Chapter 31
Noah
I did the whole gladhand routine after our show, put on my happy face, and pretended like everything was all right.
But the drugs in my pocket pulsed like a beacon. All it was missing was the klaxon alarm alerting everyone to its presence.
Take me. Snort me. Smoke me. A little hit wouldn’t hurt . A little puff will make you forget all this shit.
The little devil on my shoulder was a son of a bitch, and I could feel myself weakening against his charisma.
Especially when I remembered the lines from Alice’s song. Each one was a slash to my soul. That she thought so little of me. That she had no problem singing those lines night after night and then crawled into my bed after. That she let me touch her when she thought so little of me.
But then maybe she really didn’t know who she was with, given the way she’d ran off after Jesse dropped his little truth bomb. I wasn’t that guy anymore, but maybe it didn’t matter.
After the last fan had left the building, I collapsed onto the couch in our greenroom.
And still I felt the drugs pulsing in my pocket.
Maybe I should just give in. What was the point if she didn’t want to be with me? I’d cleaned up my life, and it still didn’t matter.
Alone in the room since the other guys had disappeared with their wives, I pulled the drugs out and stared at them. Such a tiny thing, and it had total control over my life. Would make me feel so fucking good. Give me a high I’d spend an eternity either chasing or fighting against.
The door across the room opened and I jumped, stashing the drugs under my leg like that time I’d caught DJ with a pilfered treat.
“There you are!” Alice stood in the doorway, and I had to blink a few times because she looked genuinely happy to see me.
Maybe this was a dream?
Maybe I’d already taken a hit and I’d passed out. It was the only thing I could think that made sense.
When I just stared stupidly back at her and didn’t answer, she tilted her head and stepped into the room. “Are you okay?”
I didn’t know how to answer that.
Not really?
I’m fucking devastated?
Instead, I laughed harshly. “Are you fucking kidding? No, I’m not okay. I figured it out.”
“Figured what out?” She hesitated then crossed the room, stopping a few feet in front of the couch I was on. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“’ Lost Boys ?’ Your song that Parker stole? I figured out who it’s really about. That’s pretty fucked up, don’t you think?”
Alice frowned. “Not really. I didn’t know you were friends with Axel Harris. His band is shitty. Kinda surprised you guys even know each other, actually.”
“Who’s Axel Harry?”
“Axel Harris . My kinda ex. The guy I wrote ‘ Lost Boys’ about… What’s going on? I’m confused.”
“Fuck.” I dropped my head back against the sofa’s back and stared at the ceiling. It wasn’t about me. I knew she’d written it before we’d gotten together, but I’d assumed…
I was an ass.
“Wait, did you think the song was about you?”
I couldn’t look at her when I nodded. “Yeah.”
“Why? Why would you think I would write that stuff about you? You’re an awesome man. You care about the people around you. You’re there for your friends. You give a shit. You’d move mountains for me. Have moved mountains for me, for the things I care about. Why would I ever call you a lost boy?”
I laughed harshly. “Seriously? I’m practically the poster boy for lost boys. A charismatic guy who makes promises but always flies away? Someone who would never grow up to be a man? Ring any bells?”
“Okay, that might’ve been who you were way back when, but that’s not the guy you are now. That’s not the guy I—” She cut herself off and took a deep breath. “That’s not the guy I chose to let into my bed—into my body. You’re better than that now.”
I held my breath for a second. Then it all left in a whoosh of relief. “So you’re okay with the shit that happened earlier? What Jesse said?”
“I mean, it’s not something I want all the details of. You don’t want to hear the nitty gritty of me and Axel, right?”
“Hell no.” I shuddered.
“Exactly. And um, you should probably know that that’s not something I’m really interested in doing. Sure, it sounds like a hot fantasy, but in reality I couldn’t—”
I sat forward on the couch and stared intently at her. “I’d fuck up anyone who would even try to touch you. You’re my woman. And only my woman. I don’t share, period.”
“I should be annoyed at how you said that.” Alice paused and bit her lower lip. “But honestly, it’s hot as hell to see you all territorial.”
“Yeah?”
“Oh yeah.” She grinned down at me and stepped forward until she stood between my sprawled legs.
“So we’re good?” I raised my eyebrows as a sense of relief swept through my body and my pulse calmed to an even throb. Everything was right with my world.
She tilted her head. “Actually, there’s one thing we should probably talk about.”
My blood froze. Shit. I knew it was too good to be true. “What?”
“So you know there’s a pretty good chance we’re going to be getting a lot of media the next few days and maybe even a few offers…”
“Yeah? How exactly is that a problem? You guys are amazing. You deserve every bit of attention you’ll get—assuming it’s all good because it should be.”
“Whoa, whoa. Calm down.” Alice smiled down at me. “I get that you’re a supportive boyfriend. Calm your tits.”
I laughed at her stealing one of my favorite sayings.
Then she sobered. “But seriously, how is this going to work if you’re doing shows here and I’m in LA or New York or wherever recording our album? Or later on when we’re touring, and you’re in Vegas or even worse on your own tour? How is this ever going to work?”
Her words came faster and faster as she spun out until she was shouting at the end.
“Hey, hey.” I reached out and pulled her down onto my lap. “We’re going to work because I’m going to be there. I’ve been around the block a few more times than you in this industry, so I know distance really will kill this if we let it, so we’re not going to.”
Her eyes sheened with unshed tears, and she bit her lip for an entirely different reason. When she finally spoke, her words came out as a croak. “But how? I can’t see how it’ll work.”
“It’ll work because I promise to spend no more than a week apart from you. Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, I’ll make sure that I get to you.
“You can’t promise that. It’s—”
“I can and will.” I stared into her eyes until she saw how serious I was. “I have more money and more bargaining power in this industry than you do. So I’ll be the one to make sure that we can be together. I’ll put it into all my contracts going forward. Done deal.”
“Really?”
“Yes, Alice.” I shook my head and fought against the emotion clogging my throat. “You are it for me. I want you as long as you want me. You are it for me. I…” Fuck it. My breath left in a whoosh, and then I laid it all out there. “I love you.”
“Noah.” She cupped my face in her hands and leaned into me. “I love you too.”
And then we were kissing. Passionately. With a hunger I’d never felt in my whole life. My hands tangled in her hair as we kissed. I shifted on the couch to make room for her, and I felt something crinkle under my leg.
And I remembered.
Breaking our kiss, I took a breath and rested my forehead against her chest.
Shit.
Was this how this was always going to be? Me one inch from using? Tempted to throw it all away because of my fucking insecurities?
“Noah? Are you okay? Are you ready to take this back to your place? Oh! That reminds me, Bailey nagged me into moving. I’ll be looking at an empty unit in her building tomorrow. Do you want to come with us?”
“That’s, that’s…” I sighed. “That’s great, honey. But there’s one more thing we’ve got to talk about.”
“Okay…”
I groaned and shifted her off me and onto the couch on the far side of my hidden stash. Having her on my lap was too much fucking temptation. I took a second and adjusted myself, then I pulled the drugs out from under me. “I need you to take me to a meeting. Tonight.”
“Holy shit.” She ripped the bag out of my hands and held it up like she was trying to keep it out of my reach. “Noah, what the hell? Did you…did you use?”
I shook my head as shame coated my entire body. It clung to my soul. I sat forward on the couch and buried my face in my hands, too ashamed to even look at her.
“What? Why? I don’t understand. Why do you have them then?”
“I ran into Grady earlier. We had a little talk about the good ol’ days. He reminded me of all the ways I’m not worthy of you, and then he gave me that. But I didn’t use—I swear. You can test me.”
“Oh fuck that.” Alice ran for the door.
I should’ve known. I wasn’t worthy of her. Would never be worthy of her.
Fuck.
She ripped open the door and shrieked, “ SECURITY! Someone get me security!”
Fucking hell.
Harper ran to the room, barking into her walkie. “Security to the greenroom. Security to the greenroom.” Her hand fell to her side, and she peered past Alice into the room and at me. “What’s going on? Why do you guys need security?”
“Get Grady fucking White in here now ,” Alice bit out.
Harper’s eyes widened, but she lifted her walkie and called for Grady. “Grady White to the greenroom. Grady White to the greenroom.” Harper put her walkie down and ducked into the room. When she saw only me and Alice inside, she relaxed somewhat. “Anyone want to tell me what the hell is going on?”
“Grady said rude shit to Noah and then gave him a bag of drugs.” Alice shoved the bag at Harper. “Look!”
“Shit.” Harper took the baggie from her, then turned and marched out of the room, barking orders into her walkie. “Someone get eyes on Grady. I want him in the greenroom ASAP.”
Walker burst into the room, audibly panting. He quickly surveyed the room then turned to Harper. “What’s the threat?”
“Grady fucking White gave drugs to Noah.” Harper shoved the bag at him.
Walker’s head whipped in my direction. “Did you use?”
I shook my head. “I thought about it. I thought a hell of a lot about it. But no, I didn’t.”
“Thank fuck.” Walker sighed in relief. Then he turned back to Harper. “Let me have five minutes alone with the fucker, that’s all I ask.”
“Oh no.” Alice shook her head. “Get in line. Which starts directly behind me if it wasn’t clear.”
I grinned at the scene playing out in front of me even as I felt a warm sensation spread through my chest. I had a helluva lot of people who gave a shit about me. Fuck, that felt good.
Felt a helluva lot like love.
“Uh, what’s going on?” Grady hovered in the doorway, clearly uneasy.
“You asshole!” Alice shrieked.
Walker leapt across the room and grabbed Alice around her waist, holding her back. He whispered something in her ear that I couldn’t hear. After a moment, she relaxed but her glare never wavered. She still clearly wanted Grady’s blood on her hands.
Fuck, that was hot.
“Why the hell would you give Noah drugs?” Harper asked sharply. “You know we’re a clean show. No drugs or alcohol allowed backstage.”
“Whoa.” Grady took a step back, shaking his head. “Look I don’t know what he told you, but the drugs are his. They’re not mine. I don’t use.”
“Anymore,” I drawled, shifting forward on the couch and resting my hands between my sprawled legs. Suddenly I felt so calm. Like everything made sense and all was right with the world. Well, aside from this asshole. “You don’t use anymore , right, Grady? Because I have a very vivid memory of snorting a line of coke with you, Xander, and Liam off of a groupie’s naked—” I winced. “Sorry, Alice. And Harper.”
Grady glared at me. “Right. Anymore. I stopped using when Liam ODed the first time…unlike some people.”
“All right. I think we’re getting off track.” Harper waved a hand. “Noah, where were you when Grady gave you the baggie?”
“Allegedly,” Grady bit out.
“Drum storage,” I answered. “I went in there to get another backup set of sticks. I knew I might need them because of the surprise song with the girls, and Grady came in. He said some shit about what a fuckup I was, how I didn’t deserve Alice, and how he’s always been there for her. Then he threw that bag at me.”
A pained moan came from Alice. “Why? Why would you do that, Grady?”
“He’s fucking lying. It never happened.” Grady shook his head and took a step toward Alice. “You know me. I’ve always been there for you. You know the kind of guy I am. I would never do that.”
“We can always just check the tapes.” Walker shoved his hands in his pockets and shrugged. “Should be easy enough.”
Grady’s whole body went rigid. “What tapes? There’s no cameras in the storage rooms.”
“Yeah, there are.” Walker smirked. “We installed them a few weeks back. When you all had that week off. All the equipment storage areas had cameras installed for security purposes.”
Harper’s lips twisted like she was fighting her own smug smile. She turned to Grady and raised her eyebrows. “You want to change your story?”
Grady’s face slowly turned red, then purple, and finally he broke.
“He doesn’t fucking deserve her!” Grady yelled, jabbing a finger in my direction. A vein visibly throbbed on his forehead. “I’ve been there for Alice, day in and day out. Watching out for her. Giving that fucking asshole roadie a beatdown when he tried to get handsy with her. Signing her up for self-defense classes so it wouldn’t happen again. Listening to her songs. That was all me. I’ve been there for her since day one. I watched you be an unchecked asshole to her day after day because she reported you for trying to smuggle drugs. Shit she could’ve been arrested for. You’re not worthy to lick her shoes, let alone kiss her lips.”
The room was silent as the anger and hatred in his words vibrated around us. That was a lot to unpack. Grady was clearly in love with Alice.
And from the way she was staring at him, this all was a revelation to her.
Alice stared back at Grady with wide eyes, her face pale. Finally, she shook her head. “That’s…I’m not… You’re married, Grady.”
“Separated actually.” His shoulders slumped. “Michelle wasn’t onboard with moving to Vegas, so she and the girls stayed in California. We… She’s filing the paperwork there.”
“So all those conversations about your wife and daughter moving to Vegas was what?” Alice covered her mouth with a hand.
“I didn’t want you to think I was a loser, deadbeat dad. I go to Cali on our breaks, and I’ve had the girls here a few times. I was going to tell you once we figured out custody. I wasn’t going to keep lying to you, Alice. I kept calling you to tell you what was going on, how I feel about you, but I couldn’t get the words out. I kept calling, hoping I’d find a way to tell you. I care what you think of me.”
“Right now, I’m thinking you’re insane.” She shook her head. “I’ve never thought of you that way, Grady. Never. You’re, I don’t… I just don’t. And I won’t.”
He shook his head wildly. “You just haven’t had the chance. I’ve been a married man as long as you’ve known me. But now that I’m getting a divorce, you’ll see—”
“I won’t.” Tears gathered in Alice’s eyes, and her lips quivered. “I could never respect someone who would set up a friend for failure. Who would put the very thing that’d cause their destruction in their hands. That’s fucking despicable. You’re disgusting. A fucking toad of a man. I’m ashamed to even know you.”
“You’re also fired.” Harper gestured between Walker and Grady. “Walker will escort you to your locker and off the premises. We’ll also be filing a restraining order against you on behalf of Alice, Noah, the band, and all Oasis properties. I’ll meet you out front with your final check.”
“Alice!” Grady shouted as Walker grabbed him by the back of his shirt and frog marched him across the room. “Wait, you don’t understand! I did it for you. I did it for us! I love you! ”
The door slammed shut behind them, leaving me alone in the greenroom with Alice.
She turned to me with a ferocious frown. “Shit, I forgot to punch him. Do you think if I ran after them Walker will give me a minute with him?”
I grinned back at her. “I think I fucking love you, and that’s all that matters.”
“Hell yeah.” Alice sprinted across the room, jumped back into my lap, and wrapped her arms around me. “I fucking love you too.”
She pressed a smacking kiss to my lips that quickly devolved into a long scorching kiss with seeking tongues and moans. But after a very short minute she pulled back with a groan. “Unfortunately, we have to pause this and head to a meeting. Do you have one in mind, or do you need to look one up?”
This woman.
There wasn’t another like her in the whole world, and I was so fucking lucky I’d found her. “Does that mean you want to come?”
“Is that okay? I mean, is it allowed?”
“Absolutely. I’d love for you to come. Your support means everything to me. As does your unflinching belief in me. That was… I can’t even describe. You’re fucking amazing.”
Alice rolled her eyes. Then she jumped up, grabbed my hand, and pulled me up to stand with her. “You’re already getting laid. No need to go on and on.”
“There’s every fucking need. I’m going to keep going on until you appreciate what an amazing woman you are and how fucking lucky I am to have you loving me back.”
“Me too, Noah. Me too.” She wrapped an arm around me and gave me a quick peck on the cheek. “Now, no distractions. The sooner we go to this meeting, the sooner I get to have you in your bed. And that whole scene got me so riled up. I’ve got all this bloodlust to work through…”
“We can always take care of you and then go to the meeting.”
Alice’s laughter echoed around us as we stepped into the hallway. “Nice try, bucko. Meeting first, then reward.”
“As you wish.”
Alice groaned and dropped her head forward. “You know just the thing to say that gets me all…” She shivered.
I smirked. Maybe we could take care of her on the way to the meeting.
Now there was a thought…