Chapter 22
TWENTY-TWO
CALEB
I spend the entire evening fighting the urge to tell Tim, Jack, Jasper or Dahlia. The only person I can really talk to is Lara. I want to text her, but the silence surrounding us as Ariella snoozes the evening away on my chest feels like something I need to hold on to. So after I check my calendar for her last shark week’s dates, and establish that it was six weeks ago, I do the most destructive thing I could possibly do. I go on the internet and search the word ‘baby’.
Truthfully, I don’t know how I feel about it. There have been many times when I have looked at Ariella and imagined what our kids would be like, and concluded that as long as they were like her, they’d be bloody brilliant. They’d be loved and cared for, and we’d dedicate our lives to making sure they were fine. They’d be immersed in Dahlia, Hugh, Zachary, Isszy, Jasper and Gigi’s love from the start. All that would counter the family horror I’d bring to the table as baggage. While I may not know how to be a good parent, I certainly know how to avoid being a bad one. When I follow this thread of thought, my hope is that she keeps it.
But right now, our lives are a shit show. I’m not ready. We’re stuck in Singapore. I own two gyms that I highly suspect are money pits, and have an embarrassingly weak plan for them. Ariella doesn’t know what she wants to do once these two years are up. We have the flat but I’ve never really wanted to raise a child in London. Then again, I’ve never actually wanted to raise a child full stop. I love Alfie, but he has always belonged to someone else and the reason why I can give everything I am to him while we are together is because I know that, eventually, he has to return to Tim and Em.
The internet search doesn’t help. Instead, it scares me absolutely shitless. On the one hand, some experiences of parenthood sound profound and sublime. On the other hand, people are losing their minds out there. I look hard for a simple, balanced ‘meh, it was all right’ experience and there isn’t one. Whatever we do, we’re fucked – which means whatever we do, we’re going to be okay.
It pains me to stroke her arm awake because she seems so tired, but she hasn’t eaten since breakfast and even that ended up down the loo.
‘Mason,’ I whisper. ‘Would you like something to eat?’
She stirs and shakes her head.
‘Cheese on toast?’
She opens an eye before she sits up slowly.
‘Maybe just toast?’
I can definitely do that. I plant a kiss on her head. There is so much more than I can fathom going on in there. I wish I could reach in, grab a load of the thoughts that torment her and throw them out. She hides it well, but I know that sometimes they can get the better of her. When I get to the kitchen, I make three slices of the most careful cheese on toast that I have ever made. I know how she likes it, so it has to be perfect. When that’s under the grill, I make the toast she requested and boil the kettle for some ginger tea. This way, she has a choice and MsPat will be pleased that I listened.
Whatever happens, I’m determined not to be a passenger. I want to be involved, helpful and supportive for her.
She eats her toast slowly and gratefully moves on to a piece of the cheese on toast that I made, then I give her my second slice.
The more I watch her slowly eat and drink her tea, the more I think I might want this pregnancy. We’ve created a little miracle, currently the size of a sesame seed, that contains something from both of us.
‘Come on, let’s go to bed.’
She nods and I let her lead the way up the stairs. I lock and check our doors twice before I turn the lights off behind us. Nothing ever happens in Singapore, but I am hyperaware tonight.
I put her in bed, hop in and out of the shower quickly, then lie down beside her. I pull her in close and hold her hand as she places it on my heart. I start the belly tickles she adores and she’s asleep in minutes.
I may not be able to share what’s going on, but there is no way I am letting today go unnoticed.
I flick on my bedside lamp, grab my phone and take a picture of Ariella sleeping peacefully on my shoulder. She looks absolutely beautiful.
Then I open my social media app, upload the image and add a simple caption below.
Perfection.
I put my phone back on its charging disc and return my hand to Ariella’s tummy, hoping that the sesame seed can feel me silently telling it how much I love it already.
‘Caleb?’ Ariella whispers to me in the middle of the night.
‘Mason?’
‘I think I want to keep it. What do you think?’ she says, placing her hand over mine, still resting on her tummy.
‘I think I want to keep it too.’
‘I’m a little scared.’
‘I’ve been on the internet. I think we might need to be a lot scared. They’re cute but it turns out they are all frightful little monsters and no one is ever really prepared for their arrival anyway. Also, the general consensus is we sleep now because, the second it’s born, we’re never going to sleep again. Ever.’
‘But I’m not sleepy,’ Ariella says, climbing on top of me.
‘You do realise it was exactly this sort of behaviour that got you into your little spot of trouble, Mason?’
‘It’s not like it’s going to get any worse,’ she says, smiling, before she brings her lips down to meet mine.
‘Nope. In fact I suspect it’s only going to get better.’
I pull my girlfriend in, make love to her and hold her in my arms, softly chatting like we used to do in London, until the sun comes up.
‘Granny Pat!’ I call as I happily come down the stairs in the morning, ready for Honey to turn up. MsPat is exceptionally early today. She usually doesn’t surface until about six fifteen, well into my beatings. Sometimes she stops for a few minutes to watch for fun.
She whips round. She has the biggest smile on her face.
‘You keep the baby?’ she asks excitedly.
‘Yes, we’re keeping the baby.’ The force with which she hugs me almost knocks me over. ‘Can I juggle the ginger now?’
‘No!’ She smacks my arm and laughs loudly. ‘Miss Ariella must take to work in a flask and drink all day so she is not so sick. When she get tired of ginger, we try mint.’
I have an overwhelming urge to hug MsPat, and I do. I cover her tiny five-foot-two frame with my entire body.
The doorbell goes suddenly. Honey is early too. I open the door to her and an excited Lara.
‘Well?’ Lara says.
‘We’re keeping it, Aunty Lara.’
Lara squeals, shoves me to the side and dashes up the stairs.
‘In honour of your news, I’ll go easy on you today. Come on,’ Honey says as she gives me a quick hug. Then she walks into the garden and onto our training mat. We are soon interrupted by Ariella.
‘Caleb, did you post a photo of us in bed together to your social media?’
‘Yes,’ I say as I finally manage to grab one of Honey’s legs.
‘Why?’
‘Because I’m sick of hiding.’
‘Lydia’s phone has been going off since midnight. Honey’s fans are going crazy online and people are accusing me of cheating on Dominic.’
I’m not going to lie, the second bit of the news tickles me. People think I’ve nicked Dominic’s girlfriend, whereas in actuality he’s trying to steal mine. Social media is such a scam.
Honey swats me aside, like she has been playing with me this entire time by letting me think that I was getting the upper hand.
‘I can fix part of that,’ she says. She walks off the mat to her phone and taps quickly, then reads her comment aloud.
‘Sometimes, friends become best friends and love finds its true path. I couldn’t be happier for this beautiful couple. Wishing my best friend Caleb nothing but happiness with his soulmate Ariella. Please be kind.’
She looks at Ariella.
‘You love each other. Stop hiding it. The stakes might be a little higher for me, but I’m thinking of doing the same.’
Honey walks past Ariella, grabs Lara’s face and kisses her in front of us. Honey is a legend. Not only did she fulfil one of Ariella and my deepest wishes – for those two to get together – she managed to get Ariella to temporarily forget that she was angry at me.
When I meet Ariella at work later for the final part of Melissa’s storytime, the first person who comes up to me as soon as I step out of the lift is Lydia. She’d been waiting for me to arrive before she entered the meeting room. I don’t want to give the news away and I won’t, but I know I’m going to struggle. MsPat warned us earlier that morning to make our medical appointments as discreetly as possible and not to tell anyone until after the three-month mark.
‘I’m glad you told everyone, Caleb. Samir has lost his mind and Ariella’s profile is an impossible firefighting nightmare, but well done. I’m happy for you both.’ If she’s this excited about the post, our other news is going to blow her mind.
When we walk into the meeting room, everyone apart from Samir and Aari bursts into a round of laughter-filled applause.
‘You’re still alive,’ Bree announces, setting everyone off again.
‘Only just.’ I shake my head and take the seat next to Bryce.
‘Well done, mate,’ he whispers, then asks if I want sweet or salty popcorn from the machine in the corner of the room. I opt for ice cream, and grab it from one of the mini ice coolers sitting in the middle of the boardroom table.
Soon enough the countdown hits zero and Melissa appears in her bathrobe, waving today’s paper at us for what we hope is the final time.
‘I was hoping my last storytime was going to go out with a bang, but I don’t feel like it today.’
She lifts her cocktail to her lips, downs it and uses her hand to call another one forth before she continues. Gustaf’s hand is quick with a replacement.
‘So, I don’t want to be mean but…oh, who am I kidding? I’m always mean. Let’s just get into it and start with the sex. Who was having it with whom and Kevin almost losing his tiny wee-wee when he tried to come on to me for the first and last time.’
She details all the people Kevin has had affairs with. It includes some pretty high-profile names and people who had no business having affairs with anyone. She detailed the lies that were told to make meetings happen, conferences that were made up and secret congregations on Indonesian islands that perhaps had a different kind of agenda.
‘Video tapes was going to be my grand finale, but I’ve changed my mind. Kevin may be a disease-ridden, weak-spined, disgusting waste of space, but I had an affair too. It started off as a bit of fun, but I fell in love. I now realise that’s what it was. At the time, I responded the only way I knew and did some pretty atrocious things. I now have to live with that and settle for Gustaf.’
Melissa looks off camera, shrugs and smiles. I get the feeling Gustaf knows what this is and he’s not complaining. Poor Gustaf. Vultures will always find roadkill.
‘So this is my final gift to him. Anyone so much as leaks, touches or tries to find and interfere with him, I’m releasing the tapes. All of them. And if yesterday is anything to go by, you know I can do it in multiple locations all at once. Gotta hand it to blockchain. So you’re all now in charge of his safety. Any one of you so much as touches a hair on his head, everyone is getting it. He wandered blindly and stupidly into a carefully laid trap. He had no idea what he was getting himself into and I was completely unprepared for the effect he was going to have on me. I truly hope that he holds on to his perfection.’
Lydia, Ariella and Samir glance at me.
‘Shit, mate,’ Bryce whispers.
I daren’t look at Ariella.
‘I’ll resurface eventually, when all of this has died down and the appropriate arrests have been made, investigations completed and the law has done the best it can. In the meantime, I’ll be making bigger, meaner and scarier friends. I’ve always been resourceful like that. Here’s a toast to not seeing or hearing from each other for a very long time – unless, of course, I absolutely have to.’
She raises her glass in the air and the stream cuts out. My phone vibrates. It’s an unrecognised number.
I may have been a monster but I was your monster. I’m sorry. Be happy. Goodbye.
‘Wow,’ Sian says. ‘And life goes back to normal.’
‘Ariella,’ Samir starts, much more softly this time. ‘Can we finish the conversation in my office please?’
‘I’d like to join that conversation,’ I say. Fuck Samir. I’m tired of his shit. He’s not going to treat my girlfriend how he likes.
‘Lydia?’ Bryce says, standing.
‘Yup.’ Lydia stands too.
And the four of us follow Samir into his office.
‘I want to know everything, right now,’ he demands.
‘What would you like to—’ Ariella doesn’t get to finish.
‘You can stop with the innocent?—’
‘Hey!’ I interrupt. ‘Don’t you dare talk to her like that. I don’t know who you think you are, Samir, but before you rocked up with your fancy suit, watch and shoes, we were here. We built this. From nothing. Every client we currently have is less than a year old. She led that. Bryce stood at the gates and protected us. Lydia made sure we were all functioning. Was it perfect? No. Are we here today? Yes. So you can show some respect and let her finish her thought.’ I turn to Ariella. ‘Mason?’
‘Samir,’ she starts, finally taking a seat. ‘You need to recruit your new COO. There is an irreparable disconnect between you and me. You deserve to have someone who you can trust to make the changes that you wish to make. I’m not that person. I’ve delivered as much as I can of your vision, but morally, strategically and philosophically we are not aligned, and I’m tired of fighting and making excuses for you.’
‘And you’re a horrible person,’ Lydia adds.
‘Leave my office now. All of you,’ Samir demands, clearly at the end of his tether.