CHAPTER SEVEN
Jenny wasn’t in the studio when I got back. I took an Advil for the pain, though most of it had subsided on its own. As the setting sun infused the studio with a golden glow, I paced between paintings and sculptures. This was about finding Nick, I kept telling myself, but I couldn’t ignore the depth of Agatha's betrayal, furious at myself for not connecting the dots sooner. I felt nauseated remembering how I had apologized to her after returning to LA, as if I had done her wrong.
With my anxiety soaring, I sat on the floor and held my head between my legs. Since I didn’t have a needle at hand, I settled for pinching my arms as hard as I could until my flesh turned numb and hot. By the time I stopped, red marks had formed on both my arms, but at least I felt more composed.
I stood up and glanced out the window, half expecting to see someone watching me from the parking lot. I had revealed too much today to Agatha, painting a target on my back. I needed to let Hayden know about what happened. He answered my call with a tired, “I was about to call you.”
I hated it when people said that, as if it gave them a free pass. “I need to talk to you, but not over the phone.”
“You don’t sound good. Are you hurt?”
“I’m fine.” I exhaled. “I might have done something stupid.”
He stalled before saying, “Let’s meet, then. I also have news. Can I come to your place in a couple of hours? I’ll grab us dinner.”
“Okay.”
I spent the next hour working, but my mind wasn’t into it. Art could be a good distraction, but when you lack focus, you end up doing more harm than good.
I drove back to my mountain and parked outside my house. The only source of light came from the porch lights, which turned on automatically when it got dark. I walked up the three stairs, my back still aching and stiff. I slipped my key into the keyhole, but before I could turn it, the door slid a few inches open. Hadn’t I locked the door this morning? I always double-checked. Was Hayden already here? But his car wasn’t outside, and the lights in the house were off.
I took a step back, holding my breath as my heart sped up. I could hear movement from inside the house, but it might have been my imagination. I managed to take two more silent steps back when the door sharply opened. I barely caught a glimpse of the man standing inside before I turned around and jumped down the three steps. I ran toward my car, heavy footsteps following. I was halfway to my destination, my heart pounding, when I was yanked back and smashed against a hard torso. Strong arms wrapped around my chest.
Out here, screaming for help was pointless, so I tried to jab my elbows into the man’s gut instead, but I couldn’t gain enough momentum. Without a warning, he pushed me forward, sending me down to the ground. Little rocks dug into my palms and knees.
My car was a few feet away, but I would need to get up, reach the car door, unlock it, and then start the engine. I remained on the ground, willing my heart to settle down.
“A nice place you have here. Killer view.”
I pushed myself to my knees as the man from Agatha’s office walked to stand in front of me. The porch light illuminated his face with a bluish glow. I wondered if I could sprint toward the dark woods and get lost. It would be harder for him to catch me there, and I knew the area better than he did.
As if he could read my mind, the man took a step forward. “Don’t get creative. I’m just here to talk.”
“You broke into my house.”
“So? I didn’t steal anything. You better get up; when I see a man on his knees, I get all sorts of ideas.”
I pushed myself to my feet, brushing little rocks from my body. When he took another step forward, I clenched my fists, though I couldn’t take him down in a fight.
“Relax,” the man said, holding his hands up in peace. “I don’t like breaking pretty things.” He took another step forward, stopping less than two feet from me. “Why did you come to see Agatha today?”
“She must’ve told you.”
“I’m asking you.”
“A friend of mine has gone missing. He’s Agatha’s client. I wanted to check if she had anything to do with it.”
“And did she?”
We both knew the answer. “She said she didn’t, and then you came and threw me out. End of story.”
He closed the gap between us and held my chin. “Who are you working with?”
“What?”
He slapped me. “I hate repeating myself. Who are you working with?”
“No one.”
He slapped me again, sending lightning across my face.
“I’m not lying!”
“There’s a pretty steep fall behind me, and I’d rather not break your wings, little bird.”
“I’m not working with anyone!”
He grabbed my shirt and turned me around. “Do I look stupid to you?” He shoved me, and I almost lost my footing. Before I could say anything, he shoved me again, then kept shoving until the ledge was right behind me. “Stop! I don’t know anything!”
He grabbed my shirt again, and there wasn’t enough light for me to see his face—just the white glow of his teeth as he smiled. “I wonder if you can fly.”
“It was a mistake, okay? A stupid fucking mistake.”
“People pay for stupid mistakes.”
“They said I was protected! The deal was—”
“Shh, don’t yell. We’re just chatting, right?” Still gripping my shirt, he leaned me back enough to feel unstable, as if I could plunge into the dark at any second.
“You shouldn't go around throwing crazy accusations. You know that, right?”
I could hear my shirt beginning to tear as the back of my feet were past the ledge. “I'm falling!”
“You seem pretty stable to me, but I could be wrong. We’ll find out soon.”
Through the thumping of my heart, I heard a car’s engine getting close. The man turned his head toward the sound. “Company?”
He didn’t know I was working with the police, and I had to keep it that way. “A friend of mine is coming to dinner.”
The car lights shone through the darkness, but it was at least a minute away from reaching us. The man pulled me forward and let go of my shirt. I hurried away from the ledge and leaned against my car.
“I hope we understand each other. Remember, if you want peace, you need to play your part.”
A cold shiver ran down my spine. I had heard those exact same words when they let me go, which meant he knew exactly who I was. I watched him running toward the woods and disappearing into the shadows.
Finally feeling safe, I slid to the ground with my back against the car, breathing heavily as sweat drenched my skin. Hayden’s car entered my line of sight. He noticed me on the ground and stopped with a screech. Seconds later, he crouched next to me. “What happened? Is that blood on your shirt?”
“It’s paint. I’ll tell you everything inside.”
He held my chin. “Were you attacked?”
“Yes, but he left.”
He rose to his feet, his gun out in a heartbeat.
“He’s gone, Hayden. Let’s go inside.”
He scanned the woods a few seconds more before helping me up. Inside the house, I turned on the lights, expecting to see destruction, but everything was in order. I slumped on my couch as Hayden went to put a bag of food in the kitchen. He returned with a glass of water. I took it and drank, trying to stop my hands from shaking.
“Get yourself something to drink,” I said.
“You’ve got wine?”
“Yes.”
The familiar sound of him opening and closing my cabinets relaxed me. He returned with two glasses of wine and sat next to me. I leaned my head back, my legs crossed on the couch.
Hayden glanced around my living room.
“The place hasn’t changed much,” I said, although it hadn’t changed at all, really. I was satisfied with how everything was arranged, from my basic furniture to my little sculptures on the shelves. My large living room carpet had been a gift from Hayden after he complained about the floor being too cold.
“Yeah, it’s how I remembered it.” A touch of sadness reached his voice. “Just didn’t think I’d see it again.”
That made two of us.
With my pulse back to normal speed, I said, “I went to see my old agent today.”
He frowned. “You’re thinking of going back into acting?”
I snorted. “God, no. She’s also Nick’s agent.”
“You two had the same agent? You didn’t mention that.”
“It slipped my mind. I thought it was an odd coincidence when I just met him, but Agatha always worked with younger actors, so it didn’t feel all that crazy.”
“I questioned her, but she claimed to not know anything, and it didn’t feel like she cared either way. Did you get anything out of her?”
I took a sip of wine. “Sort of. She didn’t admit to anything, but her reaction was telling. Before I could push further, she had someone throw me out.”
Hayden sighed. “Should I bother saying that going there alone was irresponsible and dangerous?”
“If you want to be a dick.”
He rested his arm on the back of the couch. “What happened next?”
“I got back to my studio and called you, then I drove back here. When I got to the door, it was already open. The same man from Agatha’s office waited for me here.”
Hayden tensed. “Do you know who he is?”
“No, but I doubt regular talent agents have someone like that working for them.”
“You mean he was from The Society?”
It was still unnerving to talk openly about those people after all these years. “He must be working for them, yes.”
“By working with them you mean he isn’t a member?”
I nodded. “Members don’t work as bodyguards. I’m sure he has a criminal record—that is how The Society recruits employees, or at least they did back then.”
“They contacted them after they got discharged?”
“No, they got them discharged, then gave them a free pass to hurt others without consequences.” I took a breath, dodging painful memories like bullets. “The man who waited for me here told me to stop asking questions.”
“That likely means he didn’t come here to kill you.”
But was it because of my old agreement with The Society, or because my death could draw attention if I was working with the police?
“What can you tell me about your old agent?” Hayden asked.
“I only got the part in High Life because of her. After that, I couldn’t score any other roles, no matter how much I tried. It felt like I was cursed. Agatha kept telling me I should go hang out in a club called Pickles for mingling, and that was where I met Eliot, who owned the club.”
“It’s called Avalon now, and Eliot still runs it. Did you two become friends?”
“Yes.”
“Then lovers?”
“No, but I wanted to.” More than anything. “He was everything to me back then. Whenever I didn’t get a role, he encouraged me to keep trying, but I think… I think that it was all pointless; I was never meant to score any roles.” I wiped my eyes, today’s revelations settling down on my chest with an overwhelming weight.
“Why weren’t you meant to score any roles?” he asked quietly.
“Because they had other plans.”
“Eliot and Agatha?”
I nodded and took a long sip of wine. I could never afford the exquisite drinks Eliot and The Director had showered me with, and I was fine with that because it made it easier not to think of them whenever I had a drink.
“Is there a chance that Agatha was a member?” Hayden asked.
“I never saw women members, but Agatha always loved expensive things, and I remember thinking that it was odd how rich she was with such a short list of low-profile clients. Anyway, I didn’t say anything about the investigation to her or to her bodyguard. He tried to make me admit it, but you got here in time.”
Hayden shifted on the couch, avoiding my eyes.
“What is it?”
He put his empty wine glass on the table. “There’s a reason I haven’t spoken to you in the last couple of days. A few hours after I met with Eliot, the Chief called me to his office. He told me to stop the investigation immediately.”
There wasn’t a part of me that was surprised. “Did he explain himself?”
“He said I didn’t have any real leads to follow, and when I debunked that, he claimed there were more urgent cases piling up. When I pushed back and asked for examples, he finally admitted that the order had come from higher up, but he refused to give me names.”
“Can you really drop a case like that?”
“Nick’s case is easy to drop because no one saw him being kidnapped, and no one’s requesting ransom. Even with that video of him we found, who can say for sure that Nick hadn’t split town for a kinky porn career?”
It dawned on me how easy it must have been to make me disappear. Unlike Nick, my parents hadn’t gone to the police. My disappearance must have become irrelevant the second it happened.
“Maybe it’s for the best,” I mumbled.
“I don’t think I’ve heard you right.”
“Never mind.”
“Hey, I’m not giving up on this.”
I frowned at him. “What are you talking about? You just said—”
“What I said was that officially the investigation is dead, but I’m not giving up on saving Nick and whoever else they’re holding captive. Those monsters are hurting people. They hurt you .”
“Don’t go on a crusade because of what happened to me ages ago.”
“Ages ago? It happened last week!”
“Please don’t yell at me.”
He rubbed his face. “I don’t understand you, Jonah, and believe me that I’m trying. Please make me understand. What happened when they took you?”
I crossed my arms, my skin prickling. “It doesn’t matter now.”
“It very much does.”
“You won’t save the day, Hayden. Those people have more influence than you can ever imagine.”
“Because they’re rich? Rich people go to prison all the time—I’ve sent some there.”
He really didn’t get it, but it wasn’t his fault. I leaned forward to grab some old newspapers from the table. I flipped through the pages until I reached the political section, then pointed at a photo of a group of Republican senators. The article was about a bill they were trying to block. “I remember those two.”
Hayden leaned closer. “Remember them how?”
“They were members of The Society. I don’t know if they still are.”
“Shit, those are big names. Can someone just leave The Society?”
“I heard of it happening, but I don’t know what it involves.” I tried to articulate my perception of them. “They act like an inner society, a hub of people with influence who want to run the world—or at least to manipulate it. I remember conversations about elections, bribes, and even wars they were meddling in. The rest of the captives and I were there for entertainment—we didn’t exist outside of their games.”
“They considered torture entertainment?”
“Yes. The Director once told me that men who can have whatever they want are bound to seek illegal things to satisfy their needs. I don’t think it’s true for all men, but it was true for those people.”
Hayden shook his head. “This shit is just getting darker and darker. I need more wine.”
And I needed my needles—but less than I expected. In truth, I was surprised that sharing my truth hadn’t caused my anxiety to soar. If anything, I felt lighter.
Hayden came back with a full glass of wine. The bags under his eyes made it clear the last few days had been rough on him too. He seemed troubled and restless. As I thought of what to say to make him feel better, he met my gaze and asked, “Do you hate me?”
I blinked, not sure I understood. “Why would I hate you?”
“The things I said when we broke up…”
‘Why didn’t you tell me you used to do those things, Jonah? And who the hell sent me those videos? A jealous ex-boyfriend? Your pimp?’
I crossed my arms, hating how fresh the memory felt and how deeply it still cut. “Yes, well, I didn’t make it easier by not answering your questions.”
“You didn’t owe me the truth.”
“I did owe you the truth; I just needed time to prepare myself, but you were… you were so angry.”
“I know. I lost it.” He cleared his throat. “Why did they send me those videos?”
Wasn’t that the million-dollar question? “I don’t know for sure, but my guess is they found out I was dating a cop, and that was the least violent way to break us up.”
He rubbed his face before taking a sip of wine. I knew he preferred beer, but Samuel had drank the last one I had.
I hesitantly asked, “Is there a point in asking you to drop the case?”
“You know me better than that.”
“Why do you have to be so stubborn? You can lose your job because of this—hell, your life.”
“I didn’t choose this career to look away from evil.”
That had been one of the things that scared me the most about dating him—his uncompromising sense of justice, whereas I was living in the gray. I put my face in my hands and grunted, “You’re hopeless.”
He moved closer and rested his warm palm on the back of my neck, causing me to tense.
“Since I’ve officially dropped the case, everything I’ll do from now on is off the record. When I have enough evidence, I’ll go straight to the FBI. My aunt still has a few connections there.”
I raised my head and leaned back, but his palm remained on my skin. “And if the FBI tells you the same?”
“Let’s cross that bridge when we get to it. All I need from you is honesty. You have every right to refuse, but I’m asking for a chance to make this right.”
It dawned on me that I could keep my dark Pandora’s box private, but it no longer felt sealed tight. And if Nick had been taken because of me…
“Okay.” The word felt heavy in my mouth, larger than its vowels. “I’ll tell you more about them, but it needs to be at my own pace.”
He nodded. “Thank you. We can talk about it more once we’re done.”
“Done with what?”
“Having sex.”
I held his dead-serious gaze. “You don’t need to fuck me for information.”
Hurt flashed in his eyes. “You really think that of me?”
I didn’t. Not him. “I’m sorry.” I grew aware of how close his body was to mine. “Is this a good idea?”
He pursed his lips. “I honestly can’t think of a better idea than having you naked and sweaty with me in bed. Can you?”
Despite sitting perfectly still, I felt lightheaded, goosebumps rising across my skin. It was reckless and irresponsible to further complicate things, but passing on this opportunity scared me more than any possible ramifications.
I exhaled. “I think you should kiss me now.”
He leaned toward me, stalling right before our mouths met. A fucking tease. His warm breath tickled my face, and the second I smiled, he kissed me.
My being was reduced to the currents swimming back and forth between our lips. Kissing him was everything I remembered it to be. I let him explore with his tongue while his hands held firmly to my head, as if worried I might change my mind.
When we stopped to breathe, I said, “I should go take a shower.”
“Okay. I’ll go in after you.”
“No.” I sniffed his neck, inhaling the faint scent of aftershave and sweat. “I like your smell.”
“I know you do.” He brushed my lips with his thumb. “It was a test. I’ll wait for you in the bedroom, Joe.”
I loved it when he called me that, and he knew that. I moved to stand on shaky legs, feeling him watching me as I walked away.