11. Stress Can Kill
CHAPTER 11
Stress Can Kill
ALIA it was a training accident from when I was younger.
“You know better than to ask questions like that here, Doc,” Shen said with a casual, nearly blasé air that still rose the hair on the back of my neck.
“And you know anyone who comes into my house is my patient. Scars such as those leave imprints not just on the body but on the soul,” Doc said.
Embarrassment filtered through me, and I glanced at the window. Shen casually moved so he was leaning against the bed frame—between me and said window. I scowled at him. His eyes burned with mischief. He knew exactly what he was doing, the cur.
The doc’s face softened. “I know the look of a fighter. Treated many in my time. I am mostly retired now, taking care of the grandbabes and their pets. Those I treat for Shen are much alike: battered and bruised and ready to jump back in the fight. But I feel many of you are running from a different battle entirely. Feel free to tell me should I be wrong, but most are running from their feelings, and that is a very hard place to be, young one.”
I stared at the healer, my mouth opening and closing with the uncertainty of how to answer the guy. His hair was a steely gray, his skin was weathered and tanned from working in the sun and his arms were still well-defined for a man of his age, even if his gut was a little tubby. He had a calm air about him, and his eyes displayed compassion.
“No need to answer now. Just know that ol’ Tom will be here. Should you have need of my services, you know where I live. Come and speak with me. You would be amazed how a few words can help ease the burdens of the soul.” He gave a succinct nod, then ran a hand over his hair. “Your fever broke this past night. I recommend another day of rest and a few more days of light work, but I imagine you will not take to such orders kindly. So merely take it easy so you do not land back on my doorstep, hmm? Take these. One is for morning and evening; it is a mixture of honey, yarrow, chamomile, and fermented garlic. The other is Heper Sulph for the lung infection, Spongia for breathing, and Arnica for the cuts and bruises. Take each of these up to five times per day, for they are low doses.”
I was surprised by his knowledge. Many of the new healers were going into new and improved—nearly experimental—things which nearly made people lose their lives instead of healing them. These were old, well-tested remedies that had survived the trial of time. I had personally seen them work much better than blood-letting.
“Six or thirty shake doses?” I finally asked.
His eyebrow lifted in surprise, reminding me of Shen when surprised. Were they related? He exchanged a glance with Shen, who shrugged. “I am impressed. The Spongia is a six, the other two are thirty. Are there any others you feel you may need?”
I glanced up at him. There was one I had trouble sourcing, as it didn’t grow in our area for me to create a remedy of. And my sister needed it. “Ledum two hundred?”
His other eyebrow rose to reach the first one, then scrunched with concern. “Do you have another ailment I do not know of?”
I clenched my teeth. Do I lie or tell him the truth?
I’m a Red. I’m certain that if he knew, he would be giving me belladonna. And it wouldn’t be the remedy—but maybe he could help. It was worth the risk.
“My sister's sick.”
He nodded, the surprise dropping from his face as concern replaced it. “Would you care to list her symptoms? Perhaps two minds may be better than one?”
My hand clenched around my blade and my shoulders slumped a hair. These were two werewolves. Could I trust the doc and Shen with even further information about myself when I knew absolutely nothing about them?
A tiny whimper drew my eye to a little bundle of curled fur. I smiled as Fenbutt’s little paws jumped in the air and the ripple of passed gas erupted as he ran.
“My sister's anemic. She’s highly prone to lilac disease and dark circles and has little to no will to rise in morning. Lately, she has experienced… episodes. Seizures. The only thing which will bring her back are mage stones, but even they have become less effective.”
His brows furrowed. “Quite right, that. Mage stones are illegal for good purpose, as the ones who use them are less and less able to connect to their natural healing pathways. How many have you used?”
My shoulders slumped. I had been aware of the risks when I’d used the mage stones, but I couldn’t just let her die. “Four. The last one I nearly got to her too late.”
He nodded. “Do not feel bad, young one. You must do what you must do, and your situation was dire indeed. Dark circles are consistent with a liver or lymphatic function issue. What have you done so far?”
I bit my lip to hide the quiver. This was someone outside of our family who wasn’t just saying, “Why doesn’t she just get up and walk?” or “She’s just faking it to get attention” or the absolute worst “If she were a better person, this never would’ve happened to her.”
“We have attempted to replenish her stomach with high nutrient broth made from the joints and bones with marrow. I personally found and potentized the remedies of Belladonna, Apis Mel, and Chelidonium Majus but could not source Ledum. And, of course, the mage stones when nothing else works.”
Shen stirred, his dark eyes heavy on me. I chose not to look at him.
Doc’s lips pursed. He took the glasses from his face and polished the lenses. “What I am about to say goes no further than us, yes?” he finally said.
I narrowed my eyes, but nodded.
“I have known of a similar case. No remedies nor more modern versions of healing could cure this person, who eventually succumbed to his stresses.” His eyes were on me, but from the corner of my vision, I saw Shen’s eyebrow twitch. “This is not a physical problem.” I clenched my teeth, nearly grinding them. This started out so well, but now he’s just going to tell me she’s crazy or not all there or seeking attention?—
“It is a stress-borne illness.”
I blinked at him, the hot words dying on my tongue as confusion replaced anger. What?
“Does she have someone in her life who is hard to deal with?” He spoke with such gentleness, as if knowing the words could hurt.
Pain ached in my heart. Could it be?
Part of me had wondered...
Shen
Pain flashed across her face. Her eyes fluttered closed. She did not show pain. She would be a mighty fine werewolf for the mere fact she acted much like one of us. Always remaining strong regardless of the pain I knew she was in after the fall. It made me wonder what other aches and pains she hid beneath that veneer of calm. And the depth of her pain for such an emotion to consume her face.
I forced my fists to relax.
“I will take that as a yes. Get her away from him, and she will become more at peace. But she must heal what was broken before she can live again. That is the good thing about brokenness: it can be mended with a bit of elbow grease and the right glue.”
Doc was an uncle to me and my siblings, although we were not related by blood. I saw him often enough, that was for certain. He said he liked me keeping him busy, that he was bored in his old age. I guessed it was more for the affection he carried for my father.
Since I had known him for quite some time, I saw the determined line in the hint of his brow. He had adopted this little Red. She spoke his language, after all. I hardly understood a word of the jargon they had spouted, but I doubted Alia realized just how much she ingratiated herself into the Doc’s mind. It would be humorous to see how long it would take Alia to realize the old doc had adopted her into his motley pack.
They continued speaking about her sister as I watched. The way her nose scrunched when she could not express her point properly and was thinking it through. How her hands clenched against the knife handle until they were whiter than a unicorn’s horn when the conversation would turn to the stress her sister was under. She skillfully derailed Doc quite often, but he just as skillfully would bring it back around. He knew where her sister’s situation would lead should they not acknowledge what was making her ill.
My teeth ground together as death pressed the surface of my memory. I took a breath.
It’s still more painful than a blade in the kidney, Lycus whimpered.
Yes, it was. With what happened, I often wondered if I could have done something more. I had given my Alpha the ability to issue Commands with my first kill, but it was the death of Fen’s birth father—and my paternal uncle—which shaped me. Killed by a Red, all because he was driven to insanity by his fated mate.
For years I had assassinated Reds in retribution for taking the last link to my father.
I had thought it was worth it. The revenge. The vengeance. The pain.
But now? Shame was my ever-present friend. It burned a seething pathway through my soul.
My mind turned back to the Red as she rose from the bed, her legs shaking nearly imperceptibly.
“I need to go home.”
I growled. No way was I allowing her to go off while she was ill?—
My brain came to a screeching halt.
She looked over at me, her nose scrunching in annoyance. It was her tell. Her nose spoke more than any other point on her face. “You’ve kept me alive. Your debt is paid. We’ll go our separate ways?—”
“Enough with the debt. That is not why I saved you.”
“Then why?—”
I should have left well enough alone. I pushed a breath out of my nose and stood from slouching against the bed. I stood over her and sighed when she still retreated from me, as if my presence reminded her that death stalked her every move.
It was time to let this little curiosity growing within die. I had no room in my life for such things.
When in life should we stop living? Lycus asked.
You know better than most, this life is about survival, not living.
Can’t it be both?
Sometimes I wondered if Lycus was the part of me that had not given up hope long ago. I tried to protect him—the wolven part of a werewolf is something indescribable. It was not unlike having another soul, another being within you. It is an odd but intimate relationship. Some wolves had forsaken their humans because they went against their wolven morals. And when a shifter loses their wolf side, they become rogues—insane creatures with a thirst for pain. My uncle was a perfect example of this.
Regardless, it was time for us to say goodbye to the little human.
“Do not concern yourself with such trivial matters. Is your unicorn around?” I asked.
Doc stood upright from where he was searching his medicine cabinet in the corner. “Unicorn?” he mouthed.
Alia nodded, confirming my suspicion that she was, in fact, bonded to the wicked creature.
She tilted her head up to look at me, a puzzled frown on her face.
“If not because I saved you, then why?”
Doc snorted. As a warning, I glared at him, though it went unheeded. He dared to wink as he said, “The boy is a bleeding heart, that is why.”
Her head tilted, studying me. Then she nodded, as if it made sense. “Then, why do you ache so?” she whispered, so low I nearly missed it, even with my sensitive hearing.
She stuck out her hand. I slowly reached forward and was nearly jolted out of my skin when a gentle tingle ran up my arm. I tried to hide it. She seemed unaffected.
“Thanks… And if I see you again, I’ll try not to stab ya.”
My lips twitched. “Was that hard for you to utter?”
She looked like, should we be better acquainted, she would have been tempted to punch my shoulder. A part of me longed for that.
Down, boy, I whispered to Lycus.
He stretched in my soul, uncoiling from a nap. Hmm? he asked.
“Are you alright?” Alia asked.
My eyes cleared. I must have zoned out, a dangerous thing for one such as me.
That was when I smelled him.
“Pa, your youngest grandchild is needing?—”
A low growl erupted in my throat. Alia stepped back, turning to stare at the man who just waltzed in the door as if he owned the place. Sure, he was set to inherit the estate once his father passed, but dragon’s bane, he was not the owner yet!
“Oh dear, you must forgive my intrusion. Why is a lovely lady such as yourself so pale? Should I knock some sense into my pal, Shen, here?” I growled again, and my pal had the audacity to grin. “Don’t worry about old grouchy pants over there. He’s all growl and no bite.”
Alia giggled.
Lycus came forward. My teeth grew, pressing against my lips and tongue. It was not a pleasant part of the shift, but it did not entirely hurt, either.
“Alright, that’s my ticket to get out of here. See ya later, dudes, dudette, and Pa!”
“No, it’s alright, I was just leaving,” Alia said, stepping forward. “I’m Alia.”
Fen’s smile dropped minutely. His eyes narrowed and he took a deep breath. Then his smile returned as if it had never left. “Pleasure is all mine, Miss Alia. I’m Fen,” Fen said.
I watched him, but he avoided my gaze. What was that about?
Alia bit her lip to contain her smile. Her eyes flew to the puppy currently sleeping, then back up to me. Something inside me uncoiled. Some long-dead piece of me awoke.
Her eyes crinkled and lips lifted in pure joy. My lips turned up to match hers without my permission.
“Has he ever smiled before?” Fen whispered out of the side of his mouth to a similarly discombobulated Doc, who shrugged.
“Fenbutt?” I said. Alia giggled, making my heart turn with something I could not quite determine.
The pup on the floor jerked upright, his tail wagging as he trotted to me. My annoying pal glanced at me with confusion.
"I know what fenbutt means, but Fen is another matter. It’s a regal name. Perhaps you’ve heard of my great-grandfather, Miss Alia? He was said to have strangled a bear with his bare hands," Fen said.
It was not a funny pun, but Alia laughed politely. "He sounds like a great man," she replied.
I snarled.
The sound made Fen smile, and he sent me a tiny salute. The kid was like a little brother, teasing all your weak points. And blast it, I had given him quite the bruise to poke.
“Run,” I growled.
Fen bowed to Alia. “That’s my cue to leave, m’lady. Pleasure, and all that—” His eyes darted up to me. He sauntered out the door at a much quicker pace than when he had arrived.
“Our Fen can be quite the character,” Doc said, scratching his head as he watched his son retreat, though there was genuine affection in his voice.
Alia turned to me. “You aren’t going to hurt him, right?”
I blinked at her, trying to appear innocent, which was hard for one who tended to scowl more than smile.
She narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms. “Right?”
I sighed. “Alright. I will not harm the idiot. Too badly.”
“Shen!” she admonished.
Doc was looking between us, his eyes too knowing for my good. “Time to get you home, young one.”