Chapter Eight – Beck
Chapter Eight
BECK
I sat quietly in a chair as Stella and Ty sat on the sofa in his office, reading through the letters. I had put them in my jacket pocket and retrieved them before we headed to Ty’s office. Stella softly cried as she read them, and Ty had wiped a few tears away as well. I wasn’t sure what to do with myself, so I just watched them, wondering what was going on in their minds. What was it like for them to know that their son had been so in love with someone they’d never met?
Stella got to the last letter, the one from the Marine Corps. She stilled, then after a few moments, lifted her head and looked directly at me. “I received a letter like this as well.”
“I’ve been thinking about that letter ever since reading it. Clearly, they knew who my mother was. Like, my dad must have told someone about her. The last letter she wrote to him…it wasn’t open, so they hadn’t read it. But it was the letter in which she told my dad that she was pregnant.”
Stella buried her face in her hands.
“I’m so sorry that I’ve brought you so much unhappiness. I understand now why my mother decided not to reach out to you.”
Ty looked up at me sharply. “You haven’t brought us sadness, Beck. It’s the opposite. Are we sad that our son never knew he was going to be a father? Yes. Are we sad that we missed out on watching you grow up? Absolutely. But are we sad that you’re sitting here right now? No, not at all, son. You’ve brought such joy to us, you’ll never truly know how much. You’ve given us a piece of our son back, and that means the world to Stella and me.”
Stella drew in a few deep breaths. “Ty summed that up nicely. I’m sorry I’m a water bucket of tears. For years after your father died, I refused to speak about him. I couldn’t bear even the thought of talking about him because it only made me hurt more. I wasn’t trying to forget him. No, I thought about him every single day, from the moment I woke until I put my head on my pillow.
“It wasn’t until Lincoln came into our lives and pretty much forced me to talk about your father that I slowly realized…speaking about him didn’t make me sad. It made me feel better . It made me feel like he was still here. I think your mother was like me, and she didn’t have anyone to force her to talk about him. If she had, things might have been different. Maybe she would have searched for us, I don’t know. I’m so sorry we weren’t there for you, Beck.”
I quickly stood and made my way over to them. Crouching, I took her hands in mine. “Please don’t feel like I was let down. My mother made sure I had a wonderful childhood, and she did talk about my father. I could see the hurt in her eyes, though, when I asked questions. I think the older I got, the more I noticed, and maybe that’s why I stopped asking about him.”
Ty studied the military letter. “Stella, do you think Beck knew Heather was pregnant?”
She looked at him. “What makes you think that?”
He stared at the paperwork. “This letter. Do you think they’d send this type of announcement to just anyone who sent him a letter?”
Stella took the letter again, then frowned. “Maybe they knew Heather was his girlfriend, but surely not that she was pregnant.”
“Mom said she’d met his Marine Corps buddies, so it wouldn’t surprise me that the higher-ups knew about her. As a matter of fact, I remember when I was about eight or nine, four guys came to visit Mom. They were friends of my father’s, I remember that clearly. They took us bowling, and at one point, one of them was sitting with my mom, talking to her while the others bowled with me. He handed her something, then hugged her because she started crying. After that day, I never saw them again.”
They both nodded, and Stella said, “That could be it, then. As teammates, they would have made sure your mother got an official letter, and not just her letter returned unopened. Those boys were all like brothers.”
“Do you know what they gave her?” Ty asked.
“No, but if not the letters, whatever it was could very well be in the boxes I have back at my place in Texas. I haven’t gone through them all yet.”
Stella reached for my hand. “Take your time going through them, sweetheart. It’s okay not to want to do it all at once. Now…let me show you something.”
She and Ty both stood, so I followed. We left his office and made our way through the house and to the stairs.
“Um, Stella, Ty, there’s something you should know,” Dirk said as he quickly approached us.
“In a moment, sweetheart,” Stella said as she started up the steps, Ty following. I turned to Dirk, and he gave me a concerned look. I started to ask him what was wrong, but Stella called out for me.
“Beck, are you coming, dear?”
“Um, yes, ma’am. I’m right behind you.”
I shrugged, and before Dirk could say anything, I turned and took the steps two at a time to catch up. I could hear him cursing behind me.
There was a large loft area that looked out over the family room below. I glanced down and saw Dirk looking back at me. He was trying to say something, but I couldn’t tell what it was.
“What?” I mouthed. He rolled his eyes, and I jumped when Stella called me again.
“Beck! Good Lord, the apple didn’t fall far from the tree,” she sighed.
I couldn’t help but smile. I shrugged to Dirk once more and quickly caught up to Stella and Ty as they got to the end of a long hallway. They stood at a closed door, and I assumed it was a bedroom. When Stella opened it, she motioned for me to go inside first.
The second I stepped in, my knees nearly buckled out from under me. It was my father’s room. I looked around in awe, and then back to Stella and Ty.
“We never could pack up his things and get rid of them. Something deep inside of me told me to hang onto everything.”
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I walked over to a bookcase. Bending down, I looked at the spines. Baseball books, bull-riding books…books about cattle and other ranching topics. There was a Marine Corps book, as well as some classic literature titles. To Kill a Mockingbird, The Great Gatsby, Brave New World, The Call of the Wild, and so many more. There was even Pride and Prejudice.
My finger ran along the spines. “He had good taste in books.”
“He did, indeed,” Stella stated as she sat down on the bed.
On top of the case were a few baseball trophies, a belt buckle for something he won, and a few movie ticket stubs. I picked one up and laughed. “ Top Gun .”
“Lord, he loved that movie,” Ty said with a laugh. “He loved any kind of military movie.”
Turning in a slow circle, I took in the rest of the room. There was a poster on the back of the door of some model hardly dressed in anything. In the corner was a record player, and under it, vinyl records. I made my way over to them.
Stella spoke, and I could hear the smile in her voice. “He loved all kinds of music.”
I pulled out a Van Halen record. 1984.
With a slow shake of my head, I slid it back in and pulled out a Boston album. It felt like someone was squeezing my heart as I stared at the cover. My mother had the same album, and she’d played it over and over until it wore out. Closing my eyes, I could still hear the words to “More Than a Feeling.”
Letting out a slow breath, I opened my eyes and put the record back. I grabbed another, and instantly the tears stung the back of my eyes. “Silver Springs,” I softly whispered.
I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I lost the battle to keep my tears at bay. Stella was suddenly next to me, and she drew me into a hug.
“Shh, it’s okay, sweetheart. Let it all out. It’s okay to miss her.”
I wasn’t even sure how Stella knew I was crying over my mother. Then again, could I cry over a father I never knew?
I buried my face in her neck and let myself cry for the first time since the night my mother died. With each tear fallen and each sob released, the pressure around my heart eased.
Stella’s hand rubbed lightly over my back as she softly spoke to me. When I finally got my shit together, I drew back. “I’m so sorry.”
Cupping my face in her hands, she looked directly at me. I saw a part of me in her kind face, and that did something strange to me.
“Don’t you ever say you’re sorry for feeling with your heart, Beck. There is nothing wrong with letting your emotions show. Your mother was your greatest gift, just like you were hers. Her loss won’t leave you…ever. And you don’t have to hide your sorrow, not around us. Not around your family.”
My eyes had drifted down to the album that was on the floor. When she said the words “your family,” I jerked them back up to her.
She smiled and let out a soft laugh. “Oh, you didn’t think you were going to just show up on my door and I was going to let you simply walk away? No, sir. You are my grandson. You’re part of us,” Stella said as she held her hand up. It was only then I noticed Ty had been standing there. “I may have only just met you a few hours ago, but you’ll be in my heart for all time.”
“Stella…” I whispered, not sure what to say after her name. This had been exactly what I wanted, hadn’t it? To be welcomed by my father’s family. To learn about him. Then why was I so overwhelmed? “Thank you.”
Ty crouched and put his hand on my shoulder. “Where are you staying?”
For a moment, I was confused. “Oh, um…a hotel in Hamilton.”
“Not anymore, son. You pack up your things, and you’ll come stay here with us for as long as you’d like. We have guest rooms you can stay in, and you can spend time in this room whenever you want. It’s as much yours as it is ours.”
“I…I…”
Stella grinned. “Good! It’s settled then. You’ll come stay with us. It’ll be easier this way. I’m sure once the boys meet you, they’re going to want to show you all around the ranch.”
Before I could utter a single word, a light knock caused all of us to turn toward the door. I was still sitting on the floor, Stella next to me, and Ty squatting down next to us both.
Avery looked as if she was blinking back tears. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but my dad was too afraid to come up here.”
Ty huffed and made a groan as he stood back up. “Christ, it sucks getting old.”
I quickly stood and helped Stella up.
“Goodness, the ol’ knees aren’t as strong as they once were,” she stated as she turned to Avery. “What was it your father was too cowardly to come say?”
Avery chewed on her lower lip for a moment before she said, “Brock is here to talk to Dad about something. I guess you told him we were coming over for dinner? He just arrived, he’s with Dad in Grandpa’s study.”
My heart started to pound in my chest so loudly, I hardly heard Stella’s reply.
“Okay.” Turning to me, she grinned. “Let’s go meet your uncle Brock.”
“Wait—right now?”
Ty started for the door. “No time like the present!”
Stella kissed me on the cheek, then followed her husband.
Avery walked over to me. “Are you okay?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I’m as good as can be expected, I guess.”
She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. Glancing down to the records, she looked back at me. “I know it has to be hard, being around all these strangers, but if you ever need to talk… Well. I’m here for you.”
I took a step toward her and reached for her hand, bringing it up to my lips. I wanted to run my tongue along the inside of her wrist, but instead, I softly kissed the back of her hand. “Thank you, Avery. That means the world to me.”
Her nostrils flared slightly as her eyes focused on my mouth—then she jumped when Stella cried out, “Kids, come on!”
“We should…” She barely got the words out. “We should…”
“Go.”
Nodding, she replied, “Yes.”
Avery walked out of the bedroom first. I turned and took another look around. I wanted to spend more time in here, so I knew I would be taking Stella and Ty up on their offer to stay. But I wouldn’t give up my hotel room, just in case I needed an escape for a night or two.
Walking through the house, we eventually got back to the door that led into Ty’s office. The door was ajar, and I could hear Dirk and Brock speaking.
Ty pushed the door open and walked in. Stella followed. It was only then that I realized I’d been holding Avery’s hand. I let go and looked at her. Her cheeks were a delicate shade of pink.
“It’s okay,” she softly said as she motioned for me to walk in.
I wasn’t sure if Dirk had told Brock about me already, and there was only one way to find out. I stepped into the room, and Brock turned his head to see who else had entered.
His eyes went wide, and the glass of whiskey that was in his hand slipped and fell to the floor.
Turning to face me, he shook his head. “Beck?”
A chill ran over my entire body, and I looked over to Stella and Ty, then to Dirk. His only response was a slight nod in his head.
I went to say something, but stopped when Brock started walking toward me. “How? How is this…wait…you… how ?” Brock looked at his parents, then back to me.
“Brock, this is Beck’s son. Beck Dahlstrom,” Ty Senior said.
Brock shook his head, then stepped back to a chair on shaky legs and sat down. I wasn’t sure what to do or say, so I just stood there.
“If you would’ve stopped talking for ten seconds, I could have given you a warning about Beck,” Dirk stated, his arms folded across his chest.
Brock gaped at him. “Don’t you think you should have interrupted me and said, oh, I don’t know, ‘Hey, by the way, your brother has a kid and he’s here’?”
“I mean, that would have been rather harsh.”
Brock’s mouth fell open wider. “Harsh? Dude! For a hot second, I thought my baby brother was standing there.” He looked back at me. “You are the spitting image of my brother…who’s your father ?” He shook his head. “Beck had a son ? How? Why are we just now meeting you? Where have you been?”
Feeling panicked, I forced myself not to run from the room. Avery must have sensed what I was feeling, because she walked up next to me and simply stood by my side. The feel of her so close instantly helped to calm me down. Fucking hell, I was becoming emotionally dependent on her, and that wasn’t good.
Stella walked to the middle of the room. “Okay. Let’s take a breath, Brock.”
“But—”
She held up her hand. “I think it’s time we called Junior and Tanner and have them come over.”
Brock stood. “Wait a minute, are you going to make me wait for them to get here before you tell me anything?”
I nearly laughed. For a second, I thought he was going to stomp his foot.
Dirk did laugh. “My God, you sound like a child.”
Brock spun and pointed at him. “ You shut up. You knew Beck had a son and you never told me.”
“What?” Dirk responded. “You really think I would keep that from you?”
Stella tried to interject as Ty walked over to the bar with a shake of his head and poured a drink. His gaze met mine, and he pointed to his glass. All I could do was nod. He poured another drink and walked over to me. I took it gratefully and downed it in one gulp.
“Yep, you’re a Shaw,” he mumbled, as Avery walked to the middle of the room and let out an ear-splitting whistle. The entire room fell silent.
About that time, Bradly walked in and looked around the room, Mackenzie right behind him.
Looking around at everyone not speaking, Bradly asked, “What’s going on?”
“That’s enough! Dad, Uncle Brock—you’re making Beck take shots with Grandpa!”
“Hey, you make that sound like a bad thing,” Ty groused.
That time, I did laugh. Avery tossed me a look that quickly had me shutting my mouth.
Ty took the glass and whispered, “I’ll get us another.”
Avery continued as Ty made his way back to the bar.
“We all need to just take a couple of breaths. Now, Grams, I think you and Grandpa need to call Uncle Ty and Tanner, and tell them over the phone before they get here. I think we’ve done enough surprising of everyone.”
“Oh sure, now you make that rule,” Brock said with an eye roll.
Avery ignored him and went on. “I also think it’s easier for Beck if he only has to tell his story once more. He’s already been through enough.”
Stella nodded. “I agree.” Turning to me, she said, “Sweetheart, head on into the kitchen with Avery. I’ve got fresh fruit cut up in the fridge, along with some fruit dip.”
Brock sucked in a breath. “Fruit dip?”
Stella pointed to him. “ No . It’s for Beck.”
“What?” Brock argued. “How is that fair? He’s already getting preferential treatment?”
I looked at Avery, who simply shrugged. Bradly walked up next to me and whispered, “I tried to warn you. They’re a different breed, these Shaws.”
Mackenzie added, “Just wait until family game night.”