Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
T he warmth of the blankets cocooned me, smothering me in a false layer of security.
I’d hardly noticed when my mother had healed me; the cut on my arm and shoulder were little more than silver lines, glowing on my olive skin.
Nor had I registered as she had bathed me, combed my hair, or put me in a night shirt. It was a sickening blur, hazed with self-loathing.
I was a killer.
My stomach soured, the taste of bile burning my throat as I tried to bite back tears. To find my center. I rubbed at the bracelet on my wrist, like it could somehow magikally erase the monster I’d become.
A light knock on the door crumbled my shattered feelings.
A hoarse whisper was all that I could conjure, “Come in.”
Sebastian’s huge frame blocked the light from the hallway. He didn’t hesitate, shutting the door firmly behind him so we were alone. He leaned against the dresser by the door, as he always did when he visited me.
His robust frame looked ridiculous against the pink hues of the drawers my aunty had chosen for my room. His eyes travelled the length of my body, or what he could see of it, still wrapped in its cocoon.
“Em.” His tone was soft like he thought I would crumble at his words.
Pushing myself up so I was sitting, I readjusted the blanket, draping it over my shoulders. “Hey, Bastian.”
Concern wrinkled his dark features. “Are you okay?”
The answer was definitely no. But I couldn’t really admit that. “I’m fine.”
An exasperated sigh escaped him; he rubbed one single hand over his ruggedly handsome face. “We both know you’re not. But I need you to be, because Thrainn is on the way. And he’s furious.”
I’d only just realized that Sebastian had also had a bath and changed. No blood lingered on his skin, marking him with the tell-tale sign that he’d just been in battle.
He was immaculate, dressed in a black warrior uniform. It was made from black leather and adorned with intricately designed patterns that framed the edges of the sleeveless shirt. A sword hung sheathed at his side like he was expecting to be called into battle at any second.
My blank stare mustn’t have given Sebastian any confidence, because he strode to my side, taking my hand. “Don’t worry. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”
Before I could reply, Uncle Thrainn swung the door open, almost tearing it off its hinges. His eyes were wild and black as onyx as he studied me. One quick glance running over the length of my body softened his features.
“You’re fine.” A relieved sigh visibly left him.
“I’m fine,” I managed to confirm, although my voice lacked its normal confidence.
“Good.” Even from here, I could see his ragged breaths as he fought to calm his demeanor. “Tomorrow, you return home.” His tone was final, no room for argument as he softened his voice.
One second passed. Then another.
It took a small eternity before I could make sense of his words.
“What?” My voice was a high squeak.
His eyes met mine, daring me to challenge him. “I heard… what happened out there.”
“So, what, you’re banishing me?” I accused.
“Your home is the only place you’ll be safe.”
Despite my body’s protest, I rose to my feet, the warmth of my blanket already forgotten as it landed in a muddled heap on the polished wooden floor.
“I’m not going to leave you all here to die,” I shot back with more venom than I’d intended.
“This is not up for discussion.” His voice was a low growl, warning me that I was in dangerous territory. “We’ve determined that it was a scouting party. Since none of them will be returning, we can assume that it will relay the message to stay away from Ophelia or else. But should they choose or else , like Nexus I’ll risk your life. So, like I said, this is not up for discussion.”
“Like fuck it isn’t.”
Well, there goes the girl who could hardly move, replaced by a fury so consuming I wouldn’t be surprised if they could see fire brandishing my skin.
My fingertips tingled, a strange power crackling along them. I jerked my head down, convinced I would see flames licking my fingers, but I only saw clear skin.
No sparks of electricity.
I breathed a sigh of relief. Between what transpired at the Tree of Life and whatever happened earlier, I was either going insane or something was happening outside my control.
Thrainn took several steps forward, his gigantic frame towering over me as he glared down. “This is not up for discussion; you will do as I command. I will carry you over my shoulder kicking and screaming, if I have to.”
“Like fuck you will,” I spat back with a wrath that could maim.
Thrainn’s eyes narrowed on me. “You will leave first thing in the morning, even if I have to drag you there myself. Do not push your luck, Emylia.” His stare was cold as he met the steel in my gaze. “Sebastian, let’s go.”
Sebastian gave me an apologetic look, leaving my room. Before my uncle shut the door, he gave me one last pointed look. “And don’t even bother trying to escape out the window again, I have guards patrolling the perimeter. Five stationed right outside your window, with the soul purpose of making sure you do not leave this room.” Thrainn slammed the door, the sound of a key locking it.
He wouldn’t dare.
I sprinted across the room, trying to twist the knob but it was already locked shut.
Shit.
I sprinted to my window, yanking it open, peering outside. Just as my uncle had said, five armed guards stood several feet from my window, staring at me like they would incapacitate me without a second’s thought, rather than risk my uncle’s wraith for failure. Sworn to my uncle, they would do it without hesitation—I knew that much.
Screw him.
Tearing myself from the window, I began to pace, rage increasing with each step. Thunder cracked outside the window and two seconds later lightning struck, shaking the glass in the windows.
I froze.
Watching the window, I waited and waited. Thunder rumbled and almost immediately lightning flashed a second time.
I breathed out in disbelief.
It was me. I was causing it. I knew it in my soul, just like I knew that whatever had happened near the forest today was not of my own doing, not fully.
The confusion replaced my rage only momentarily until my uncle’s words repeated in my mind. Then, the malice returned. Lightning crashed again. I could hear the guards frantically trying to remain calm outside my window. But it is pandemonium.
Good. Let them feel my wrath.
Sparks spit through the air like a volcano erupting as another lightning strike hit closer, but I barely noticed; vehemence had already claimed my soul.
My door swung open, and Maalikai shut the door before storming inside.
“How did you do that? It was locked.”
Maalikai cocked a brow, almost as if he were laughing at me. “It’s not hard to pick a lock, princess.”
His eyes cut deep, blue labradorite coating me in a layer of desire I should not be feeling right now. “But we have more important things to talk about than picking locks.” His hands were gentle as he grasped the top of my arms, but his voice was rough. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“What do you mean? I’m not doing anything.” Untethered rage came out in a snarl.
“Then control the power,” he hissed back.
The sky came alight with streaks of light, showering the heavens in a glorious glow. Sparks sprayed down the atmosphere in beautiful red embers as another bolt of lightning hit not too far from here.
“Try harder,” he growled.
But I couldn’t. The resentment I felt was all-consuming. Outrage devoured me, claiming every cell in my body until I hummed with vengeance.
“If you didn’t already notice, I can’t control it,” I spat back.
His growl was just as low and venomous. “You can. You just have to try harder .”
Was he kidding? What the did he think I was doing? Taking a stroll in the Gods-damned field?
If I knew how to control it, didn’t he think I would be doing it? Instead of torching half of Ophelia, leaving bodies in my wake, and feeling like a weapon forged in ruin–one even the Gods would fear.
“I couldn’t stop it when I slaughtered those warriors, and I sure as Nexus can’t stop it now.” My voice broke, a shameful display of emotion I couldn’t hide. “I—I didn’t even know I had magik. I didn’t even believe magik existed. Not really. Maybe. I don’t know! And because I can’t control it, I’m a killer!”
Maalikai took a step forward, invading my space. “They deserved to die.” His eyes had changed to obsidian, brandishing him with a ruinous abandon that appealed to my own soul.
My voice was almost a whisper as I remembered the worst part. Shame claimed my soul as I braced myself for the words that I was afraid to whisper, afraid to admit to myself and him.
“I almost killed you .”
As soon as the words left my lips, panic seized me–sharp and suffocating. The repercussions of what I’d almost done branded every fiber of my being, a reckoning etched into my skin like fire.
Maalikai moved forward, pushing me back against the wall, his mouth inches from mine. He took hold of my hands, brushing his thumbs across my knuckles, my breath hitching from the unexpected contact.
“You didn’t even come close to killing me, princess.” The words rumbled from him, reverberating through me from where our bodies caressed.
My eyes snapped to his and all the oxygen ceased to exist. I had crossed the line between good and evil. I had become something I was ashamed of. I was unworthy to be loved by anyone.
Especially him.
I’d always known, but Maalikai had made me forget that. He had made me believe that perhaps I was worthy of his love.
But the lust that raged in my soul at this second shamefully wasn’t about love. Or even about the feelings I had for him. My need came from something deeper—something uglier.
It was because I was unraveling.
Because I couldn’t stand the feel of my own soul anymore.
Because the taste of blood still coated my tongue, and the weight of what I’d done crushed my chest like a supernova—a dying star exploding in the most catastrophic way.
I needed something—anything—to drown out the echo of screams still ringing in my head. Something stronger than guilt. More immediate than grief. Something human.
Real.
Soft.
Because I couldn’t keep feeling like this.
Couldn’t keep feeling like a monster.
And him—Maalikai—he was all-consuming. Magnetic. Impossibly steady in the face of the raging storm I’d become. He was the only thing left that didn’t make me want to crawl out of my own skin.
So no.
This wasn’t about love.
It was about escape.
About forgetting the girl with blood on her hands. And remembering—for just a moment—that I was still made of more than ruin. If he could make me feel like I wasn’t just a weapon, but something worth touching —a body. A soul. Still worth holding. A heart worth fighting for—then I was okay with that.
Gods, I didn’t even know what was worse—that I was going to use him. Or that somewhere, in the deepest, most broken part of me...
It was him I needed.
Whatever power had surged through me today must’ve taken my senses with it—because I wanted him.
Desperately.
Recklessly.
And for once, I didn’t care.
Not about my insecurities.
Not about whether I was good enough.
Not even about the heartbreak I knew this would cause Sebastian.
I wanted him .
And I would fight for him. Consequences be damned.
One moment, I was drowning in the delicious depth of his sapphire-laced onyx eyes—the next, my lips were on his.
“Princess.” Maalikai’s voice was barely more than a whisper.
“Seriously, still with the princess thing?” I shot back, teeth grazing his lower lip.
“Of course. You are my princess.” Even in the dim light, his cocky grin was impossible to miss—sharp, wicked, intoxicating.
Heat surged beneath my skin, a searing pulse that threatened to consume me whole. Or maybe it was just him. The way he claimed me—like I belonged to him, like he already knew I’d never fight it—sent a sadistic, storm-tossed warmth unfurling low in my belly.
His chuckle was low and all-consuming, curling around me like smoke and sin. “What’s the plan here, princess?”
“I want you.” The words tore from me, wild and breathless, unrestrained. I’d wanted him from the first moment I saw him—wanted to tear him apart and make him mine.
Whatever restraint I’d clung to cracked like thunder beneath the weight of that desire. And in less than a heartbeat, Maalikai closed the distance, pressing his body into mine until the air around us shattered.
“Don’t say that unless you mean it,” he growled, just as my lips parted.
Damn him.
He fixed me with those eyes—liquid midnight, wild and endless–while his fingers traced up my arms to my face, his touch featherlight but anchoring. It took everything in me not to melt into it.
“Are you sure you want this?” Reckless hunger rippled off him, a violent kind of stillness that could break a lesser girl apart.
But I wasn’t a lesser girl.
I felt the heat of him pressed against me, every inch of my body aware of his—of the danger, the temptation, the promise of something I might not come back from. His warmth coiled around me like a noose I didn’t want to escape.
“Yes.” The word left me with no hesitation.
Just need.
Abandon.
Then his lips crashed into mine—devouring, claiming. A kiss that scorched. He trailed down my neck, branding me with each touch. I grabbed his jaw and dragged him back up, letting him taste every inch of the hunger he’d awakened in me.
A moan escaped as he slammed me harder against the wall. His hands gripped my ass and lifted me like I weighed nothing. I wrapped my legs around his waist, every part of me locked to his.
The first betrayal came in a rush of goosebumps, crawling over my skin like a confession I couldn’t take back. As my head hit the pillow, I was hit with the scent of pine and the sharp tingle of mint on his breath.
This was a bad idea.
No—a catastrophic one.
But I wanted him.
I wanted his weight pressing into me, his body stretched over mine like a promise I had no business craving. I wanted his mouth, his hands, the way his presence burned through me like wildfire.
His body hovered above mine, impossibly sculpted, the rise and fall of his chest steady, dominant. His skin brushed mine—soft but searing—and every nerve lit up like fire racing through kindling.
His hands moved slowly, reverently, trailing fire across my body. When he finally pressed against me, there was no space left. No sanity.
Just him.
This wasn’t how tonight was supposed to go. And yet, I didn’t have the strength—or the will—to stop it.
“Is this okay?” His voice ghosted over my skin.
Gods, that voice. Velvet and danger. I should’ve stopped him. But how could I, when being touched by him felt like the only thing keeping me alive?
Traitor.
My body, my breath, my soul—they were his now.
“Yes. This is perfect.”
Damn it.
I had no self-control left. I wasn’t just playing with fire—I was feeding it. I was letting it devour me.
“Good,” he murmured, a smile in his voice—quiet, triumphant. Like he already knew he had me. Knew I’d beg for more. Like he could feel every inch of control slipping from my grasp and didn’t mind tasting my ruin.
Maalikai sat back and tugged his shirt off. Even in the dim light, I could see the hard lines of his body. A masterpiece carved from war and want.
He leaned in again, caging me beneath him, one forearm braced beside my head, the other trailing fire down my shoulder, fingers slipping beneath the loose neckline of my shirt.
This was madness. Holy, burning madness. But his kiss dragged me under, his tongue tangled with mine, and suddenly there was nothing but heat—between us, within me.
When he pulled away, his mouth was red, swollen, as if I’d marked him with my kisses as much as he’d branded me.
He kissed me again—softer this time. More deliberate. Like memorizing me.
And I let him.
His hands moved lower, finding skin. Exploring. Worshipping. Then, without warning, he effortlessly repositioned himself, his chest brushing against my back like a promise unspoken. He dragged me flush against him, his hand sliding over my thigh, my hip—then higher. My nightshirt caught and rose, inch by inch.
I moaned, arching into him.
His growl vibrated through my spine, a sound primal and low. His hand gripped my hip, sweeping over skin that trembled beneath his touch. My thighs clenched, aching.
I pushed back into him, needing more, craving the contact. And when I guided his hand down, he let me—but stopped just shy of where I needed him most.
He was teasing me. Torturing me.
He circled my lower belly again and again, fingers maddeningly slow. I arched, desperate, my body unharnessed power, needing something I didn’t have the words for.
“Emylia?” His voice. Gods, his voice. The way he said my name—like a vow, like a question, like he’d fall apart if I didn’t answer. “Princess?”
“Maalikai… please.” His name spilled out of me, wrecked and ruined.
“Please what?” he asked against my shoulder, his lips pressing into skin exposed by my slipping shirt.
Another spiral of his finger, maddeningly slow, dropping only a fraction.
I rocked back against him. Again. Desperate. His fingers still hovering just above where I needed him.
“Tell me what you want from me,” he rasped.
I couldn’t. I didn’t know how.
If I asked him. Begged him—it would give him the last vulnerable part of me, and if I gave him that much of me—there’d be no going back. I wasn’t ready to be that exposed. I needed to hold onto at least a flicker of power.
Instead, I rubbed against his warmth, my body shadowing him gloriously. A low, feral growl exploded from him as he flipped me onto my back, pinning my wrists.
His eyes were wild. Blazing. “Princess.” A feral growl. Claiming. Worshipping.
“What?” I breathed, feigning innocence. Barely holding it together.
“You can’t keep doing that unless you tell me exactly what you want.”
“What if I don’t know?” I whispered, voice trembling with truth. “What if I’ve never…”
Understanding flashed across his face. But behind it—uncertainty.
Hesitation.
Uncertainty.
“Do you want this to be with me?” His voice cracked, thunder barely held back.
He wasn’t asking about sex.
He was asking about Sebastian.
About the boy who had cradled my grief. Who had known every scar. Who had seen the worst of me—and stayed.
The boy I loved.
The boy I hadn’t chosen.
Not yet.
The guilt struck like lightning. Sudden. Eviscerating. I was already standing on the edge of something I couldn’t undo.
Could I be here with Sebastian instead?
Yes.
Gods, yes.
And that was the part that ruined me—knowing that even as I wanted Maalikai, I wanted Sebastian just as fiercely.
Maybe more.
But wanting Sebastian meant risking everything. It meant gambling with something sacred.
And I wasn’t ready to lose him.
Not him.
But then I looked at Maalikai— really looked at him. And in the way he waited… the way he gave me space to choose… I saw something I hadn’t dared name.
Something fierce.
Irrevocably, categorically mine.
Something that had belonged to me from the moment he looked at me like I was the only question he'd ever deemed worth answering.
I drew a trembling breath and closed the distance between us, every inch pulling me further from reason and deeper into him.
Unable to break from the intensity of his gaze, I threw caution to the wind and let go.
“Yes.” The word cracked as it left my lips. But I meant it.
Gods help me… I meant it.
“Yes?” His body pressed flush against mine, the heat of him blooming against every sensitive inch. A breathless moan escaped me before I could stop it.
“I want you.”
His eyes darkened, hooded and hungry, dragging slowly over the length of my body. A sharp breath whooshed from his lungs—relief and need unspooling all at once.
“And what do you want from me?” The question left him in a whisper, like he was bracing for the answer.
I hesitated. Just a second. Then I let the words fly.
“Everything.”
There they were. The ones I’d never dared speak aloud. Out in the open now. Unstoppable.
He didn’t reply. Just looked at me like he was drowning in the sound of my heartbeat. Like I was the only thing anchoring him to this world.
“What do you want from me?” I asked, my voice scraped raw.
His answer was a vow. A brand. “Everything.”
And Gods—it felt like he was claiming my soul. Not just my body, but every broken, stubborn, sacred part of me. Like he wanted who I was, not just what I offered.
The weight of that nearly suffocated me.
His grip on my wrists loosened. His fingers slid down the length of my arm, leaving goosebumps in their wake, before sweeping down to the edge of my ribs. His thumb brushed the delicate skin beside my breast.
“When you say everything… do you mean this?”
His lips found the tender curve of my neck, and a string of kisses trailed along my throat, pausing only when his teeth grazed my collarbone. My moans slipped free—unapologetic. I didn’t care how loud I was. It felt that Gods-damned good.
When he finally stopped, I blinked up at him, breathless.
“What?” I asked, my voice barely air.
“You still haven’t answered me.”
“I thought the moaning was answer enough.” He smirked, shaking his head, and leaned down to nip at my exposed skin. “Are you really going to make me say it?”
He tugged my nightshirt higher, baring my stomach and ribs, and kissed a heated path over the newly revealed skin.
“Fine,” I gasped. “It was a yes.”
“A little yes?” he teased.
He had to be kidding.
This man—this weapon carved from shadow and silence—was teasing me.
Maalikai didn’t smile. He didn’t soften. He was all edge and storm. A commander forged in war and winter, a man whose hands were built for destruction and whose gaze could break bones.
And yet… here he was.
Smirking. Teasing. Speaking to me in a voice that had no business being so gentle—like honey poured over steel.
As if he hadn’t once looked at me like I was a battlefield to conquer. Now, he looked at me like I was something sacred. Something to kneel for. Something holy.
Sweetness curled in his every breath, slow and dangerous. His voice, usually cold enough to freeze fire, now licked across my skin like molten silk. Every word melted into me like heat from a flame I hadn’t known I’d lit.
He was sweet. Godsdamn sweet. And it terrified me more than any blade. Because this wasn’t a mask.
This was real.
And I didn’t know what was more dangerous: the weapon at his hip… or the way he made me feel like he’d set the world ablaze if I asked him to.
I rolled my eyes. “As in a big yes.”
Laughter rumbled through him, low and wicked. The sound vibrated through my bones, curling heat in my belly. A shiver shot through me as I pressed my thighs together, trying—failing—to contain the fire he’d lit.
“Does that mean you want more?” He nipped along the curve of my rib.
“Why are you making this so incredibly painful?” I gasped. “It’s like you want me to beg.”
“If you just told me exactly what you wanted,” he murmured, “I wouldn’t have to ask.”
That voice—Gods. That voice was sin.
I couldn’t take it anymore. I closed the gap and kissed him hard, silencing everything.
He stilled, surprised—just for a heartbeat—then melted into me. His lips softened, guiding mine, deepening, devouring.
Somehow, he’d positioned himself between my thighs, and every shift sent lightning shooting through me. The pressure of him—the length of him—was exquisite torment.
Then the sky cracked open.
A bolt of lightning split the air, illuminating his features in stark relief. Frost rippled over the earth where it struck, blooming like a storm’s signature.
Lightning.
“Maalikai—”
“It’s okay.” His breath was ragged. “Too much?”
Was he serious? I was practically trying to ravish him.
“Not enough,” I growled. “I want more.”
His jaw ticked as he studied me. “Are you sure?”
I shifted—my hips brushing a rather hard part of his anatomy with a rather soft part of mine. My breath caught, and the sound that escaped wasn’t just a moan.
It was surrender.
Raw. Unfiltered. Willing.
“I’m sure.”
Clothes vanished in the space of a breath. My nightshirt. My undergarments. All gone—forgotten on the floor.
His lips met mine again, slower this time, more certain. His hand drifted over my side, finding my breast, fingers trailing in slow circles. Teasing. Denying.
My body pulsed beneath him, ached for him, arched to meet him—but each time he pulled back, another piece of me shattered.
“Maalikai,” I whispered, flushed and frantic.
“Mmm?”
“Plea—”
The rest of the word died as his fingers found my nipple, teasing with devastating precision. A moan broke free, swallowed by his kiss.
Then he was gone. Shifting lower. His mouth brushing the swell of my breast, then lower still.
“Is this what you wanted?” he rasped, lips ghosting so close to where I needed him most.
A helpless whimper tore from me, a fragile thing drenched in fire.
He chuckled. “Gods, I love when you make that noise.”
I was about to retort—something sharp, something smug—but the moment his tongue replaced his fingers, every thought disintegrated.
“Gods-damn it.”
Another chuckle vibrated against my skin. “Scrap that—I prefer that much more.”
He trailed soft kisses from one breast to the other, worshipping me with each one. My hips bucked. My body begged. The ache inside me bloomed like wildfire.
“Would you like a hand?”
“What do you?—”
And then his hand was there.
Replacing the pressure of his thigh with something far more lethal. Fingers skilled and devastating found my clit, coaxing circles that sent lightning down my spine.
One hand teased. One hand claimed. His mouth stole every moan, every gasp, every curse.
My hips moved of their own accord, riding the rhythm of his fingers, grinding into him like he was the only thing anchoring me to the earth.
The pressure inside me built—slow, overwhelming, unbearable. My legs trembled. My breath came in broken, hungry bursts.
And then?—
It hit.
Blinding, euphoric release tore through me, wave after wave. My body fractured in his arms, every muscle trembling as bliss took me under.
Lightning split the sky again, illuminating the world in stark, searing white before darkness swallowed everything whole.
“Gods!” I cried.
And somewhere, in the echo of my voice, the storm answered back.
After it peaked, my body melted—silk unraveling in his arms. Lazily, I dragged my hand down Maalikai’s chest, daring myself to go lower, fingers teasing the sharp lines that disappeared beneath his waistband. My breath hitched as I ventured further, nerves tingling with anticipation and apprehension.
But before I could reach him, his hand closed gently around my wrist, stopping me.
My eyes snapped to his. “You don’t want me to touch you?”
“I do not expect that.”
His answer sent a prickle across my skin. My heart seized. “Isn’t that what I’m supposed to do? You know… considering what you just did for me?”
A soft rumble of laughter spread through him, low and warm. “What I want from you is this.” He pulled me closer, tucking me against his chest like we had all the time in the world. His arm settled over my stomach. Steady. Protective.
“You want to snuggle?” I asked, incredulous.
Another laugh, this one deep and reverent. He leaned up on his elbow, looming above me, gaze locked to mine. Those ocean-blue eyes were suddenly devastating. “Yes. I just want to hold you.”
Disbelief cracked through me. “You don’t want me, like that ?”
A pained growl escaped him—raw, guttural. “Gods, yes. More than anything in this world. But it’s been… a confusing day.”
What. The. Fuck.
His eyes darkened, turning a stormy midnight. “I may not have had the strength to resist you completely, but if I were to take everything tonight… I don’t think I could forgive myself.”
My heart kicked hard against my ribs. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
He exhaled slowly. “Your emotions are a tempest. You’re unraveling. If I let this go any further—if I take everything—you might wake up tomorrow and regret it.”
“You have no idea what I’ll regret,” I snapped, the venom in my voice betraying how deeply it cut. “And that’s not your choice to make.”
Lightning split the sky.
We both turned toward the window, the sharp flash illuminating the truth neither of us said aloud.
The storm wasn’t just outside.
It was me.
Apparently, I needed to figure out how to stop throwing thunderbolts every time my heart cracked.
I forced a breath through my lungs, blinking hard as I sat up. “Please,” I whispered, my voice breaking. “ I need you .”
This wasn’t a want. It was an ache. A hollow place inside me that only stilled when he touched me. When I was with him, the pain faded. The self-loathing silenced. The doubt shriveled. He didn’t just distract me from the weight—I forgot it existed.
“Please,” I said again, softer now. “I need this. I need you.”
His restraint wavered. I saw it in his eyes—the torment, the hunger. But his voice remained firm. “Not tonight.”
That damn growl again. Final. Resigned.
“Fuck.” I dropped back onto the bed, groaning in frustration.
After a moment of silence, Maalikai shifted beside me. “You know this isn’t because I don’t want you… right?”
His voice was low, patient—so full of restraint it stole the air from my lungs.
“It’s because you don’t want to take advantage of me?” I bit back, sharper than the edge of a blade.
“Yes.” His sigh was tight. Controlled.
Silence stretched between us, dense and pulsing.
Then a softer breath. “Here. Put this on.” He reached across me, grabbed his discarded shirt, and handed it over.
I stared at it. “What’s this for?”
“I don’t think I’ll be able to resist you without it,” he murmured, voice quieter now. Raw. As if the admission cost him more than he could afford. His gaze dragged over me—wanting, aching. “I’m trying to be good, Princess. Don’t make it harder.”
A small smile ghosted his lips, but it didn’t reach his eyes.
“Because if I break now…” he exhaled, “I won’t stop. I’ll want all of you. Even the pieces you’re not ready to give.”
“Then maybe I don’t want to wear it,” I muttered, defiant.
“Then I guess I should sleep in my own bed.”
The ache bloomed immediately. Sharp. Bone-deep. The last thing I wanted was space.
Without a word, I slipped his shirt over my head and curled into him, tucking myself into the space between his chest and his heartbeat. His scent surrounded me—warm, grounding, devastating.
“Sweet dreams, Princess,” he whispered.
He pulled me tighter, one arm curling protectively over my ribs like if he held me hard enough, I wouldn’t slip through his fingers.
His breath tickled the back of my neck, steady and rhythmic, until it slowed—soft and even in sleep.
And I… I stayed awake.
For the first time since meeting Maalikai, I let myself fall.
Fully. Recklessly. Into him.
Well, maybe not the first—not after what we’d just done.
But Gods… it felt like the first.
Like breathing after drowning.
Like something sacred I’d never believed I deserved.
This moment—the warmth around me, the weight of his arm anchoring me to the world—it was perfection. There was nothing more exquisite than falling asleep in the arms of the man I was in love with.
Love.
Shit.
Oh Gods.
Lying here beside him, my skin still humming with the ghost of his touch, the truth slammed into me.
I was in love with him.
Irrevocably.
Undeniably.
Completely.
The kind of love that didn’t sneak in. It raged through the walls. It took everything I had and still demanded more. It razed me to the ground. And I wanted it to. I wanted him to tear down every damn wall if it meant I got to keep him.
I wanted to give him everything. My love. My grief. My hope. Even the pieces I never let anyone see.
But I couldn’t. Because grief is tricky. It wears the skin of hunger. It whispers like comfort when it comes dressed as someone who sees you—when you can't bear to be seen.
Maalikai hadn’t been a mistake.
He’d been my escape.
My silence.
My storm.
And for a little while—wrapped in his calm, kissed by the frost of his devotion—I let myself believe I was ready. That this was it.
That he was who I would choose.
But as the silence deepened and his heartbeat thudded steadily against my back… another ache took root.
Not for the man holding me.
But for the one who wasn’t.
Sebastian.
Gods, just thinking his name scorched.
Because no matter how badly I wanted Maalikai—and I did, with a ferocity that scared the hell out of me—it didn’t erase the wildfire I carried for Sebastian.
Sebastian was fire.
Not a candle.
A fucking inferno.
He didn’t just love me—he saw me. Held me when I was ashes and made me believe I could rise again.
If Maalikai was the eye of the storm—cold, still, devastating—Sebastian was the storm.
Untamed. Unrelenting. Alive.
And I’d gone and burned it all to ash. Because when he found out— really saw what I did tonight—he’ll never look at me the same again.
I didn’t just fall asleep in another man’s arms.
I gave away something sacred. Something that might’ve always been his—even if neither of us had ever said it aloud.
Tears welled, silent and hot, spilling onto the pillow like confessions I couldn’t speak.
Maalikai shifted in his sleep, holding me tighter. Safe. Steady.
But all I could think about was Sebastian. And how I’d broken something I couldn’t fix. This wasn’t just about choosing between two boys.
This was choosing between two halves of my soul.
Because Maalikai was gravity. But Sebastian… he was fire. One kept me grounded. The other burned through everything just to reach me.
And I couldn’t have both.
Not now.
Not after this. And the truth that broke me wasn’t that Maalikai might leave. It was that Sebastian would. And I wouldn’t survive it.
Because I could live through cold.
But I couldn’t live without my fire.
This wasn’t about who I loved more. It was about surviving what came after.
I wasn’t sure either of them would survive me.
But I was certain I wouldn’t survive without either of them.
This wasn’t about choosing between two boys anymore. It was about surviving the wreckage of loving them both. And knowing that, in the end—I might lose them anyway.