Chapter Thirty-one
“A re you going tonight?” I ask as I pull out my black sparkly dress, the neckline is low, but the dress falls to just above my ankle with a high side slit that stops below my hip.
Killian sits on the edge of the bed, staring down at his cell. It’s been three days since he showed me the mural and I told him that I loved him. Three days where he’s asked me to tell him countless times. And I do, every time. I never expected him to say it back.
“I am,” He replies flatly.
Unease worms through me, working a knot into my stomach, “Are you okay? ”
Silence greets my question, so I hang the dress back up and pad across the carpet, stopping in front of him in just the lacy underwear I have on.
His eyes snap up and his hands go to my hips, squeezing me ever so slightly. He softens, “I’m okay, Tiny Dancer.” He answers.
“Are you sure?” I worry my lip, “You seem distant.”
“Just thinking,” He replies, “You are stunning, have I told you that?”
“Three times today,” I smile at him.
His thumb circles gently against my hip, “I’ll meet you there tonight, we can’t show up together.”
It’s the first night in a long time where we will all be going out together. Bast and Willow have got a sitter for Hope, even Malakai and Olivia will be there even though Olivia is pregnant. It’ll be like old times, and it feels good. I just wish me, and Killian could arrive and be a couple like everyone else, except Dean of course, though I’m not sure he’ll ever settle down. He likes his own company too much. Sloane is coming too, which I’m happy about. She needs to start living again and if my friends and my family can give her that, she can have them.
“Maybe we should tell them,” I reply, my voice hesitant.
His hands immediately drop, “We can’t.”
“Killian,” I sigh, “We can’t stay a secret forever. ”
He stands so suddenly; I have to take a step back to save from being knocked over. “It’s not the right time.”
“Why?” I snap at his back, “You really think Bast wouldn’t be happy for us?”
“He wouldn’t!” Killian growls, “He wouldn’t be happy for us, Savannah. I am ten years older than you, I have known you since you were a kid, this is wrong in his eyes. I shouldn’t even be looking at you the way I do.”
“But I am not a kid anymore, Killian,” I square my shoulders against him, “It’s not like you had this feeling when I was a minor. We’re both adults now!”
“That’s not the point,” He paces the length of the room, “We both know that.”
This isn’t a fight I’m going to win. It doesn’t matter that I love him. It doesn’t matter that he’s become my whole entire world, his relationship with my brother and his friends is more important and I certainly don’t want to be the girl that comes between them.
“Okay,” I reply weakly. It hurts. It really fucking hurts to know I’m second. I want more for myself, I want the undying love my brother has for Willow and Malakai has with Olivia. I want to show it off, scream it to the sky so everyone knows I am happy. I’m not going to get that with Killian, but I can’t let him go either.
Love doesn’t work that way. It’s like this feeling has claws, it sinks into you, grips you and locks you in and even when you know it isn’t healthy and it isn’t serving, it doesn’t let you go. I love Killian and the thought of not having him breaks my heart in two, cracks my soul and fractures me through to the bone.
Killian lets out a defeated breath, “I’m sorry, baby.”
“Don’t do that,” I swipe at the tear rolling down my cheek.
“Savannah,” He reaches for me as I step away.
“It’s fine,” I lie. “Don’t worry about it.”
He drops my eyes, and I know I’m not going to win here. I’m not sure I’ll ever win. I want this love, I want this feeling but if it’s one sided, how am I meant to survive?
The dress clings to my body like a second skin, flowing over my curves and following the lines of my hips and thighs until it flares out at my knees and the split sits just below my hip bone. I had to get creative with my body tape to make it stay and keep my underwear line hidden. Six-inch heels are strapped to my feet, and I’ve slicked my blonde hair back in a wet styled look.
Killian left a few hours before we were due to all meet at the club and as far as I can tell, he isn’t here yet.
Sloane links her arm with mine, looking as gorgeous as ever with her ashy brown hair pulled up into a high ponytail and dressed in a tight pair of leather pants with a lace body suit tucked in and a smoky eye going on to compliment the blue of her eyes. Sloane has always been one to miss her own beauty, but the girl is a stunner.
“You okay?” She asks me.
I sigh, “I’m fine.”
“You can tell me, you know?”
“I know.”
“Is it Killian again?” She asks.
“It’s nothing, really.”
She huffs, showing her disappointment in my lack of information but I can’t do it to him. I can’t let go of our secret even if I know it would be safe with her.
“It’ll be fine, promise” I give her my best attempt at an excited grin, “I just want to have fun, dance and drink.”
Sloane purses her lips and narrows her eyes, “Mmhmm,” She challenges, “But fine, I’ll play your game just remember my freezer is full of ice cream and my security system uncompromised by prying eyes whenever you’re ready to vent.”
I’d laugh if she wasn’t hitting the nail on the head. “Mint choc chip?”
“Only for you,” She kisses my cheek as we finally make it to the steps leading to the roped off VIP section of the club. We’re let through the moment the bouncer recognizes me, and I slide into the booth with Malakai, Olivia, Bast and Willow, Sloane following behind me.
I greet the girls first, kissing my sister-in-law on the cheek before I move to Oli who is cradling her growing baby bump while nursing what looks to be an orange juice out of a wine glass. We fall into an easy conversation, the music making it hard to talk clearly without screaming across the table at each other, and I’m so focused on trying to hear what Willow is telling me about her daughter, that I don’t notice Killian and Dean slip into the booth until I feel the warm press of a thigh against mine.
I swing my gaze to him, words dying on my tongue at the sight of him.
“Hi,” I squeak.
He gives me a barely there smirk before turning his eyes away from me and he doesn’t bring them back. For hours we sit speaking to everyone else but each other. He doesn’t try to touch me, not even a sly graze of his fingers or a lingering look. For all intents and purposes, I don’t exist right now.
My eyes burn with the rejection and no matter how many times I tell myself it’s okay, it isn’t okay, and my heart is breaking inside of my chest. I feel it crumbling .
I watch him slide from the table with Bast, Dean following behind and I turn to Sloane who glares at Dean’s back. As if he can sense it, he turns and narrows his eyes at her.
Clearing my thoughts to hide the emotion clogging it, I say, “What the hell was that? ”
“What?” She huffs, pulling out her cell to scroll while she sips on her cocktail.
“You and Dean? You’ve barely spoken to each other, but you’d think the two of you are at war!”
“I don’t like him,” She shrugs.
“Well, why not?”
“I just don’t,” She grumbles before she gasps, grabbing my arm hard enough her nails sink into my skin. “Sav.”
“What?” I frown, “What is it?”
“Adrien.” She spins the cell phone to me, “He’s dead.”
“What!?” I snatch the phone from her, reading the article as quickly as I possibly can.
Adrien Matthews, global superstar and award-winning musician, found dead at his coastal home today.
Adrien Matthews, aged 32, has been found dead today only weeks after his long-term friend and security guard went missing.
It is reported the star was found by his hired housekeeping service a little after six PM. Details about his death are still incoming but it is speculated that his death may have been caused by an accidental overdose after bottles of pills were found inside the home.
Adrien released his newest single three days ago which shot to number one in the charts in the US and UK overnight.
More details to follow as we learn more about Adrien’s tragic passing.
My heart is thumping inside my chest as I reread the article again. “Oh my god.”
“I can’t believe he’s dead,” Sloane accepts her cell back.
“Who’s dead?” Dean asks, placing a drink down on the table for me and Sloane while Killian and Bast do the rest of the table.
“Adrien Matthews,” She tells him. My eyes immediately flick to Killian as he slides back into the booth and though he doesn’t say a word, not a single one, I know.
He did this. He had a hand in this.
But I can’t even ask him because again, I lose his attention and I don’t get it back for the rest of the night.