Chapter Forty-One
Forty-one
Kian
My girlfriend is gone.
The only indication that she’s okay is her text from this morning.
Scarlett: Forgot about my assignment, went back to the dorm to finish it.
I know the girl’s schedule better than my own. She doesn’t have anything due.
When I head to the kitchen, every one of my movements is rough. Even Cole chewing loudly in my ear as he stands next to me in the kitchen is enough to tick me off.
I’ve never been so on edge and irritable. I can tell he notices the shift because he gets this wounded look after I tell him to move away from me.
“Just chew with your mouth closed,” I mutter, biting into a piece of plain toast.
He scrutinizes me from where he’s leaning against the counter. “Who pissed in your cereal?”
I give him a look.
“Ah, it’s because Scarlett left early this morning, isn’t it?”
“How do you even know that?”
Cole shrugs, walking to the sink to rinse out his bowl.
“Did she look okay?”
“Hot as usual.”
I toss the last corner piece of my toast at his head and head out for class.
Research Methods, Abnormal Psychology, Advanced Stats, and two first-year sociology electives isn’t the worst course pile, but it is when Research Methods take up most of my time, so I’m just putting together scraps for the latter classes.
But I’m apparently great at bullshitting my papers because when I get to my sociology class, I’ve aced it. It helps that the professor hands out A’s like Tic Tacs. It also helps that she loves hockey, and wants the captain to be stress-free this season.
When my lectures are over, I’m already desperate to see Scarlett, but I stop by our local flower shop first.
I text the group chat a picture and they all chime in with their suggestions.
The florist gives me a weird look, but creates the bouquet.
I’m jittery when someone lets me into Iona, and I’m walking to her door.
On the first floor, most of the doors are open for moral support during exam season.
So I walk into her dorm, and find Scarlett’s sitting on the floor, papers spread out in front of her, hair in a messy braid, glasses on, wearing a loose oversize T-shirt. It slips off her shoulder, showing some of her tattoos.
“I think we need a new rule,” I say, getting her to turn her head toward me.
Her smile is immediate, and then, as if realizing something, it dampens. “What do you mean?”
I place the flowers on the couch, just wanting to focus on her right now. I don’t like that something is making her smile dip off her face.
“No leaving without a goodbye kiss.”
Her gaze drops, inching up again to look up at me but this time with guilt hanging on her features. “I’m sorry. You were asleep, and I didn’t want to bother you.”
I crouch and move some papers out of the way. “You think you bother me?”
She shakes her head.
“Okay. So tell me the real reason you left.”
“I—”
“And don’t say to study. I know your next test is two weeks from now, and you finished all your assignments last week.”
“But I do need to study. See?” She gestures to her papers. She does this a lot, studying when she’s trying not to think of what’s bothering her.
I sigh, pulling her braid over her shoulder and undoing it for her. She watches me, biting hard on her lip, realizing she can’t lie to me. Not when she has so many tells.
“I told you I’m not good at this,” she says.
“Good at what, sweetheart?”
“Being a girlfriend. Not doing stupid things like leaving in the middle of the night after you were nothing but sweet to me.”
“So why did you do it?”
She opens her mouth like she’s going to explain but thinks better of it. “I don’t know.”
“Let me help you then. Because this is what happens in relationships. You get to tell me what’s on your mind, and I get to unravel it for you.”
“But who’s doing that for you? I’ve only added more to everything you’re already dealing with.
Relationships are supposed to be easy. Like the ones your friends have.
I’ve seen the way you look at them. You want something like that, Kian, not some girl who puts herself in positions that only upset you. ”
“Are you kidding? You should have seen my friends when they first got together. That shit was a mess, and you know what? I still looked at them that way. I want all of it, Scarlett, all the mess, however much you want to give me.”
She watches me like she’s letting the words sink in.
“And you wanting to see Victor didn’t upset me. It’s that he spoke to you that way and I couldn’t do anything about it. I could never be angry at you.”
“Promise?”
I chuckle. “I promise.”
There’s a glimmer of uncertainty in her features again.
“I like you, Kian, I really, really do. But I don’t want to make something that’s supposed to be good feel like a chore.
I don’t want you to think you have to come clean up my mess when you already do that for everyone else.
When you’ve already done that for me all semester. ”
“It doesn’t feel like a chore to me. I like cleaning up your mess. Like the one you leave all over my fingers.”
She bursts into laughter, and everything feels right again. “Actually, I’m pretty sure you make me clean it off your fingers.”
I love when she’s like this, open and carefree, like she finally knows she can joke without being judged. Before, she used to hold back, censor herself, like saying the wrong thing might drag her old reputation out of hiding.
“You know, there’s this Japanese word my mom used to say to Kiyomi. She’d say watching her grow felt like enjoying hanami. It means watching flowers blossom. That’s how I see you.”
She smiles so wide, I feel it imprint in my mind. Then, as if she’s just now noticed them, Scarlett stands and points to the flowers I left on the couch. I bring them to her. Sunflowers. Peonies. Lilies. And finally, the one that caught my eye, dahlias. Black dahlias.
I feel like a kid who picked a dandelion from the playground and is giving it to their crush.
“You got me flowers?” she asks.
I scratch the back of my head when she takes them from my hand, smelling each one with a sort of excitement that makes me wonder if she’s ever been given flowers before.
“I didn’t know which was your favorite—I should, though—but I was told these are good choices.
But even when I got those, I kept coming back to this one,” I tell her, pointing to the dahlia.
“The florist said there’s no true black dahlia, that they range in color and make up an illusion of darkness. ”
“It’s really pretty.”
“It is,” I say. “That’s how I see you, Scar. Your tattoos, your hair, and what you show other people. It’s like an illusion, but I see right through it, so clearly. I always have.”
“I think you’re the only one who’s wanted to, Kian.” She places a hand on my shoulder and leans forward to kiss me. I let her do the work, loving the way she’s straining just to get this one thing from me. Like she’s just as desperate as I’ve been to hear her voice all day.
“Are you making me work for it?” she mumbles against my mouth. “Because my neck is hurting and I really want to kiss you properly.”
I laugh, still not moving.
“Come on, Kian. I have a goodbye kiss to make up for.”
When I finally lean in, wrapping an arm around her waist, lifting her up, and crushing the flowers between our chests, she giggles into my mouth. I realize I’ve never heard that before, and that there’s so much about her I still want to learn. To study her.
I let her control the kiss, tasting me in whatever way she needs.
She lips and sucks and bites until I’ve got her pressed against the closest wall.
I’m hard, keeping her high on my waist so she doesn’t feel how turned on I am already.
I don’t want her to think I’m here for that.
I just want to cherish her in any way she lets me.
My hands fall tight around her, pressing her to me so tightly she pulls back on a breathless moan. “Shut the door.”
“What?”
She points behind us to her dorm door, wide open, people passing by in the hallway. They’ve got a clear view of us. “I thought you needed to study?”
“Yeah, I need to brush up on anatomy.”
“But you’re not taking anatomy.” Just as the words leave my mouth she presses her hips into mine, hard. She gives me a look that makes me think I’m stupid.
Oh. Oh, right. Yeah, I’m definitely stupid. With her still hanging on, I close the door. The moment it’s shut, she’s kissing me again, deepening it and leaving zero room for air. I stumble and place my hand on her spine before her back is pressed against the door.
“You smell so good,” I whisper. She smiles against my lips, and I suck on her tongue. “And you taste even better.”
“Take me to bed,” she whispers. “Now.”
She doesn’t need to tell me twice. Suddenly, I feel charged with an electric energy, one that courses straight through my cock and seems to be lighting her up just the same way. When I lay her on her bed, everything slows down.
Even my breaths turn shallow, my pulse thumps in my ear, and my blood whooshes in my ears. This feels different. The look in her eyes, the feeling trying to pry open my rib cage. It’s nearly suffocating.
I pull off my shirt, hoping I’ll get a chance to breathe if it’s off me, but it only makes it worse.
Scarlett lifts her arms, and I swallow down the lump in my throat that comes out of nowhere as I slowly pull her shirt up and off her, uncovering her bare tits.
But I can barely enjoy the sight in front of me because my vision blurs and I feel lightheaded.
She moves back on the mattress, and I can’t seem to catch my breath. But I follow her anyway, kissing her neck and the side of her jaw. When she turns to look at me, she pulls back the slightest bit, tilting her head.
There’s a spark of concern in her eyes as she does that thing with her soft fingers. Running them over my ears so gently I nearly purr.
“You okay, baby?”
“I love you,” I blurt.
My chest finally eases up when the words leave me. It’s like when your body is ejecting whatever you’re keeping inside, and the moment it’s out, it’s like returning to normal. But that only lasts for a second before I realize what I’ve said, and when.
I wait for her to say something before I pass out. But Scarlett just hums in acknowledgment and goes back to kissing me. Fuck, I didn’t mean to say it like this. Right now. I can’t tell if she’s pissed at me or just deciding to ignore it.
“Scar? Did you hear me?”
She finally draws her eyes to me. “I did, and I know.”
It surprises me. “You do?”
“Sure.” She shrugs. “You love everyone, Kian.”
I don’t like that at all. She’s not everyone else. I need her to know that.
“Not like this, Scarlett. I don’t love everyone the way I love you. I’ve never loved anyone this way. I’m in love with you.”