42. Faction Fallout #4
He pulls back enough to look at me.
I can see him deciding whether to fight.
He doesn't.
I take out the phone.
Twenty-three notifications.
One is them removing me from the family chat.
I stare at it.
Cami inhales beside me.
I open Aunt Rachel first.
Aunt Rachel
Your mother called me. I love you more than I can put into words, Micah. But I can't support this. You know how we raised all of you. You know what we believe. I am praying that you find your way back.
Please give us space right now.
My thumb doesn't move.
Summer afternoons in her kitchen.
She used to cut apples into slices and put peanut butter on each one because Caleb wouldn't eat them otherwise.
I slept on her couch every Wednesday for almost an entire summer when Mom was working extra shifts.
She taught me how to drive in an empty church parking lot because Dad got too tense in the passenger seat.
By then, Matthew had only been around a year or two.
I'd complained that I didn't need three adults teaching me how to drive.
Aunt Rachel told me to shut up and check my mirrors.
I close the message.
Uncle Stephen's is shorter.
Uncle Stephen
Do not contact Rachel or the kids while you're living this way. If you decide to repent and leave this lifestyle behind, you know where to find us.
My vision goes blurry again.
Dex sees the screen. “Micah.”
“The kids.” My voice barely works.
Cami's hand finds mine.
“Elijah's eighteen,” I say.
Nobody responds.
“The others are older. Hannah's thirty-four. Caleb's twenty-nine. But Elijah's eighteen.”
Dex's brow furrows.
I don't know why I'm listing ages.
Maybe because numbers are easier.
Maybe because eighteen matters.
“He's a kid.”
“Yeah,” Griffin says softly.
“What if he's queer?”
The room goes still.
I look down at the phone. “What if one of them is?”
No one has an answer.
“They've just told every kid in that family what happens.” My throat closes. “If you're gay, you lose Christmas. You lose… everything.”
Cami's face crumples.
“If you love the wrong person, you're not safe at Aunt Rachel's anymore.” I wipe at my face angrily. “They're going to make me the example.”
Ronan's voice comes quietly from my left. “Yes.”
Everyone looks at him.
He doesn't soften it.
I appreciate that more than I can say.
“They may.”
I nod. “Yeah.”
My phone buzzes again.
A cousin I barely talk to.
Abigail.
I almost don't open it.
I do.
Abigail
They sent a message to tell us to pray for you, but not to talk to you
Another message comes in right away.
Abigail
I don't really understand the poly thing and I know that's probably not what you want to hear right now.
Dex shifts beside me.
Another message comes.
Abigail
But you're still my cousin.
My breath catches.
Abigail
I can't fight Uncle Stephen and your dad and everybody for you. I wish I was brave enough to say I could. I'm sorry.
But I'm not blocking you. I'm not disappearing. If you need me, call.
I stare at the words until they blur.
One person.
One fucking person.
Out of all of them.
I sit down because my legs stop being useful.
Dex goes with me immediately, knee pressed against mine.
Cami sits on the other side.
Griffin and Ronan stay close.
My phone keeps buzzing.
I don't open the rest.
Not yet.
Maybe not tonight.
Dex reaches for the phone, then stops before touching it. “Can I?”
I hand it to him.
He turns it to full silent and puts it facedown on the table.
Nobody says anything.
The house is quiet around us.
I can hear Dex breathing beside me.
Cami sniffing once and pretending she didn't.
I feel Griffin's thumb move slowly across my shoulder.
Ronan shifts his weight until his knee rests against mine.
Four people still here.
Four people who know exactly who I am.
It doesn't make my mother stop crying.
It doesn't put the family chat back on my phone.
It doesn't put me at Aunt Rachel's table next Christmas.
It doesn't give Elijah or Abigail a safer family if they ever need one.
Yesterday, I had all of them.
My parents.
My aunts and uncles.
Cousins I've known since they were born.
Christmas.
Birthdays.
Summer barbecues.
A cross beside a door I never had to wonder if I was allowed to walk through.
And this.
Dex.
Cami.
Ronan.
Griffin.
Home.
Tonight, I still have people around me who matter.
That doesn't make the people who left disappear any less.
Dex looks at me.
His eyes are red now too.
He shifts closer, hooks an arm around the back of my shoulders, and pulls me into him.
Not carefully.
Not like I might break.
Like he knows I already have.
My forehead hits his shoulder.
His other arm closes around me. “Come here,” he whispers.
Something inside me gives way again.
Completely this time.
The sound that comes out of me isn't quiet.
A sob tears up my throat before I can stop it, and then another follows it.
My hands fist in Dex's shirt.
He just holds tighter.
I knew.
I knew exactly what tonight could cost.
I had months to imagine it.
Years, maybe.
None of that matters now.
I bury my face against him and cry while the other three stay close enough to touch.
Knowing the knife was coming didn't make the cut hurt any less.