Chapter 19
Chapter nineteen
Nicknames and Nipples
Zef
Nan stayed with them for two weeks. She slept in Bryce’s bed, and Bryce slept on an air mattress in the living room. It was not ideal, but they could work with it temporarily.
Since Bryce had classes and Zef worked, Nan had to entertain herself on weekdays, but she waved off any concern they raised.
“I got a whole demon city to explore. Don’t you worry about me.”
As she wandered around the Pentagram, she sent Zef pictures of her exploits.
She joined a tour group that rode a bus through the entire city, stopping in each district to show off historical landmarks.
One day, she went to the nude beach in Envy, sending Zef voice-notes of all the different kinds of genitals she saw.
When asked if she was nude on the beach, she said, “What kind of question is that? When in Rome, right?”
Zef did not know what that meant, but since they also did not want to know if Nan was actually naked at the beach at that moment, they decided not to ask.
On Thursday, Nan went with Bryce to one of his practical lessons on a farm outside Gluttony district. She sent Zef pictures then too, of Bryce caring for a pregnant torton and giving immunizations to a flock of hunlets. And, of course, selfies of them both during Bryce’s lunch break.
Friday, as they neared the lunch rush, Dex walked into the kitchen and said, “Yo, Zef, I got an old lady with crackin’ pink hair out here asking for you, my dude.”
“That is Nan, Bryce’s grandmother,” they said, before asking Glyma, “May I give her a tour of the kitchen?”
“Of course, I would love to meet her,” Glyma agreed as she wiped her hands on her apron.
“Nan, why didn’t you tell me it was you?” Dex said as Zef followed him out of the kitchen. “Zef has told us all about how you’re here visiting, which is super dope. I would have let you go back right away if I’d known it was you.”
On the other side of the bakery case, Nan waved at Zef exuberantly. “I didn’t know Zef was talking about me. It better be good things.”
“Oh, totally, Nan-Banan. Zef would never talk bad about you or anyone. They’re pretty top tier like that,” Dex said with a grand smile at Zef.
“Ha, Nan-Banan. I like it,” she said, and Dex’s fluffy tail wagged.
“Yeah, nicknames are kind of my thing.”
Rusty, who was doing his best to become one with the bakery case, winced. “No, not the nicknames.”
Ignoring him, Dex pointed two claws at Cya behind the espresso machine. “We got The Silent Cya, slithering assassin, caffeinator percolator, the macchiatah killah!”
With a rattle of their tail, Cya ripped the tea towel from their shoulder and slapped it on the counter. “That doesn’t even rhyme, Dex!”
“It does if you say it right.” Dex clicked this tongue and shot finger guns at them, and they snarled wordlessly. Swiveling his arms to point at Rusty, he said, “And over here in this corner—”
“No,” Rusty whined.
“—we’ve got Rustorama, The Ruskrat, the coolest cat this side of the Pentagram.”
“Not a cat,” Rusty growled.
“He’s pink, he’s purrfect—get it? ’Cause he purrs—and he is ready to par-tay!”
“I’m really not,” Rusty mumbled glumly. “I hate parties.”
Leaning against the doorway, Toni crossed his arms over his chest, and Dex pointed to him next. “And in the kitchen: the ladies love him, the men wanna be him. We’ve got Tonalicous, because he makes delicious food and is handsome as fuck.”
Toni grinned and shrugged. “You know, I don’t hate it.”
“My man!” Dex said, and Toni saluted him.
“Tyranosauras Dex.”
Tail wagging harder, Dex clapped his paws. “Alright, alright. The Tonester.”
“The Dex-Ray Machine,” Toni shot back.
“The Dexcavator!” Nan chimed in.
“Nan with the plan, coming in hot.” Dex offered her his paw, and she high-fived him. “Boom!”
Zef frowned at her. “Do not encourage them, Nan.”
“Hey, let the lady cook,” Dex said.
“Sometimes, I really miss Gem,” Rusty said miserably, and Zef nodded.
“Me too, Rusty.” They patted his shoulder briefly in commiseration. “Me too.”
Strolling forward, Toni reached a hand over the counter to shake Nan’s. “It’s nice to meet you, Nan. I’m Toni. Zef and Bryce have told us a lot of good things, I promise.”
“Well,” she said as she primped her pink curls, “aren’t you a tall drink of water.”
Toni quirked his head. “I don’t know what that means, but it sounds like a compliment.”
“It is. You remind me of my husband when he was young. He wasn’t blue, of course, but it’s something about the hair and the… physique. He died over a decade ago.”
“I’m very sorry to hear that. But I can see he was a very lucky man having been able to spend his life with you,” Toni said with a wink, and Nan giggled girlishly.
Dex waggled his tongue offensively as he whisper-shouted, “Tonalicious!”
Before things devolved further, Zef ushered Nan into the kitchen to meet Glyma and Willow.
During the rush, Nan sat at a corner table and sipped her coffee, snacking on a muffin.
When it calmed down enough for Zef to take their lunch break, they ate with Nan, listening as she gushed about how much she loved the Hell dimension and adored Zef’s friends.
To ensure Nan was there for Bryce’s birthday celebration, they planned a somewhat impromptu party that weekend at a small speakeasy Toni knew about. “I know the owner,” he had said, and since Toni knew everyone, they believed him.
It was a homey bar with live music and mood lighting. Within minutes of meeting, Nan and Gem were joined at the hip. She showed him pictures of her and Bryce’s grandad when they were first married, the photos wrinkled with age.
“Oh my gods, Nan, you kept it tight, girl,” Gem said, admiring the pictures. “Hottie with a body over here. And Grandad Frank? No lie, I would have hit that.”
“I did hit that,” Nan boasted proudly.
“Nan,” Bryce whined.
“Don’t judge her, Bryce. She is a strong, independent woman, and she has needs,” Gem defended her before rolling several eyes at Nan. “Kids these days, am I right? Also, Grandad Frank kinda looks like Toni. You know, if he was human.”
“I know,” Nan said dreamily, finger-waving at Toni.
Sipping his beer, Toni winked back at her, and she blushed.
“Stop flirting with my grandma, man,” Bryce warned, and the Elas rolled his eyes and pointed significantly at Jude.
“We’re just joking. Obviously nothing’s gonna happen.”
“So if I wasn’t in the picture, something would?” Jude asked.
With a shrug, Toni mumbled, “I ain’t ageist, and you know what, older ladies know what they’re doing. Ain’t that right, baby?”
Nan beamed at him. “Old engines are reliable, and they know exactly how to get you where you need to go.”
“Oh my God, Nan!” Bryce cried.
Gem squealed and clapped numerous hands.
“Nan, will you be my grandma, because you’re amazing and way cooler than my actual grandma.
” At everyone’s judgmental reactions, he doubled-down.
“No, for real. She’s a bigoted bitch. When my sister Barie transitioned, she told my parents to put her in the asylum for mental illness. And my other grandmas are dead, so…”
“I can be your grandma,” Nan said, and Gem hugged her tightly.
“Yay, we get to share Nan!”
“Do you need a grandma, Toni?” Nan asked with an eyebrow waggle.
Plopping his head on the table, Bryce groaned. “Maybe this party was a bad idea.”
Zef snuck a hand under the table to give his wrist a squeeze, and he glanced up immediately, a crooked grin breaking over his face. He curled his fingers around Zef’s until they were palm-to-palm.
“Careful, Nan, you naughty girl,” Toni flashed his jagged teeth. “You know I’m a kept man. But”—he jabbed a thumb in Dex’s direction—“Dex is single.”
Dex, who had been trying to convince Cya to do a shot, spun around at the sound of his name. “What?”
“Nan wants to be your grandma,” Gem started.
“And get you where you need to go,” Toni finished.
One ear flopping over, Dex screwed up his face in confusion. “Huh? You mean, like, after the party’s over? That’s really nice of you, Nan, but I have a student tram pass, so it’s only, like, a myrel or two to get around.”
“Oh shit, I forgot how young he was,” Toni said with a wince. “We should definitely stop this joke.”
When the band finished their set, the stage opened for karaoke, and Gem grabbed Toni and hauled him out of his chair so they could sign up.
Dex, Jude, Oliver, and Willow joined them.
Even Nan ended up on stage, belting into the microphone with Gem as they sang about something called “apple-bottomed jeans.”
“You don’t wanna do karaoke? You have a great voice,” Bryce said, but Zef shook their head.
Since half their group was gone, Zef felt comfortable pulling out the gift-wrapped box they had brought. They set it on the table in front of Bryce, wings thrumming in anticipation. Pushing his beer to the side, he inspected the box, the crests of his cheeks flushed from the alcohol.
“You got Nan here for my birthday. You didn’t have to get me another gift.”
“It is small,” they said as they scooted to the edge of their seat, their knee brushing his leg.
As Bryce ripped the wrapping off, Zef ignored the curious glances from Rusty and Cya and Liel.
Glyma was watching with a pleased smile on her face, and Zef severed eye contact with her quickly as their face warmed.
They had told Willow and Glyma about Bryce’s admission earlier that week in hopes of receiving some womanly advice.
What they had received—admittedly along with some advice—was many womanly shrieks of excitement as they had surrounded Zef and interrogated them mercilessly for details.
But their elation had been contagious, and Zef had shyly and haltingly told them about how warm and heavy his hand had felt cupping their cheek.
Opening the box, Bryce peered inside, brows furrowing. “Mugs. Cool.”
He pulled out the first one and read the words printed around its circumference. “What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?”