Chapter Thirteen – Beck
Chapter Thirteen
BECK
Earlier the same day…
Brock had come early Saturday morning while I was eating breakfast with Stella and Ty and asked if I was ready to see the ranch. Apparently, he was too eager to wait until that afternoon.
“You couldn’t even let the boy have a decent breakfast?” Stella asked, while Brock leaned down and kissed her.
“Good morning, Mom. There’s a lot to see, and he’s not going to be here for long.”
The feeling of guilt pierced my chest as Stella’s smile faded ever so slightly.
“At least a couple weeks,” I stated, hoping that would bring the smile back. It worked, because Stella looked at me and beamed with happiness.
“What are you boys going to do?” Ty asked.
“Tanner is saddling up a few horses.”
“Horses?” I said, the same time Stella did. “You do remember I’m from Texas, right?” I asked.
Brock laughed. “I would assume, cowboy, that means you know how to ride a horse.”
“Of course I do, but you were serious about riding them in the snow?” I glanced out and saw the snow lightly falling.
Brock looked me over and shook his head. “You probably don’t have the proper gear to ride outside in the winter,” he said thoughtfully.
“No, sir, I do not.”
He frowned and pulled out his phone, hitting a number. “Tanner, Pretty Boy Junior doesn’t have winter riding clothes.”
I looked at Stella and Ty. “Pretty Boy Junior?”
Stella’s eyes filled with tears as she laughed. “They called Beck ‘Pretty Boy’ all the time.”
Smiling, I looked back at Brock.
“Yeah, we’ll get that taken care of today. We should be there soon, but we’ll have to take the truck.” He shot me another look and rolled his eyes.
Of course, he was kidding with me, and I absolutely loved the banter with this family. If this was what it was like to have siblings, I’d missed out. Laughing, I was about to excuse myself from the table when Brock hung up.
“You got off for today, but tomorrow we ride, regardless of if you have winter clothes or not. We need to see how our nephew rides. Can’t be having Beck’s son lookin’ like a pansy on top of a horse, Texas born and raised be damned.”
Stella sighed and rolled her eyes. “When did you start taking drama classes, son?”
Brock laughed.
“Stella, Ty, did y’all need me to do anything before I take off with Brock?”
Stella shook her head. “No, you go have fun with the boys. And, Brock Shaw, do not keep that boy out in the cold. He isn’t used to this kind of weather.”
Brock folded his arms over his chest. “Mom, Beck would want us to make sure the kid’s tough.”
She stood and glared at him.
Holding up his hands, he said, “He’s a Shaw. It’s in his blood. Don’t worry. It’s not like we’re gonna put him on a bull.”
I smiled and stood. “I’ll go get changed.”
As I walked out of the kitchen, I heard Brock say, “Yet. We won’t put him on a bull yet .”
“Brock Shaw!” Stella warned, as I paused and glanced at the front door. The sudden urge to flee the house was strong, but I ignored it and quickly changed into some warmer clothes before heading back downstairs.
As we walked out to Brock’s truck, he said, “Tanner will make a list of things you need to keep from freezing your ass off while you’re here.”
“Thanks,” I replied, climbing up into the truck.
As we pulled out, Brock started to tell me about the ranch. He ran it after his father retired. Ty Junior also helped, but he had a busy career raising bulls for competition riding in the Pbr, from which he’d recently announced his retirement. Blayze, Brock’s oldest son, had taken over most of the daily operations, with Brock’s younger son, Hunter, recently joining the family business.
“And Josh and Nathan?” I asked. “Will they be joining the ranks as ranch hands?”
Brock smiled. “Josh wants to be a firefighter. Has no interest in running the ranch.”
“Does he ride bulls?” I asked.
“He does, but only for the fun of it. He has no desire to follow in his daddy’s or his uncle’s footsteps. Which is fine with Ty. He just wants his kids to be happy.”
“It’s nice that he doesn’t feel that pressure to do something simply because it’s a family business.”
I felt his eyes on me. “And you’re not so lucky.”
A bitter laugh slipped free. “I’m not. My grandfather’s been grooming me since I was little to take over for him. He never got over the fact my mother refused to marry and produce more ‘heirs to the fortune,’ as he called it.”
Brock laughed, then stopped when I didn’t join in. “Wait…he really said that?”
I nodded. “He did.”
“Wow. As a father of three, I can tell you that no matter what my kids do, I’m proud of them. Blayze started off bull riding and then decided the ranch meant more to him. I wasn’t going to pressure him either way. And Bradly…hell, he was the best bull rider out of the bunch. He very recently decided it no longer brought him joy. He’s back home now, working alongside Dirk on the ranch. Dirk’s happy to have him home, and of course, Merit is as well. But they never pressured him one way or another.”
“Did he give up bull riding because of Mackenzie?” I asked.
He shook his head. “According to Dirk, Bradly was already planning on walking away very soon. I think she might have sped that decision up for him, or maybe solidified it. Women will make you do crazy things. Trust me, I know!”
I smiled as I thought about Avery.
“What about you, son? Ever been in love?”
“I thought I was at one time, but I don’t think it was truly love. I’m not sure, to be honest with you, what love actually feels like.”
He laughed. “Trust me, you’ll know when it happens.”
“When did you know with Lincoln?” I asked.
A wide smile appeared on his face. “I think the moment I first saw her. I felt something I’d never felt before with anyone else. Not even Blayze’s mother, my first wife. With Lincoln, everything just hit differently. My instant defense mechanism was to deny my feelings by being a total asshole to her.” He chuckled. “She didn’t put up with my shit, though, and that only made me fall in love with her more.”
“How did it hit differently?” I asked.
“First, the moment I saw her, she absolutely stole the breath from my lungs. I literally struggled to keep my shit together. Some people say they don’t believe in love at first sight, but I’m positive that day in the barn, seeing her with Blayze, I fell hard . I was just too stubborn to admit it. From then on, anytime she was near me, the air around me changed. I don’t know how else to explain it. I could sense her before I even turned around to see her. Lincoln was so easy to be with, and she still is. I can talk to her about anything and everything. Without her, there is no me.”
I thought back to the moment Avery walked onto that plane in Dallas. How easy it was to talk to her. I’d opened up and damn near told her my life story.
“You’ll know you’ve found the one when you feel your damn heart tripping over itself anytime she smiles at you,” Brock added. “It’s not just lust or a desire to have her sexually. It’s more the desire to simply be with her.”
“Do you think you can be friends with someone first before wanting something more with them?” I asked.
“Oh yeah. Hell, I think you can totally detest a person and still fall in love with them. Just ask Ty and Kaylee about their bumpy road to love.” Brock laughed, as if a memory had resurfaced.
“What if there are things in the way?” I asked.
Pulling up to the barn, Brock put the truck in Park and turned to look at me. He studied me for a moment. “Things in the way? Such as?”
I sure as hell wasn’t about to say an age gap. He’d know for sure I was talking about Avery.
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Just…things that might get in the way of having a relationship.”
He nodded. “When I dated Lincoln, it was long distance for us. I was always out on the road. But it all worked out in the end. As far as other things…I’m not sure. Depends on what those things are. But if it’s meant to be, it’ll work out.”
All I could do was nod.
“Can I give you some advice, Beck?”
“Of course you can, anytime.”
“If you find yourself in love, don’t let anything stop you from fighting for that love. It’s not every day someone comes into your life and turns it upside down in the most amazing kind of way. Love isn’t easy, and you have to work at it…always. Even after it’s well established.”
Turning to look at the barn, I said, “I believe my mother and father had that kind of love…and in the end, it broke her heart. She never married anyone. I always wondered if she was lonely, and when I asked, she’d just say she had me . But I wasn’t sure that was enough for her. Was she so afraid to give her heart again that she kept it to herself, in case she lost someone a second time? Or was she so in love with my dad she literally couldn’t give it to anyone else? If that’s love…I’m not so sure I want anything to do with it. If it brings you such pain and confusion.”
Brock exhaled and waited a moment before asking, “Who is she, Beck?”
My head jerked to the left to stare at him. “I’m sorry?”
“You just rubbed at your chest like you were feeling something. I know that look, because I’ve seen it on plenty of faces in my time. Who is she?”
I shook my head. “Someone out of my reach, sir.”
“Well…maybe what you need to do then is figure out how to extend your hand a little farther, so you can grab her.”
With that, he opened the door and got out.
I spent most of the day with Brock, Tanner, and Ty Junior as we drove around the ranch. They showed me their respective places on the ranch; I met Josh and Nathan, who were both a hoot. I was also able to meet Lily and Maverick. Lily was Tanner’s daughter, and Maverick was her husband. He also worked with Tanner on his horse ranch.
Eventually, Brock turned down a road that wasn’t paved, and it looked like not many people drove down it too often.
“Where is this going?” I asked from the passenger side of Brock’s truck. Ty Junior and Tanner were in the back seat. All three of them were quiet as we drove down the little road. As we drew closer to the mountain range, I was struck by how beautiful it was, covered in white snow. The sun seemed to cause the entire thing to shimmer, as if someone had flown over it and threw out thousands of pounds of glitter. We stopped at a small pasture area surrounded by pine trees.
“This is near the edge of our ranch. We own some of the land that goes up into the mountains,” Brock stated.
“It’s beautiful.”
The three of them all got out, so I followed suit. Tanner had let me borrow some of his snow boots, since we were the same foot size. As they started walking into the trees, I followed. It was a small hike up, but it was worth it when we came to an opening in the trees. The view was absolutely breathtaking.
I did a full circle and slowly shook my head. “I can see so much of the ranch from up here.”
“It’s a beautiful spot,” Ty Junior said quietly.
Wondering why no one had built on this spot, I turned to look at Brock. His expression seemed…lost.
I followed his gaze toward a few trees that had been cut down, the stumps still sticking out of the ground. I made my way over to the area. I looked around and was struck again by what an amazing spot this was, overlooking most of the Shaw ranch. I smiled as I spotted cattle in one of the pastures. To my left, I thought I saw Tanner’s place. Two horses ran in an open field, playing in the snow.
Suddenly, a warm sensation rushed through me, and I felt a sort of peace I’d never known. At the same time, a loss so deep that it caused me to bend forward to catch my breath.
I closed my eyes…and I swore I felt my father’s presence. The feeling was so overwhelming, I knew if I moved or said a word, I’d lose control of my emotions, so I simply stayed where I was.
It was a few minutes before I could stand and draw in a deep breath. I turned to see my three uncles waiting patiently. They clearly knew I’d figured out what this area was.
“He was going to build a house here, wasn’t he?” I asked, my voice unrecognizable to my own ears, cracking with emotion.
Brock stepped forward some. He nodded and said, “The last time he was home, he came up here and started to clear out some trees. He told me he was building a house here for him and Heather. He said he knew she was the one.”
A single tear slipped free, and I wiped it away. “You haven’t done anything with the spot?”
“It’s Beck’s place,” Tanner said. “Always has been. He loved this area of the ranch. He was big into hiking, and there’re trails he made up into the hills. When the snow melts, we’ll show you all of them.”
My jaw was aching as I clenched it tightly. I shook my head and forced myself to get my damn emotions in check. “You left this for him?” I asked.
It was Ty who walked up to me and put a hand on my shoulder. “No one was going to touch it, ever. It belonged to our brother, your father.” His voice cracked and tears filled his eyes. “It’s yours now, Beck. He would want you to have it.”
My own battle to hold back my tears was lost. I let them fall as a sob slipped free. “How can I miss someone I never knew?” I asked. Ty pulled me into his arms and hugged me tightly. “Why does my heart feel like it’s been ripped from my chest?” I asked, my body shaking with sobs. “Why did he leave? Why? ”
I soon felt my other two uncles there, their arms around me as the four of us stood on the very spot where my father had dreamed of his future. A future with my mother.
Time felt like it stopped, and when it started to snow, Brock was the first to let go, then Tanner, and finally Ty. We all wiped at our tears and I looked up at the sky. The snowflakes were huge, and I smiled despite myself.
Throats were clearing, nose sniffles were heard all around me, and I looked at my three uncles. “Thank you for bringing me here. For showing me this.”
“I meant what I said,” Ty stated. “This is yours. Mom and Dad deeded out a hundred-and-fifty acres to Beck. It now goes to you.”
Slowly shaking my head, I said, “I don’t know what to say.”
Tanner put his hand on my shoulder. “You don’t have to say or do anything. It’s yours. You can leave it as-is, build a cabin on it for when you visit, or…” His words drifted off.
“Or?” I asked.
The three brothers all exchanged looks.
Brock cleared his throat before he spoke. “We weren’t going to do this on your first official day on the ranch…but if you ever want to take your rightful place here, we’d be more than happy to have you.”
My heart kicked up a bit as I stared at them. Were they really offering me a home here?
“No pressure at all,” Brock went on. “But there’s a place here for you, if or when you want it.”
For the first time in my life, I felt like I was drifting on a boat out to sea. I had no idea what to do, where to go, or who to be. “I…I…”
It appeared the only word I knew at the moment was “I,” since no other words would form.
Tanner grinned. “Beck, you’ve only been in Montana a couple of days, and we’ve unloaded something huge on you. We don’t need to know what you want to do right now. If you decide to pack up your bags and head back to Texas, we’d support you. But I know I can speak for all of us, and our parents, when I say that we hope that you’ll at least stay in our lives.”
I let out a soft chuckle. “I already can’t imagine my life without y’all in it.”
Ty and Brock both smiled.
“Good, because if you decided to leave and not come back, our mother would track your ass down in Texas. And if you think your grandfather would scare her, it would be the other way around.”
We all laughed, then took in a deep breath at the same time and exhaled.
“Okay, enough of this heavy shit. I think we need to do something lighter,” Ty stated as he squeezed the back of my neck.
Brock motioned for us to head back to his truck. Once we got inside and out of the cold, he looked around and said, “How about we head to The Blue Moose tonight?”
Ty said, “I heard Josh and Nathan bellyaching that it’s eighteen and over tonight, and they couldn’t go.”
Brock laughed. “I can get them in, but they’ll have to stay with us.”
“I’ll let them know then,” Ty said. “This should be fun to watch, considering they both look like they’re twenty-one already.”
Tanner groaned. “The women…Lord, I can see it now.”
“Beck, I’ll give you a few places to head to in town, and Tanner gave you that list of things to buy. If you want, you can meet us afterward at The Blue Moose.”
I nodded. “Sounds like a fun time.”
As he put the truck in drive, I couldn’t help but wonder if Avery would be there tonight.