Chapter Fifty-one
I have far too much going on inside my head right now to deal with my brother.
Based on everything Killian has told me, he knows and that’s why he is here, he wants to talk about it. And when Killian shows me the feed from the camera, I can see he is pissed.
I’m not sure how I am meant to fight a battle I don’t remember starting.
Going to the door, I open it before he can knock and immediately meet his green stare, his brows drawn low, the stern set of his mouth reminding me of when I was a kid, and he caught me doing something dangerous. He isn’t my parent, but he certainly acts like it sometimes, I guess that’s what happens when an older sibling practically raises you.
I feel Killian step up behind me, his presence pressing against my spine, but he doesn’t touch me.
“The fuck are you doing here?” Sebastian immediately lunges forward but I slap a hand out, landing it on his chest. I couldn’t stop Bast if he really wanted to get to his friend, it would be like stopping a tank, but he does pause, his jaw twitching with the grind of his teeth.
“I’ll leave if that’s what Savannah wants.” Killian replies coolly.
Fuck, this is all going to go to shit.
“Let’s just calm down for a minute, okay?” I sigh, “We need to talk, I get that, but I don’t want to fight.”
Sebastian drags his furious stare back to me, “Don’t want to fight?” He snaps. “You’ve been sleeping with him for months, Savannah!”
I wince at his raised voice. Killian steps a little closer.
“I think this is a little unfair when I don’t actually remember most of it,” I point out.
“Why him!?” Bast yells, finally stepping over the threshold. I move away from him and let him pass, his steps hard and strides long until he stops in my living room. “Why would you fuck him, Savannah!?”
I’m not sure what he wants me to say.
Am I supposed to be ashamed? Guilty ?
Killian closes whatever small gap remains, and while we still are not touching, I feel him a hair width away, the warmth of him wrapping around me like armor.
Sebastian flicks his eyes up, noticing the same thing. His rage is a painting changing his face. I always knew his friends were off limits, they were older than me, and dangerous, brutal men. He always warned me to stay away, and I’ve heard him say on several occasions that if any of them were to come near me in that way, he’d bury them himself. I didn’t think there was any truth to it, I was sure he only said it to scare them off but with the way Bast is looking at Killian makes me believe every single threat.
“I’m so fucking disappointed in you, Savannah, I expected you to make better choices for yourself,” Bast spits, “But instead you spread your legs for a man not fucking worthy of you.”
“Watch it,” Killian suddenly steps around me, pushing me behind his back, “She may be your fucking sister, Sebastian but that’s my woman. Mine. I don’t give a fuck who you are to her, you will treat her like the woman she is and give her the fucking respect she deserves.”
Sebastian glares at him.
“Say what the fuck you want about me, Sebastian, I do not give a shit. You’re my friend, my fucking brother in everything but blood but do not think for one second that I won’t put you down if you so much as make her cry.”
“That’s enough!” I scream at them both. I’m done, I’m so fucking done. Tired. Worn down. Confused and angry. “I need you both to leave.”
“No.” Bast snaps, “We’re talking about this.”
“No,” Killian growls, “We are leaving.”
Bast suddenly shoves Killian hard enough his back hits the wall and gets in his face, “I trusted you!”
“Stop!” I cry, “Just stop! Enough!”
“Take it outside,” Killian replies calmly to my brother, “Don’t let her watch.”
Hot tears stream down my face, and I hadn’t realized I’d moved but I’m hanging off my brother’s arm, trying to get him off Killian. Fuck, I am terrified Bast is going to kill him.
Finally, my brother turns to me, “Don’t hurt him,” I beg, “Please, don’t.”
“It’s okay,” Killian whispers.
But I don’t turn to look at the man who has caused me the greatest pain. I can’t because if I do, I’ll break. I’ve loved this man from afar for so long and the time I finally get him, I can’t remember it and even worse, he lied about it. He gave me something and took it away without a second thought.
But even so, even with the hurt scarring my soul, I don’t want to see him harmed. I don’t want to see him crumble. I want to hate him, but I can’t.
“Please,” I beg my brother, “Please just stop. ”
“Savvy,” Sebastian sighs, his eyes closing as his hands loosen from Killian, releasing him.
“Just go,” I plead, “It’s over between me and Killian anyway, we’re done. It won’t happen again but please don’t hurt him, I am begging you.”
Finally, Sebastian steps back from us both, his eyes bouncing around my face, “Get a bag ready,” He orders, “You’re staying with us a few days.”
“Bast…”
“Don’t fight me on this, Sav,” Bast tugs a strand of my hair, “Meet me at mine in a couple hours.”
“Okay,” I sigh.
Bast steps toward the door and Killian follows. I meet his fathomless eyes and for once they’re not shuttered, they’re not closed off but what I see shatters me. Pain, so much fucking pain, and longing and regret. He stares at me like I’m the moon in his skies but I’m disappearing, no longer there to light up the darkness.
“I’m sorry,” He whispers, lifting his hand to run his thumb across my bottom lip.
“I know.” I rasp, the burn of the tears making my throat tight.
“No,” His hand drops, “You don’t.”
He walks out without another backward glance, pushing past Sebastian to head to his car on the street. He gets in, starts it and drives off without even a flicker of his eyes on the house again and it’s right, it’s what needs to happen so why does it feel like my world has just stopped spinning?
“See you soon,” Bast says to me gently before he too leaves, getting in his own car to drive home, leaving me in the silence of my house. The weight of the truth sits heavy against my chest, everything Killian told me feeling like a story from a book but deep in my soul, I know it’s real.
It was never supposed to happen, Savannah. I was never meant to fall in love with you.
Is this really what love is supposed to feel like? Am I meant to feel as if I am falling apart at the seams?
You loved me too, you know?
I think I’ve always been in love with Killian in some way, in the forbidden, can never be touched way. It was out of reach; beyond a line I couldn’t cross or so I thought.
But apparently, I had it and I lost it anyway.
Numbly, I head through the house, going toward my bedroom where I pull a duffel from the closet and pack several days’ worth of clothes inside before I add my toiletries and other things I may need on top. I shower and change, going through the routine of a normal day as if my whole life isn’t burning on a funeral pyre and then I call a cab and I make my way over to Sebastian’s house where I spend the next day holed up in their spare room, alone and thinking about where I go from here and how exactly I’m supposed to move forward.