Chapter 28
Noah
“Asshole.” It was my turn to smack Jesse, but all I could reach was his stomach since he dodged me.
“Hey, I’m sorry.” Jesse laughed, raising his hands. “It slipped out.”
“Right when I finally got Alice to admit we were together? The first woman I’ve given a shit about in years?” I shoved him. “You’re an asshole.”
“He’s not wrong.” Chase raised his eyebrows.
I elbowed Jesse in the stomach. “Who?” I asked. “Me or him.”
Chase looked back and forth between us. “Technically both of you, but I’m firmly Team Noah. That was fucked up, Jesse.”
Jesse groaned and rubbed his stomach where I’d tapped him. “It was an accident. I swear.”
“Whatever. For the record, past sexual shenanigans are off limits.” I glared at him. “Unless you want me spilling to your wife about all the stupid shit you used to do too.”
Jesse’s mouth closed with a click of his teeth and suddenly he didn’t find the situation all that funny.
Knowing your man had been with a lot of women was different from hearing all the vivid details. And after over a decade on the road, we all had plenty of crazy stories.
I glared at Jesse. But I’d thought we also had a code.
“Right. I feel like I missed something,” Xander said, breaking the thrumming silence.
“The girls just found out that Alice’s ex stole her song without any credit or compensation. Alice and Noah came out officially as a couple. And Jesse decided to celebrate it by outing Noah’s past sexual activities.” The information came rapid fire from Chase, and it took Xander a moment to process it all.
“You mean the thing he used to do with—”
“Yes,” I cut him off. “Fucking years ago. Back when we were all using and doing crazy shit. I haven’t done it in years. Don’t plan on doing it ever again. So can we stop talking about it? Fuck.”
“Yup. Forgotten.” Xander nodded.
“Done, buddy,” Chase said.
Jesse winced. “Again, I’m sorry. Would it help if I apologized to her? Maybe explained?”
“Pretty sure that’s my job.” I sighed. “But there’s something we could do for the girls, if you guys are okay with it.”
“Anything.” Chase shook his head.
“Yeah, what are you thinking?” Xander asked.
I took a deep breath then filled them in on my idea.
* * *
“So you and Alice, huh? Gotta say I didn’t see that coming.”
The voice came out of nowhere.
I spun around in the previously empty instrument storage room with my sticks in my hand and found Grady standing just inside the door with a weird expression on his face.
I knew the guy—he’d been with the band almost since day one. He even partied with us on the road back in the day, but he’d been closer to Liam than me. And he didn’t hang with us much since he’d gotten married a few years back—before Alice joined as a roadie—but we were still friendly.
“I guess news spreads fast. But yeah. I know.” I smiled to myself. “I didn’t see it coming either.”
Grady rubbed his mouth and muttered something that sounded like “ something , something smarter than that.”
I frowned. What the fuck?
“You know.” Grady paused and cleared his throat. “I was thinking about the old days—back when we were first out on the road—no wives, no girlfriends, no consequences—just a bunch of guys living like there was no tomorrow. Fuck, that was the life, don’t you think?”
“Not really.” I squinted as I took in Grady. He looked…unwell? What the hell was going on? “You having trouble with Michelle or something?”
“What? No, this isn’t about me. I just, I was thinking about touring with Liam and you guys and how much fun we had. Shit, we lived like we were immortal. I miss those days. And I really miss Liam.”
He talked about our friend like he was dead. But he wasn’t. Liam was in Arizona with his girl and his stable, sober life. “What are you getting at here, Grady?”
“I dunno. Just that we’ve lived a crazy life. And some really good times.” He scratched the back of his neck as his eyes looked back into our shared past. “Like that week long insanity in New Orleans. Remember that?”
“Ah, not really.” I remembered the strip clubs. And the beads. And the boobs. And then it all got kinda hazy after that. “It was a whole week?”
“Heh, right? I can’t even remember all the drugs we took that week. I know we did some coke, speed, and molly. And so much alcohol. But the girls, man. Remember those twins! Fuck. That was crazy.”
“Not really.” I grabbed another set of sticks and inched toward the door he was still blocking. “I gotta get back to set a few things up.”
But Grady wouldn’t move. He crossed his arms over his chest and tilted his chin. “You know Alice and I are kinda close. I took her under my wing when she started on the road with us. She’s sweet and caring. She’s been through so much with her screwed up childhood, and all the bullshit that ex of hers did to her. Alice has true talent.”
“You don’t have to tell me that. I know exactly who Alice is.”
Grady’s lip curled. “Up until a few weeks ago, you were doing everything in your power to make her life miserable. Because, trust me, we all noticed what a dick you’ve been. And she doesn’t even know all the bullshit you’ve done. Do you think she’ll still want you when she knows who you really are?”
I’d done a lot that I wasn’t proud of. Especially on the road, traveling with groupies who wanted a piece of me, drugs and alcohol on tap, and living everyday like there was no tomorrow. I’d hurt people with my selfishness. So many people. Friends. My family. Coworkers. Fans. I was trying to make amends for it, but was it even possible to make up for it all?
And what about all the stuff I’d done that I couldn’t remember? The thought haunted me.
“What do you think everyone’s going to think about Alice when they hear she’s with you? She’s on the verge of finally breaking out of your shadow. Her band is going places, and no one’s going to respect her once they hear that she’s with you.” Grady shook his head much like I’d remembered my dad used to before my family imploded. “This thing between you two will hold her back. People are going to think one of two things—either she slept her way into her deal or that she’s a druggie like you.”
Shit.
His words landed like little bombs going off in my conscience.
Maybe he was right. Maybe people would make assumptions about Alice because of me. Maybe I would hold her back.
And given the way she’d run off—and continued to duck me backstage ever since—maybe she agreed.
“I’ve been at Alice’s side long before you ever saw her. She leans on me . She asks me for help when shit gets tough. Can you say the same?”
I couldn’t. Alice didn’t really lean on me. She fought hard for herself. But she never once asked me for a hand up in the industry or with a booking or even with handling the shit with Parker just now. She was always surprised when I showed up at her shows and helped them tear down. She’d never once invited me to come.
I constantly had to chase her and make her accept my help.
It felt like he’d reached into my chest and ripped out all my insecurities and rubbed them in my face. He was right.
He was right about everything.
He was right about me and what a fuck up I was.
“Here.” Grady tossed something at me.
I dropped my sticks and caught it out of reflex. It was a small baggy with a vial of white powder, a blunt, and a rolled up hundred-dollar bill.
“A little something from the good ol’ days.”
And then he was gone.
Leaving me alone in the large storage room with a baggie of drugs and a hell of a lot of self-doubts.