18. Dakota
18
DAKOTA
Dakota : FUZZY TWISTED NIPPLE
Navy : What happened? You never pull out the code words.
Dakota : Can you meet at Java in an hour?
Navy : You got it, babe. Be ready to spill.
I didn’t plan on using our code words.
Navy came up with the mayday slang during our senior year of college. She created it to act as a date buffer when things went south. But lately, it’s been used more for our venting sessions, ones I find myself needing more and more. Coincidently, most of them concern the other Hayes child. I’ve avoided calling her to vent for that very reason.
Fortunately for her, I’m in over my head at this point. With Navy working for the Strikers, she’s bound to see us. Not that there is an us or we’re doing anything, but she’s my best friend, and I can’t keep this from her. I’ll decide when we meet face to face the extent of what I’ll share.
The friendship Navy and I have is one of low maintenance, and I’m eternally grateful for that.
I didn’t have the time or the energy to put effort into my outfit today. I chose leggings and an oversized graphic tee with my neutral and white Dunks. My hair is still sporting yesterday’s styling cream, resembling a chaotic bird's nest more than a messy bun.
Joy fills me when I see her.
Hilarious, piss yourself joy. She might look worse than I do, however.
It’s rare to see Navy out of sorts; her physical aesthetic is always on lockdown. Not today, though, Navy girl.
My best friend is wearing a patterned Mumu dress that looks like a torn towel her grandmother sewed from nothing—better looking on a dining room table than on her. The best part is that she’s wearing bright pink shin-high socks with turquoise toucans sealed to perfection under her Birkenstocks.
Jesus, she looks like a clown.
I’m so happy to be in her presence I could cry.
Entering Java, I fall to the floor in hysterics when Navy notices me heading towards her. She looks like she needs to find the nearest restroom or something of that nature, as she bounces in her seat and looks to be sweating. I’d be sweating too if I were suffocating my body weight in thick fabric. She’s seated in our designated booth, backed up to a wall full of shelved succulents. Her outfit is throwing off the whole earthy suburban coffee shop vibe.
If only I can sneak a picture...
I’m unable to help myself from mocking her. I hunch over like I forgot my cane. “Good golly, the early bird sure does get the worm, isn’t that right sweet pea? I had to break out the MapQuest to get here.”
Her eye roll brings me immense happiness.
“Hilarious. Enough with the grandma jokes. You’re terrible at it, anyway. I’m aware my outfit is strange for today, but I had a rough night, okay. You called with code words, Kodi, so I threw on anything I could find.”
I’m still laughing, knowing she’s fighting back a smile. “So, a Mumu was the only available clothing option?”
If looks could kill, I’d be clawed alive by now.
“Oh, shut up. You look like bird poop and piss harvested a nest on your head. What’d you do? Refuse to shower and proceed with an updo from the 90’s?”
This right here . This is why she will always be my person. We’re both twisted and broken down, but we get each other without words needed in exchange. I slide into the booth beside her, rolling my eyes as my choice of response, while I gather every emotion I can to show her how much she means to me.
I hug her so tight it gives her no choice but to hug me back.
Navy groans in response to my affection before ordering I tell her what the urgency is. She’s not going to like this.
She’s my best friend and I owe her the truth. But she’s protective of Callaway, so this could go in an entirely different direction.
“I asked your brother to fuck me.”
Suddenly, there’s coffee in my face—an ice-cold sugary concoction that plunges me in embarrassment at the forwardness of my statement.
She spit her coffee in my face.
Her face tells me she isn't angry, but that was the last thing she expected me to share. “Kodi, a warning would have been lovely. You talking to me about Callaway is not what surprised me. It’s the fact that you asked him to fuck you that’s throwing me off. Because what in the actual fuck ? ”
I guess I did come on a little too strong.
She makes me jumpy, and I had to get it out before changing my mind. I give myself a second to clean my face while contemplating what kind of explanation to give her. I wouldn’t want to set her off again.
“That was a little forward. I’m sorry. I should have warned you, although I’m unsure how that would have looked. You’re all I’ve got, Navs. You know how hard I’ve worked this past year to be better for myself since their death and the breakup. The fact that he’s your brother makes me feel even more off center. I won’t lose our friendship simply because I’m craving a man’s touch. I almost did last night, and I realize now how stupid I was. I couldn’t keep this from you. We haven’t slept together, though, if that’s what you're wondering. I asked, but he turned me down and insisted I date him instead.”
I must be imagining things because Navy is grinning .
“I had a feeling that was coming. That sounds so much like Cal, Kodi. He talked to me about you, you know. At the club.”
I suspected they were somewhere talking, but no part of me even considered I was the topic. “He did? What did he say?”
She looks like she’s debating if she should tell me. It wouldn’t be considered breaking Callaway’s trust if it’s concerning me, right?
“He said he was shooting his shot. He wanted to make sure I knew, kind of how you are right now, before he pursued you. Pursuing a woman is something I’ve never seen him do. That’s incredibly surprising for him, and it actually makes me happy to see him so infatuated. With that being said, I’m not thrilled about it being you. I don’t mean that to hurt you, but out of every woman available to him, he has to go for my best friend. I hate that. It makes me feel like I’m in the middle, and if things don’t work out between the two of you, I still lose one of you.”
I’m a little thrown off by his bluntness towards Navy and also by her quick refusal of the possibility of Callaway and me.
I understand where Navy is coming from. By him telling her that, he put her in a difficult position, and I could never stand in the way of their relationship.
“I can’t believe he did that. But I get your side.” My stomach is in knots. “I want you to know that I turned him down because dating someone isn’t what I want, and I won’t interfere with the relationship you guys have. You both found each other so much later in life. I know firsthand that family means everything. I’ll respect that and leave it to rest.”
She cuts in, “That means a lot to me, Kodi. Cal has always been the mature one in our family. As soon as he was introduced as my brother, he became all things to each of us. He never let my parents lift a finger to do so much as grab a single grocery bag, take out the trash, mow the lawn, little things like that when dad couldn’t—sometimes even when he could. He’s the best guy I know. We’ve been waiting for the day a woman captivates him. He’s particular and knows what he wants. I know you both are adults and technically don’t need my permission, but I appreciate you considering my feelings by not letting it go any farther.”
Why did that make my heart drop? I don’t want anything deeper with Callaway, but for some reason knowing the option is no longer available makes me question it.
“I can barely take care of myself, Navs. I’ve still got a lot of work to do. Besides, we work together now so he’s even more off limits than before.”
I catch her rolling her eyes like she knows I'm talking a big game .
It sounds a lot like I’m trying to convince myself.
She has seen my struggle with life firsthand. The depression comes in waves, while the guilt of not saying goodbye terrorizes my memories of them. I can’t bear to look at childhood pictures. The tangible love I know I’ll find in those pictures feels like something I can’t remember. It’s like their death created this permanent scar on my heart that feels irreparable. I would be an awful human being for putting that burden on someone else to carry. It’s difficult enough on my shoulders.
Hence, why hooking up is all I was able to offer him at the time.
Even though my body clearly won’t let me escape him.
I don’t actually want to escape him, but I can’t let him get too close.
My scars can only hibernate in chambers for so long.
Navy grabs her coffee and pivots her body towards me in the booth. “I wish you could see what I do. You are so strong, Kodi. Anyone can see that. If this last year has shown me anything, it’s that you’re a rockstar, and so deserving of the love you show without even realizing it. Be careful, okay? Focus on yourself.”
“That’s the plan.” A plan I’m hating more and more by the second. “I’m so thankful for you, even though you look like a sixty-five and up bingo champion right now.”
Laughing together, I pull her in for another hug, soaking in the familiar comfort she brings. I don’t know what I was expecting from our conversation, but Navy telling me it was a bad idea was not it. I need to make sure I’m being steadfast enough not to let my heart get involved.
It’s for the best.
Maybe fucking and forgetting was the last thing I needed.
But letting go of the idea of Callaway doesn’t feel like an option either.