Chapter 51
51
Dylan
“ Y o bitches, I’m back!” I called out as I hobbled into the station on crutches for the first time in two weeks.
The guys gathered around to give me back slaps and hugs, and I could finally breathe a little easier. I was back at home with my family. At least now that I was able to get around more, I could keep busy and try to distract myself from constantly worrying about Juliette.
Recuperating in my house was not what I needed to heal. My parents had hovered over me for the first week until I sent them back home. My brothers and the guys had visited often, and Squirrel had even brought over food that he and Blythe cooked for me, but none of them could make up for the gaping hole where Juliette belonged. I’d spent too much time pacing painfully and restlessly from empty room to empty room.
Remembering her on my couch. In my bed. Smelling the fresh, exotic scent of her coconut infused shampoo that still lingered on her pillow. Staring at the drawing that was propped on my dresser and the photo leaning up against it. We almost forgot to take that photo, too drunk on our kisses and our first declarations of falling in love. I’d started to pull her along, eager to get back home, but she’d dug her heels in and stopped me, turning us to get the perfect angle of the bridge behind us, just like in the drawing, but the only thing I saw when I looked at that picture was the possessive hold we had on one another. That day would always remind me of the first time I’d realized the power that simply holding Juliette, even just her hand, gave to both of us. God, I’d do anything to hold her again.
I would never regret saving Sarah and Benji. Every firefighter knows that any call can be career ending, life changing, or even life ending, and I’d accepted that for myself, but I’d never wanted to hurt Juliette.
I’d been texting and calling her every day. She finally responded when I begged her to just let me know she was okay, even though her text of “I’m ok” didn’t do much to make me feel better. Some of my messages were apologies, some were pleading, and some were yelling. At one point I called her selfish then immediately called back and begged her to please delete my last message without listening to it.
Now here I was, back at the station, and as much as it felt like returning home, I still didn’t know if I’d get to stay. No fucking clue what my future would look like.
Shaking it off, I settled into my favorite chair in the station’s common area and propped my casted leg on the coffee table. Just like always. Well, almost.
“Hey man, good to see you back here,” Liam said as he sat across from me. “I know I’ve said it already, but I feel the need to say it again. I’m sorry I took Juliette home that morning without waking you.”
“No need to apologize. Thank you for staying by the room and being there to take care of her. I hate that she wanted to sneak out like that, but I’m grateful you were there for her.”
“I didn’t think she’d walk away and not come back to you at all.”
“Me neither. I’m worried sick about her.”
“Fuck her,” Ryan said from the doorway. “She left you while you were in the hospital.”
“Don’t you ever fucking talk about Juliette like that. You’re lucky it’s too hard to get out of this chair or I’d punch you.”
Ryan held up his hands in mock surrender. “Sorry, but seriously, who the hell does that?”
“I don’t want to hear it. I still love Juliette and I want to fix this. It’s not her fault.”
“That’s bullshit. How is it not her fault that she abandoned you days after you almost died? If she can’t handle this, then I’m sorry, but it’s not going to work out between you guys.”
I sighed and dropped my head back. Ryan, Brady, Cole, Liam, and Ethan settled into the chairs and couches around me. It felt good to be surrounded by my brothers again.
“Juliette’s biggest insecurity, her biggest fear, is messing up something important, especially in a way that endangers people. When I ran into that house and left her alone to get help, I forced her into her worst nightmare. Our lives were in her hands.”
“It was your screw up for not calling it in first. Not her fault,” Ethan said.
“You think I don’t fucking know that? And then I cut off her access to help by locking her damn phone in the fucking car. Because of my fucking stupidity and my ex-wife she had to run to the station on a sprained ankle and with still-healing cuts all over her damn body.” My voice broke, but I didn’t care. “I can’t stand it that she’s blaming herself when it was my fucking fault.”
“But she got to the station, and everything worked out fine,” Cole said.
“Yeah, but I bet she’s already thought of a million ways that this could play out again and again. She probably thinks she’s doing me a favor by staying away.”
“How are you going to convince her that’s not what you want?”
My chest constricted at Ryan’s words. I felt lighter, like a weight was lifted, and also so grounded and filled with gratitude for these men. I didn’t realize how much I needed their understanding until now.
I didn’t care if it made me weak, I needed more of their confirmation. “Yeah? You guys think we still have a shot?”
“Love will find a way,” Liam said.
“Ha, all that time making googly eyes at Jenna is turning you into a softie,” Ethan said to Liam, and Liam wadded up a napkin sitting on the coffee table and threw it at him.
“I’m serious,” Liam said. “We’ve seen Juliette transform over the last few months with you. She still has her moments, but she’s seemed so much more relaxed and confident lately. She was just starting to really talk to us. And you’ve been happier than ever too. For so long, you’ve acted like this job was all you needed. Now you’re actually enjoying your life. You guys are good for each other. That’s worth fighting for.”
“Thanks, man. How though? She ignores my calls and texts. She even changed the fucking locks on her door.”
“You want me to call Nicky and have her put in a good word for you?” Ryan offered.
“No, she needs her friends. She’d hate to feel like they betrayed her or are taking my side.”
“Do something she can’t ignore,” Brady said. “Like, we can ride down her street, sirens blaring, and when she comes out, you can declare your love over the megaphone.”
“She’d hate that, idiot.” Liam wadded up another napkin and threw it at Brady.
“What if you show up at her work? Wait by her car at the end of the day, so she can’t avoid you?” Ethan suggested.
“That’s it! Juliette’s work! Remember we talked about going into her school for an assembly? As much as she wants to ignore me, she’d do anything for those kids.”
“Yes! And there’s only two weeks left in October, so if she wants to do it during Fire Prevention Month, she can’t put you off.”
This was a great idea. If I could just get Juliette to see me—without breaking into her apartment or stalking her—I could get her back. I knew she still loved me just as much as she did two weeks ago. This had nothing to do with her feelings for me. I just needed Juls to give me a chance to hold her in my arms and soothe all her fears and worries and reassure her that we still belonged together. She once believed that we were better together than either of us were alone. I needed to make her believe that again.
I grabbed my phone to text her.
Me: Hi Juls. I’m back in the fire station and the guys and I were just talking about how we planned on bringing the trucks to your school and giving an assembly. I remember how much you said the kids would love it, and I’d still like to do it. I have to admit that I’m happy for a reason to see you too, but I promise we can keep it professional if that’s what you want. I’ll be happy just to talk to you and see you. Oops, I mean, I’ll be happy just to make the kids happy.
Juliette: You’re at the station?
That was an odd response. Was she upset I was here?
Me: Yes, I came to visit. Can you come here and we can talk about going to the school? Please?
Juliette: You’re there right now?
Me: Yes
Juliette: I’m parked outside your apartment. I was sitting in my car trying to work up the guts to go in.
My sweet Juliette. I quickly hit the button to call her.
“Hi,” Juliette answered quietly. Nervously.
“Juls, baby. Stay right there and I’ll get a ride back.” The words rushed out in a breath of desperation.
“No, stay. I’m already on my way.”
“I can’t wait to see you, Juls.”
“Me too.” Thank God.
I grabbed my crutches and hobbled outside to wait for her. “Juls,” I breathed as she stepped out of her car. Her beauty and sadness and vulnerability nearly broke my heart, but it was the fierce determination in her eyes that stole my breath away. “Baby.”
“Dylan,” she whispered back. “Are…are you…okay?”
“I’m okay, baby, promise. Everything is healing well, and the doctors think I’ll make a full recovery. I’m okay.”
That was actually a white lie, but looking at her worried face, I couldn’t not reassure her. The doctor’s exact words were that there was a chance that I might make a full recovery. Close enough, right?
“Thank God,” she sobbed.
I hobbled the few steps between us, and leaning against her car for stability, I grabbed her by her shoulders and pulled her to me. I wrapped my arms around her tightly, burying my face in her neck. She wrapped her arms around me too, grabbed the back of my shirt, and burrowed her face in my chest. Oh, it felt so good, so right, to have her back in my arms again.
“It’s okay, baby, we’re okay,” I murmured over and over.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” she cried back repeatedly.
“Stop apologizing, it’s okay.”
“It’s not okay. I left you.”