19. Abby
Abby
I’m lost in thought, watching a mom push her baby in a stroller outside when Malloy walks up to the table.
“Hey, Abby, sorry to leave you waiting. My mom needed some help with stuff at the house,” he says, pulling up a chair to join me.
We decided to meet for lunch at a small diner down the street from my apartment. Spring is trying hard to make its way through after a tough winter. Who am I kidding? Every winter in Boston is tough.
Luckily, today is a nice day, and I’m starting to feel the warmth of the sun breathing through the clouds. I thought it would be a good time to break the news of my pregnancy to Malloy. I’ll be showing more as the weeks creep forward.
“It’s good to see you. I haven’t been here long, so don’t worry about it,” I reassure him, and he gives me a small smile, seeing right through my lie.
I’ve been here for thirty minutes. I hate being late, so I got here extra early to get a seat. I wanted to make sure I got a spot with a nice view of the street so I could watch people walk by.
“You’re a shit liar. You know that, right? I’ll make sure to play poker with you.” He winks and grabs his water.
I’m about to say something when the waitress comes over, and I swear she drools at Malloy. “Hey, can I grab you something to drink other than water?”
“Oh, I’m good with this, thanks.” He holds up the water while I roll my eyes, and he chuckles at my reaction.
“Okay, just wave me over when you’re ready to order. Our specials are the turkey club and tomato soup. My name is Amanda, and I’ll be helping you today.” She winks. This would usually be her cue to go, but she’s still standing there, and it’s sort of uncomfortable.
“Alright, Amanda, we’ll let ya know when we need you to come back,” I tell her, really needing some privacy so I can let Malloy in on my secret.
She swings her head over toward me, and I swear it’s like she just realized I’m sitting here. What am I, invisible?
Malloy laughs because I think he’s thinking the same thing as me, and I glare at him. She sets her sights back on the handsome firefighter but luckily takes the hint when he doesn’t return her gaze and leaves.
“My goodness, obsessed much?” I huff.
“Someone’s got her panties in a wad,” Malloy teases, and I stick my tongue out.
Ever since that night last week when Clay was over and we had our little “show-and-tell,” I can’t stop thinking about how much I want a repeat. These hormones of mine are making me hot and bothered constantly. I’ve got an itch that I cannot scratch alone anymore, and it’s driving me nuts.
“I need to tell you something,” I finally spit out.
“I guessed as much. I’ve got some stuff to update you on too. Why don’t you go first. You look like you’re going to combust.” He gives me a look like he’s scared of me.
My glare doesn’t seem to scare him off, so I throw a napkin at him and decide to spit it out already.
“Fine, I’m pregnant,” I say nonchalantly, looking down at my nails because I’m trying to play it cool, even though I’m anything but.
“I’m sorry, say that again.” Malloy puts his cup down and I can feel his eyes on me.
“You heard me. I’m. Pregnant,” I repeat.
“Oh really. And who is the father?” A small smirk forms on his lips. He knows exactly who the father is. Fucker is going to make me say it.
I look up to meet those forest green eyes and quickly look away, the smile that’s threatening to break free on my face too difficult to hide.
“You are sly, Ms. Morris.” He sits back in his seat.
“It was one night,” I say in return.
“Yeah, I hear that’s all it takes.” He laughs.
“Well, I tried for more than one night, and it never took, so this was a surprise for both of us,” I admit, taking a drink of my water.
We’re quiet, Malloy processing what I admitted to him. I have never really gone into immense detail about how things went down with Clay and me after the bar.
“So what does this mean for you two? It must change things?” he asks.
“Not really. I mean, we’re still living our lives the way they were before I found out,” I admit.
“ Come on , Abby.” He looks at me, shocked.
“What?”
“The guy loves you, and it’s completely obvious by the way you’re telling me you’re pregnant with his child that you still have feelings for him. You’re being foolish,” he says, and I can’t help but feel attacked.
“Excuse me?” I put my water down and look at him with my mouth agape.
“Listen, you know that when it comes to me, I’m going to be honest, and that’s just what our friendship means.
I’m not going to sugarcoat it with you. You’re being foolish thinking you can have this man’s baby and ignore that you still love him.
Because you do. And he loves you. You’re going to what?
Have his child and just be miserable, for what? To prove a point? To be stubborn?”
“You have some nerve,” I say, grabbing my things, about to storm out.
“No, Abby, you don’t get to walk away because I’m saying things you don’t like to hear.
No, sorry. Marissa can tell you she doesn’t agree, but I can’t?
That’s not fair. Also, as much as Clay may think I’m not his friend, I actually see his side.
I see why things were hard for you too. I can be on both of your sides from what you’ve told me and be your friend,” he says, grabbing my wrist, trying to keep me from leaving.
I hate that he’s right. He’s entitled to his opinion, but it pisses me off that he’s not wrong about how I feel about Clay.
And I think I hold a lot of guilt that I can’t just let go of and run back to Clay—that a part of me is holding on to this need to stay firm in my decision to be in this solitary life I have chosen.
I deserve to suffer because I did this to us.
I’m using this as a punishment, which is just cruel for both of us.
Does it make sense? No. Am I doing anything to fix it? Still no. Am I hormonal and letting it continue to rule my decision-making? Yes.
I put my stuff down and sit back down. “Sorry, I overreacted.”
“It’s fine. You’re pregnant, so I’ll let it slide.
I’ve watched three of Rios’s sisters go through it.
They were nightmares. You’re just beginning, and this is just the tip of the iceberg.
” He gives me crazy eyes, and I swear I want to throw something at his head.
I’m contemplating the napkin holder, but there are witnesses, so I decide against it.
“Rios is the one who figured out I was pregnant, actually.”
“You ran into Rios, huh? Well, the fact he figured it out doesn’t surprise me.
He’s got some weird sixth sense about it,” Malloy says as he waves the server over.
“I hope you’re ready to order because I need food.
If not, we need to get fries or something.
Amanda keeps giving me the stalker vibes, and we can’t be here longer than the regular diner allowed time—if you catch my drift. ”
“What can I get you?” Amanda says. She showed up so quickly I barely had time to process what was happening.
“Yes, we’ll get a basket of fries to start. Abby, do you know what you want, sweetie?” He looks over at me to play along. The moment he brings his hand to touch mine, I see Amanda deflate.
“Yes, pumpkin .” My tone is dripping sarcasm. “I’ll have the chicken Caesar salad with the tortilla soup. Thanks,” I say, handing over the menu.
“I’ll have the ultimate burger with onion rings.” He gives her a tight smile, then winks at me.
She scurries off, and once she’s out of earshot, he pulls his hand away.
“Thank you. She wouldn’t stop looking at me, and I swear she was freaking me out a bit there.
I had to make her think we were together.
” I swear he shivers a bit at the end of his statement.
It’s hard not to laugh at his dramatic behavior.
“Okay, what’s your update?” I ask because I need to know what’s going on with Baylee. I haven’t gotten to see him much since we last hung out. Life has been a bit hectic for me, and he’s been working crazy hours lately.
“Oh, quite a bit. Not good news like yours though.” He pulls his hat off and moves his hand through his ginger hair, then puts his ball cap back on backward. “My mom has cancer.”
The lump that forms in my throat is immediate and I can’t control the tears that start to form in my eyes.
I wish I could blame the damn pregnancy hormones, but I can’t.
I’m devastated for him. Malloy’s father is not in the picture, and he was raised by a single mother.
It was only his older brother and mother his entire life.
His brother is a lawyer out in Ohio, so he’s been closest to his mother. This is devastating to hear.
“Oh, Malloy, I’m so sorry.” I grab his hands and squeeze. “What kind? What stage?”
“It’s stage three, they just found out. Lung cancer.” He swallows thickly, and I can see the devastation across his face. He looks absolutely grief-stricken with the news, and I’m gutted for my friend.
“What’s the prognosis? Can they give you any information?” I know nothing about this type of cancer.
“That’s the thing, it’s not great.” He bows his head.
“There’s no cure for this kind of cancer.
She’s never smoked a day in her life, but she got lung cancer.
She’ll have to do a few rounds of chemo.
Then we’ll reevaluate and see if she needs to do any other type of therapy, but they gave her about five years. ”
His eyes are shining with unshed tears, and my heart is aching for my friend.
“I don’t even know what to say. What can I do?” I ask because I feel helpless.