Chapter 18 Kreed #2
The fire crackled low in the stone grate, its light flickering and dancing across her face, painting her features in soft gold. She might be safe in my arms tonight, but the danger was far from over.
My fingers hovered near her hair, the subtle heat radiating from her skin enticing me, but I didn’t let myself touch her. Didn’t let myself take her comfort. I didn’t deserve it after how I’d acted like an ass earlier.
No one outside of my mother had ever told me they loved me, and I couldn’t figure out why Kaylor having those strong feelings toward me scared the living shit out of me.
They rattled my composure, not because I didn’t want them or because they weren’t what I’d been secretly hoping to hear but because I had absolutely no idea what to do with them.
Love wasn’t built for people like me, for hands stained with blood and souls carrying too much darkness.
It was too soft, too forgiving, too vulnerable. And I’d never been any of those things.
I should let her go. I should send her far away from me…from my father. If I really wanted to protect her life, wouldn’t she be safer without me?
And yet, it was either pure selfishness or ego that convinced my mind she was better off by my side. Besides, I couldn’t lock her up. Never again. I would never take her freedom or choice away again, regardless of how much I might want to protect her. There were other ways.
I stared into the flames, watching them consume the logs.
My father’s ever-present shadow loomed over every good thing I dared to touch, corrupting it just by proximity.
His “deal” burned in my mind. He’d made it all sound so reasonable, so logical: come home, go back to school, keep up appearances, and maintain normalcy.
Except nothing about it was normal. He was up to something deeper, a play I couldn’t see yet. He always was. And if she decided to return, Kaylor would be caught in his web again.
With the amount of security at Willows Estate, she should have been safer there than anywhere else in the world.
The real problem wasn’t outside the gates, where it could be monitored and controlled.
The problem was inside, sitting behind a mahogany desk and making chess moves with people’s lives.
She’d be living under the same roof as the enemy.
Kaylor stirred slightly, mumbling incoherently, and then she went still again, her breathing evening out. I brushed my thumb across her cheek, the simple touch grounding me, reminding me why I was doing any of this.
The floorboards creaked behind me, the sense we were no longer alone spiking in my blood. I glanced over my shoulder, seconds from dumping Kaylor onto the ground, when my eyes landed on a familiar face shrouded in shadows, but even with the cover of darkness, I knew my brother.
“Figures, I’d find you alone in the dark,” Raine muttered, his voice carrying a note of amusement until he got a good look at my face. “What did you do to fuck things up now?” he asked. He knew me too well.
“Not everything I do is fucking up. Just most of the time, at least in Dad’s eyes,” I mumbled, keeping my voice low so I wouldn’t disturb Kaylor.
“Fuck him,” Raine said easily, stepping into the circle of firelight.
The orange glow caught on his features. “You’ve always been there when it actually counts, when shit gets real.
That’s what matters in the end.” He dropped onto the opposite couch, stretching his long legs out and crossing them at the ankles.
His eyes flitted briefly to Kaylor’s sleeping form and then back to me.
“So are you going to tell me what has you so spooked? And don’t feed me some bullshit about our father. That’s baseline stress for you.”
I was quiet for a long moment, debating whether to tell him. I never would have considered telling the twins, but Raine would take it seriously. “What the fuck have I got to lose at this point?”
He shot me a crooked grin. “Except my patience, which, fair warning, is running thin tonight.”
I huffed and sank deeper into the couch, carefully checking to see she was still asleep. “Kaylor told me she loved me.”
Raine’s eyebrows rose, genuine surprise crossing his features. “And you’re still alive and breathing? Impressive. I figured your black heart would have shriveled up at the first outpouring of love from a girl.”
Oh, he thought he was funny. So much for thinking he would take this seriously. “It doesn’t matter. She took it back. Claimed it was a mistake and came out in the heat of the moment. That she didn’t actually mean it.”
“We all know that’s bullshit. The only person who doesn’t see how much this girl loves you is you.” He leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees and lacing his fingers together. “Here’s the real question. Are you more afraid she didn’t mean it…or terrified she did?”
The question hung heavily in the air between us. I didn’t answer, couldn’t force words past the lump in my throat.
He sighed. “Sooner or later, Kreed, you’re going to have to deal with this shit head-on.
Stop running from it. I’ve told you before she’s not going to wait around forever while you sort out your emotional damage.
And I know you didn’t ask for my advice, but you’re getting it anyway because someone in this family has to actually be an adult.
” He looked me dead in the eyes. “You’re not going to find anyone more perfect for you than her. Period.”
“She’s the daughter of a rival crew,” I pointed out despite the argument being so weak. I was grasping at straws.
“And you’re the son of one,” he shot back.
“That’s exactly my point,” I muttered. “We’re rivals. Our families have history. Bad blood. It’s… complicated.”
Raine’s mouth curved into a slow smirk. “What makes a better love story than two rivals falling in love? That’s literally half the great romances in history.”
“I’m being serious.”
“You’re always serious,” he countered, shaking his head. “It’s your default setting. Does this self-sabotage have anything to do with you wanting to walk away from the crew eventually?”
I stared at the fire again. “Maybe. I don’t know. Probably.” My hand threaded through my hair. “Everything feels… fucked. I can’t think straight.”
Raine tilted his head, studying me. “You’re afraid she won’t like the guy you’ll be without all the danger and violence. That she’ll lose interest.”
“It’s who she fell for in the first place.”
“You’ll still be the same brooding asshole,” he said dryly. “Just with fewer felonies.”
I snorted. “What if that’s exactly what she likes? The danger. The adrenaline. The chaos. What if I’m boring without it?”
“Would it actually bother you if she did like that part of you?” he asked, one brow lifting.
I thought of her, my girl, sleeping curled against my side, her breath warm against my chest, her hand clutching my sweatshirt like, even unconscious, she wasn’t letting go. My stomach clenched. “Most girls run the other way when they learn what we do,” I muttered.
“I think we’ve firmly established that Kaylor isn’t like most girls,” Raine said dryly. “She’s proven that repeatedly.”
I glanced down at her, soft features relaxed in the firelight, lips parted slightly, lashes fanned across her cheeks. She murmured in her sleep and shifted closer to me.
God, she didn’t even know what she did to me. “How can I keep someone like that safe? Someone who always goes looking for trouble or who attracts it?”
“You don’t,” he stated simply. “You can’t protect her from everything, and you’ll drive yourself insane trying.
Bad shit happens regardless of the precautions we take.
She could get into a car accident, die in childbirth, or have a terminal illness.
There are a hundred different horrible circumstances that could arise completely out of your control.
That’s what loving someone actually means—giving up the illusion of control.
And that’s your fundamental problem, Kreed.
You don’t know how to let go of anything. ”
I met his eyes, and for once, I didn’t have a single comeback. Nothing smart. Nothing sarcastic. Just… truth staring me in the face.
Raine relaxed back into the couch. “Let go. Let yourself actually love her without the walls and defenses. Trust me. The reward is worth the risk. Always has been, always will be.”
I dragged my hands down my face, exhaling slowly.
Enough.
I needed ground under my feet again. “Let’s get back to something I can actually control,” I muttered. “Rusty. I want him fully exposed, every name, every buyer, every bastard connected to that trafficking ring.”
Raine slipped off his shoes, getting comfortable. “You just want to expose him and hand the whole thing to the police?”
“Fuck no,” I scoffed. “When do we ever do that? The police can handle the minions. I want Rusty and whoever he is working for. I want the guys calling the shots.”
My brother grinned. “Finally, something I can sink my teeth into.” He stretched his arms along the back of the couch, eyes lighting. “When do we move?”
“The shit that gets you excited is disturbing,” I muttered. “Oh, and we need to move fast.”
Raine lifted a questioning brow.
“Dad’s ordering us home,” I said, glancing down at Kaylor again. “Her too. You’re welcome to come. We’ll need extra support.”
He made a face. “Thanks, but hell no. I’ll stay at the club.”
I nodded. I got it. We both vowed never to return home once we were out. “I’m sorry you had to drop out this semester,” I said quietly.
He shrugged. “You guys needed me. Family is more important. And college will be there at the end of summer.”
“Or,” I deadpanned, “you could take summer classes. I sure as hell will probably have to.”
“Nah, bro,” Raine smirked. “College is all about failing spectacularly and calling it character development. It’s encouraged, really.”
“Can’t fucking wait.”
The fire cracked loudly, sparks popping. Kaylor shifted, her fingers curling tighter around me. She mumbled my name clearly enough that both Raine and I heard it.
He caught my eye and raised one eyebrow knowingly but mercifully said nothing.