Chapter 4 #2
Smiling eerily at Toni, Tad said, “Sounds like a fun afternoon to me. Fair warning, neither of you are walking away from it with all your limbs.”
With a noise that sounded suspiciously like a frightened, “eep!” Oliver ducked behind Liel as Toni petted his quivering arm fins.
“I feel very uncomfortable with this conversation.”
“I can spit on you, if it’d make you feel better,” Jude offered, and Toni growled deep in his chest as he tugged the human into his side.
“Yeah, keep talking dirty.”
“Now, I am feeling very uncomfortable with this conversation,” Zef said.
“I’m not sure I even know what’s going on,” Bryce admitted in a whisper.
“Count it as a blessing,” Zef said dryly, and Bryce snorted another deep laugh. It was a rather lovely sound, and they let it tickle across their skin like the autumn breeze.
Someone’s phone chimed, and Gem pulled his out of his pocket and glanced down at the screen with several eyes. All eight widened, and he made an odd choking sound.
“Uh, I gotta go,” he said, voice cracking slightly. “I have a… thing I need to take care of.”
“What thing?” Toni asked suspiciously.
“Nothing,” Gem said, much too quickly. “Someone—I mean, something just came. Up! Came up.”
Several more chimes, and his cheeks flushed a darker gray, pheromones thickening in the air around them. Zef’s antennas curled up, the ends tucking under their hair to hide from the unwanted sexual energy.
“An unforeseen situation has arisen. Arose? Nope, that’s not better.” Gem wiped several palms on his shorts as he giggled manically. “I just mean that something unexpected and delightful has occurred—is occurring, rather, and it requires my immediate and hands-on attention.”
“That was a completely normal string of sentences,” Jude said with a mischievous grin.
“No one asked your opinion, Jude!” Gem cried, shoving his phone back in his pocket as it continued to trill. “I have to go take care of something majestic and… girthy.”
Everyone cringed. Except for Tad. She leered.
“Are you proud of that word choice?” Oliver asked, and Gem crossed several arms over his torso.
“Not really, but it’s too late to take it back, so I stand by it.” Inhaling deeply, as if to gather himself, Gem smiled too wide and said, “I’ll see you all Monday. ’Kay, buh-bye now!”
“Who’s sexting you?” Toni demanded as Gem shoved through the group in the doorway. “Gem, whose dick is on your phone right now?”
“I have way too many dicks on my phone to remember whose is whose, Toni! You have unrealistic expectations of me that I will never live up to,” Gem wailed from inside the condo as Toni chased after him.
“It was nice seeing you again, Bryce. Next time, I wanna hear all about the cows and—ah, Toni, that’s not my pocket.
Get your hands out of my shorts or you’re gonna touch something that will surely alter our friendship forever. ”
Shoulders slumped, like a man on his way to face the executioner, Jude trudged back inside. “I suppose I should go sort that out.”
“I don’t envy you,” Liel said as he and Oliver trailed behind Jude.
Without so much as a word to either Bryce or Zef, Tad waddled further into the garden, disappearing between two carnivorous shrubs.
“Is it always like that?” Bryce asked, gesturing vaguely toward the condo where Toni was hollering about Gem keeping secrets and acting weird while Jude attempted to calm him down.
“Usually,” Zef admitted. “You grow accustomed to it after a while.”
With a nod, Bryce propped his hands on his hips and side-eyed Zef. Since they were not sure what to do now that the garden tour had gotten so thoroughly derailed, they made their way toward the back door.
“I suppose we can complete the garden tour later.”
“Hey, Zef?” Bryce stepped toward them, but this time, he made no move to reach for them.
They stopped and waited, head cocked as the human opened his mouth, then closed it, brows furrowing like he sought evasive words.
It was familiar, that searching, and another sliver of comfort wriggled through their chest. Bryce was human; Zef was not.
But perhaps they were not so different from each other.
“Yes, Bryce?” they prompted, curious what was causing the lines of consternation wrinkling his forehead.
“I’m sorry I hurt your feelings before. When I said…” He drifted off for just a moment before continuing, “What I should have said was: I wasn’t expecting your honesty because most people don’t say what they’re thinking, but I like that you do. I like how you talk.”
They fought the urge to duck their head. They may have been wired differently than most, but they were not wired wrong. Tad told them so, and Tad did not lie to them. She stretched the truth, omitted it sometimes, but with Zef, she never lied.
So they held their head high, infusing their voice with strength. “I recognize not all people appreciate candor, and I try not to offend. But I prefer honesty. Perhaps it is not always nicer, but it is always kinder. In the long run, as you humans say.”
Bryce smiled at that, close-lipped and small, and he looked even more handsome. “That’s an honorable way to live.”
“It is not entirely altruistic,” they confessed, bottom hands fidgeting with their thumb nail. “I find it difficult to read people, to know what they are thinking or feeling. So by modeling openness, I hope they return it. Then I know where we stand. It is less stressful.”
Like their words had surprised him again, Bryce’s features did something complicated. Those thick eyebrows and their expressing. Zef had a feeling they would have a love-hate relationship with those brows.
“I’ll try and be open about what I’m thinking, if that’s what you want,” the human offered after a fashion, and warm relief bloomed in their belly.
They pressed a palm to it, truly touched at Bryce’s immediate acceptance. “Thank you,” they whispered. “I shall do the same.”
As Zef held the door open, Bryce walked inside, keeping enough distance between them that not even his flannel sleeve made contact. Before he was fully inside, he paused, shoulder in line with Zef’s biceps. He turned his head, face a little flushed as he wet his lips.
Then he said, “For what it’s worth, you’re also handsome. I mean, pretty. I mean, you’re, um, pleasing to look at too.”
Zef’s words on the human’s tongue sounded strange and oddly precious, and they found themself smirking minutely at the blushing man. “Oh? I had the impression that my appearance makes humans uncomfortable.”
At that, Bryce scowled. “Who said that?”
“No one. I simply observed the way Oliver and Jude refuse to retain eye contact with me. As if I unsettle them. And Maggie and Greg grew very uncomfortable when I asked them about the night Oliver was conceived.”
Bryce’s eyes grew alarmingly large. “You asked them about that?”
Zef nodded. “Yes. I was curious what ritual they enacted before they engaged in sexual intercourse. Neither of them could answer. Greg walked away, and Maggie changed the subject rather quickly.”
“Yeah, that’s probably because most humans aren’t comfortable talking about that kind of stuff,” Bryce said, fighting off laughter. “It’s pretty personal.”
“Oh dear, that would explain their discomfort.” They leaned back against the door jamb and hugged themself with all four arms. “I will apologize to them at the first opportunity.”
“They’d most likely prefer to pretend the conversation never happened. But an apology may not hurt.” The door shut, but Bryce waited for Zef to properly process the devastating news before asking, “What do you mean by ritual?”
“It is my understanding that people engage in certain rituals before copulating. Candlelit dinners and bubble baths. Sensual dancing or massage. Some require drugs or alcohol,” Zef explained, splaying their top hands. “I was curious which ritual led to Oliver’s conception.”
“Wow, I can’t believe you asked Mr. and Mrs. Barnes what they did to set the mood. That’s bold as hell.”
Bryce laughed, but he was not laughing at Zef. Since they were too embarrassed to laugh, he was not laughing with them either, but he still was not laughing at them. Zef decided to take it as good-natured teasing instead of mockery.
“I made an egregious social faux-pas,” they bemoaned, which only made Bryce laugh harder.
“Maybe a little,” he said, not unkindly, as he wiped tears from his eyes, big belly jiggling with every guffaw. “Oh man, being friends with you is gonna be fun, I can tell.”
Touched again, Zef rubbed a hand over their chest. “I would like to be friends.”
“I’d like that too, Zef,” Bryce said, and Zef ducked their head to hide their pleased smile. “I’d say we should shake on it, but…”
Instead of words, Bryce finished his sentence with a playful wink, and Zef huffed, tilting their chin with a lofty air. “But you have not earned that quite yet.”
“Ha, sass. I like that too.”
Emboldened, Zef flipped their hair and said, rather smugly, “Then prepare yourself, because according to Gemae, I am a bad bitch.”
And oh, that made the human laugh again, and, yes, Zef decided they liked that very much indeed.