Chapter 17 #3
“We’ll learn all there is about each other, and if there are things that don’t go smoothly, we’ll…work through them. No matter what. This is crazy and so sudden, but I want this life, here, with you and our family, more than I’ve…ever wanted anything.”
There’s a flickering light inside Rus’s eyes. Probably just a reflection, but it hypnotizes me and pulls me in. As he nods and exhales calmly, my entire body is at peace. My mind quiets. My heart slows.
This is right. This is what’s supposed to happen. Everything is falling into place.
As I raise one of my hands to his cheek to caress him like we’ve never parted, I gently press the other over his stomach. I stay that way for a moment. Not thinking, not moving, not even breathing.
Then I exhale slowly. “The house has a buyer. I was going to finalize everything while I’m here, but that’s no longer happening.”
“Wren,” Rus protests, brows furrowed in concern. “Don’t. I know how many horrible memories are in that house. You don’t have to—”
“I know I don’t. But I want to.” I let out a chuckle of disbelief.
“I mean, fuck, would you believe that I don’t actually feel the same dread anymore at the thought of keeping it?
” I don’t even know how that’s possible, but it is.
“We can’t have two children in the living area above the store.
The house is big enough, and we can easily add more rooms. It’s perfect, really. ”
He wants to protest again, so I gently place my fingers over his lips.
“We’ll renovate it. Change it up completely. Make it…make it mine and yours, reclaim it like we did before. That way, you can keep running your store. Your life doesn’t need to change as much as…it was maybe going to.”
He’s already carrying these babies. His body and mind are enduring enough. He shouldn’t have to sacrifice even more. This store? He loves it. I know he does.
“What about your life, Wren?”
I guess he has a point. My life would change the most.
So why do I feel no anxiety about it? I can barely handle my favorite menu item being discontinued at the restaurant I go to, and yet…
“It’s going to be an adjustment, but it-it can work,” I say, narrowing my eyes.
“Ridgelake isn’t that far by car. I can drive there when I need to access the internet and stuff for work.
For the most part, I can do the bulk of my video editing on my laptop anywhere, even without internet connection.
I’m sure they run meetings in the local community center or…
If not, I’ll just find an online group and do that.
Same with therapy. My therapist does online sessions, so that’s feasible. ”
The more I say, the more certain I feel about it all. There’s no stopping this. There’s nothing and no one that could prevent me from doing right by Rus. Doing right by myself. By the scared, broken boy who fled this place so many years ago.
“Dex has been thinking about taking up a job in another city for ages, but I’m pretty sure she’s been holding off on making that leap because of me, even if she’d never admit that,” I say with a bitter chuckle.
“Like you, she’s been trying to protect me.
To be there for me because she knew I needed her and relied on her…
for a long time. Too long. But I don’t need protection anymore.
I’ve taken responsibility for myself, Rus. I’m in this.”
“Are you sure?” he asks, tears running down his cheeks. I laugh before nodding, and he pulls me into a tight hug. “This is mad. Us doing this is… It’s not normal at all.”
I can’t help but chuckle. “I know. But it feels right. Doesn’t it?”
His heart beating strongly against my chest serves as a good enough answer. “It does,” he whispers, voice breaking at the end.
I missed his big, warm embrace. I missed his scent and his warmth. I’ve missed it so much. All of him. Everything.
“Is this really what you want, too?” I pull away so that I can see him. “Russell, you need to tell me if there’s a sliver of doubt in you about wanting to do this. About me being—”
“There isn’t. I do. I’m…” Rus quickly wipes the tears away and steadies his voice.
He stares right into my soul when he opens his mouth.
“I’m used to being alone, okay? And I always thought I was fine with it.
I guess I was…for a while. But ever since you left, I’ve been so…
empty and lonely. I didn’t call you every single day or tell you about the pregnancy the moment I found out, only because I couldn’t handle the thought of dragging you back here out of my own selfishness.
I didn’t want to do that to you. But I missed and wanted you here every second, Wren. ”
I laugh. It just comes out, out of my control. Rus frowns in confusion before I quickly pull him in by his nape.
“This is insane, and you’re insane for how selfless you are.
You’re also insane for ever thinking you were being selfish.
My big, sweet, marzipan omega,” I say before pressing my lips against his to kiss him deeply, desperately.
The exact way I’ve been dreaming of kissing him ever since I drove away from here, leaving him behind me in the snow.
Rus chuckles through the kiss, his tears wetting my cheek before they make their way into our mouths, tasting salty and sweet.
I can’t believe how good I feel with his body against mine again. Not sexually, but on some incredibly intimate, innate, primal level. It warms my soul in a way I don’t think anyone or anything ever has.
We pull away to look at each other, but I keep my arms locked around the back of his head, still enjoying running my fingers through his hair because I can. It’s no longer a dream, and I’m so happy I could cry.
I might, because it’s all boiling over—the joy and excitement and emotion of this.
“Li-listen to me, Rus. I promise you. I promise you I won’t fuck up, okay?
” I say even as my voice trembles and my heart leaps out.
His soft eyes meet mine, though we can’t see much properly with our faces pressed so close.
“I mean it. More than I’ve ever meant anything in my life.
I…I will be here for you, for them, and I…
I won’t fuck up. You won’t ever see me high.
You won’t ever see me at rock bottom, wanting drugs more than anything.
And neither will they. I swear on my life, none of you will ever have to experience that side of me. ”
“Wren.” Gently pulling me away with the most tender smile, Rus runs his thumb over my quivering lip and wipes my tears away. “I believe you. It’s okay.”
“No, it’s… Please just—”
“I know. You’re lookin’ so healthy and handsome. You feel different. Lighter. Stronger. Everything about you, it’s… Gods, I’m so proud of you for doing so well.”
“And I’ll keep doing well. I won’t go back. I can’t go back. No matter what,” I mutter, shaking my head with fierce determination.
Rus kisses my forehead, his fingers gently gliding through the hair in my braid like he’s carefully mapping it.
My entire body is light and fuzzy. Conviction and hope surge through me, and they are true.
Not that ‘fake it till you make it’ shit.
Not the ‘keep convincing yourself that you’re worthy until you believe it’ crap.
Every word I just said feels like a vow I sent out into the universe, unbreakable and real, forever etched into my soul.
“I’m so glad you turned up,” Rus says, his sniffles echoing in my ears.
“I don’t know if I would’ve been able to convince myself to tell you if you hadn’t.
I kept beating myself up over it every day.
Kept wondering and thinking and feeling stupid for every missed opportunity.
I kept waiting for the right time, for the…
for…” He squeezes me tighter while letting out a guttural sound of relief.
“You came back to me. That’s all that matters. ”
“Of course I did. And I’ll stay by your side forever if you’ll have me.”
We stay locked in a hug, kissing and touching each other as if to remind ourselves we’re both real until the bell above the door rings and a couple of hikers hesitantly enter.
The two of us must look like a mess.
Chuckling awkwardly and wiping our faces, we step away from each other. Rus hurries to do his job, his nose all red and cheeks dewy, while I have to lean against one of the shelves to actually ground myself and digest what just happened.
Holding my lip between my teeth, I watch him serve the hikers, and he looks so handsome it’s fucking unbelievable. Then the thoughts of all the things around here that he must have been doing by himself hit me, and I feel horrible.
Obviously, Rus isn’t helpless. His bump might be pretty big, especially considering he’s carrying two, but he’s still a hunk of a man. It’s not like I don’t think he’s competent, but for the last five months, he’s been going through it all alone, and that doesn’t seem right.
As soon as the couple leaves with their snacks and bottles of water, heading up the mountain for the lovely view, no doubt, I rush to the counter, placing my hands on it.
“Oh shit!” I blurt dramatically. “I just realized! That guy I saw leaving the store before I came in gave me the dirtiest look. Was it because everyone thinks I knocked you up and left?!”
Rus’s eyebrows shoot up. He quirks his lip playfully before making an apologetic grimace.
“I’ve…tried to keep things quiet, but Jonah already knew what happened when you were here last time, remember?
He could scent your rut pheromones all over me when we came to his house to use the phone, and even after I tried telling him you were not at fault and this was my choice, he—”
“He still thinks I’m a piece of shit,” I mutter. “Dammit, I need to get along with these people if I’m going to live here.”
Rus leans against the counter with a scarily alluring smile. The kind of smile that makes my heart skip a beat. “Already thinkin’ about that? You’re sweet, you know?”