Chapter 31
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
The staffroom was loud, almost rowdy, with that familiar end-of-week hype, but Vanessa barely heard a word her colleagues were saying.
They filtered in and out, snatching biscuits and complaining about paperwork, while debating weekend plans.
She sat in the corner of the room, her USB loaded with assignments she had to mark this weekend, but she found it hard to concentrate.
In the last twenty minutes, she’d stared at the wall, smiling whenever someone passed her by.
Her knee repeatedly bounced, betraying the nerves she was trying hard to suppress. Vanessa didn’t do nervous.
Not like this.
She hated that feeling of being out of control. Normally, she was the one who kept her head when everyone else lost theirs. But today wasn’t about a classroom observation or a difficult parent email. Today was about Freya. About Emma walking her through their front door for the first time.
The thought alone made Vanessa’s stomach lurch.
She wanted everything to go perfectly, not only for Emma’s sake, but for Freya’s, too.
She’d been telling herself for days that it didn’t matter what she thought—that the only thing that mattered was the two of them finding some sort of footing with one another—but still, she couldn’t shake the worry that she might somehow tip the balance. Or try too hard…or not try hard enough.
“Oh, get a grip.” She pressed the tips of her fingers to her temple and muttered under her breath.
She needed advice. Before she could second-guess it, Vanessa reached into her bag for her phone, found Lauren’s name, and hit call.
It rang twice before Lauren picked up. “Mum?”
“Hi, love. Are you busy?” Vanessa tried to keep her voice casual, but she doubted she’d managed it.
“Not really. Just sorting Daisy some lunch. She’s actually sitting on the couch watching cartoons right now, so you’ve got me for a bit.” Lauren paused. “You don’t sound yourself. You sound a bit stressed.”
Vanessa let out a dry laugh. “I’m fine. Just…you know what today is.”
“Yeah.” Lauren’s voice softened instantly. “Freya’s coming.”
“She is.” Vanessa rubbed her thumb along the hem of her skirt, swallowing down the fear.
“I called to vent so Emma doesn’t see me flapping about it.
She’s nervous enough herself. I’m supposed to be the calm one.
The voice of reason. Only I feel like my stomach’s about to tie itself into a knot and stay there permanently. ”
“Mum.” Lauren’s tone carried that blend of sympathy and exasperation only she could pull off. “Of course you’re nervous. This is huge. But don’t make it into something it’s not. You don’t need to prove anything to Freya. Just be you. The rest will follow.”
Vanessa pinched the bridge of her nose. “Easier said than done.”
“Maybe. But think about it. Emma’s already done the heavy lifting. Freya wants this. She wants to come over. If she didn’t, she’d have said no, right?”
Vanessa let that sink in. “I suppose.”
“You don’t suppose, you know. And Emma knows how much you love her. She knows you’ll be there tonight, no matter what. That’s what counts.”
There was a rustle on Lauren’s end of the line, followed by a faint whine. “And Daisy?” Vanessa asked. “How’s she doing? Still got a temp?”
“She’s perked up a bit today. No temp when I checked an hour ago, just a little clingy. I’ll keep an eye on her, but she’s already eaten more than yesterday.”
Vanessa’s shoulders loosened enough to make her feel less tense. “Good. I hate not being around when she’s not herself.”
“I know.” Lauren’s voice softened again. “But she’ll be fine, and you’ll be fine tonight, too. Honestly, I think you’re overthinking it.”
“Overthinking seems to be my specialty lately.”
Lauren laughed. “Then consider this me telling you to knock it off. Just be normal. Show her what your normal is. Everything else will fall into place.”
Vanessa closed her eyes, taking in her daughter’s steady reassurance. Considering Vanessa was supposed to be the mother, there were days like this when Lauren felt every bit the anchor that Vanessa used to be for her. “Thank you, love.”
“Any time.”
They said their goodbyes, and Vanessa sat staring at her phone for a moment before pulling up her messages. She hesitated, then typed a quick message out to Emma.
Running a little late. Meeting overran. Dinner’s prepped though and just needs putting in the oven when you get home.
Vanessa felt immediate guilt tugging at her. There was no meeting, not really. Just her, sat in the staffroom with her nerves twisting themselves into a mess. But Emma didn’t need to know that. She didn’t need her wife’s panic added to her own.
Don’t worry. I’ll take care of it. We’ll see you when we see you.
Vanessa breathed out a sigh of relief at Emma’s easy reply.
Of course Emma hadn’t questioned it. Of course she hadn’t pushed.
That was the thing about her wife. She trusted Vanessa implicitly, never second-guessing her word.
But that only made the lie sit heavier on Vanessa’s tongue.
Still, for now, she told herself it was for the right reasons.
Emma needed her steady and composed, not unravelling at the mere sight of Freya sitting on their couch.
She slid her phone back into her bag, opened her laptop, and forced herself to focus on the assignments in front of her. Just a few more hours, and then she’d be home. And whatever her nerves were doing, she’d put them aside. For Emma. For Freya.
For the family they were building, one fragile, hopeful step at a time.
Vanessa pulled up outside the house even later than she’d planned to, and the guilt of lying to Emma about her whereabouts did not lessen during the drive home.
She’d used it as an excuse to buy herself time, to get her head straight before walking into this new chapter, but it didn’t make it right.
Still, tonight wasn’t the night to admit it.
Not with Freya here. Not when every second counted towards them building something real for Emma and her sister.
She cut the engine, sat for a moment, and then forced herself out of the car. She half-expected to walk in and hear Emma in the kitchen, panicking about dinner timings, but the house was strangely still as she slid the key in the lock and opened the door.
Then she noticed the patio doors were open, the curtain swaying in the breeze.
Vanessa set her bag down and followed the sound of laughter that drifted in from outside.
Emma stood barefoot on the lawn, her hair catching in the evening light, tossing a netball back and forth with Freya.
Her sister’s face was pink with a mixture of effort and excitement, her awkward limbs flailing now and again as she caught the ball against her chest. Emma called out encouragement between passes, her voice kind and patient, the same tone she used with her pupils.
Only now, it was softer and more personal.
The pride. The love. The relief. It all made Vanessa’s throat tighten as she watched it play out in front of her, half-hidden in the doorway.
She had known this was important, of course she had, but seeing it with her own eyes was something else entirely.
Emma, radiant and alive, sharing the personal side of herself with her sister for the very first time.
And Freya, despite her flushed cheeks and obvious nervous laughter, was smiling. Really smiling.
Vanessa pressed her fingers to her lips, blinking against the sting in her eyes. God, she hadn’t expected this. Not to feel it so intensely in her chest.
As if she’d sensed Vanessa, Emma glanced towards the house and caught her standing there. Vanessa was hoping she might get away with just watching a little longer, but then Emma’s grin widened.
“Oi!” she called out as she waved Vanessa over. “Don’t just stand there spying. Come and join us.”
Vanessa quickly slipped off her heels at the door and stepped out onto the grass. It was freezing now they’d reached the end of November, but she didn’t care. If she could be a part of this particular moment, then she would endure the freezing temperatures.
Freya’s eyes widened as soon as she noticed her. She fumbled the ball, nearly dropping it, then clutched it hard to her chest. “Mrs Hughes!”
Vanessa’s heart tugged at the formality, at the way Freya’s voice cracked slightly under the severity of it all. She smiled, crouching a little to meet her gaze. “You don’t have to call me that here. It’s just Vanessa when we’re not at school.”
Freya’s cheeks reddened. “Oh, right. Sorry.”
“Nothing to be sorry for.” Vanessa reached out and brushed her hand lightly over the ball Freya was hugging. “You two look like you’re having fun.”
Emma grinned, her chest still rising and falling from the light workout. “She’s good. Already better than I was at her age.”
Freya ducked her head, but Vanessa caught the flash of pride in her eyes before she could hide it. “My sister’s just saying that.”
“She’s not, trust me,” Vanessa said, her heart expanding at Freya’s use of ‘my sister’. “Emma doesn’t say things she doesn’t mean.”
Vanessa stood back and gave Freya space, not wanting to overcrowd her too early on in the evening.
Emma winked at Vanessa as Freya tossed the ball to her. “Your turn. Show us what you’ve got.”
Vanessa’s eyes widened. “Oh, I was never much of a netball player. I preferred hockey. Well, that was until I broke Ruth Jackson’s nose.”
Freya stopped and turned to Vanessa. “How did you break her nose?”
“I brought the stick back too far behind me. She was standing too close. It was a recipe for disaster…and a lot of blood.”
“Doesn’t matter if you’re not a natural at it,” Emma teased, gesturing for her to step in. “It’s about the team spirit.”
Vanessa sighed dramatically, then slipped into place as Emma bounced the ball, waiting to pass.
When she finally threw it, her aim went wide, and Vanessa had to stumble sideways, catching it just before it could sail past. She laughed at herself, and when she glanced back, Freya was laughing too.
High, unguarded, the kind of laugh that made Vanessa’s nerves ease a little more.
She threw the ball to Freya this time, slower, letting her take her time with the catch.
Emma whooped her encouragement, clapping her hands as though they were on a proper court.
And for those few minutes, the three of them fell into an easy rhythm, the awkwardness giving way to something much more pleasant.
When the ball rolled into the hedge and Freya darted after it, Emma brushed past Vanessa, her hand slipping into hers for the briefest squeeze. “Thank you.”
Vanessa tilted her head. “For what?”
“For being here. It means more than I can tell you.”
The words warmed Vanessa from the inside out, chasing away the last of her nerves. Whatever came next—the dinner, the conversations, the slow building of this new bond—it would be worth it. Every moment of it.
And if she had to swallow down her guilt about the lie she’d told earlier, she’d do it. She’d keep it tucked away until the right moment. Tonight wasn’t about her conscience. Tonight was about Emma, about Freya, and about family.