24. A Reminder of What’s Truly Important
CHAPTER 24
A REMINDER OF WHAT’S TRULY IMPORTANT
Paloma
The next morning, the sun peaks through a sliver in the drawn curtains. The fire in the fireplace is down to a few embers, and Archer is gone. I punch the pillow where his head should be. I make to get out of bed, but the soreness between my legs brings me to a halt. Fine. I can’t be too mad at him for leaving so early. After all, he did indulge me for hours last night. Smiling, I rest my head on the pillow and stare at the ceiling.
The man is infuriatingly hot.
I know he used sex to throw me off his scent. I get it. He can’t love me because something is going on with his life. And it has nothing to do with me or other women. It can’t be work. According to my brother Chuck, Archer is a genius when it comes to business. It’s why he has more money than anyone we know. It’s how he was able to pay six million dollars for me without batting an eye.
Maybe it has something to do with his family. There’s a reason why he sent them away shortly after I arrived. He probably didn’t want Gardenia saying more than she should. That has to be it—some dark family secret.
I climb out of bed and head for the shower. If Archer has secrets, I know exactly where to start looking.
My first day here, I couldn’t sleep. I left my room before dawn and roamed the mansion until I ended up in the forbidden wing. I didn’t get to see much of it other than the fact that it had, for the most part, been destroyed in a fire. When Archer found me, he was furious. He scared me so much that night, I ran to my room and didn’t come out for days.
I haven’t thought about that first day in weeks. It feels like it happened so long ago. But now that I’ve gotten to know Archer a little more, I’m certain that the clue to whatever he’s hiding is in there.
The foyer is empty this early in the morning. Darting to Archer’s study, I confirm quickly that he isn’t working. Maybe he’s still downstairs in his gym or he went into the city to work. Either way, I have time to take another peek at the forbidden wing.
With my heart thrumming in my chest, I cross the foyer and sneak under the tarp covering the old set of stairs. This part of the house hasn’t been renovated at all, which I find odd because for the last two months since I’ve been here, there have been several workers going in and out. What exactly have they been working on?
I keep going until I reach the third floor. The crimson carpet lining the corridor is worn and stained, but it’s obvious someone has at least dusted and wiped down the thin wallpaper on the walls. Archer mentioned his great-grandfather built this place, which would make the mansion over a hundred years old. While all the living spaces in the rest of the house are modern and completely renovated, this entire floor looks like it hasn’t been touched in years.
Stopping at the end of the hallway at what would be Archer’s suite on the west wing, I pause to glance up at the massive double door. Long tendrils of smoke stains paint the top side of the doorframe. I shouldn’t pry like this, but what choice do I have? Using my body weight, I push open the door. Debris, mostly dead leaves and rags, drag across the marble floors.
What happened here?
The scattered chairs and tables look like someone broke them on purpose. The built-in shelves are burned and covered in soot. Like Archer’s suite, the terrace beyond the oversized fireplace covers the length of the room. But instead of the floor-to-ceiling glass door, it has French double doors, which are wide open.
A gust of wind rushes through and brings in more dead leaves. I rub my arms over my cashmere sweater, shivering against the bitter cold. Whatever secrets Archer is hiding here, figuring them out will take a long time. I have no clue where to begin. But I’m already here, and I don’t know when I’ll have another chance to snoop around.
I veer to the right of the room and start to look for anything that might look like a personal effect. Not surprisingly, I make it all the way around and find nothing but dilapidated furniture and burned paintings. I make my way to the wall on the far end to take a look at a portrait that is still hanging. I try to make out the face, but it’s all charred.
Rubbing my arms against the chilly wind, I amble toward the terrace next. I step outside, and vertigo hits me instantly. Parts of the floor and wall are missing. I hold on to the door to find my bearings. When I have my balance, I peek at the three-story drop beneath me.
“I told you this room is off-limits.” Archer’s voice booms in my chest.
I gasp in surprise and spin to look at him, letting go of the door in the process. Vertigo hits me again and I sway forward toward the gaping hole in the middle of the terrace. The look of horror on his face is the last thing I see before he crushes me against his bare chest. He brings me inside and slams the doors shut.
“What the hell are you doing here?” The fire in his eyes is enough to make me want to run off. “You could’ve gotten hurt. You could’ve fallen to your death.”
“I’m sorry.” I don’t know what I’m apologizing for. I’m not sorry to intrude on this part of his life. “I saw the men were gone. I thought?—”
“You thought this was a perfect time to snoop around.” He furrows his brows.
“No. I came looking for you.” I should’ve prepared a better lie. “How did you know I was here?”
“I didn’t.” He shakes his head once, studying me. “I couldn’t remember if I left the terrace door open or not. I came to check.”
“Do you come here a lot?” Asking him questions feels more organic after last night.
“Every day.” He swallows.
He’s not yelling at me to leave. I don’t want to say the wrong thing and have him shut me out again. I feel for him because it’s obvious he lived something tragic here. But I need to know.
“What happened here, Archer?” I push him a little more.
“I told you.” He stalks toward a chair that is in fair condition despite the smoke stains. He lowers himself onto it and drops his head between his hands. “A fire.”
The fire from twenty years ago. The one that left those burn scars on his back. His mom and he survived. But what about his father? Did he die here? Placing a hand over my mouth, I amble closer to him.
“Why is it still like this?” I reach for his cheek. To my surprise, he leans toward my palm.
“As a reminder of what’s truly important.” He glances up at me with unshed tears.
“It was your father, wasn’t it? He…” I can’t even bring myself to say the word.
“Yes.” He glares at me. “He died here.” The cold in his eyes makes me step back.
“I’m so sorry, Archer.”
He scoffs, shaking his head. “You’re not the one who needs to repent.”
“Tell me what happened.” I search his face for a small sign that says that he wants me here, that he wants to share this with me. He’s not sending me away, so I have to believe he wants to get this heavy load off his shoulders.
“Why?” His jaw clenches.
The pain I see in his eyes guts me. “No one should have to carry something like this alone.”
He glares at me with so much hatred, while taking in ragged breaths. “You’re right. No one should pay for the greed of a madman. That’s what I’ve had to live with for the last twenty years. Because even when I didn’t remember every detail, I still knew. I still woke up in the middle of the night hearing my mother’s screams.”
“Archer.” I gasp, bracing my hands on his shoulders.
“I couldn’t save him. He was trapped in here. And there was nothing we could do. I tried so hard to tear down the doors, but I couldn’t.” He presses his thumb and index finger to his eyes.
“I’m so sorry.”
“In the end, he jumped out. The fall was impossible to survive. I think he wanted to end it on his own terms.” He hugs me to him, burying his face in my stomach. “I couldn’t help him.”
“None of that was your fault. You were just a little kid.” I hold him tighter to me.
What else can I say? His father has been dead for twenty years. Nothing can be done to change that. Why does he need this room to remind him of that awful day? I have so many questions swirling in my head. But seeing Archer like this is devastating. His hands feel cold through my sweater. And I can’t even look into his eyes.
“Did someone do this to him?” I glance down at him.
“Yes.” He scoffs. “His friend. Dad was trying to do the right thing. And his friend, in a fit of rage, set my father’s study on fire. He locked us in the room across the way. He probably figured the fire would kill us all. It almost did.”
“How did you get out?”
“Mom.” He runs a hand over his hair. “Her leg shattered in two different places, but she got us out.” He lets out a dark laugh. “I was an idiot. I ran back to save Dad. That’s when the fire got me. If I hadn’t, mom’s leg would’ve healed properly. But because of me, she had to limp back to get me. I hate that I did that to her. That because of me, her dancing career ended.”
“You can’t put that on yourself. You were just a kid.” I cup his cheek. “I’m sure all Freya cares about is that you survived.”
“She’s mentioned that.”
“Where is he now? The man who did this? Is he in jail still?” I’m angry on his behalf. Archer is right. No one should have to pay for a man’s greed. Jesus, what kind of monster would do this to another human being? And worst, to a child? “Someone who can do something as atrocious as this doesn’t deserve to live.”
“No,” he says through gritted teeth. “He deserves to live a long and painful life. He deserves to lose it all.”
“Do you mean that man is still at large? No one called the police?” I can’t imagine someone getting away with something as big as this.
I glance around Archer’s dad’s old study and the devastation that man left behind. How is this not evidence enough to put someone in jail for murder?
“This man has a lot of influence.” He peers up at me. “And he had too much to lose. Mom only had moments to decide. She knew she had to get us to safety. She exchanged justice for my life.”
“That’s terrible. Is that why you keep this room like this? To remind you that justice hasn’t been served.”
“Exactly.” He puffs out a breath. “Do you understand now? Until I have delivered this man to my mother, I can’t have peace. Once I’m with done with him, I will be no better than him. And you’re going to finally see me for what I truly am, a monster.”
“Don’t say that. You’re not the monster here. He is. He deserves whatever you have in store for him.” I bend down to kiss the top of his head, running my hands down his bare back.
“You say that now.” He braces his arms on his knees, giving me access to all of him.
I trace my finger over his scars. What does it mean that he’s letting me touch him like this now? If this room in chaos is a reminder of what’s truly important, a reminder of how his father died, and that his killer was never brought to justice, I can only assume his scars are his daily torment. I can’t imagine living with the knowledge that the person who took everything from you is still out there, possibly living a happy life they don’t deserve.
“Ask me.” He braces his hands on my hips, looking up at me, his eyes wet.
“Hmm? Ask you what?” I touch the stubble on his cheek.
“Ask me to send it all to hell. To forget about this revenge that has consumed me for decades. For you—” His eyes soften as he searches my face. “I never considered the idea of letting go before. Not until you came along. For you, I think I could forget.”
“I cannot ask you to do that. It’s too cruel. You deserve peace. How can you have peace when your father’s killer is still out there.” My lip trembles. It cuts me to know that he’s had to carry this in his heart for so long.
“You are my peace. You’re the only world I need.” He presses his lips to my stomach. “Ask me.”
I shake my head. “You’ll hate me for it.”
“You want me to love you. But now you see why I can’t. I’m broken, Paloma.” He rises to his feet. “Even after all of this is finished, I’ll still be broken.”
“I don’t care.” I wrap my arms around his waist. “I’m not going anywhere.”
He studies my features for several beats. After a while, he says, “I want to show you something.”
“Okay.”
He takes my hand and leads me out of his father’s old study. He seems more at ease now that he’s told me about his past. But I’m still in shock from everything he said. All I can do for him is be here and show him every day that there’s a life beyond the pain he’s already suffered. I want to believe that we do have a chance at being happy together.
“Where are you taking me?” I ask as my gaze roams the planes on his wide back. “And why are you shirtless?”
“I was downstairs doing a quick workout before my meeting at ten.” He takes the steps down to the second level, then stops at a set of tall double doors. “The guys have been working long hours trying to finish this room. A new library to replace the bad memories.” He pulls on both knobs and lets the doors swing open.
“This is incredible.” My jaw drops as I step into the fully renovated three-story library.
I glance up to the full-height glass atrium. The expansive room has built-in shelves full of books. There’s a lounge area in the middle with two oversize crimson red velvet sofas facing each other with big plushy pillows done in ikat fabric. Beyond that, a grand staircase that splits left and right leads to the top floor of the library. To the right of the stairs, a grand piano sits proudly among more floor-to-ceiling shelves piled with colorful books. The mahogany woodwork is a piece of art. Despite the heavy wood, the room has a light and airy feel to it.
“How do you get up there?” I point to the balcony two levels up.
“There’s a spiral staircase to the right.” He ambles to the piano and sits.
“Do you play?” I walk a full circle around the beautiful piece.
“It’s been a while.” He furrows his brows as he studies the keys. Then, he begins to play a piano arrangement of Swan Lake.
In this moment, I consider the dichotomy that is Archer’s life. He’s torn by tragedy and the closure he never got. He keeps his father’s old study in complete chaos while he commissions a brand new one to erase all the bad. Archer has been carrying this heavy weight on his shoulders for so many years. It’s easy to see that it’s eating away at him. Maybe he’s right, and the best thing to do is to lay down his anger and hate. But I can’t be the one to ask him to do that. I can’t be the reason he leaves it all behind.
Would he be happy if he did? It’s so unfair that he has to live with this hole in his chest. That he can’t love me the way I need him to because his heart is full of shadows and pain. Would he ever be able to overcome it all and give himself to me?
I step around to face his back and bend down to kiss him.
His breath hitches, but he doesn’t stop playing. He’s so beautiful, the way he concentrates on the piece to hit every note just perfect. Archer never does anything halfway. It’s how he is in bed, focused and perfectly skilled. I release a breath and take in the melody his deft fingers produce. In my head, I picture my pas de deux, counting the turns to the cadence. It’s always over too quickly.
“Do you still want to see your father?” He lets his hands fall on his lap.
“Yes. You promised we would do that.” I let him pull me to stand between his legs.
“I can’t take you to where he’s staying. It has to be somewhere public.” He rubs his face over my sweater and my hardened nipples. “Somewhere where I can keep you safe.”
“Like where?” I ask.
“The theater. Do you think you’ll be up for that? To go back to your old world, your friends?” He watches me intently as if he is looking for any sign that I’m not strong enough to face what happened at the Performance Arts Centre.
“I can handle it.” I have no idea what I’m going to tell my friends or even Pierre, but I can’t stay in Archer’s mansion, hiding from the world. Sooner or later, I have to face the consequences of what I chose to do. “How many people know about the auction? Or that you had the winning bid?”
“As far as I know, only the men who were there that night.” He touches the back of his fingers to my cheek. “They’re not our concern. They don’t get to judge you, do you understand?”
I nod. “I just want to see Dad, and make sure he’s okay.”
“I find your devotion to your father…disconcerting.” He shakes his head. “What did he do to you?”
“Nothing.” I take in a deep breath and try not to think about what Dad must be thinking of me.
Maybe he expected me to somehow figure out how to serve Archer’s contract, while keeping my virginity intact. A shiver runs down my spine at the idea that Dad would guess how much I wanted to be with Archer, how I didn’t even fight him when he came to my room the day of the fundraiser. Or worst. How I had to beg him to take me. Dad would be appalled if he knew all those things about me, if he knew how I act when I’m with Archer.
You like being his little whore, don’t you? Your father said so. I couldn’t believe it. Hunter’s words ring painfully in my ears. Dad would never say that about me. He loves me. And he knows I would never do anything to bring him shame. Crap. Except everything about that night was shameful. I became the one thing he asked me not to be.
“Hey.” He places a finger under my chin to make me look at him. “It’s okay. He can’t hurt you anymore.”
“He didn’t do anything to me. Why would you say that?” I meet his gaze.
“Because you keep forgetting that his serious lack of judgment is what put you in this situation.” He glances heavenward. “But enough about that. We have tickets to the ballet tomorrow night. You’ll get to see him and confirm he’s alive and well.”
“Thank you.” I throw my arms around his neck and kiss his cheek.
“You’re welcome.” He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “But if you really want to thank me, I could use some help in the shower.” A smile pulls at his lips. “You can play with your pretty pussy while I get ready for my meeting.” He cups my sex.
“Hmm.” I lean into him as the warmth from his hand sends ribbons of adrenaline straight to my core. “I like it when you watch me.”
“Oh, Little Dove.” He applies more pressure, while sliding his other hand under my cashmere sweater. “I love watching you.”
He grips my hips and lifts me up on top of the piano, so I’m on display for him. I let my foot touch the keys while he takes in every inch of me. I’m addicted to the way he looks at me like I’m the only thing that matters in the world. Before I realize what he intends to do, my jeans and underwear are on the floor, and he’s kissing my belly, my hip bone, and then my sex.