10HarperMisfires
Harper
Misfires
Ash pushed them to get out of the building as fast as possible. October rain pelted down, and the guy holding the car door open for Harper looked drenched and miserable. She dove inside and wiggled to get into the seatbelt while Ash tipped the valet.
Ash got in, shaking himself off, and Harper tried to think of something to say while he shoved the Porsche into traffic.
“I was right the first time. We should get married,” he said.
“What?” Harper was lost.
“Watching you traumatize people in the sweetest way possible is the best.”
Harper shook her head. She didn’t understand why Ash thought marriage to her was a good idea.
“But what the hell was she thinking?” Ash continued. “I can’t believe she said any of that!”
“It was kind of weird,” admitted Harper. She felt discombobulated. Between Jell-O shot guy and Emma, what had felt like a golden moment had become disjointed and uneven.
“Here,” Ash said, handing her his phone. “Order teriyaki to my place. We can meet it there.”
Harper took the phone, belatedly remembering she’d wanted teriyaki. She pulled up an app and picked someplace from his previously ordered tab.
“Can you get me some sushi instead of teriyaki? What do you think Emma wanted? Why was she there? How did she know I would be there?”
“Maybe it was just a coincidence that she showed up. Do you want some nigiri? Is it bad that I said that to her?”
“Yes, please, and no! You were awesome. Get the eel roll, too. Her face! She was so mad.”
Harper was about to finalize the order when Ash’s phone dinged, and a text message popped up on preview.
Olly went to the zoo today.
Unable to resist, Harper tapped on the picture to enlarge it. A little boy of about three with red curls was holding a lizard, and he looked ready to explode in happiness.
“Awwwww,” cooed Harper. “Who dis?” She made pinchy fingers at Olly’s cheeks, and Ash laughed.
“My nephew Olly. And yeah, he’s the cutest. Although, I’m a bit worried about him.”
Harper went back to the food order and submitted it.
“Meal is ordered. Why are you worried?”
She felt they were both avoiding something as the conversation shifted faster than a river, but she wasn’t sure what.
“Forest hired a new nanny. And I’m sure she’s nice, but she also looks like some sort of homeless hippy freak. I don’t understand how he went from wanting a super nanny to her.”
Harper had been on the receiving end of critical comments about her attire from her teenage years on up.
Now, she occasionally got comments about being too attractive, which she supposed was better but was still annoying.
Clothes did not impact performance. Perhaps this nanny also had trouble dressing to meet expectations.
But Forest Valkyrie was wealthy—it seemed unlikely he would hire someone completely unqualified.
“Well, have you seen her with Olly?”
“I only met her for a minute when he brought her home.”
“So maybe she’s awesome, but you got the wrong impression because she wasn’t wearing the right outfit.”
“Maybe,” he said, sounding doubtful. “But I worry.”
Harper made a mental note to double-check her spreadsheets before her dates with Ash. She didn’t want to be classified as a homeless hippy freak.
“You really like your brothers,” said Harper wistfully. She knew Ash texted his mom and his brothers daily.
“Yeah. Don’t you like your sister?”
“No, not really, but I know I’m not supposed to say that.”
“Say whatever you want,” said Ash with a shrug. “You can’t pick your relatives, and I know I got lucky with mine. You’re allowed to not like her.”
“Well, she probably doesn’t like me either, so it’s OK.”
He gave her a look but went back to driving before she could decipher it.
“Why wouldn’t your sister like you?”
“I’m a nerd. I was never cool. I’m too picky about things.
And Hailey always said I dressed like a demented clown.
She used to pretend we weren’t related at school.
I got better after studying fashion, but I still can’t wear some fabrics because they’re so scratchy, which is why I used to wear the same thing multiple days in a row.
But ultimately, I think Hailey doesn’t like me because I have too many Harper Moments.
I embarrass her. She says being around me is stressful. ”
Ash looked over at Harper in surprise. “No! You’re my endor-friend.”
“I’m what?”
“Uh... Sorry. Sometimes my brain gets an ADHD misfire, can’t find the right word, and makes one up. You’re not stressful. I feel good. With the endorphins.”
He pulled up at a stoplight and clunked his head on the steering wheel.
“Sorry. I mean, you’re my friend who gives me endorphins.”
He was blushing, but Harper couldn’t stop smiling. “Thanks. Do you misfire often? Those sound great.”
“I once called pizza a pepperoni bread plate, and my brother’s still use carpet mower for vacuum. They find it hilarious. I kind of cringe.”
“Oh,” said Harper, sad to have perfection dangled before her but then taken away. “I like carpet mower, but I won’t use it.”
“Nah, you can use it,” said Ash, giving her a smile. “I don’t mind.”
“Thanks,” said Harper, feeling like he’d presented her with a gift. “I think she was trying to get back together with you.”
For once, Ash was stymied by the topic shift.
“Emma,” said Harper.
“You think? No. I mean, there wasn’t any ambiguity. I was very clear. We are definitely broken up.”
“Just because you were clear doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to get back together. People can feel differently from you about a situation.” She’d learned that the hard way.
“Well, then, I’m sure seeing you was a nasty surprise. I have to say that faux-dating you is the best idea I’ve had lately.”
Ash kept saying that, but Harper was finding it harder and harder to tell the difference between what they were doing and real dating.
“I’m all wet,” said Harper sadly. “Emma probably thought I looked like a soggy paper bag.”
“No,” said Ash. “You’re a wild rose.”
It was a beautiful compliment, but it didn’t change the fact that she was wet through to her bra.
“I shouldn’t have ordered food. I don’t have any clothes at your place. I should probably go home.”
“Um… actually,” said Ash. “I kind of did a thing.”
Harper was silent for longer than she knew to be polite, and when he looked her way, she tried to smile so he would think she was normal.
“I don’t know what that means or how I’m supposed to react,” she said, her smile faltering.
“Sorry. I’m attempting to tell you that I have done something, and I’m uncertain if you will like it. My emotion is nervous because I don’t want to make your emotion mad.”
“Oh!” Ash always explained emotions so well. She didn’t understand why other people couldn’t be as clear as he was. “Well… I can’t accurately predict that because I don’t know what you’ve done.”
“I bought you a bunch of clothes.”
“Why?”
“Because you left your Pinterest board open and buying things makes me feel more in control, and I was nervous about the Sanderson offering. They’re at my house right now.”
“Well, but… how many clothes did you buy?”
“Um… the first three scrolls.”
“The first three scrolls!” Harper’s voice jumped an octave. “That is a lot of money!”
She wasn’t sure how much because she didn’t check prices unless she was absolutely in love with a piece.
“I have a lot of money,” he said with a shrug.
“I said I would buy you things. And I know you like these things, so I bought them. And if they don’t fit, you can just borrow some sweats.
What do you think?” asked Ash, glancing over at her as they pulled into the parking garage of his building in the Denny Triangle.
The garage was full of expensive cars. Harper guessed Ash’s car was also expensive—Porsche was a name that was synonymous with money—but she thought he’d probably gotten the practical kind because it was a hybrid.
“That it sounds like Christmas before Halloween?” she said guiltily, and Ash grinned.
On the way up to his condo, Harper tried to think about the situation logically.
She had the nagging feeling that her mother would disapprove, but Ash did like to buy her things.
She was really enjoying her new handwriting tablet and Post-it notes.
And networking with Ash was like window shopping.
As a result, she had pinned a lot of great clothes recently. She wondered which ones he’d bought.
“Do I get to open boxes?” asked Harper as he unlocked the front door.
“You can unbox all the things,” said Ash. “And my job will be to pour wine and watch you try things on.”
Harper tried not to skip into the foyer.
She thought that letting boys buy her clothes was supposed to be bad, but that was only if boys were going to expect sex in return, so she thought this didn’t count.
Harper would have liked some sex, but while Ash seemed to think their agreement covered cheek kisses and hand-holding in public, he’d been determinedly hands-off in private.
He pulled off his coat and held out his hand for hers.
He had a very strict entering and exiting routine that Harper liked.
He said he needed to put all his things in the right spots—otherwise, they disappeared, and he’d waste hours trying to find them again later. Harper found the ritual reassuring.
“I know it’s a little weird,” she said, blushing as she handed over her coat. “But I really like opening things. I find it very satisfying.”
“Hm. How are you existing at my house? I never met a cabinet I was going to shut.”
The foyer opened into a vaulted great room with the kitchen and a hall to the bedrooms beyond. Harper liked Ash’s condo; it always felt welcoming. She thought it was because he’d picked colors and textures that were the right emotions for the activities that happened in them.
“Opening cabinets is annoying. Opening boxes is a surprise.”
“Ah. Well, that works out for my object impermanence then.”
Harper made a confused noise.