Chapter 13
Wren
I shiver when Rus breathes out deeply over my nape and nuzzles his nose against my venus gland.
It sends faint tingles through my body that pulse all the way to my now semi-flaccid cock.
He tightens his arm around me, pressing it over my torso, and rolls his hips slowly, enjoying the last moments while he goes soft inside me.
I’ve almost forgotten how good it feels to be filled by someone.
No matter how much I try not to think about him, Felix comes to mind again, because he’d never do this for me. He said it wasn’t what an omega is supposed to do to an alpha. That it made him uncomfortable. That it was unnatural.
And even though I enjoy getting pegged, I’ve never done it while in a rut.
This was the first time. I always thought it would be too frustrating to feel all those hormones driving me to take and claim and fill, while not having my cock actually inside someone doing exactly that, but goddammit, what we just did was anything but unsatisfying.
The moment Rus sheathed himself within me, all I could comprehend was the pleasure of his girth stretching and filling me. And he did it so well. With the perfect mixture of tenderness and intensity.
But now my rut is ending. I feel it. That ever-present pressure—the subconscious nagging need—is finally subsiding.
This must be another first for me: the first time that I actually dread the end of my rut. Usually, by the time it’s over, I’m beside myself with relief that it is over, but right now…I’m sad to see it go. How crazy is that?
“What are you thinking about?” he asks, sounding sleepy.
With a smile on my lips, I put my hand on his as it brushes over my stomach, and I lace our fingers together. Rus kisses the back of my neck in response, sending a surge of arousal through me.
Ending, but not completely over. Then again, kissing that part of my body like that is cheating.
“I’m thinking about how good you made me feel. We might not self-lubricate, but alphas who think getting fucked in the ass is only for omegas are sorely missing out.”
He laughs into my skin. A beautiful, calming melody. His cock slips out with a wet pop as he shifts behind me.
“That’s right. And you took me as well as any omega would,” he teases. “Not that…I would know, but I’m sure that’s true. Either way, we should get up and shower. Leavin’ cum sitting there don’t feel great, omega or not.”
I have to agree. Clenching my cheeks to not make a mess, I turn around. Rus’s face is all red, and he has funny creases all over it from lying pressed into my hair. I caress his beard, unable to deny myself.
“Let’s go.”
Even if it’s a little tight with Russell taking up half the stall, we squeeze in together.
We giggle and splash each other like stupid kids before he helps me clean up and then insists on washing my hair.
I stand with my back to him while he runs his fingers over my scalp gently, almost methodically. It’s relaxing. Safe.
But there’s still one more thing on my mind. One thing that’s keeping me from fully letting go and being satisfied at the thought of leaving this place tomorrow with no regrets.
“I know you’ve already done more than enough…but could I ask you to do one more thing for me?”
Rus doesn’t waste a second in responding. “Of course. What is it?”
“I-I need to go to the house one last time, I think. Just to… I don’t know. To fully process things. I wasn’t really capable of it before, but now I’m in a better headspace and I…have to. I don’t want to regret anything anymore. Would you…come with me?”
I feel stupid being this vulnerable and weak. Reliant on him. He’s seen me break down enough times, he knows about enough of the horrible things to—
Rus grabs me by the shoulders and spins me around to face him. I look up slowly, soap and water running down the sides of my head. He smiles, so softly and so tenderly, before kissing me. My heart pounds like it’s about to escape my rib cage, sending shivers through my body with the intensity.
“You don’t even have to ask. I wouldn’t let you go there alone. I’m here for you for…for as long as you need me,” he whispers, something dark and sad glistening in his eyes for a moment as he says it.
I release a sigh of relief.
I need to close this chapter. Maybe it was my determination to try to forget and push what happened out that made me such a mess in the first place.
“Thank you. There might be some things there you can take, if you want. There’s a bunch of furniture and stuff that’ll get thrown away by the estate agency otherwise.”
“Sure, I can have a look.” His voice is still so gentle.
Rus finishes washing the shampoo out of my hair and turns off the shower. He pauses when I hand him a towel and wrap myself in the other one. “How about we go there tomorrow morning? We’ve done enough walking today. Let’s just relax. Listen to some music…”
I smile. “Yeah, I’d like that.”
We spend the rest of the day quietly enjoying each other’s company.
Doing not much at all. When thoughts that this is all ending, that tomorrow I’ll leave and probably never see Rus again, whisper in the back of my mind, I try to push them away and stay present.
A part of me naively believes that Rus is similarly unwilling to accept that reality.
We don’t talk about serious things. We don’t touch on the future or what tomorrow will mean. We just…are.
And when we turn in, we do nothing more than twine together under the blankets and fall asleep in each other’s arms. Like lovers would.
My heart drums in my ears by the time we reach the outside of my mother’s house the next day. I nearly asked Rus to forget about this and go back like four times on the way here.
Not doing this would be easy. But where has easy gotten me?
Easy fixes, easy pleasures…and a miserable, hard life.
Rus stands behind me without saying a word, giving me space without me having to ask for it. I stare at the key in my hand before slowly inserting it into the lock. Reminding myself that he is right there, I open the door, my stomach twisting and cramping over the clicking sound.
That familiar scent comes out, so I take a sharp, deep breath and step inside before I can chicken out.
Carefully looking around, I tighten my fists like I am ready to fight her ghost. Russell hovers close by, his sweet pheromones radiating out in soothing, assuring waves. I’m not sure if he does it on purpose, to calm me, or not. Either way, the tension drains out of my muscles, bit by bit.
Not being alone makes this feel easier. Much, much easier. My steps are lighter, and so is the heart pounding inside my chest. I turn to Rus with a thankful smile. I want him to understand how much I appreciate his presence.
His gaze is steadfast, as if he’s ready to do anything I need before I even voice it.
This is all so fucking strange. A man I hadn’t known a week ago is with me in my childhood home as my rock. The man who caressed and accepted me, who saw me at my worst and didn’t run away.
Sure, he never could actually escape me, since we were technically trapped together, but Rus has been doing so many things he didn’t have to. He didn’t have to help me with my rut or try to understand me in the way he has. He didn’t have to stand by my side and walk into my nightmare with me.
His hand brushes over mine. “What are you feelin’?”
Fighting the rattling sensations inside my chest, I draw a sharp inhale and shrug. “I don’t know, I… A lot. Too much. Not enough? I don’t fucking know…”
“Did they tell you how she died?” he asks after a moment of silence.
I shiver. “Pneumonia. Likely passed in her sleep.”
“I believe that,” Rus notes bitterly, making me raise my brows at him in surprise.
He’s usually either pretty neutral or almost naively positive about things.
He hasn’t spoken badly about anyone in the few days we’ve been together.
But now, his eyes darken a bit as he walks by me, scanning the room.
“It took ‘em a while to find her, from what I know. She didn’t socialize with anybody around here. Didn’t like people.
Barely spoke to me when she came to the store for necessities.
So…no one knew she was sick, and no one cared to check up on her. A fittin’ end, if you ask me…”
His cutting words fill me with warmth. They say revenge is best served cold, but spite makes for an even better meal.
She died alone. Choking on her own breath.
Did she think about what she did to me? Did she ever regret it? On those lonely, long nights here, did it eat her up from the inside?
Fuck, I hope it did.
“I’m glad to hear that,” I finally say, letting out a deep exhale. When I meet Rus’s eyes to see if there’s judgment in them, there is none. Of course there isn’t.
I’ve met plenty of people who thought it was a great idea to say to me that a person should love their parents no matter what.
Sure, they never knew what exactly my mother did to me—I certainly wasn’t advertising it to anyone—but they still felt the need to tell me I should work it out for the sake of our relationship, for the sake of ‘the life she gave me.’
My lip twitches with the anger that abruptly bubbles up.
“She got what she deserved, from what you told me about her,” Rus says matter-of-factly, like it’s obvious. Like there’s no doubt about it. I just nod.
That stupid recliner chair she always sat on wasn’t in the living room when I first came here. I wonder if that’s where she died. I imagine her rotting corpse falling apart on it, her liquefied, decaying insides seeping into the fabric as insects feast on her flesh, and that brings me great joy.
Bitter joy, but joy nonetheless.