Chapter Twenty-seven
I didn’t expect to be able to sleep after what happened with Adrien. I thought I’d lay there awake, hearing the sound of his pounding steps coming after me but I didn’t.
After Killian and I sat on the bathroom floor until the bath he ran went cold, he drew me another one and stayed with me in the bathroom while I washed the memories off my skin and then he curled me into his body, tucked me in so close every part of me was touching every part of him and fell asleep quickly, I don’t even remember my head hitting the pillow. And it was dreamless.
He made me feel safe. He was there .
And it only made me realize he always had been. There hasn’t been a moment where he hasn’t been available when I’ve been at my most vulnerable and even when I’m not. He’s protected me, long before we ever fell into whatever this is between us.
It’s been three days since the attack, and he hasn’t left me alone for more than five minutes. We’ve painted and put together furniture and now we are sitting on my new couch, the smell of fresh paint in the air while the morning sun attempts to remove the chill. The leaves have all turned color, setting fire to the trees on the street, the temperature dipping low enough I’ve arranged for logs to be delivered so I can start to make use of the fireplace.
As I’m taking a sip of my coffee, feet resting on Killian’s lap, there’s a knock at the door. Without a word, he takes my ankles and moves my legs down to the cushion as he gets up, moving to the door to let whoever it is in.
“Well damn,” Dean’s voice booms through the quiet house and my spine stiffens. “You are alive.”
“So funny,” Killian deadpans, moving to the side to let his brother in. Dean appears a moment later, several boxes balancing on his arms.
“Hey Sav,” He grins at me, a pair of black, thick rimmed glasses on his face. I forget he wears glasses since he always has contacts in, and they make him appear younger and less dangerous. But Dean has always been that way, even when I was growing up, he stood separately to the brute force of the other three. He was quiet but observant, he saw everything always and the man is insanely smart but I’m also not na?ve enough to believe he isn’t as much of a threat as the rest of them. He’s just quieter about it. I’ve known him for a long time and yet I don’t know much about him at all.
“Hi Dean,” I squirm, “What brings you by?”
“Kill didn’t tell you?” He frowns, glancing at his older brother.
“Tell me what?”
Killian’s face remains void of any emotion, “He’s fitting a security system.”
There’s no shame in the words, no guilt or remorse for making the decision without me. If what went down with Adrien hadn’t have happened maybe I would have kicked up more of a fuss, but a security system is probably the smartest way forward if I’m living alone.
Granted, I haven’t been alone in the past two weeks but that’s irrelevant.
“Okay,” I swallow hard and nod my head, “Go ahead.”
Killian’s brows twitch, just a little, giving away that flicker of surprise at my submission. But he smooths out those lines quickly, returning to his stoic, normal self.
While Dean works, he remains on the other side of the room, as far from me as he can get without physically leaving and doesn’t even look at me. The little safe haven we have been in has made me forget this is actually a secret.
Dean talks while he works, his fingers tapping away at his keyboard, eyes on the screen. I provide conversation back, but my stomach is twisting up. I don’t like the coldness, the lack of affection.
Killian won’t even look at me.
Is this the level we will be stuck at? Trapped in the shadows and destined to only find comfort in each other in the dark?
“And done,” Dean grins triumphantly, turning his laptop toward me, “You should have an email with details for the login to the system, you can set the pin and access the cameras installed outside and in the main areas of the house.”
“Wait, you installed cameras in here?”
“Just the hall, kitchen and living room but no one can access them. Just you and whoever you share the pin with.”
“So, you can’t?” I narrow my eyes. I don’t quite believe him.
“Why?” He teases, “Something you don’t want us to see?”
“Well,” I cross my arms, remembering the many times Killian has fucked me in these spaces, on the kitchen table or against the wall, “I would like some semblance of privacy. ”
He chuckles, “Cross my heart, I can’t access unless you give me access.”
“And the truth?” I press with a cocked brow.
He laughs, “If I wanted in, I could get in, but I promise, your privacy is safe with me.”
“He won’t access your cameras,” Killian grumbles.
When I glance over, the intensity of his stare almost burns me to my core. It goes on long enough that Dean notices the tension that begins to crackle in the air.
“Everything good?” He shuts his laptop firmly, startling me from my stare off with Killian.
“What?” I scoff, “Of course.”
A knot forms between his brows as he contemplates my answer but then he just shrugs and gets up, taking his gear with him. “I’m out, you coming?” He asks his brother, “The meeting is in an hour.”
“Yeah,” Killian replies gruffly and follows his brother out, not sparing me another glance.
A single fracture cracks across my heart.
In the minutes that follow, silence settles on the house. A clock ticks behind me, every second passing like a beating drum. I listen to the sound of his engine as he starts it and then the roar as he accelerates away, leaving me here entirely alone without even a look.
My cell buzzes against my leg .
Killian: I’m sorry.
I want to be understanding and most parts of me did understand why he wouldn’t show me any sort of affection in front of people but that doesn’t mean it hurts less. This is a secret but that just makes me feel dirty.
I close down the thread without replying and open the email from Dean, so I don’t dwell on it. But setting up the security system barely takes any time at all so the distraction is fleeting.
With nothing left to do and the knowledge that he won’t be back any time soon, I text Sloane to tell her that I’m coming over, quickly change out of the sweats I was lounging in and head out, setting my new alarm system as I go.