Chapter 12
CHAPTER TWELVE
EMIL
“Where did you park?”
After we waved off Micah and Cal, they headed straight to their car as soon as we stepped outside.
My question hung in the air between Anders and me.
He seemed uneasy, but not uncomfortable, and I knew exactly why.
When Micah had described the evening as a double date, Anders had actually jumped a little in his chair.
I’d had to turn my head away to hide my smile. I liked the description.
“I’m over in the far corner. It was pretty packed when I got here.”
Anders’s soft reply came on the tail end of a yawn. We headed in that direction, and three more followed in quick succession. I glanced over. His eyes were droopy, and he was moving a little slower than usual.
“Do you have any hangups about people driving your car?”
“My fifteen-year-old Honda Accord? No, I’m fine with it. Why do you ask?”
Even his voice sounded sleepy. I was beginning to suspect that socializing took a real toll on Anders.
“Because you’re falling asleep on your feet, and I’m going to drive us home.” I kept my voice even and firm. This wasn’t a negotiation. Anders’s walk had turned into more of a shuffle.
“You don’t have to drive me.”
“But I do have to keep you safe. I’m driving.”
He must have decided it wasn’t worth arguing because he nodded and handed me his keys. I walked around to open his door, and he startled slightly, like he wasn’t used to it. I silently aimed a curse at his ex-boyfriend and shut the door before moving around to my side.
I cranked the heat and adjusted the vents toward his side. It was still chilly at night this time of year, and today was no exception. Anders kept his coat on, but hopefully it wouldn’t take long for the interior to warm up.
“Any quirks I need to know about?” I asked after putting the key in the ignition, before turning it over.
“Alfie likes compliments when he does well on a hill.”
“Alfie?”
“Yeah, the good news is he doesn’t smoke weed all day. Bad news is he still doesn’t have a job.”
I chuckled at his silliness, and Anders smiled back. I liked this version of him. Soft. Open. Relaxed. He wasn’t scanning for something to do. He was just…here. The urge to reach across the console and hold his hand was strong, but I resisted. I didn’t want to push my luck tonight.
“Do you need to stop anywhere, or should we head home?”
“Home, please.”
Without another word, I backed out of the parking space and headed toward the harbor to catch the ferry.
Anders didn’t talk much after that. At first, he alternated between watching me drive and looking out at the city lights, offering a few quiet bits of conversation. About halfway there, he fell silent.
I glanced over. He was leaning back against the headrest, fast asleep.
His long lashes rested against his cheeks, and his hair had slipped loose from the braid he’d tied it into.
I wished I’d found a way to ask him to take it down before the evening ended.
The few times I’d seen his hair loose—usually late, when I passed the cottage—it had stolen my breath every time.
Maybe it was wrong, but since he was asleep, I covered his hand with mine. He sighed softly and turned his palm up, letting our fingers lace together. Something unnamed settled deep in my chest when he did. I returned my focus to the road, but left my hand exactly where it was.
When I’d talked to Calvin earlier, he’d said I needed to make a choice. Tonight made it clear where I was going. It hadn’t felt like a choice then, and it didn’t now.
It felt like inevitability.
“Oh.”
Anders came awake with a start when I crossed over from the dock onto the ferry. Unfortunately, that also meant he jerked his hand out of mine. I felt the loss.
“Oh my gosh, did I fall asleep?” He scrubbed a hand over his face as he tried to bring his brain back online. Anders looked around like he was lost and unsure where he was or how he got there. It took him a quick minute to remember how the evening had ended.
“Only for a little bit. You must’ve been tired.”
“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you. I make for terrible company.”
I knew the self-deprecation was supposed to be a joke, and maybe other people who weren’t me would’ve let him get away with it. But behind the joke was a genuine, sincere apology.
“There’s no apology needed. You’re allowed to be human. People get tired. People fall asleep. It’s not a judgment on my company or yours. It’s not rude to be tired.”
“But it is rude to fall asleep on people,” Anders said quietly. “I don’t want you to think your company is lacking.”
The conversation I’d had with Calvin the other night replayed in my head, and it dawned on me that Anders wasn’t really apologizing for falling asleep. He was apologizing because he wasn’t available. He wasn’t productive. He wasn’t useful.
“It’s not rude when someone’s worn out.” I reached across for his hand again, and he didn’t resist. I laced our fingers together, and he still didn’t pull away. I glanced up at him and noticed his breathing had stilled.
On impulse, I leaned across the console and carefully brushed my lips over his.
His soft lips were slightly parted, and I resisted the real urge to deepen the kiss.
The part of me that wanted that lost to the more level-headed side.
His startled intake of breath made me pull back.
His expression read surprise, but not unhappiness.
His eyes were wide with shock, but he’d chased my mouth, so I leaned in and did it again. Still amazing.
“You’ve got to remember to breathe.”
“Under the circumstances, that’s hard to do,” Anders replied ruefully.
“Sorry, but I’m going to have to make that a new rule. You’ve got to keep breathing.”
Anders gave a small chuckle, but I could tell he wasn’t sure what to do, where to put his hands, or what to say.
“I’ll try.”
“We’ve got about twenty minutes before docking. Do you want to go up to the observation deck? Maybe we’ll get lucky and see a pod moving through.”
He nodded and was up and out of the passenger seat before I could even say I’d open his door. He went around the side of the car, and we made our way upstairs to the observation deck, which was empty this late at night. I was a little surprised not to see anyone, but I didn’t mind the privacy.
The wind whipped around us, and Anders shivered in the chilly ocean air.
I moved closer and wrapped an arm around his shoulders.
He stiffened briefly, then melted into my side.
I felt like some kind of conquering war hero when he lay his head on my shoulder.
I tightened my hold and let the moment wash over me. I’d been right. Inevitable.
We stayed up on the deck until the warning bell blew, signaling it was time to return to our vehicles. I stepped away reluctantly, but captured his hand in mine and walked us back downstairs. This time, I made a point of walking him around to his side of the car and opening the door for him.
He reached for the handle to shut it, but stopped at my softly spoken command.
“No. Let me.”
Anders sat back in his seat and let me take care of him. It was small, almost inconsequential, but it let me show him, in the tiniest of ways, that I wanted to meet the moment.
I returned to the driver’s seat and slipped inside. Both of us were lost in our own thoughts, and we stayed quiet when the signal was given. I pulled off the ferry and headed toward home.
The pull of him was too strong, and the need to touch him was too much for me to withstand, so once again, I slipped my hand over the top of his. This time, fully awake, he turned his hand over so we were palm to palm, fingers laced. We drove the rest of the way home.
I pulled to a stop in the driveway of the main house. Anders, on instinct, moved to open his door, but drew his hand back when I cleared my throat.
“Good boy,” I murmured before I exited the car, went around to his side, and opened his door.
I offered my hand to help him out. Anders looked at my hand, then directly at me, before he slowly, deliberately placed his in mine. When he was out, he didn’t pull away.
We walked, hand in hand, over to the cottage. It felt a little high school, but not rushing Anders had become my mission tonight. The path was lit by solar lights that cast shadows across the clearing. No one’s parents were going to peek out a window, but it still felt like someone was watching.
“Thank you for tonight. It was the best night I’ve had in a very long time,” Anders offered softly. His voice was low and sweet, such a juxtaposition from what I’d expected. “Your friends are nice.”
“You and Micah are probably the only two people on Earth who’d describe Cal as nice,” I said with a chuckle. For whatever reason, we were both whispering, like we didn’t even want our conversation shared with the wind. “I’m glad you enjoyed it. Would you like to do it again?”
“Yes.”
My breath came out in a single whoosh. I hadn’t realized I was holding it until I heard his answer.
“I’m going to resist the urge to pull out my phone and nail down a date in the calendar.”
Anders blushed and ducked his head. Christ, he was pretty. “We can do that in the morning if you want. I’ll be at the house.”
The second urge I resisted was the one that wanted to tell him he didn’t need to get up early and come over. I knew he’d immediately clock it as doing something wrong. There was no way in hell I’d let him think that.
“Good. I like seeing you when I wake up.”
Anders’s blush intensified. His lips were irresistible.