Chapter 7
CHAPTER SEVEN
ANDERS
“My whole life,” Mr. Magnuson said with a chuckle. I felt foolish that I hadn’t figured it out. My gaydar was an abject failure.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
“Well, I don’t think it’s anything to be sorry about. I’m pretty okay with it.”
“Yeah, I mean…” I said with a sigh. “Never mind. I don’t know what I’m trying to say. Let me start again.” I paused and took a breath before I said, “So, no coming-out present?”
“No, but I did get a box of condoms from my dad,” he said with another chuckle.
Mr. Magnuson seamlessly pulled into the ferry line as we spoke and patiently waited for the attendant to wave him on.
Despite everything that had happened today, I was still excited to see the island.
It had always sat out in the bay, waiting, but somehow, I’d never managed to make it onto the ferry.
In front of us, the ferry docked and cars began exiting. I studied the barge and saw the enclosed observation deck. I tried to be subtle as I checked out the boat, but I don’t think I pulled it off very well.
“Once we’re on board, we can get out of the car and go up to the observation deck. The view is really nice.”
“Was I that obvious?” It had never not annoyed me that my blushes were so obvious, and I could feel the flush on my face.
“Maybe a little, but there’s nothing wrong with being excited about new experiences.”
I appreciated what he had to say, but there wasn’t much I could add without outing my friends’ lifestyles.
John always complained that when I got excited about something, I was turning into one of those goddamn littles, as he called them.
I wasn’t a little like the rest of the boys.
Hell, I wasn’t even a boy. But the one thing I was jealous of was how they could find so much pleasure in small things, and I thought that was really cool.
Once we were directed to our spot, Mr. Magnuson killed the engine and turned to face me. His voice wasn’t annoyed at all when he said, “Let’s go up.” I scrambled as much as a guy my size could out of the car and was waiting eagerly by the hood before he was out of the vehicle.
He directed me to the stairs leading to the upper deck.
As usual, a steady stream of drizzle left everything damp.
The wind off the Sound was cold, but our coats kept us warm enough, though I couldn’t keep all the shivers at bay.
Mr. Magnuson stepped closer to where I stood at the rail.
He was a furnace, and his close presence was enough to warm me up.
The sharp bite of wetness was enough to stop any spirals into overthinking the current mess of my life.
I didn’t want to ruin the mood, but I had to say something about the office fiasco. He hadn’t mentioned it one time. Whatever feelings I had for John, they’d been stomped and then ground under his heel until they were dead and gone. I’d known our relationship was rocky, but I never expected this.
“Mr. Magnuson, I really appreciate the way you’ve handled this mess.” The words came out in a hurry, like I was afraid I wouldn’t get a chance to finish saying it.
“Emil.”
“Pardon?”
“Call me Emil.”
“Oh, uh, Mr. Ma…Emil, thank you for everything you’ve done today.”
“You’re welcome.” The simple words he offered were a weight lifted. There was no begging for forgiveness, no request to catalog all the ways he’d helped me, and no naming of each and every appreciation. Mr. Ma…Emil accepted it as if I had an expectation of assistance.
“And now it seems selfish to ask about my car.”
“Yeah, unfortunately, I didn’t think about it until we were on the ferry.
” He shot me a quick grin. Even in an expensive suit, he looked younger and more boyish.
“If you’re okay with me driving it, I can bring it across or move it to my office parking garage.
My place is on the edge of town and most places are walkable. ”
“In my mind, I imagined a place in the forest.”
“That’s the exact reason why I like the place I found so much. It’s the edge of town, so it’s close to everything, but it’s wooded to the front and backs up to the channel.”
“Did you build it yourself?”
“No, only the office. The house needed some extensive reno though.”
“My friend Rory?” Emil nodded, and I continued, “He and his fiancé are close to finishing their Victorian. It’s practically a full-time job.”
“Ha, well, I cheated and paid someone, but it was a full-time job for her.”
We lapsed into silence until the horn sounded the signal for car passengers to return to their vehicles. Emil touched me lightly on the elbow to guide me back toward the stairs. Inexplicably, the heat from his fingers radiated up my arm.
No, no, no. Anders, you will not.
Once resettled in the car, we left the ferry and headed in the direction of town.
The forest was on the edge of the road, blanketed with underbrush and ferns.
In the downtown core, it was mostly faded brick buildings.
We passed a city park anchored by a giant tree surrounded by picnic tables.
There were a few restaurants, a vet’s office, an interesting looking bookstore, a flower shop that made me smile, and a few other odds and ends.
Emil slowed down at an almost hidden drive.
He turned off, and the woods enveloped us.
After the curve, the road opened to a cleared area with a magnificent view of the ocean.
Even with the windows up, the sound of the ocean was unmistakable.
I couldn’t have picked a better place to hide out and lick my wounds.
Emil came to stop between the large main house and a smaller cottage. I hopped out of the car, but somehow, Emil’s more measured pace beat me to the trunk.
“Go grab your blanket, and I’ll get the cases.” When I looked unsure, Emil repeated, “Anders, your blanket.” His tone was a mixture of gentle and kind. It was enough to spur me forward. I followed him up the steps to the cottage like he was the pied piper.
“I know you said there was a guest room attached to the office, but this is definitely not what I expected.”
“Is it better or worse?” Emil asked as he set my case down in the sitting area of the cottage I’d be staying in.
I’d imagined a short, squat building that looked like an office.
Instead, Emil had pulled up to a gabled cottage.
The cottage was minimally styled but still comfortable.
The sofas were for conversations, not late-night lounging.
The kitchen was fully equipped, but more like a kitchenette than full size.
The work area took up the majority of the space, with a large worktable and smaller ones positioned under the windows so you’d have something nice to look at when you took a break.
Emil showed me where the bedroom was, but didn’t come inside. It was clean and comfortable, but impersonal, and it was exactly what I needed.
“I don’t think there’s any food stocked in here. Why don’t you come over to the main house for dinner tonight, and then we can see about getting some groceries?”
“You don’t have to do that. I’ll be fine.”
Emil studied me, and it felt like he could see the turmoil wrapped around my core.
“I’ll see you at six,” Emil said with a gentle smile. I knew it was an order, but it felt different, and I decided arguing wasn’t worth the effort because I knew I wouldn’t win against him anyway.
Emil crossed the room and touched the quilt I’d carried in from the car. “Now that that’s settled, go put this on your bed. It’ll help you feel more at home. See you at six.”
It felt like a moment, but I wasn’t entirely sure why.
You can do this. You need to do this. You have to do this.
The sixty seconds it took me to cross the clearing to the main house felt more like a gulf than a brief walk.
I’d spent a solid twenty minutes picking out an outfit that was not too formal, not too casual, and definitely not sweats.
I practiced my breathing on the way across so that, fingers crossed, Emil wouldn’t know how nervous I was.
I took a deep breath and knocked on the heavy wooden door of the covered entryway.
Don’t screw this up, Anders.
“Come in. I’m finishing up dinner,” Emil said when he opened the door.
He directed me to a spot off to the side to take off my shoes, which I did, lining them up neatly next to his before obediently following him to the kitchen.
It was a big, open space with clean lines and a wall of windows overlooking the ocean. In the distance, I could see the lights from the city across the water. The view was breathtaking. I stared, completely enthralled by what I was looking at.
“Now you see why I bought this place,” Emil said.
I knew he didn’t mean to do it, but it felt like he was speaking directly into my ear.
He was standing so close behind me. It was a little disconcerting to have someone my own height and close to my size near me.
Usually, I felt like a bull in a china shop, clunking around people who were generally much smaller than me.
“How do you get anything done? I would just stand over here all the time.”
“And now you know why I put the secondary office somewhere that wasn’t in the house,” Emil said with a self-deprecating laugh. “I do stand here and look at the view and get nothing done.” He moved back toward the kitchen and added, “But I am going to finish dinner for us.”
“Let me help you,” I said.
“Don’t be silly. Have a seat. You’re a guest.” I knew he was trying to be a generous host, but the idea of just sitting around twiddling my thumbs sounded like the ninth circle of hell.
“Thanks,” I said weakly. If it took sitting on my hands, I was going to do it. “Whatever you’re cooking smells good.”
“Let’s hope it tastes good too,” he answered with a laugh. I’d spent too much time making sure my outfit was appropriate, and he was in a long-sleeved college T-shirt and gray sweats. “It’s grilled salmon, fingerling potatoes, and salad.”
“Wow, that’s pretty amazing for a whipped-together meal.”