Chapter 27 Lily
LILY
I blinked, and I was back in my royal bedchambers. The windows were dark because the sun had set hours ago. A fire was already in the hearth as if the servants had prepared it for me when they’d brought my tray of dinner. They must have assumed I was in my bedroom when they delivered it.
Once my boots were on solid ground, I started to remove every piece of armor, feeling suffocated by the heaviness of it all. Anxiety was a foreign concept for me, but I’d had it a lot lately, and now it was the worst it’d ever been.
I removed my uniform too, stripping down to nothing but my underwear underneath. The warmth across my skin was welcome after feeling the biting cold of that icy place. Last time I was there, I was kept warm by the fire and the vampire who acted as my blanket.
I released my hair from the tight braid and let it flow, let the tension release from my scalp. My fingers ran through it as I turned to the fire.
Callum sat in the armchair in the corner in nothing but his trousers, just the way he used to appear in my villa…before my world went to shit. His stoic eyes were locked on my face.
I automatically swallowed, feeling a tide of guilt rise over my head instantaneously.
I’d done nothing wrong, but I felt like I’d betrayed the man in my heart.
“Look…” I stepped farther into the living room, feeling more unsure of myself than I ever had before.
“I’m sorry about…you know.” I took a seat at the corner of the couch in front of the fire, my head down in shame.
“Why are you sorry?” he said calmly.
“It just…felt disrespectful.”
“You did nothing wrong,” he said. “And neither did he.”
My chin slowly rose to look at him, eyes flicking back and forth between his.
“I fell under your spell the first time I saw you.” He stared at me with his signature intensity, like nothing had changed between us, like he didn’t harbor any jealousy or resentment whatsoever. “He obviously did as well. Seems like an honorable man and a decent suitor for a queen.”
All the shame and guilt evaporated once his words settled in my mind, when I reexamined them in a split second to understand what he meant. “What’s that supposed to mean, Callum?”
His eyes didn’t flick away, but a tense silence ensued between us. “That he’s a fitting choice if those feelings are rekindled—”
“Fuck.” I had to inhale another deep breath because I’d expelled everything in my lungs with a single word. “You.”
A hint of guilt swept across his eyes—a very small hint.
“You’re the one I want, and you fucking know it.”
Now he looked away, breaking eye contact between us.
“He’s a vampire I hooked up with for a couple weeks before my galleon sailed into the storm that forever changed my life. The storm that brought me to you.”
“You don’t have to explain, Xivin.”
“I should have to explain. Because you’re supposed to be jealous and pissed off after watching a previous lover stare at me the way you do. But you encourage me to be with him when you’re gone? The most asshole thing I’ve ever seen you do.”
His eyes remained elsewhere, something he’d never done before. He didn’t say anything either.
“Callum.”
“You aren’t mine, Xivin,” he said in a quiet voice. “This union between our hearts is momentary, and we both know it.” He finally turned back to me. “And I want you to have my blessing, to live your life free of guilt because I want you to be happy.”
“I don’t want him. I want you—”
“And I want you more than words could ever convey,” he snapped.
“I love you, Lily Lena Rothschild.” He’d been relaxing against the armchair a second before, but now his spine was rigid and straight, and he sat slightly forward over the edge of the chair, angry eyes locked on mine.
“I don’t sleep, so I don’t dream. But I fantasize about a life with you to fill this endless void of misery.
I picture our lives together, husband and wife, you ruling as Queen of the Southern Isles while I serve you, not as your king because you’re fully capable of ruling on your own, but as your queen’s guard.
I picture your swollen belly carrying a son or a daughter I will love with my whole heart.
” His eyes instantly watered and momentarily flicked away.
“I picture all the children we’d have, hanging on my arms like branches, falling asleep on me in front of the fire after I’ve read them a story.
” His eyes moved to the fire, and he went absolutely still, taking a single breath and then holding it for what felt like minutes…
like he was doing his best to bottle all the emotion that spilled out.
“There’s nothing I wouldn’t give to have that life, Xivin.
But my soul is already forfeit, so I have nothing to trade for it. ”
I’d been so enraged, I’d thought I could burn this castle down with my flames, but they were immediately doused by the words he shared.
Tears sprung to my eyes, while an unbearable heartbreak cracked my chest in two.
I didn’t just mourn my own loss, but his as well.
“We can still have a life together, Callum. Even if it’s this, a relationship no one can see but us. ”
He stared at the fire for a long time, continuing to bring himself back to a state of calm. “I can’t give you children, Xivin.”
“I don’t need children. I need you.”
“I would never rob you of that joy.”
“If I really want them, I can always adopt. There are children at the orphanage who need a home—”
“You deserve to have children with your husband. To feel your belly grow with life. To hold your child for the first time when they come out of your womb. To experience the most powerful moment of love you’ll ever know…”
“I would much rather have you, Callum. Honestly, I’ve never wanted children. I’ve always been too afraid to tell my parents that.”
He turned away from the fire and looked at me again. His eyes pierced mine as he searched my soul like there were diary entries stored inside. “There’s more to that story.” His eyes flicked back and forth between mine as he continued to silently interrogate me.
It seemed like he could sense my emotions the way I could feel his presence. He just knew when my energy was off. “I never wanted children…until you.”
He took a quick breath, a deep one that made his chest rise.
“Out of nowhere, I picture you holding our baby in the crook of your arm. They feel like flashbacks of memories that never came to pass. I picture a life that I’ve never wanted before.”
He swallowed, his features hardening in emotion once again. “I would never rob you of that life.”
“But I only want it with you. And if we can only have what we have now, that’s enough.”
He looked away again. “You deserve more.”
“I deserve to be with the man I love—and that’s you.”
He closed his eyes briefly, and his fingers brushed over his hard jawline. “You can’t build a life with someone who has already lived and died. You can’t have a lasting relationship with someone who serves demons of the underworld. I’m here now, but I may not always be here.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
He gave a slight shake of his head. “My life isn’t my own, Xivin. I work for a Covenant of demons who own me completely and absolutely. It’s not possible to share your life with someone who’s owned by someone else.”
“We’ll figure out a way to set you free. My father did it, so why can’t you?”
“It worked once because he had the element of surprise, but it won’t work again.”
“When we heal my father, I know we’ll figure it out. I’m not going to give up on you—on us.”
He looked away again.
“And don’t you dare give up on us either.”
His eyes remained focused on the fire, the most he’d ever avoided my stare in a conversation.
His hands came together, and I saw the stress in his knuckles when one hand squeezed the other before he let go.
“We have more important matters to deal with.” He turned back to look at me, his intensity returning the longer he stared at me.
“And right now, I want to make love to you like you’re my wife. ”
With his arms hooked behind my knees and his massive body on top of mine, he thrust into me with deep and even strokes, a slower pace than usual, his eyes on mine with that same intensity that burned my flesh from across the room.
My hand glided over the smooth skin of his body, warm and inviting to the touch, tight over the thick muscles that hung on his frame. He was like a bear without fur, a mountain of a man that dwarfed me in size.
He dipped his head and kissed me as he continued to thrust, taking my mouth gently but with masculine force. He was always so good in bed, always knew what to give at the right moment. Could read my emotions like he could feel them in his heart.
My fingers slid into his hair as our breathy kisses continued. “I love you.”
His thrust was momentarily interrupted before it resumed, and his big size suddenly became a little bigger. It wasn’t dirty talk that turned him on, but declarations of love, at least from me. “Xivin…” He pressed his forehead to mine as he thrust a little harder. “I love you with all my heart.”
We made love throughout the night. In the breaks in between, I would doze off for a short while. The flames in the hearth in my bedroom burned low, but Callum didn’t add more logs because he seemed more focused on me.
Even when he didn’t say a word, he showered me with love. It was written in his dark gaze, staring at me the way he did when we first met, like there was still so much to see in my face. His hand was nearly twice the size of mine, but when he ran his fingers through my hair, he was so gentle.
“You’re the love of my life, Lily Lena Rothschild.” His palm cupped my cheek, his thumb brushing over the soft skin. “There’s nothing in this mortal world or the underworld that I wouldn’t do for you.”
My hand moved to his wrist, and I held it gently, feeling the warmth of his skin like it was a fire. “I know.” He’d proven it to me every step of this journey. “I wouldn’t be alive if it weren’t for you.”
The corner of his mouth flicked up in a slight smile. “Lily Rothschild would have found a way. She always does.”
“Why do you always use my full name?”
“Because you always use the full name of the ruler that you revere. And I revere you with mind, body, and soul…at least with what soul I have left.” He dipped his head and pressed a kiss to my shoulder before he pulled me into him closer.
“You use the full name of my father.”
He was quiet for a while as he considered what I said. “Because I also revere him, not just as a king, but as a father. He’s raised two remarkable people, and I respect him deeply for that. I admire the way he loves you both fiercely.”
“You think my brother is remarkable?”
“I do.”
“What did you say to him, when you approached him?”
His fingers gently ran through my hair before he cupped my neck, his thumb grazing over my cheek. “I told him how deeply and irrevocably I love you. That there’s no sacrifice I wouldn’t make to serve you.”
“And what did he say to that?”
“Nothing.”
“I noticed that he stopped asking me questions about you.”
“Because I gave him the answer he sought.”
I’d never met a man like Callum in the Southern Isles.
A man who was quiet but intentional with his words.
A man who was unafraid of his feelings, unafraid to share them with anyone who wanted to know.
He made my other lovers look like boys rather than men…
except Viper…and he ruined future men for me if this really didn’t work out.
Maybe Viper was similar because he was a vampire who was about the same age.
Perhaps wisdom was the factor that set them apart from everyone else.
“I know my father was upset when he understood I had command of the dead. But I think if I could explain our relationship to him and what you mean to me, he would love you.”
His eyes flicked away for the first time since we’d gotten into bed together. “Your brother accepted my presence in your life because I’m helping you win this war. Doesn’t mean he would like me as your suitor. And I know Talon Rothschild would never accept me as the man in your heart.”
“He would if I told him I loved you.”
“And I don’t blame him,” he said simply. “If the situations were reversed and you were my daughter, I would never allow it.”
“Why?”
“Because you deserve more.”
My eyes flicked back and forth between his.
“More than a man who broke his oath and interfered with the living to keep me safe…how many times? More than a man who’s granted me his powers for nothing in return?
More than a man who showed me he loved me every single day, far before he actually said it?
Callum, you’re more than I ever could have hoped for. ”
A pained look entered his gaze as he held my stare. When all his strength drained from his eyes, he looked away. “That’s still not enough, Xivin.”
“How?” I asked incredulously. “How is that not enough?”
He propped himself on his elbow so he was elevated above me. He looked over me to the other side of the room, putting a small amount of distance between us like he didn’t want to hold my gaze for a moment longer. “It’s just not.”