest on the couch with a pile of blankets and pillows. Alejandro had come over every night, even though he was tired, and we stayed on the couch together.
They were watching an action movie, Alejandro curled around West. It was the sweetest thing I’d ever seen, and I wished I could take a picture without freaking West out.
But West hated pictures so I refrained.
He looked up from the blanket pile. “How are you?”
“Good,” I said. I was good, but I was also tired and emotionally wrung out.
Alejandro patted the space next to him, knowing I preferred to drape myself over him. “Come on, mi carina. There’s food in the fridge for you if you want.”
I didn’t want food. I took off my shoes and climbed right under the blankets.
Both men perked up, like little meerkats out of their burrows.
“You smell amazing,” West said, sounding intrigued. “That alpha and omega bonded pair again?”
“Yes.” I buried my face in Alejandro’s chest, almost covering myself with the blankets.
Alejandro patted my shoulder. “What’s wrong? You sound upset.”
“Ember doesn’t like wanting people.” West sounded smug. The bastard.
“Look who’s talking, the pot calling the kettle black.” My delivery was thwarted by the blankets muffling me.
“I’m antisocial. There’s a difference.”
“Sure there is, mi corazon.” Alejandro patted West’s shoulder. “You smell like them. They must like you.”
I sighed, trying to unwind all my tangled feelings. I didn’t love wanting people this much when I wasn’t sure the feeling was mutual.
“Rian’s not sure he’s going to like you two. What’s the point in letting everyone meet one other if I’m not sure it’s going to work out?” I huffed. “I’m happy right now. You two make me happy.”
“I’m glad we make you happy, reina.” Alejandro kissed my temple. “But you’re also grumpy, and we’re going to pretend you haven’t been perfuming all day? For this alpha and omega pair?”
I grumbled and burrowed some more. There was no problem more blankets couldn’t fix.
“They come over tomorrow.” West made it a statement. “And then they can scent me and Alejandro. We’ll hang out, talk about music, and eat some food.”
“Some great food,” Alejandro added. “What should I make?”
“I can’t make any more decisions.”
Alejandro curled me against him. I couldn’t decide if I wanted the nest, or headphones and listen to music loudly to clear my head.
And then I remembered work. “Fuck.” I popped my head up. “I have to start sectioning off parts of the website.”
West waved me off. “Already did that. You’re caught up.”
“Thanks,” I said, feeling guilty. I reached across Alejandro to pet West’s chest. “You’re too good to me.”
“No,” West said. “You’re never this worked up.” He looked at Alejandro. “Present company excluded.”
Alejandro looked pleased. “Really? You were worked up over me?”
“I perfumed every time I saw you,” I pointed out, feeling embarrassed for no good reason. Ugh, feelings were stupid. “And I kept randomly wandering into your place of work.”
Alejandro purred, and it hit the stupid button in my brain. I relaxed against him, some of the nervous energy leaving me. It was handy having Alejandro around.
My burrowing turned into touching, and then touching turned into sweaty sexy times. West and Alejandro took turns wrecking me.
The next day the nerves returned, and it felt final somehow.
I headed back to my cottage in a stew of stupid, stupid feelings.
It was fine when an alpha whose scent I could take or leave acted like a jerk.
I wasn’t emotionally invested then. But I was now.
I’d had fun with Ben, I enjoyed the way he laughed, the way he explained things to me without making me feel like an idiot.
He was funny and sexy and had amazing taste in music.
Rian’s guarded demeanor only made me want to figure out which wall to climb. I sensed the same pain and uncertainty I felt myself, in his sense of trying to cling to the world he knew.
What if the new men in my life moved in and then something terrible happened?
Like, if they decided I was too much to handle. What if I had a panic attack? I hadn’t had one in forever, but it would be harder to keep up the facade that I wasn’t a hot mess the more time I spent around them.
I pushed the thought away and let myself into the cottage early. I was distracted at work and decided to call it good. I managed to get some of the pieces sectioned off, and we were almost ready for Operation Ka-Boom!
I texted Rian to let him know they could let themselves in when they got here, thinking it would be easier for Ben to learn his way around without having to wait for me to unlock the door.
I wasn’t trying to make him more comfortable in our cottage, nope. I was just being considerate of a guest. I picked up the living room, making sure nothing was lying around that Ben could trip over, and jumped in the shower.
My nerves were shot. It was time for music therapy. I belted out Juliet Vale, the Neon Outlaws, Burns, and some Evermore West.
My favorite playlist filled me up, echoed off the tile of the shower and made it so I could dump out all the emotions I was struggling with.
Music saved me when I was a teenager, and it continued to save me, over and over, making it safe to feel.
Then I would be ready for the date that wasn’t a date.