Chapter 14 #2
“You have nothing to apologize for. I’m sorry. I was caught up in the moment. Seeing you with my parents like that… I could see you in my life, in my family. I got carried away.”
“Hugging me is hardly getting carried away. I overreacted.” Just because I was afraid I might feel his penis, but I didn’t even make it long enough or close enough for that to happen. I didn’t tell him that part, though.
“It upset you…scared you…so it was too much. I’ll take whatever you want to give, and I’ll never demand anything more.”
“You can try asking for more. I want more. It’s just, sometimes, when I try to, I start to feel…
disgusted. Like, it triggers not just thoughts and emotions, but physical reactions that I can’t control.
And that frustrates me, because I want it.
I want you. I want to get past this more than I ever have before so I can be with you. ”
Liam brought his hand up to my cheek, his warm, strong fingers so gentle. “You are with me. There’s no rush for more. We have all the time in the world.”
The tiniest tendril of hope began to bloom in my chest. “Yeah?”
“Yeah, Firefly. It’s only been a few days since our first date, but this has been building between us for a long time. I know how I feel about you.”
“I have a lot of baggage, especially when it comes to sex.”
“I hate that for you, but it’s not going to push me away, and we’ll do things your way. As slow as you need.” He hesitated, his expression softening even more. “When you’re ready, I’d love for you to tell me. I’m in the dark here, and I’m afraid I’ll hurt you because of it.”
“You won’t hurt me. And I do want you to know. It’s just hard to talk about.” I smiled and tried to inject some lightness into my voice. “Now, let’s clean these dishes so we can pick a game for me to whoop your butt at.”
“Leave the dishes. I’ll do them later.”
“No way. You did all the cooking. I’ll help you clean up.
” Besides that being fair, he’d cleaned up meticulously as he cooked.
He was definitely not the kind of person who’d leave it for later.
It might be sweet if he was just eager to enjoy our time together, but I didn’t think that was it.
He wanted to distract me because he thought I was on the brink of freaking out.
“Fine. There isn’t much to do anyway,” he conceded. And then he proceeded to wash all the dishes himself, despite my insistence.
“I can handle drying a pan.” I grabbed it before he could and gathered my courage as I dried it.
“I’m okay, you know. I’m going to freak out sometimes, and it’ll probably happen more as we’re, you know, getting started.
But I know it’s just in my head, and I’ll get over it.
I need you to be okay with that. If you make a big deal of it, or if something as simple as washing dishes gets derailed because I freaked out, then it’ll take over our lives. And I don’t want that.”
“I can’t just ignore you being in distress.” His brow furrowed, drawing two little lines on his forehead, as though the thought was despicable.
“You don’t have to ignore it, just…roll with it.”
He nodded, frowning as he took the pan and slowly put it away. By the time he turned back to me, he was himself again, a gentle smile on his lips. “I’ll try. Ready to pick out a game?”
The knot in my stomach loosened. “Yes!”
Liam led me upstairs and opened the linen closet door with a flourish.
“Wow, it’s huge.”
“That’s what she said.”
I burst out laughing. “Oh my God, you didn’t.
” My heart melted a little. I didn’t think it was his MO to make middle school penis jokes.
I’d asked him to act normal, and he was.
I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him to show my appreciation, only our lips touching.
He held my face, deepening the kiss, and warmth flowed through my body, pooling at my core.
Jeez, I couldn’t even keep up with my own body’s wild reactions. Liam stood no chance.
The linen closet really was huge. A walk-in with linens to the left, cleaning supplies and a big first aid kit straight ahead, and board games filling the shelves on the right.
He had all the classics, as well as a few that were new to me.
I scanned the shelves with a hum, but I knew my pick.
Knew it the second he opened the door. “How about…Connect Four?”
“Sure.” He pulled out the game, and we went back to the kitchen. “I have an idea,” he said. “I don’t want to make light of it, but you said you want me to know and it’s hard for you to talk about it. What if we play for info? The winner gets to ask the loser a question.”
Oh. I wasn’t prepared for that. I did want him to know, though, and this could be a safe way to tell him.
Lighter than just spilling my darkest secrets to him.
And if my baggage was too much for him, better to find out now than after I was even more attached.
Or if he looked at me with disgust or—stop it, Jenna.
“Look at me, Firefly,” he murmured.
My breath caught at the intensity in his eyes.
“You can say no to the whole thing, and you can also pass on any question. No pressure.”
“Let’s do it.” I was going to win anyway.