Chapter 44
RENéE
The sky was a heavy gray blanket, threatening rain but holding it back as if the world itself couldn’t decide whether to mourn or stay silent. I couldn’t breathe. My chest felt crushed, ribs caving in under the weight of it all. Ellie’s casket sat there, so small it made my throat tighten every time I looked at it. She looked like she was just sleeping, her tiny body dressed in the green princess dress she’d loved so much, the tiara still slightly crooked on her head. But she wasn’t sleeping.
She wasn’t waking up.
The kids from the orphanage gathered in a somber little cluster, their small faces streaked with confusion and grief. Olivia clutched my hand like it was the only thing keeping her upright. Her voice was barely a whisper.
“Renée,” she asked, looking up at me with wide, tear-filled eyes, “is Ellie gonna wake up soon?”
I swallowed hard, fighting the sharp twist in my gut. “No, sweetheart,” I managed to say, my voice trembling. “Ellie’s not waking up. But she’s... she’s in a better place now.”
Olivia’s lip quivered as she nodded, but I could tell she didn’t understand. None of them did. How could they?
Marco stepped forward, his small hands gripping the edge of the casket. Tears streamed down his face as he looked at her, his voice breaking with every word.
“Ellie, please wake up,” he sobbed. “You were right, okay? Superman is better. He’s the best. I swear, Ellie, I’ll never say Batman’s cooler again. Just... just wake up. Please.”
His words hit me like a sledgehammer. My knees almost buckled, but I forced myself to stay upright. Someone had to hold it together, and it had to be me.
I knelt beside the casket, my hand brushing against the soft fabric of her dress. It felt wrong, cold, and final. My fingers trembled as I placed her favorite toy, the worn little stuffed bunny she’d carried everywhere, beside her.
“There you go, Ellie,” I whispered, my voice cracking. “You can take him with you, okay? I... I hope he keeps you company.”
The funeral director nodded to me, waiting for the signal. I froze, my hand still lingering on the edge of the casket. The reality of it hit me like a tidal wave.
“Goodbye, Ellie,” I choked out, tears blurring my vision. “I love you.”
The casket closed with a soft, final thud, and something inside me shattered.
The cemetery always had a way of swallowing sound, leaving only the whispers of the wind and the crunch of gravel underfoot. Ellie’s grave, though, was different. It felt alive somehow. The grass around it seemed greener, the flowers fresher, and the air lighter. Even with the weight in my chest, standing there brought me something I didn’t understand—something close to peace.
Someone else must have felt it too. Those fresh flowers weren’t mine, but they were always there, arranged neatly on her headstone. I never lingered long enough to wonder who it was, but today, as I doubled back for my forgotten phone, I had my answer.
I spotted him from a distance, his figure familiar even crouched low to the ground. Javier.
For a moment, I stopped, unsure if I should interrupt. The Javier I knew—the one who spoke with confidence and carried himself like he was untouchable—looked different. His shoulders were hunched, and his head hung low as if even gravity had decided to turn against him.
He didn’t notice me, so I stepped closer, quiet as the breeze. That’s when I heard his voice.
“Ellie…” he started, his tone so soft it almost broke. “I know you can’t hear me. Or maybe you can. I don’t know. I don’t know much anymore.” He laughed, but it was hollow. “I’ve made so many mistakes, kid. So many.”
He swallowed hard, his hand brushing the base of the headstone. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice breaking completely. “I’m so sorry. If I could trade places with you, Ellie, I would. In a heartbeat.”
“I’ve been hiding this from you, but I think Renée hates me,” he said after a long silence, his voice quieter now. “I don’t think she’ll ever forgive me,” he admitted, almost to himself. “And maybe that’s for the best. But if you’re out there kid… if there’s some part of you that hears this, I hope you know I’m sorry. For everything.”
I didn’t realize I’d moved until my foot hit the gravel, the sound drawing his head up. His eyes, glassy with tears, met mine, and for a moment, neither of us said a word.
“I was just about to leave,” Javier said, straightening up. His voice was steady, too steady. I nodded; my hands shoved deep into my coat pockets.
We stood there, caught in the kind of silence that felt suffocating. He looked like he wanted to say something, his lips parting slightly before pressing back together. Then, without a word, he stepped past me.
“Javier.”
I didn’t mean to say it, didn’t even think it, but his name slipped out like an instinct. He stopped, turning back with a glimmer of hope in his eyes that twisted something inside me.
I had nothing to say. Nothing that mattered, anyway. But I had called him, and now I was standing here, staring at him, while a hundred unspoken things buzzed around us. It had been so long since we’d spoken, really spoken. And as much as I hated myself for it, I missed it. I missed him. I missed the way it used to feel to be in his arms…safe.
“You still haven’t sent me my stuff,” I said finally. It was all I could come up with, and I watched as the faint light in his gray eyes dimmed.
“I just need a day or two to finish packing everything,” he said quietly. He didn’t move, didn’t even blink like he was waiting for something else. Waiting for me to say something. To give him even a shred of what he was looking for.
But I couldn’t. The words weren’t there, and even if they were, I didn’t trust myself to say them. So, I turned around instead, my back to him.
A moment later, I heard his footsteps retreating, growing quieter with every step until the silence swallowed them whole.
Two days later, my things arrived. Not in the oversized bags I’d packed them in when I moved to his place, but in a small box that barely weighed anything.
I sighed, my fingers trailing over the taped edges. What was he playing at now?
Tearing it open, I found a note perched on top. I stared at it for a moment, not sure I wanted to read it. The thought of his words, of letting him into my headspace again, made my chest ache.
I reached in to toss it aside when my breath hitched.
Beneath the note was a pendant.
My pendant.
The one I’d lost that summer all those years ago. My fingers trembled as I picked it up. I hadn’t seen it since that day. And yet, here it was, as though time itself had folded in on itself to return it to me.
My heart pounded as I unfolded the note.
“I’ve been holding on to this for fourteen years now, but it’s time it went back to its original owner. This is the only thing I’m letting go of—you can forget about the rest. I’ll hold on to your every other belonging... and to you as well. Oh, almost forgot—I didn’t get to give you my name that day. It’s Javier. Javier Densmore.”
I stared at the words until they blurred. The weight of them, the weight of the pendant, made it hard to breathe. He’d been holding on to this for fourteen years. Fourteen years.
The thought was overwhelming, a tide pulling me under. He had known. All this time, he’d known exactly who I was. When I first walked into his office, when I sat across from him, when everything between us began—he knew.
He must’ve been waiting, waiting for me to recognize him. Waiting for me to remember the boy by the lake, the boy who had dived into the water to retrieve a silly trinket for a girl he barely knew.
I did remember. The boy. But I hadn’t recognized the man he’d become.
The tears came before I could stop them, and I pressed the pendant to my chest. It felt like a piece of myself I’d thought was gone forever had found its way home.
I smiled softly as I clasped it around my neck.
That day went by in a restless haze. I couldn’t sit still. My thoughts were racing, looping back to the same point, over and over again. What does this mean? What is he trying to achieve?
My chest tightened as I thought of Javier holding onto that pendant all these years. Treasuring it. Watching over me. A part of me felt raw and tender, imagining how much I must have meant to him back then and now, how much he’d carried with him since that summer day by the lake.
And then it hit me. Is this why he had responded like that? Why he stormed out when I told him about meeting the boy with the same eyes as his, one summer all those years ago? Was he disappointed that I didn’t recognize him? The thought sent a pang of guilt through me. All this time, he must’ve been waiting for me to put the pieces together, and I never did. But to be fair, he didn’t give me any hints either. All he did was hide and hide.
And the other part—the angrier, jaded part—reminded me of everything else he’d done. How he’d made my life a living hell at work. How he’d kept this a secret when all he had to do was tell me from the start. If he had, maybe things wouldn’t have gone so far. Maybe I wouldn’t have hated him the way I did—or thought I did.
But maybe this was always how it was meant to be. Maybe we were always meant to collide, to clash, to hurt each other, only to end up here. Because no matter how far I went, no matter how much I tried to deny it, my path always led back to him. Javier Densmore was my destiny.
And there was no escaping destiny.
My fingers brushed the pendant at my neck, and a new thought struck me. If he remembers that day, if he held onto this pendant all these years, then... does he know?
My stomach turned. If he didn’t know, what would happen when he found out?
I had to tell him. Not later. Not eventually. Now. Before it was too late.
I grabbed my keys and bolted out of my apartment, not even waiting for a driver. I didn’t care. All I knew was I had to find him.
But when I reached his apartment, it was locked, dark, empty. A wave of panic surged through me, and I pulled out my phone. My hands trembled as I dialed, and he picked up on the second ring.
“Where are you?” I asked, my voice coming out breathless.
“Renée? Is everything okay?” His tone was cautious.
“Yes.” I swallowed hard, trying to steady myself. “Where are you? I need to see you.”
“I’m at my office,” he said, a pause stretching before he added, “What happened?”
“I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.” I didn’t wait for a response. I hung up, dashed back to my car, and drove like my life depended on it.