Chapter Fifty-five
2 weeks later
I choose you.
I close the thread and toss my phone onto the bed, running my hands over my sweat damp face. I’d spent most of the night in my studio, dancing until I couldn’t anymore. I’m drenched in sweat, mentally and physically exhausted but no matter how much I exert myself, I can’t sleep, not well anyway.
And I’d come up to shower and try to sort my shit out to be able to function for the day to find that text on my phone. The same three words I have received at the same time every day for the past fourteen days.
Killian hasn’t been late on them. Sent at exactly six thirteen every morning. He doesn’t say anything else, doesn’t call or try to see me. He just texts me.
I’ve needed space but there’s no denying how much I miss him.
Every night I dream of him, of the time we had, and I wake up searching the empty side of the bed for him. The coldness where he should be sinks right to the bone and I end up getting up every time, unable to remain in the dark without him.
So, I dance until the sun rises and return to the same text message from him.
If he means it, if he really means it, why isn’t he here?
Swatting at the tears on my face, I storm through to the bathroom and hit the button to turn on the shower, frustrated with myself. Will I ever fucking move on from this?
Getting beneath the spray, I wash away the sleepless night and the sweat from my skin, letting the hot water hide the falling tears and then I pull myself together, bury it all down into my bones and get out like I’m fine.
Because I have to be fine.
I have to be strong.
But I want him. I want him so bad it hurts.
Finally dressed, and somewhat presentable I head downstairs and hit the button to start the coffee machine just as I hear the sound of a key turning in my door. I turn in time to see Willow sauntering in, Olivia right behind her.
Willow places a fresh coffee on the table, “Well morning,” She grins at me, “You look like shit.”
“Gee,” I grumble, “Thanks.”
Olivia cringes, “You look tired, Savvy, that’s all she meant.”
“If I knew giving you a key would invite you over to insult me, I wouldn’t have given it to you.”
“I brought coffee,” Willow offers, “Does that make it better?”
“A little.” I purse my lips, feigning my offence. I’ve no doubt I look like shit and Willow has never been one to mince her words.
“Still not sleeping great?” Olivia slides onto one of the chairs at the table.
I shake my head, “No, but I’m exhausted and about ready to head to the doctor for a prescription that’ll knock me out.”
“Or you could try an alternative,” Willow suggests.
“I’ll try about anything at this point.”
“Well, we have two options,” She cradles her coffee and brings it in close, “We take you to the club, get you blackout drunk and watch you crash but alcohol sleep isn’t the same as real sleep so not sure how much good that will do.”
I huff a sigh, “And the other option?”
“Text Killian back, let him come over here, have your talk before he fucks your brains out and holds you for the rest of the night.”
She says it so nonchalantly, so blasé it takes me a whole four seconds to process what she just said. And then I choke on the mouthful of coffee.
“Willow!” Olivia gasps.
“ What ?” Willow throws her arms up, “You were thinking it!”
“I was not!”
“I bet you’d sleep like the dead if that happens,” Willow shrugs, “We all know it. Hell, you don’t even have to forgive him, just hate fuck for a couple hours, you’ll be so exhausted you’ll be caught up on sleep in no time.”
“Don’t do that,” Olivia cringes, “That’s not healthy.”
Willow laughs loudly, “Like you can talk!”
It’s no secret Olivia and Malakai didn’t get off on the greatest of starts but not sure I want to think about how much hate fucking they did.
“This isn’t about me!”
“Killian doesn’t hate fuck,” I tell them. “He claims. ”
“I knew it!” Willow slaps her palms down. “So let him dick you down and you’ll sleep for a week.”
“If only it were that easy,” I huff a humorless laugh. “I just feel stuck, and I don’t know where to go from here. I don’t know if I try to forgive him or if I let him go.”
“Could you?” Olivia prompts. “Let him go, I mean.”
“I don’t know.” I answer.
“That there is an answer,” Willow says, turning serious, “After everything that has happened, you’d have every right to turn your back and walk away but you haven’t.”
“Would you forgive Bast?” I push, “If he did what Killian did.”
Willow holds my stare as she answers, “Yes.”
I drop her eyes and let out a long breath.
“Yes, because I love him. Yes, because he is home, he’s the only person who makes sense for me. He did and does stupid shit all the time but that doesn’t make me stop loving him but there has to be balance. I think if he didn’t try, it would be different, but he tries all the time, he knows that we both have to put in the work. And please don’t get me wrong,” Willow continues, “Killian fucked up, massively, and whatever choice you make, we will support you, but he is trying .”
“He hasn’t seen me in two weeks. ”
“I went almost a month,” Olivia points out, “With Malakai.”
“You’re both miserable,” Willow shrugs, “If Killian hasn’t been here in two weeks, there’s a reason, you just have to figure out what that is because that man is so gone for you, there’s no way he has let you go.”
“I know you’re right,” I sigh, “But it doesn’t make me feel better.”
“You know what will make you feel better?” Willow presses, “A girl’s night.”
I see her quickly flick her eyes to Olivia who stiffens in response. It’s some best friend code between them, I’m sure, one no one else is privy too. We’re all great friends, the best but the two women in front of me have a bond not a single soul, not even their husbands, could infiltrate.
“When?” I ask. A girls night sounds good, harmless fun with the women who have become like sisters to me.
“How about tomorrow night? Meet at one of the cocktail bars for some food and then see where the night goes?”
“Yeah,” I agree, “Okay, that sounds good actually.”
“Brilliant,” Willow claps her hands with a triumphant grin, “I’ll send you the details later.”