Chapter 8 Lily
LILY
I paid for a room at an inn for the night.
I wanted a real bed for a change instead of the lumpy bedroll stowed away in my pack.
When I checked in with Zehemoth, he said he and Movack had already eaten monkeys for dinner and were prepared for sleep on an uninhabited beach somewhere else on the island, so no one could sneak up on them in the night.
Have you checked in with Hawk? I set all the pieces of my armor on the dresser and sat on the edge of the bed in my clothes.
There was a bathroom with a shower, so I would take advantage of that while I was there.
But it was hard to focus on anything when my brother hated me… and Wrath wasn’t speaking to me.
Yes. He said he’s fine.
Did he say where he was?
No. Do you want me to ask?
No. Just wanted to know he was okay. Probably checked in to another inn. Sat at the bar downstairs and had another pint before he went to bed. Or he returned to The Mermaid’s Tale and found that blonde who’d caught his attention.
Are you alright, Sunieth?
Yeah…just been a long day. My brother didn’t want to talk to me, and I wasn’t sure when that would change. And Wrath wouldn’t talk to me either, so I felt utterly alone. Goodnight.
Goodnight, Lily.
I stared at the planks of wood on the floor for a while before I forced myself into the bathroom.
I turned on the water and took a quick shower, scrubbing my body because I was used to being clean every day rather than living out of a pack.
The longer I stood under the water, the lonelier I felt, missing the piece of me that made me whole.
With a towel wrapped around my body, I returned to my bedroom and hoped I would see him there, sitting in the armchair in the corner or already in bed waiting for me. But I stopped on the threshold and saw that it was empty.
It was more than disappointment, but absolute rejection.
When I tried to pull him closer, I only pushed him further away.
It was unfair that he could come to me whenever he felt like it, but when I needed him most, I couldn’t reach out.
I sat on the edge of the bed, my slick hair stuck to the back of my neck, and I stared at the low-burning fire as I felt my eyes smart.
I wasn’t sure if it was the weight of my grief for my father’s demise, the heft of responsibility of a kingdom on my shoulders, the way I’d driven my brother away, or the fact that I’d pushed Wrath too far …
and feared he would never come back. “I need you…” I took a breath and closed my eyes, refusing to let myself cry because queens didn’t cry.
They didn’t have pity parties for themselves and complain about the shitty hand they’d been dealt.
They held their head high and found a solution to every problem.
“Xivin.”
The second I heard his deep voice, I released the breath I’d just inhaled. My eyes were still closed when I felt his enormous hand cup my cheek, his callused thumb swiping over the skin to catch a tear.
My eyes opened to see him kneeling before me, dressed for battle with the hilt of his sword visible over his shoulder, his eyes possessing an ocean of concern.
There wasn’t a hint of the anger he’d worn during our last conversation.
He easily put it aside when I needed his love rather than his rage.
His thumb continued to stroke my cheek as he looked at me, drenched me in the tides of his affection, slowly cleaning my tears with his waves that lapped at my shore. “Why does your heart mourn?”
“My brother and I had an argument,” I whispered. “Were you there?”
He shook his head slightly. “I had many matters that required my attention. I haven’t looked upon your face since…” He hesitated before he continued. “Since we last spoke.”
Since he’d returned me to my bedroll without a word and disappeared. “Did you hear me call for you?”
“No. I’d just arrived to check on you when you stepped out of the bathroom.”
“I thought I was getting better at feeling you.” I thought I knew when he was there and when he wasn’t. Guess not.
His fingers slid into my hair, and he cradled the back of my head as he looked upon my features like he’d never really seen me before. There was no sign of resentment. No indication that our relationship had changed.
“I was afraid you wouldn’t come back.”
“Why would you ever think that, Xivin?”
“Because…” I swallowed, the thought of a final conversation overwhelming. “You say this is going to end, and you won’t even try to find a way for us to be together—”
“Xivin.” His tone deepened, on the cusp of anger. “I told you I will always come back.”
“But—but how will I know when it’s the last time?”
“Because I will always come back until you tell me not to.” His hand left my cheek, gripped my hand, and placed it over his black chest plate where his heartbeat would thump…if he were alive. “Always.”
“Promise me,” I said as I felt my eyes moisten once more, afraid to lose the greatest thing that had ever happened to me.
He was the guardian that no one could see, the protector that raised my blade for me, the only comfort I had right now.
I turned to my father for everything, and now I was painfully aware of the absence of his guidance.
Wrath had become everything to me, my father, my lover, my army—literally everything.
He looked me in the eye as he continued to grip my hand. “I promise.”
After we made love, we lay together, my thigh hooked over his hip, my hand resting against his warm chest. It felt like hot stone from an afternoon of scorching summer sunshine. I stared at my fingertips against his skin before I lifted my eyes to him. “Why did you get so angry?”
His eyes immediately hardened at the question, as if that was all it took to provoke him. “Xivin, I never want to speak of it again.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t.”
“Everything I said is valid. If my father can find a way—”
“Listen to me.” He didn’t have to raise his voice to command my silence, to command the entire room.
“My eternal imprisonment is not your responsibility to fix. I understood the terms when I made the deal, and I proceeded anyway. The last thing I’d ever want is for you or your family or your dragons to try to fix a problem I caused. ”
“When we met, you were angry that my father found a loophole.”
“Not angry,” he said. “Jealous. Very jealous.”
“Then we’ll find a way to set you free—”
“No.”
“Why—”
“Because there is no way, and even if there were, it would come at a great personal cost to you, and I would never risk your soul for anything. Anything.” His angry eyes bored into mine. “It is too powerful and precious and beautiful. I’m not worth it, Xivin.”
“I disagree.”
“With the fate of your father’s life and the Southern Isles in your hands, there is no time for anything else. I don’t want to speak of this further, or ever again, and if you broach the topic again, I’ll leave.”
I inhaled a sharp breath like he’d slapped me.
“Temporarily,” he added, like he didn’t want his intentions to be misunderstood.
“I just want to know why you feel this way.”
“Xivin.” His tone suggested it was my final warning, that he would disappear if I uttered another word on the topic.
I hated his absence even when we parted on good terms. To feel him leave again when we were strained was too much, especially right now when I needed him most.
When the silence continued, his angry stare waned. The tension in all his muscles softened, and he tugged me a little closer to him, pressing a kiss to my forehead like I was still precious to him. “What happened with Hawk?”
I told him about the argument we’d had on the terrace, his reaction to my newfound powers. “I’ve felt closer to him these last few days than I have my entire life, and now that’s gone again.”
“He should be more concerned with your tryst with a god than the fact that he lost the crown. His greed is a much bigger problem than your deceit. I believe his love for you is genuine and pure, but I believe his desire for power easily distracts him.”
“I don’t know what to do about it.”
“Issue no apology. You would have bested him with the blade even without my strength.”
“You think so?”
“Yes. You’ve improved greatly with my feedback.
His size eclipses yours, but your intelligence dwarfs his.
And even if that weren’t the case, it shouldn’t matter.
Your father unequivocally selected you as his heir, and he continues to contest that.
Your father would be disappointed in him if he knew this was still an issue with everything that hangs in the balance. ”
My eyes dropped to his chest when the sadness overwhelmed me.
“I had the Keeper of Skull Island ask for volunteers to fight for the Southern Isles…no takers.” I told him all the details of that encounter.
“Going to battle for them with Zehemoth and Movack seems like an unfair trade for what I’m asking. ”
“Or exactly equal,” he said. “Why do you expect them to fight for you if you won’t fight for them?”
I shifted back slightly so I could look into his eyes. “Are you saying I should do it?”
“I’m saying you need as many allies as possible, Xivin. You can always trust the word of a pirate over the promise of a king. King Ithaca may have a greater militia, but his intentions are unclear. In some ways, you need the Brigandine Empire more because you know you can count on them.”
“It feels wrong to ask my dragons to kill men who haven’t wronged them.”
“Then don’t ask them.”
“Then—then what do I do?”
“You forget you’re a master of the seas yourself. That you’re among your own here on Skull Island. And you forget your ability to raise the dead from the depths as well as land to fight for you. You don’t need your dragons to win this battle.”
I supposed all of that was true. “But I’m not sure if I have the time. I need to return to the Southern Isles and prepare for war. And I still need to find the cure for my father’s ailment. Going into a battle for people who aren’t even my own sounds like a huge detour.”
He absorbed my concerns in silence as he thought it through.
“If you win the loyalty of most of the Brigandine Empire, that’s fifty galleons, easily five thousand men.
Not an insignificant number. Expert sailors who know battle from the sea better than your own navy because they’ve spent their entire lives upon the deck of a ship.
And I really believe you need every breathing soldier if you’re going to win this war. ”
My eyes flicked back and forth between his as I felt the heft of his words. “Why do you say that?”
He continued to stare at me, his hard eyes like a stone wall. “Because I see everything.”