CHAPTER FOUR
2006
The morning after Samuel’s visit, movement was not in my cards. The painkillers kept me from calling an ambulance, but I couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed. When my bladder demanded to be emptied, I maneuvered myself to the edge of the bed and peed on the floor.
I’d received phone calls from Jenny and two suppliers, but I ignored them until my battery died. On the second day, I finally managed to drag myself out of bed. Feeling lightheaded and dehydrated, I shuffled to the bathroom, drinking from the tap until my throat felt less ashy. I continued to the kitchen and forced a bit of food into my hollow stomach.
With those basic survival needs taken care of, I returned to sleep the pain away.
*
Two days later, I sat on my porch, enjoying the afternoon breeze and my latest painkiller. By now, the pain was bearable if I sat still.
The sound of an approaching car cut through the silence. I put down the book I was reading, guessing it was Jenny coming to check up on me. I’d texted her yesterday that I was fine and would be back next week, but it was like her to come check anyway.
The car took a final turn and came into view, but it wasn’t Jenny. I scowled at the police car as it parked in front of my porch. A policeman climbed out, glancing around as if he wasn’t sure he had the right place. I assumed he didn’t.
“Hi there. Are you Jonah Carter, sir?” He had a kind face and a thick, gray mustache.
I nodded. “That’s me.” My voice was hoarse since I hadn’t used it in days.
“I’m Officer Wilson. Sorry to bother you, sir, but I was asked to bring you down to the station for questioning. We tried calling your cell phone several times but couldn’t reach you.”
My phone had been dead for the last few days until I recharged it last night. My thoughts began to swirl. How the hell could I be wanted for questioning?
Officer Wilson said, “I want to make it clear that you are not under arrest or a suspect of any crime, but I was told by the detective not to share any more information. You can take your car, or I can drive you to the station and back.”
Dozens of questions circled in my head, but I settled for one. “Does the detective’s name happen to be Hayden Scott?”
Officer Wilson nodded. “That’s him. You two know each other?”
“Some. Can I go to the station tomorrow?” Another day to heal would go a long way.
“Today would work best, sir.”
I see. I preferred to drive myself to the station, but it wouldn’t be wise in my state. “I’ll ride with you if that’s okay.”
“Sure thing.”
I took a breath and rose to my feet. Despite trying to keep my face expressionless, the pain made me grimace. By the suspicion on the officer’s face, he noticed.
Hayden, what the hell did you get me into?
*
The forty-minute drive passed in silence. The station’s sign read, “Hollywood Station,” but the plain two-story building didn’t possess any star quality that I could see.
We parked close to the entrance, and I followed the officer inside. He led me to the stairs, but before he could start climbing, I said, “I hurt my back recently.”
“No problem.” We walked to the elevator and got out on the second floor. We continued through two gray hallways before stopping at a room labeled Investigation Room #3 . It had a table with chairs on each side and a recording device in the middle of the table. A barred window allowed some breeze, but the place was still stuffy. Unlike in the movies, there was no one-way mirror.
“You can sit. I’ll tell the detective you’re here.”
Once alone, I slumped on a chair with a sigh, feeling dormant bruises. Six months had passed since I last saw or spoke with Hayden. Given the bleak way we’d left things, I didn’t expect to see him ever again. I had spent months trying to push him out of my thoughts, but being moments from seeing him again allowed buried memories to resurface.
The first time we met was during a lecture on gay life in ancient Greece, which I attended to experience gay culture after years of staying away from such things. It had reached a point where my loneliness began to affect my mood and my work, catching Jenny’s attention. She pressured me into going out to meet new people, and a history lecture felt like a safe first step.
During the lecture, I absently scanned the room until my eyes landed on a man sitting a few seats from me. He also seemed to be there alone, and even sitting, I could tell how tall he was. He was handsome with his strong, stubble-covered jaw, elegant nose, and tan skin. His brown leather jacket sat nicely on his broad shoulders.
Not wanting him to notice my gaze, I shifted my eyes to the front.
When the lecture finished an hour later, I made my way to grab a sandwich for the ride back home. Having survived an evening surrounded by strangers, I didn’t feel obligated to stick around for small talk. I reached for the last tofu sandwich, but someone moved swiftly and grabbed it before I could. Annoyed, I turned to see the tall man I’d noticed earlier.
“Did you want that?” It sounded more like a statement, which annoyed me further since every other sandwich had meat in it.
“It’s fine.”
“Here.” He held it for me to take.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“But I took it for you.”
That made me pause. “I doubt it.”
“Do you have evidence to prove otherwise?” His matter-of-fact tone made it difficult to tell if he was joking.
“I don’t have evidence at the moment.”
“Innocent till proven guilty, then.” He winked and handed me the sandwich, and this time I took it.
“Thanks. Hmm, why did you take it for me?”
“It seemed like you were about to grab it and leave. I needed to make you wait.”
“Why?”
He didn’t answer; instead, he grabbed another sandwich and gestured for me to follow him outside. I hesitated, but I was also curious. We reached a sitting area with a view of a nearby park and sat facing each other, far enough from other attendees.
“Did you enjoy the lecture?” he asked.
“It was fine, but the speaker was a bit dull.”
“Yeah, he was.” He unwrapped his sandwich. “I was getting bored of watching Seinfeld, so I thought I’d give culture a shot. I’m Hayden.”
“Jonah.”
“You look like a Jonah.”
“What does a Jonah look like?”
“Like you, I suppose. Do you come to these sorts of things often?”
“My first time. I…” I stopped myself from saying I needed to get out more and meet new people. “I also wanted a bit of culture.”
He nodded and leaned back. “So, Jonah, how would you rate our first date?”
I frowned. “This isn’t a date.”
He crossed his arms, his leather jacket squeaking. “An evening out with entertainment and dinner sounds like a nice date to me.”
I shifted in my seat, wondering if that was how people flirted these days. “You’ve just learned my name.”
“And a fine name it is. But hey, no pressure if you can’t rate the date—save it for the next one.”
It was during our “second” date that I discovered he was a cop, and even worse—a detective. My first attempt at socializing in years had led me to a man whose job was to snoop. I knew I should cut it off, but I couldn’t. I also expected him to realize I was an odd bird and fade away on his own, but that didn’t happen. When I eventually allowed myself to accept that he was there to stay, it all came crashing down because of those damn videos.
The sound of approaching footsteps pulled me back to the present. Hayden stepped inside and shut the door behind him, cutting out the station’s hustle and bustle. He sat down, wearing a blue button-down shirt with a black tie. “Who hit you?” he asked as he placed his laptop on the desk.
“What?”
“There’s a faded bruise on your neck, and you sit more hunched than usual.”
Damn his sharp eyes. “No one hit me. It was a stupid accident at work.”
He nodded, but I could tell he wasn’t convinced. “It’s nice to see you again.”
I managed a stiff nod. “You too.”
“You cut your hair. Never thought I’d see you without those curls.”
“They’ll grow back. Why am I here?”
He adjusted his tie, a familiar sign of unease, though his face remained blank. “It’s about Nick Torres.”
That was the last thing I expected to hear. “Nick?”
“You know him.” Not a question.
“Is he okay?”
“He’s missing.”
“Missing? How long?”
“Almost a week. He went out to a party, and that was the last time he was seen. His parents are friends with the mayor, so this case is getting extra attention.”
I felt bad for barely thinking of Nick since Samuel’s visit. “I…”
“Take your time, Jonah. It’s just the two of us here, and I didn’t start the recorder.”
I glanced at the device on the table. “Why would you need to record what I say? I just slept with him a few times.” It came out all wrong. I took a breath to focus myself. “I’ve met with Nick a few times in the last month or so. I called him a few days ago, but he didn’t answer. I haven’t heard from him since.”
“I know about the message you left him.”
Of course he did. “He called me the day before and wanted to meet after he was done with a party.”
“And did you agree to meet him?”
“No, but I felt bad about it, so I left him that message.”
Hayden nodded, not looking surprised by anything I said, yet he did look troubled.
“What is it?” I asked, leaning with my elbows on the table. “You wouldn’t have brought me here just because of that call.”
“There’s something else.”
“Well, what? I didn’t do anything to Nick.”
“Jonah, I’m not your enemy.”
“Then you should have called and asked me these questions on the phone.”
“I tried calling you.”
I crossed my arms, knowing I was acting out of line. “Sorry. You said there was something else.”
He exhaled and opened his laptop. “Yesterday morning, we found something on the Darknet. Ever heard of it?”
“I think so. It’s like the internet, but not really.”
“Sort of. Let’s say that if the internet is a house, then the Darknet is a basement with a maze inside; you might know that it exists, but you’re likely to get lost on your way.”
“Did you find something in that maze that was connected to Nick?”
“Yes.” He turned his laptop to face me, a dark window of a media player filling the screen. “I wouldn’t be showing you this unless I thought it was important.”
I grew numb at the reluctance in Hayden’s eyes. I suspected what was waiting on that video, and it chilled my blood. “Play it.”
For the next three minutes, I silently watched as naked Nick was being tortured while dangling from the ceiling. The young man I’d last seen leaving my house with a big sandwich was covered in bruises. The investigation room filled with his terrified cries and begging. Since the camera focused on Nick, it was impossible to see who else was there, just the occasional hand or a leg that entered the frame.
The video stopped abruptly, leaving Nick’s screams echoing in my ears.
“It’s the same place,” I said before Hayden could ask.
“Are you sure?”
I recognized the purple curtain in the background, and some of the tools on the shelves seemed familiar. It could have been a coincidence, but my gut told me it wasn’t. “I’m sure.”
I prepared myself for a flood of questions, but Hayden closed his laptop and said, “Let me take you home.”
“What?”
“You’re obviously unwell. Come on.”
I got up and followed him outside, confused yet grateful.
*
We drove without attempting small talk. When we reached my house, the sun was about to set, painting the sky in a kaleidoscope of warm hues.
Hayden parked and killed the engine. “You have coffee?”
“Coffee? Yes.”
“Okay.” He got out, and it took me a moment to realize he’d just invited himself over. With a sigh, I got out and walked with him toward my house, trying to act as if I wasn’t in pain, though he’d already figured it out.
“I’ll stay here if you prefer,” he said once we reached the porch.
I was about to invite him in, but then realized what a few minutes of privacy could mean. “Okay, I’ll bring the coffee out. I just need to use the toilet first.”
“Do you remember how I take mine?”
“A lot of milk and sugar.”
“No, it’s—”
“I remember, Hayden.”
I opened the door and closed it behind me. Once inside the bathroom, I reached into the laundry bag and grabbed the small box of needles. There wasn’t much time, but I needed to release some of my anxiety if Hayden was going to shower me with questions—which he was bound to do.
I sat on the toilet and raised my short sleeve, then took a deep breath and inserted a needle into my flesh—deeper than intended. I yelped at the sharp pain, watching as blood began to trickle down my arm. I grabbed a towel and placed it under the needle to soak up the blood.
Peace followed, untangling the knots in my chest. I wished to stay like this longer, to bleed my worries out, but the last thing I wanted was to make Hayden even more suspicious. I carefully pulled the needle out, washed away the blood, and put a band-aid over the puncture mark.
In the kitchen, I quickly made Hayden’s coffee—black with half a spoon of sugar. When I stepped outside, the breeze cooled my flushed face.
“Thanks.” He took the cup and narrowed his eyes at me, but didn’t comment. I’d only used the needles once during our relationship, and I never told him. I’d kept many things from him, though it was starting to change.
I sat next to him on the bench. We had spent many evenings like this, watching the sunset before going inside to eat or to have sex.
“I missed your view,” he said, steam rising from his cup.
“How’s Maya?” I asked, playing my part in this polite exchange.
“Still in Phoenix, but she’s doing well. Just turned eight. She asked about you a few weeks ago. Where’s Curly, Daddy? ”
I smiled despite myself. “Say hi from me. Are things okay with your ex-wife?”
Hayden shrugged and took a sip of coffee. “She’s still with that douche of a husband who gets to play father more than me, but we don’t argue at least.”
Hayden was three years younger than me and used to be married to his high school sweetheart back in Phoenix. They’d ended up in LA after Hayden got a job with the LAPD, but when he came out as bi, she left him. She found out she was pregnant shortly after, but they decided it would be best for him to stay in LA.
Hayden finished his coffee and put the cup on the ground. “You’re wounded.”
“I’m fine.”
“Is it your ribs?”
“Let it go, Hayden.”
He nodded. “Then let’s cut to the chase. I still need answers.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Start with telling me where Nick is.”
“Where I was fourteen years ago.”
“Which is?”
“I don’t know. They never told me.”
“Never told you? How long were you there for?”
“About six months.”
“Jesus.” He cleared his throat. “Your videos weren’t like the one we saw of Nick. You weren’t wounded, and you didn’t…. you didn’t struggle like he did.”
A snake seemed to crawl in my guts. “What you saw was recorded after I’d been there for a while. I stopped struggling by that point.” As would Nick.
Hayden leaned forward, tension in his features. “When I got the email with your videos, you let me believe you did them willingly.”
Anger warmed my face. “I didn’t let you believe anything—I just asked you to let it go, to pretend you didn’t see them.”
“And then you told me to leave, that we’re done.”
“I seem to remember a few more words being thrown during that fight.”
Whoever sent him those videos had done so as a warning to me—there was no other explanation. I was dating a detective, and though I’d never been forbidden from doing so, I should have known better.
Had Nick been taken because of me? But why? He had nothing to do with the police.
“I need to know everything, Jonah.”
Of course he did. “You’re putting both of us in danger.”
“How? They can’t be interested in you after all this time.”
I snorted. “Is that why you got those videos of me? Is that why I still have this?” I put my foot on the bench and raised my pant leg.
“What am I looking at?”
I took his hand and placed it on the back of my calf. “Press.”
He did, his eyes narrowing. “Is this…?”
“A tracking device.”
He pulled away as if I’d burned him.
I lowered my leg. “The years that passed mean nothing.”
He lowered his voice. “Can they hear us?”
I shook my head, but it wasn’t like I knew for sure. “It can’t be that sophisticated, though I had it replaced a few years ago.”
“Why would they need to track you?”
“I must stay within the borders of LA. This mountain is pretty much as far as I can go.”
He let my words sink in. “Is that why you didn’t want to join me on a trip to Phoenix?”
“Yes.”
Hayden rubbed his face, paler than I had ever seen him. “Were you ever going to tell me any of this, or were you going to make excuses every time I asked you to leave LA with me?”
I deserved his heated questions. I had been unfair to him from the start, though my plan had been to eventually change that. “I was going to tell you around this time. I first needed to be sure that…” That he loved me more than he loved being a cop, and that he would put aside his duty and let me live my life how I saw fit. “Never mind.”
“We should get the tracker removed,” Hayden said after we were quiet for a while. “Maybe they put it there to scare you, as a type of mind control.”
“I tried to disappear a year after they let me go, and it took them about a week to track me down and drag me back.”
“Did they hurt you?”
“Yes.”
“Have they hurt you recently?” He met my eyes, and I could tell he already knew the answer.
“Someone comes here once a year as a reminder.”
“Of what?”
I dug my nails into the wooden bench. “That I still belong to them.”
“Them being?”
“The Society.”
“I’ve never heard of them.”
“You weren’t supposed to.”
We remained silent while he processed my words, likely trying to walk the fine line between being professional and being my ex. I didn’t envy him.
“I can help you get the tracker removed.”
“Then I’ll be living my life in fear that they’ll catch me. Their yearly visits sound worse than they are.”
His jaw clenched. “Are you fucking listening to yourself?”
“Cool it.” I gave him a hard look. “You know about this for, what, five minutes? Don’t pretend to be my shrink.”
“It doesn’t take a shrink to know when someone’s lying to himself.”
“Don’t patronize me.”
“I wasn’t trying to. Who comes here once a year? We might be able to track them.”
“The one who came here the other day was called Samuel, but it could’ve been a fake name. They send someone else every few years.” I saw no reason to mention that some left after the cameras stopped rolling, while others stayed until morning to keep the party going.
“Every piece of information you can give me could be crucial,” Hayden said. “Work with me here, Jonah; we might not have much time to find Nick.”
“We have time. They’re not interested in something quick. Once they have you, it’s final.”
“Final? Then why did they let you go?”
I should have been more careful with my words. “It was different for me, but it doesn’t matter now. Nick shouldn’t be in immediate danger based on what I know.”
“It’s still not a guarantee.”
He was right. I crossed my arms and forced out my next words. “When I last spoke with Nick, he mentioned going to the party with an older man.”
“Yes, we questioned him. He claims to have left without Nick, and we have the surveillance footage to back that claim. He’s clean.”
I almost laughed at his choice of words. “Was this man Eliot Fitzgerald?”
Hayden narrowed his eyes and nodded.
I couldn’t have been less surprised.