Chapter Three
A bit apprehensive, Brandon waited for Gage on the corner of Van Brunt Street in Red Hook. He was somewhat familiar with the area, having been to the Ikea to buy furniture for his apartment and Fairway to buy food. It had seen a resurgence in the past few years with young people, driven out of Manhattan and other areas of Brooklyn like Williamsburg by high rents, coming to live and work in Red Hook. Still, the overall fog of poverty hung over the hulking projects and this corner of the city like a dark shroud.
The nerves had nothing to do with the area; he’d lived on the streets long enough to remember how to take care of himself in most situations. It was putting himself in a new environment, meeting new people. Exposing himself. The potential for discovery was enormous.
Yet he couldn’t refuse Gage. In the back of Brandon’s mind, he wondered…if he and his brothers had a place like this when they were growing up, would his family be intact today? As if Luke stood there with him on that windswept corner, Brandon heard him promising to always be there and almost felt his comforting arms hugging him tight. Over ten years had passed, but Brandon missed his foster brother every day like crazy.
Where the hell did you go, Luke? Are you even still alive?
He drew his resolve around him like a shield of armor and promised to do for these kids what society had failed to do for him and Luke.
Protect and save them.
Darkness spread rapidly, and the streetlights glowed on, beaming out mellow golden pools of light down the block. Brandon idly watched a man exit the deli across the street, hefting a bag. He stood under the streetlight, and like a beacon, it shone on his waving brown hair and glinted off his glasses. He must be close to forty, Brandon mused, taking in the man’s long legs, pausing at his handsome face. Unaccustomed heat flooded through him.
It had been months since Brandon had thought about sex or had a physical reaction to any man. Even when he’d been with Charlie, his emotions remained muted, the gropings and mutual hand jobs between them merely a means to an end. The times they’d had sex had always left him unsettled, edgy, and a bit depressed, as if some glorious secret, the one everyone became all dreamy-eyed about when they spoke of their lovers, remained tantalizingly out of his reach. Brandon yearned for an intimacy he sensed existed yet he’d never experienced.
Averting his gaze so the man wouldn’t think he was staring, Brandon nevertheless tracked his progress as he crossed the street and entered the Clinic. Perhaps he’d be lucky enough to catch a glimpse of him inside. He was extremely good-looking.
“I hope you haven’t been waiting long.”
Brandon jumped, knocked out of his reverie by Gage’s arrival. “Oh, shit, yeah. Hi.” Brandon fumbled his words.
“Did I scare you? Sorry about that.” He pointed at the Clinic. “That’s where we’re going. Why don’t we head inside? I can introduce you to Dr. Weber and get you settled.”
Brandon shrugged. “Sure. Is anyone else coming from school?” It still disturbed him a bit that Gage had asked him. As if the man had somehow figured out Brandon had a secret and peeled back the layers he hid behind, exposing his core.
“Nope, only you.” Gage patted him on the back. “You’re my first victim.” He laughed, and though Brandon joined him, an uneasy feeling settled in the pit of his stomach.
They entered the low-rise brick building, and Brandon was immediately struck by the vibrant, almost electric energy inside as Gage greeted the young woman at the front desk. This was a place of action where things were accomplished, goals were achieved. Brandon came to a standstill, looking at the pictures on the wall behind the front desk, of all the doctors who worked there, he presumed.
“That’s Dr. Drew Klein.” Gage pointed to a picture of a dark-haired man in his mid-thirties with a nice smile and light green eyes. “This clinic was his dream, and he started it and brought his two friends in on it. Dr. Jordan Peterson is an orthopedist”—Gage indicated the picture next to Dr. Klein’s of a handsome blond-haired man—“and Dr. Mike Levin is the dentist. The three of them run the medical center.”
Once again, regret pricked Brandon’s heart. If only… but past regrets wouldn’t help present problems. “They sound like amazing people. Not many doctors would willingly come to a poor area and work with people who most want to forget.” He followed Gage down a hallway to the back of the building. They passed examination rooms and offices. Finally, they stopped in front of one of the closed doors marked Conference Room.
“And Dr. Weber, the psychiatrist who is starting this mentoring program, is also a great guy.” Gage knocked on the door, then opened it without waiting for an answer. “I have a feeling the two of you will hit it off.”
Immediately, Brandon’s antennae buzzed. “Why? Not to sound rude or anything but we don’t really know each other. Why would you think this man and I would be friends?”
Giving him a funny look, Gage leaned against the doorway. “You’re right; we don’t know each other, but I’m hoping that’ll change. You remind me of someone.” His eyes darkened with pain for a moment. “Someone I lost who also kept things to himself until it all became too much for him. I want to be your friend, Randy. That’s all.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to come off so harsh. I’ve been on my own a long time.”
A tiny smile quirked Gage’s lips. “Maybe it’s time to end that as well. Tash is a great guy, and I think you two would make a good couple.” With those words, Gage walked into the empty room, leaving Brandon standing in the hallway, mystified. He hurried after Gage.
“Wait. Uhh…how did you know I’m gay?”
Gage shrugged. “A feeling. Am I right?” At Brandon’s nod, he continued. “My brother was gay, and like I said, you remind me of him.”
“Well, I appreciate it, but I’m not looking for a relationship. I have the kids, my job…” He trailed off. “I’m fine as I am.”
“No one wants to be alone.”
Wanting desperately to change the subject, Brandon glanced around the empty room. “Guess we’re a little early.” Chairs sat around in a haphazard manner, and the desk in the front was bare of any material.
When Gage checked his watch, he shrugged. “Yeah, only by about ten minutes. Why don’t I go tell them we’re here?”
Before Brandon had a chance to answer him, Gage left. After wandering around the room, Brandon stood at the window, gazing out over the dark city sky. With Gage’s words still echoing in his mind, Brandon wondered if he could risk it all, go back home, and deal with the consequences. He understood a little better now, with the wisdom coming from a life hard-lived, why his foster mother had become so overprotective of him. Years of being beaten down and weakened by living with a bully and abuser like Munson would make anyone want to believe in a religion that promised salvation. While he didn’t understand the religious aspect, he supposed it gave her something to hold on to when her life crashed and burned around her.
The door opened. “Oh, hello. I didn’t realize anyone was here yet.”
Brandon turned from his contemplation and his eyes widened, recognizing the man he’d seen outside. Once again, his body registered an unusual heated response.
“Yes. I’m here for the mentoring program. I came with Gage Taylor.” The man was even better looking close-up. Behind the glasses, his hazel eyes glowed with interesting streaks of gold. The rugged face with its angular bones wasn’t classically handsome but rather, arresting, and in Brandon’s eyes, so much more memorable.
“Oh, great.” The man entered the room, leaving the door ajar behind him. “We were hoping Gage was able to pick up a few volunteers to come tonight.” He extended his hand. “I’m Tash. I run the program.”
This was who Gage had spoken about? Admittedly, the man had caught his eye from across the street, but realizing he was a doctor set Brandon back a bit. He had little in common with such an accomplished person. Gage must be nuts. Tash would never be interested in a poor nameless schoolteacher. And what the hell was he even thinking about a relationship for?
But at the press of Tash’s hand, a shiver rippled through Brandon; Tash’s hand felt warm…secure…safe. He wondered if his lips were as soft as they looked. Obviously, that conversation with Gage had set off something in his brain.
No one likes to be alone. But what do you do when all you’ve known is loneliness? How do you break free?
Confused and disturbed by his battling emotions, Brandon withdrew his hand a little quicker than he normally would and sat in one of the chairs. He clasped his shaking hands together and attempted to make normal conversation, hoping Tash wouldn’t notice how strained his voice sounded.
“Uh, Tash. That’s an unusual name.”
Tash rubbed his chin ruefully. “Would you believe my mother is an avid reader of Regency romances and Sebastian was her favorite name? My sister couldn’t pronounce it when she was a baby, and she shortened it to Tash.” He chuckled. “I suppose I should be grateful she didn’t also add the title she loved the most, or you’d be calling me Duke.”
They were still laughing when Gage walked in followed by a group of people, some of whom Brandon recognized from the pictures hanging on the wall.
“Oh good, Randy, you met Tash.” Gage dropped into the chair next to Brandon. “Randy is the teacher I told you guys about. Even though he joined our staff permanently only this year, he’s already made a tremendous difference in the lives of the kids he teaches.”
Brandon’s face colored, and he squirmed under the scrutiny as the attention of everyone in the room shifted to him. “It’s no big deal,” he muttered. “The kids are awesome and eager to learn.”
“My man here is too modest.” Gage stretched out his long legs. “Within weeks of the start of the school year, all the kids could talk about was Mr. Gilbert and how much they love him. All the kids want to be in his classroom. He’s taken it upon himself to stay late, well after school is over, to work with any of the kids who are struggling, not only the ones in his class.”
“Come on, Gage, cut it out. That’s not why we’re here,” Brandon protested, unzipping his jacket. He hung it on the back of his chair. “Don’t hold up the meeting. No one wants to hear you talk about me.”
“But you’re wrong, Randy,” Tash cut in. “You’re exactly the type of person we need for this program. Someone young the kids can identify with, someone who doesn’t look down on them. Someone with empathy for their pain.”
Young in years only , Brandon thought bitterly to himself. He’d seen enough in his twenty-five years to last him a lifetime.
“Everyone deserves a chance. I want to make sure they have that opportunity.”
Their gazes held, and Brandon’s breath grew short in his throat. The rest of the people disappeared; it was as if only he and Tash were present in that small conference room, with Tash whispering the words straight to Brandon’s heart.
The familiar trepidation at facing new people vanished; Tash’s presence centered Brandon, untangling all the knots the big ball of his hopes and dreams had twisted themselves up into. For the first time in what seemed like forever, Brandon connected with another person. It didn’t make sense. He didn’t know Tash. And while he might be the nicest person in the world, Brandon couldn’t reveal too much.
“You make me sound special. I’m not.” It was the truth. All he gave those kids was his time and concern. They craved attention and the knowledge that another person gave a damn about them. Brandon was anything but special. If they knew who he really was, they’d avoid him.
“Everyone is special.” The man he recognized as the founder of the Clinic, Dr. Drew Klein, spoke from the front of the room. “That’s what we need these kids to understand. Because they’re different, either in their looks or their sexual orientation, that doesn’t make them weird or bad. Loving someone differently doesn’t make you wrong.” The doctor smiled at him with a clear, friendly expression.
Gage patted him on the shoulder. “I know Randy can help you since he’s already taken it upon himself to tutor the kids after school. He’s the newest teacher there, yet he’s made the greatest impact on the students.” The door opened, and a young man walked in carrying a box of coffee and a bag that smelled like sugar. Gage’s eyes lit up. “Oh. I didn’t know you were having coffee and snacks.”
Tash chuckled and bent over to whisper in Brandon’s ear. “If I hadn’t seen how dedicated Gage was to these kids, I’d swear he did this for the free coffee and doughnuts.”
Brandon snorted, knowing full well his fellow teacher’s propensity for caffeine and sweets. “I know. The man should just get an IV of the stuff.”
He and Tash shared a smile, and Brandon’s heart gave a funny thump. Heat rose in his face and embarrassed, he fidgeted with his watchband then raked a hand through his hair. He couldn’t sit still and tore his gaze away from Tash’s mesmerizing eyes. After years of keeping his distance, Brandon wasn’t used to the close proximity of people, and having Tash so near set off such disturbing thoughts in his head, they left him shaken.
“Maybe we should get started? I’m, ah, kind of interested in seeing what you want me to do.” Beneath lowered lashes, he shot a glance at Tash, who, thank God, had turned his attention to talk to the other men in the room.
Though he couldn’t remember their names, Brandon recognized the husky blond-haired man, hovering protectively next to a dark-haired young woman, from the picture hanging outside on the wall.
“That’s Mike, Dr. Levin, the dentist. He and Drew’s sister, Rachel, are dating,” Gage murmured between sips of coffee. “She’s getting her PhD in child psychology and set up the twenty-four hour hotline at the Clinic. They’ve really thought of everything.”
Once again, regret and pain slammed into Brandon. What dreams could Ash, Luke, and he have accomplished if someone had cared about them? Ash might not have run away, and Luke might’ve had someone to talk to instead of becoming so sad and withdrawn.
“Hey, Randy, where’d you go?”
Brandon blinked and found Gage’s sympathetic, curious gaze trained on him. He swallowed hard and averted his eyes. “Nowhere.”
Gage shot him a sharp look but returned to sipping his coffee. As Drew approached, Brandon braced himself for the inevitable onslaught of getting-to-know-you questions. It didn’t matter as he had his whole pretend history well rehearsed.
“So, Randy, we’ve already heard from Gage before today. What do you think we need to do to reach and help as many kids as possible?” Drew sat in the chair next to him.
Brandon instantly placed Drew as a person who rarely passed judgment on people; he was the person you wanted to come home and tell all your problems to.
“I think you need to make sure the kids know first this is a place of trust and security. Also, if they come here to talk, or we talk to them anywhere, we’re there to help them work out their own solutions safely.”
Rachel’s friendly smile encouraged Brandon and increased his confidence. “The most important thing to teach these kids is that they have a chance to break free and be what they want to be.”
Drew rubbed his chin, and his eyes clouded. “One thing I have to make clear from the beginning. If we hear of any abuse, we go straight to the police. If there’s any bullying, the school and the parents have to know.” The smile he wore so easily faded, replaced by an almost trembling frown. “We lost someone very dear to all of us because we held back, and I made the mistake of trying to handle the problem on my own.”
Rachel whispered in Mike’s ear, and he walked over to Drew and placed a hand on his shoulder. Drew smiled tremulously at him but continued. “The consequences are too enormous and dangerous if we don’t bring in the authorities when we know a person is at risk.”
The police? Shit. He couldn’t be a part of this. For years Brandon had evaded them, deliberately taking every precaution to keep as far away from any contact with the legal system as possible. Now with this project, he’d be putting himself practically in their pockets. Though the mission sounded amazing, he knew he’d have to decline. He couldn’t afford the risk.
“Um, I’m not sure if I’m the right person for this.” Brandon’s fingers shook as he reached for his jacket behind him. The room fell silent as he fumbled and stuttered over his words. “I mean, I’m so new; you really need a person who’s more experienced.”
He stood and grabbed his backpack. “Uh, I have to go, but I’ll let you know if I can do it. Thanks.”
“Wait, Randy, please.” Tash put himself in between Brandon and the door, but Brandon couldn’t let the disappointment and confusion in Tash’s handsome face dissuade him from leaving. He circled Tash and wrenched open the door.
“I’m sorry. I gotta go.” Cheeks burning, Brandon put his head down and raced through the hallway toward the front of the building. He’d just reached the door when it burst open, and a tall, dark-haired man stood facing the street, shaking out his wet umbrella.
“Excuse me,” muttered Brandon, brushing by him, not waiting for a response. He plunged headlong into the foggy drizzle that had begun again, uncaring if he got wet. His long strides ate up the block as he pushed himself farther and farther away from the Clinic. It hurt, walking out so abruptly, but once he got home, he’d call Gage and make up some excuse.
At the intersection, he spotted a cab with its light on, and even though he could barely afford the fare for his monthly subway pass, he hailed it, asking the driver to drop him off at the nearest subway station in Carroll Gardens. He’d find a way to get home to Flatbush somehow.
The farther away he got from the Clinic, the better, yet as he sat back in the cab, he couldn’t help recalling the disappointment in Tash’s face. But Brandon knew if he stayed, he’d do more than disappoint everyone, and that wasn’t a chance he was willing or able to take.