27HarperChristmas
Harper
Christmas
“You spent a bunch of money, didn’t you?” asked Harper nervously.
She’d had the most luxurious Christmas morning.
Ash had left her at his apartment while he celebrated with his family.
Which she supposed would sound horrible to some people, but Ash had left her a massive and decadent cinnamon roll, an entire vat of hot chocolate, and a basket of bath items. Harper had spent the morning in Ash’s enormous bathtub and stuffing her face in deluxe alone-ness.
She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been left by herself in so much comfort.
“Uh… I mean, if you’d told me I would spend this much money when I was twelve, I probably would have thought I’d gone crazy.
But it is way less money than I spent on Emma for her birthday.
And that’s not because I think you’re worth less.
” The speed of his words had picked up, and Harper recognized that Ash was feeling something.
“That is because she had certain budgetary expectations, and I thought you would be uncomfortable if I spent more.”
“Are you anxious?” asked Harper, trying to figure out why Ash was doing the thing that she thought of as flapping about like a nervous bird.
She thought he also felt guilty about leaving her alone all morning.
But compared to her previous Christmas of trying to make food for Cooper’s family and being harangued by her own family, her day was one of unmarred perfection.
“Yes! I want you to like your presents!”
“But I will like all of them,” said Harper, feeling confident about the prediction.
She was swanning about in a silk bathrobe and the lacey thing he’d included in her bath basket.
She felt well-fed and silky all over. If his warm-up gifts were any indication, then his actual gifts would be fantastic.
“You haven’t even seen them yet.”
“Did you think about me and what I would like when you bought them?”
“Yes, of course,” said Ash, looking confused.
“Then I will love them, even if I don’t like them. Last year, Cooper bought me a cutting board.”
“You don’t like cooking,” said Ash, sounding puzzled. “Slimy things get under your fingernails.”
“Cooper thought it would help me learn to like cooking, which is a more suitable hobby than woodworking.”
“Um…” Ash scratched his head. “I really don’t understand the objection to woodworking. Also, that is just so…”
“Sexist and misogynistic? Yes, it is.” Harper had noticed that men often had a hard time labeling other men as sexist, so she said it for him.
“Can I punch Cooper in the face?” asked Ash. “I feel like it would be beneficial for literally everyone he’s ever met.”
Harper giggled. “Well, hopefully, now that we’ve sent him his money, we’ll never see him again. And honestly, that’s all the Christmas present I needed.”
“Yes, you said that, but Christmas is about giving gifts you don’t need.”
“What?”
“Sure, we can all use some gold, but who gives a baby perfume? I don’t think baby Jesus was really slapping on the frankincense and myrrh.” Harper laughed again, realizing where he was going. “So, the established precedent is to give expensive and frivolous gifts.”
“I made you coasters,” said Harper.
“Ah! Don’t ruin the surprise!”
“Well, then, I will just say my gifts are more practical.”
But Ash was already tearing open the box. The epoxy pour on the coasters had been more trouble than she thought it would be. She’d had to borrow Piper’s garage, but she was very pleased with how they’d turned out. Piper had also demanded a set in compensation, which was gratifying.
“Oh, yes!” exclaimed Ash. He held up one of the coasters to the light.
The thin sliced burl wood with blue and gold epoxy centers looked like tiny versions of her coffee table.
“Those are so cool! Look at the color. I love them! I can’t believe you made these yourself.
Wait till I show Forest and Rowan. They’re going to be so impressed.
Forest loves this kind of thing. He once went on about the bricks on his patio for twenty solid minutes. ”
“You’re going to show them?”
“Yeah?” Ash looked puzzled.
“But they’ll want to know who made them,” said Harper. “I thought you didn’t want to tell them about me.”
“I am an asshole,” Ash blurted out.
“No?”
“I didn’t want them to find out I paid you. Rowan would punch me in the face!”
“Oh. Well, don’t tell him that, then. But… Maybe I didn’t understand properly. But I thought you bought Emma lots of stuff?”
Ash visibly rolled his eyes. “She had a credit card,” he said drily.
“I have several credit cards,” said Harper. “What’s that got to do with anything?”
“A credit card that I paid. And her phone. And her clothes. And whatever else she wanted. Her father was the executor of her trust fund. He only paid quarterly, and he would only pay for living expenses. So, at some point, I think she was turning in receipts for stuff that I paid for and getting reimbursed from the trust. I tried to pretend like I didn’t know. ”
“Wow,” said Harper. “I really should have asked for more money.”
“Yes,” said Ash. “I thought so at the time, but then you panicked that you were asking for anything at all.”
“It’s a lot of money,” protested Harper. “It was a Harry Winston ring!”
“See, that sounds nice, but the last time I looked at those twelve thousand was the low end. I really feel like you’re worth more. And couldn’t we do something more interesting, like an emerald?”
“I saw a sapphire and diamond one once,” said Harper. “On a podcast about Josephine Bonaparte’s jewelry. She was such an absolute icon in the jewelry department. I’m not advocating for world domination, but you’re right. I would like it if my boyfriend had more imagination than a plain diamond.”
Ash was tapping on his phone. “Sold for nine hundred and fifty thousand in 2019. Simpler than I thought it would be. Cute, though.”
“Well, he wasn’t the Emperor at the time,” said Harper. “He was just some guy in the army who may have helped execute her previous husband.”
“Sure, as one does,” said Ash.
“The husband was abusive and possibly supported the aristocracy. The abuse is clear. The politics are not. Things got confusing between revolutions and counter-revolutions,” said Harper. “But we’re fine with him getting guillotined.”
“It does help the moral quandaries when they’ve been dead for over a century.”
“It does,” agreed Harper. She reviewed their conversation to figure out where they’d left the main highway for the jewelry bypass. “However, my point is that you paid Emma lots of money, and your brothers didn’t say anything, did they?”
“I don’t think they knew,” said Ash. “They probably would have just thought I was weird because we weren’t living together. But for you, it’s more that I bribed you into being my girlfriend. They’d think I bullied you.”
“You didn’t!” protested Harper.
Ash made a face. “Well… maybe I didn’t bully you, but I don’t feel great about it. I’m good at negotiating, and you were kind of drunk.”
“You’re uncomfortable because you don’t want anyone to think you paid for sex,” said Harper.
“Uh… yes?” said Ash.
“But you didn’t even try to get in my pants! And I would have handed over all the pants if you’d asked.”
“I wanted to!” protested Ash. “But I didn’t want you to feel pressured and weird because I was paying you money.”
“But you weren’t,” said Harper. “You are extremely bad at paying your bills. You totally forgot. So basically, I was hanging out with you for free. I’m a very bad prostitute.”
Ash winced.
“Please don’t ever say that again. I’m not sure which is worse. The fact that I didn’t pay you or that I did.”
“The fact that you didn’t,” said Harper. “Definitely.”
“I’m sorry! I forgot!”
Harper shrugged. “Well, it’s done now.” She couldn’t see what he was getting so worked up about.
“You know what I love about you?” demanded Ash.
Harper didn’t think anyone had asked her that before.
“Not a clue,” said Harper.
“You just say stuff. I get all hung up on things, and you just call it how you see it. It’s such a relief. It means nothing is buried, and I don’t have to second-guess things. I love your honesty.”
“Oh!” Harper felt genuinely complimented. “I’m pretty sure that’s one of the things my family hates about me.”
“Fuck them,” said Ash, then paused. “That was not something I should have said out loud. Not that I didn’t mean it. I don’t like how they treat you. But that is generally something that doesn’t need to be said.”
“You’re not bad,” said Harper. “You just have poor impulse control.”
“That is true,” said Ash, leaning over to kiss her. “Now open your presents!”
Harper cautiously ripped at the paper of the first box. She was hoping for more clothes because he’d been so stellar at the last batch.
“OK, I know this is a little weird, but it does come with IT assistance, and I’ve got someone who will sew them all in.”
Harper stared in bemusement at the strange pile of fabric tags in the box. They were all printed with QR codes.
“What are they?” she asked.
“They’re clothing tags! You put them into your clothes and then simply scan them with your phone, and it auto-updates an online clothing tracker. I had Mel make me a program!”
“Ohhhh,” gasped Harper in awe. “That would save me so much time and no double entry!”
“Yes! There is some initial set up because you have to connect each tag to a clothing item, but Romeo has people who will help, and he swears they can be done in an hour once the tags are in the clothes. And they can go on hems or other places that aren’t scratchy.”
“That is absolute genius!” Harper paused and considered. “I’m probably weird about my clothes, aren’t I? That’s one of the things you meant about pretending we’re normal. Normal people probably don’t invest this much time into their outfit choices and clothing rotation.”
“I mean… most people probably don’t, but if it makes you feel confident, then it’s OK.”
Ash had thought about how to make her life easier and didn’t judge her because she wasn’t normal. Harper didn’t think she’d ever felt so seen.
“You have more boxes,” she said. “You can’t possibly top this one. How can there be more boxes?”
“I bought you jewelry and a staple gun. You complained about that one at Piper’s house last week for some reason.”
“It was a piece of shit!”
“Well, they said this one was top of the line.”
“Yay!” exclaimed Harper, grabbing the box she hoped was a staple gun.
“I was going to buy you a car,” said Ash, reflectively, as she tore into the paper. She looked up at him, startled. “But Mom thought you would freak out.”
“I would freak out.”
“Oh, well, good thing I didn’t.”
Harper shook her head as she pulled out a small velvet box. It contained large diamond studs, which she promptly put in her ears.
“Those have insurance,” said Ash. “You can lose them. No one will get mad. Or out you on social media.”
“Well, since no one is ambushing me with a Jumbotron, I’m not going to lose them,” said Harper, and Ash chuckled.
Harper twisted the earrings until they felt comfortable and wondered what Cooper had been thinking.
He was conservative about money and always got the extended warranty.
It was hard to picture Cooper not getting a policy on the ring.
Harper tucked the thought away for later consideration and tore the paper on the next box.
“Ah!” Harper extricated the staple gun from the box. “It’s the Stanley! This one also does nail brads! Oh, you are the best boyfriend ever!”
Harper crawled over to Ash and threw her arms around his neck.
It had been weeks, and Harper supposed she should be used to the thrill of kissing Ash, but she really hadn’t. The feeling of his breath and skin gave her a warm glow, and the taste of his lips was now familiar, but somehow, the familiarity only made her happier.
“Mmm,” murmured Ash. “I don’t suppose I can have all your pants now?”
“I’m not wearing any pants,” said Harper happily. Her Christmas was going so well. “I’m wearing the negligée you put in my bath basket.”
“My Christmas is going so well,” said Ash, sounding shocked, and Harper giggled.
“It’s about to get even better,” said Harper, standing up and heading for the bedroom.
“Oh, fuck yeah, it is,” said Ash following her with a laugh.