Chapter I. A Land Godless #2
“The skies above ran black now. No hint of sunlight. Darkness forever. We’d found shelter inside a small cave in the Zamesk foothills.
And while young Joaquin huddled with our beasts, Aaron and I had gone in search of wretched.
We hunted hours to no avail, splitting up in the end to cover more ground. My thirst was…”
Gabriel gritted his teeth, his one good eye narrowed.
“Martyrs, there’s just no fucking words for it. You know what I mean, Chastain. We three all know what it means. A pain so awful that death seems a mercy. A beast made all the more hateful by the knowledge that even if you sate it, it’ll just want more.
“I even tried feeding on myself, weeping as I chewed and suckled at my own wrist. But you can’t steal what you already own, vampire.
It was just as my stepfather told me when I was a boy.
There’s a beast in all men’s blood, Gabriel.
You can starve him. Cage him. Curse him.
But in the end, you pay the beast his due. ”
Three voices murmured then, down in that dark.
“Or he takes his due from you.”
Jean-Francois looked up at a heavy thumping on the door.
Young Dario had departed some time before, returning now with the repast he’d been sent to fetch.
The boy placed a new bottle of warm blood, two fresh goblets, and a platter of potatoloaf upon the table, smiling as Jean-Francois caressed his thigh in thanks.
Eyeing the bread with disgust, the silversaint cracked the bottle without asking, drank from the neck while ignoring the historian’s goblet completely.
“Joaquin was tending the fire when I finally returned,” he said. “I’d spent hours hunting in that dark, finding no drop to drink, wretched, rabbit, or otherwise. The houndboy glanced up from the flames as I stumbled inside, blanching at the sight of me.
“‘Seven Martyrs, you look like hammered shite.’
“‘I heard no complaints from your mama.’”
Jean-Francois rolled his eyes and glanced to Celene, but the silversaint spoke on.
“‘Come sit by the fire,’ Joaquin told me. ‘You look near frozen to death.’
“I huddled by the miserable little blaze, my veins burning twice as bright. My hands were clasped about my aching belly, and mistaking thirst for hunger, Joaquin nodded to the thin soup of dried mushrooms he’d been preparing.
“‘It’ll be ready in a minute.’
“‘I’d rather chew my own salted arsehole.’
“‘You must eat something.’
“‘Shut your noise-hole, boy, you’re not my fucking wife.’
“The lad looked wounded, went back to slicing the fungus, sprinkling the pot with a fingerful of spice from a near-empty pouch.
And just to quell the kicked-puppy expression he was wearing, I ended up pouring myself a bowlful.
The soup was nothing close to the thing I needed, but it was hot at least, my hands shaking as I quaffed the lot.
“‘Not bad,’ I grunted, wiping my chin.
“Joaquin scoffed. ‘It’s shite, but merci. I don’t have most of the ingredients anymore, but it’s usually a fine recipe. Isla taught it to me, back when…’
“He fell silent then, gazing into the fire. He’d mentioned the name once or twice, but it wasn’t my business to ask. I spoke only to fill the quiet. Keep my mind off blood.
“‘She was your g-girl?’
“He nodded, eyes still on those flames. ‘Died in Maergenn. Kiara killed her.’
“‘Take comfort, then. The Wolfmother sleeps well in h-hell.’
“Joaquin nodded again, voice gone wistful. ‘Ever After. That’s what Isla used to call me. Her Happy Ever After. I don’t suppose I’ll get one of those now.’
“‘Nobody does. Not in this story.’
“‘Dior, maybe?’
“I frowned, red knives in my belly. And though I tried, I couldn’t quite hold my temper anymore. ‘What the fuck are you still doing here, boy? Why’d you come so far for that girl? You’re not fool enough to have fallen in love with her, are you?’
“‘No. I mean … not like that.’
“‘Then what the hell is she to you?’
“Joaquin shrugged then. Spoke the simplest truth.
“‘Hope.’
“The boy went back to chopping fare for the pot, and I studied him in the flickering light. He was a handsome little bastard, even beneath the grime and road soil. But looking past the flash and swagger, I could see it in him, same as I saw in me. This was a lad who’d lost his beloved.
His home. His friends. And like a drowner to driftwood, he was holding on to the one thing he had left with all his strength.
“I sighed, ashamed of myself then.
“‘You’re a good lad, Joaquin Joaquin Marenn.’
“He glanced up, smiling crooked. ‘I keep telling you, it’s just Joaq— FUCK!’
“The scent hit me like a swordblow, stabbing up through my belly, piercing my thrashing heart. Joaquin bent double, clutching his hand, but I could see a sluice of brilliant, blinding red on the blade he’d just dropped, a slick on his cutting board.
He’d sliced his finger, the fool. A few drops the tally, nothing more. But to me …
“Joaquin hissed, holding his bleeding hand and looking about.
“‘Hand me that saddlebag, would…’
“His voice faded, face running bloodless as he saw the look in my eyes. I was on my feet, every muscle taut, every sense on fire. The sight of that wondrous red, slipping down his skin. The sound of it striking stone as it fell, the feel of despair as the ground drank it down, but the scent, God Almighty, that scent. It was all I knew in that moment. No thought for after. No pause for reason. It was all I’d ever wanted.
“And I wanted it now.
“Joaquin cried out as our bodies collided, as my arms enfolded him, as my fangs sank into his throat.
Any resistance faded as the Kiss took hold; that awful bliss, that horrifying elixir of pain and pleasure, shivering him to his core.
Every mouthful dragged him closer to murder, and still he threw his arms around me.
I drank heedless, no boy in my arms now but only a bag, a bottle, and one I dove headlong toward the bottom of.
“He was one or two mouthfuls away from too late when Aaron grabbed me.
“‘Godssakes, Gabriel, STOP!’
“My brother tore me loose, red droplets spraying in the air as the horses cried out in terror. But the beast was all I knew, all I was, and I threw myself back at Joaquin, roaring in fury. The lad had collapsed, one hand to his bloodied throat, and I’d have given everything in that moment to taste one more fucking drop.
But Aaron stepped between us, defiant, and moving like silver, he threw his fist into my jaw.
“I flew out through the cave mouth, tumbling down the slope. I’d scrambled back to my feet before I knew it, heedless of the pain, but Aaron plowed into me, knocking my breath loose.
We crashed into grey snows, wreathed in the stench of brimstone, brawling like the boys we’d been when first we met.
Clenched fists and split knuckles, busted lips and broken teeth.
But somewhere in there, I heard him screaming.
“‘This isn’t you!’
“‘GAbrIEL, THIS ISN’T YOU! ’
“I found myself then, clawing back from my brink, sat atop Aaron with hands around his throat.
Eyes blurry, heart thrashing, I brought the thing I was becoming to heel.
And with a hollow, gut-sick sob, I locked the beast inside the cage once more.
It bellowed as it went, blooded but never, ever sated, and though I was somehow yet its master, as I locked that door behind it, it turned to gaze on me with my own eyes.
“And it smiled.
“I smelled burning skin. Heard sizzling flesh. Looking down, I saw Aaron had drawn Ashdrinker from my sheath. Her broken tip was pressed against my heart, his hand smoking on her hilt.
“‘Gabriel?’ he whispered.
“I eased off, fell back in the snow, one hand to my thudding brow.
“‘Not for much longer.’
“Aaron let go of my blade, his fingers burned into blackened claws, dragging himself up from the snow. With a sigh, I picked up Ash, her voice ringing silver in my head.
“Live esh’nadai dov-dov-dov nem da.
“Four tablespoonsspoons of bubutter.
“Me th—
“Her song fell quiet as I slipped her home, looking now to Aaron.
“‘Forgive me, brother.’
“He licked his bloody lips and looked west, the ground rumbling beneath us.
“‘Hold on, Gabriel. Not long now.’
“Joaquin was barely conscious when we returned, his haggard features twisting with terror as he saw me. But with gentle voice and gentler hand, I assured him I was myself again, begging forgiveness as I bandaged up his throat. The guilt was awful, his blood burning within me like no smoke nor drink I’d ever swallowed, those kicked-puppy eyes following me as I began filling his saddlebags.
“‘What are you d-doing?’ he whispered.
“‘Packing your things. You’re gone from here today.’
“‘Bullshit…’
“‘He speaks truth, Joaquin,’ Aaron said. ‘You can’t stay here. Not anymore.’
“‘He caught me by surprise, Capitaine. N-next time, I’ll be ready.’
“‘Next time, it might not be him, son.’
“That thought sobered Joaquin and me both. Aaron was just as hungry as I, remember. But still, the boy tried to rise, sagging against the cave wall.
“‘I’ll n-not abandon Dior.’
“‘This isn’t about Dior anymore,’ I growled. ‘You ride out with us now, you’ll never live to save her. I’ve tried, boy. God help me, I’ve tried to keep this thing in me chained. But next time it breaks loose, I’ll not be able to stop it. Someone will have to stop me.’
“I walked to Joaquin’s side, squeezing his shoulder.
“‘You’ve done enough, son. I vow by whatever God is listening, if nothing else, I’ll save Dior from that bastard’s clutches. I swear it.’
“He hung his head, lip trembling, and I turned back to his horse to spare him the shame of his tears. I couldn’t blame him a drop, in truth. He’d come so far. Given all he had.
“‘That’s t-too much.’
“I turned at Joaquin’s whisper, saw his eyes on the bags I was loading.
“‘That’s almost all the food w-we have,’ he said. ‘If you give that to m-me, you’ll have nothing left to get you back.’
“I smiled weakly, dried blood cracking on my skin.
“‘No happy ever afters, remember?’
“We wrapped the lad in furs, turned him east, and watched him trudge away on his horse. As he slipped from sight through the tumbling snows, the endless dark, he turned and raised his hand in farewell, Aaron and I answering with the same. I’d no real knowing if Joaquin would make it home. But he was dead if he stayed with us.
“As I watched the houndboy fade into the gloom, I felt my Astrid behind me. Real as my own breath and blood. My chest ached as she wrapped cold arms about my waist, pressed cold lips to the back of my neck. Long raven locks entwining me in shadow.
“‘Soon,’ she breathed.
“I nodded slow, looking to that softly burning horizon.
“‘Soon.’”