16
"What other choices does Pallavi make for you?" I asked Vaishu trying to remain as calm as possible.
Vaishu took a moment before replying. "Clothes....hairstyle.....jwellery..."
"So basically everything," I said annoyed.
Vaishu simply stared at me for a second. "Are you....angry?" she nervously asked.
"Well I just found out that my wife relies on a kid for all her decisions. So of course I am angry, Vaishu" I said frustrated.
Vaishu slowly took a step backward and I let my anger get the better of me.
"Stop running away from me at the slightest hint of discomfort," I said angrily grabbing her wrist and pulling her closer.
Vaishu immediately looked down, scared. I could sense her nervousness, the fidgeting of her fingers and the restlessness of her breath.
I immediately regretted my actions and gently loosenend my grip on her wrist. I slid my hand down, so that we are holding each other's hands instead of me grabbing her by the wrist.
That seems to have calmed her down and she slowly lifted her eyes to look at me.
"The last thing I want is for my anger to translate into your fear, Vaishu," I said calmly. "Find me when you gain enough courage to not look at the floor for help," I said and slowly tried to let go of her hand but she held on firmly, taking me by my surprise.
"General, I need to talk to you," I said barging into the general's chambers. He was in a meeting with some of the other higher officials and I could sense him getting visibly annoyed.
He excused himself, grabbed my hand and took me outside.
"Who the hell even let you in?" he whisper yelled.
"We do not have time for this, general," I said, "I think the queen might need your help."
"Why? What happened?" the general asked anxiously.
"The king has requested to be left alone with the queen and I heard him yell," I answered, "I am sure he meant no harm....I know he meant no harm....but....the queen is extremely sensitive and I think..."
The general immediately stormed towards the library before I could even finish my sentence. I hurriedly followed him.
"I do not want to fear you," Vaishu said slowly speaking up. "With you around, my mind is finally learning to be at peace and I would not trade it for anything in the world."
I listened attentively.
"But then...." she hesitantly continued, "I have always suffered the consequences of people's anger. Hence, my default survival instinct is to either not make people angry or run away at the first sign of anger."
"Adi....I know you are different," she added looking into my eyes, "I truly believe you are different, but my subconsious mind does not know that. It takes time to learn and it is unfair to expect change overnight."
I remained silent, thinking. She is right. It is unfair. Especially unfair after my aggressive behavior.
"So, what do you want me to do?" I asked.
"About what?" Vaishu asked innocently.
"You said it takes time to learn. I understand that. So what can I do to make it faster, or at the very least not jeopardize your trust?" I asked.
Vaishu smiled.
"Just tell me exactly what is going on in your mind," she said, "I do not want to entertain the overwhelming negative thoughts in my head."
"Alright," I said, "This is going to be a long discussion so-"
I was interrupted by someone knocking on the library door.
The king opened the door and my eyes immediately went searching for the queen. She quickly made her way to the door as well, and to my surprise, she does not look scared at all. If anything she looked concerned. So did the king.
After all, protocol states that if the royals ask for solitude, the only reason it could be broken is if there is a state emergecy!
"Is everything alright, general?" the king asked concerned.
The general shifted his eyes towards the queen and, he probably realized as well, that she is in no danger.
"Uh...yes...your highness," he replied, "Everything is alright."
"Then...why would you disturb my time with the queen?" the king asked annoyed and confused.
"Well...your highness..." the general said and looked at me. I immediately started panicking. The truth will most certainly put me in bad light with the king. The queen looked at me and almost instinctively figured out what must have happened.
"Adi...perhaps there is some confusion," she said placing a hand on the king's shoulder. "If there is nothing important, general," she asked turning her attention towards the general, "Would it be okay if I request some alone time with my husband?"
"Of course, your highness," the general said and we both quickly used this opportunity to get away from the king.
"He probably thought I was going to hurt you," Adi said the moment we closed the door.
"I am sure that is not the case, Adi" I assured.
"It is," Adi oppossed, "I still remember the time he dangled the sacred thread on my face, telling me how it will protect you from both the devil and the witch. The witch being Meihu and the devil being me."
I smiled.
"I do not know when the general will understand that..."
"We are getting distracted," I said to stop his flow of thoughts, "You are supossed to tell me exactly why you are angry."
"Right," Adi said and sat down on one of the chairs and signalled me to sit down on the chair opposite to him. I sat down and he pulled my chair nearer so that we are as close as possible. He took both my hands into his hands and started speaking while looking into my eyes.
"Vaishu, do you know how I see you?" he asked.
"As a sensitive naive girl who needs to be protected at all costs?" I answered.
Adi chuckled.
"Initially, yes," he admitted. "But then I read your book.
...I listened to you argue with me....and that is when I realized you are truly much more than that.
" "Vaishu, you can see problems no one else can see and you are capable of comprehending them in such an intellectual manner that you would still win the debate despite challenging decades of contrary beliefs. "
I fell silent. I never ever saw myself as someone intellectual. This is completely new to me.
"And these are just glimpses of you exhibiting brilliance by accident," he continued, "Imagine what more could be accomplished if you truly put your heart to it....the change you could bring to the lives of the mothers, sisters,and daughters of our kingdom....to my people...."
"I want the women of this country to see you as their leader," he said passionately holding my hands tighter, "Someone they could rely on to solve their problems." "But then....why would and why should they do that if you rely on someone else for your own decisions?" he asked.
That statement hurt and that is because he is right. I have the power to make real change, yet I remained silent, never even gave a thought about the possibility.
Perhaps it is time I change, it is time I become the person people can rely on, instead of being the one who relies on people.
Maybe Meihu is wrong.
Maybe I am brilliant. Maybe I am intellectual.
If the king of the nine kingdoms is saying it, then it is more likely the truth and if I really am brilliant, I shall use it for the greater good....but then one question still remains....
"What if I make the wrong decision?" I asked.
Adi smiled.
"Then we will deal with the consequences," he said, "Together."