Chapter 17 More
MORE
Poppy
How can one weekend have me reevaluating everything I thought I knew about Braden? I was sad to say goodbye this morning. I’m not sure how it happened, but he’s nudged his way into my world.
We did end up fucking like rabbits, but we also talked, laughed, took walks, played board games of all things, and read together while snuggling in bed. It’s exactly what I want in a real relationship.
His comments show he wants something more, but he hasn’t been specific. He said this wasn’t just a booty call, but I’m not sure exactly what that means, and am more confused than ever.
I’ve started to fall for Owen, and now I’m in the same boat with Braden, if not further.
The difference is that Owen is someone who’s looking for long-term and lives here, while there’s no way of knowing if Braden is capable of a relationship or if we can overcome the distance issue.
He’s a partner at his law firm, and I couldn’t move away from Bozeman. Could I?
If I did, I’d be leaving my parents, but Grayson will be home soon, so they would have him. I’m doing well in real estate but could do that anywhere. Plus, Cici’s in San Diego, and I could absolutely fit in with her friends.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I’m way ahead of myself. This is why I shouldn’t do casual sex. Look at me, I’m practically planning a move across the country for a guy I’ve slept with on three separate occasions and known for four months, while disliking him for two of those.
All day, I’ve been ruminating over the situation, analyzing every little detail from the weekend, to what Braden said or did to our goodbye. I’ve been trying to decide whether he seemed relieved to go or reluctant.
After tidying up and attempting to distract myself by reading, I’m startled by a ping from my phone. It’s Braden, and I’m immediately giddy as a smile takes over.
Braden: I’m home and missing you already.
Poppy: Glad you made it safe. Thank you for a great weekend. I finished the three chapters. Did you?
He misses me. That means something, right? I don’t know that I’m prepared to say it back, though. It’s too vulnerable, and I’m not sure I completely trust his motives. I want to… but I’m not ready yet.
Braden: Yes, and you can’t go further without me. Do you want to read for an hour every night?
Poppy: Yeah, but let’s start tomorrow?
Braden: Why? Do you have a hot date?
Poppy: Something like that ;)
Braden: You better not…
Poppy: …
My phone rings as I’m trying to figure out how to respond.
“Hello?”
“Tell me it’s not a date,” Braden says with a mixture of anger and uncertainty.
“What does it matter?”
“Seriously? We just spent the weekend fucking, and it’s not supposed to bother me if you’re going out with another guy?”
“Oh, so you’ve never slept with a woman and then a different one the following night?”
I hear him breathe deeply before he responds with a level of control he’s obviously struggling to maintain. “Never with someone I cared about.”
“Then what are you really asking?” I need to know for sure where he’s at in his head. I can’t keep guessing his intentions. If he wants us to be more, it’s time to spit it out and quit beating around the bush.
“Are you seeing anyone else?”
“No, but I’m talking to someone and might meet him this week.”
The low growl to come from his throat is palpable through the phone. But honesty is important since I’m asking for it in return. Although, if I am being honest, I’m not looking forward to meeting Owen as much as I was.
“How can you still be interested in him after our time together? Did it mean nothing to you?”
It’s like he read my mind. But I can’t put all my cards on the table too soon.
“It did. But I’m confused. I’d already started talking to this guy, and dammit, you came out of nowhere.
You weren’t even on the radar, and just because you waltz in here and give me the best weekend I’ve ever had, doesn’t mean I can drop everything else on the hope this goes somewhere.
I’m not ready for that. We’re not ready for that.
” I take a deep breath after using all my air in one go.
There. I said it, and if it blows up in my face, so be it. At least I’ll know it was the right decision if he’s willing to walk away so easily.
He’s silent for what seems like forever before finally responding. “Fuck. I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” I can picture him running his hand through his hair, making me smile. I do miss him, but I won’t tell him that.
“It’s okay.” I throw him a bone for his apology, which probably isn’t easy for him.
“No. It isn’t. I’m crazy about you, Poppy, and I’m not sure what to do about it. I’m aware that it’s not fair to barge into your life and demand exclusivity, but dammit, that’s what I want.”
“Normally, I’d be all for it, but it’s complicated. We’re too far apart, and I want more than you can give me.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Really, Braden? So you’ll move here tomorrow, live with me, get engaged, and start making babies?”
He laughs. “I like the sound of the last part. Do we have to do it in that order?”
I can’t help but laugh along with him. “I’m serious.”
“So am I.”
“Braden,” I chastise.
“All right, here’s the deal. I like you—a lot. I’ll admit the distance is a problem for now. If you lived here, I’d be open to the moving-in part, but fuck, Poppy, I don’t know how to make this work, but I sure as hell want to try. Are you at least with me on that?”
“I’d like to be, but it’s bad timing. I’m not willing to throw away the start of something else on a mere possibility. I need more than that. Can we keep things the way they are and see how it goes? I’m not opposed to more, but I’m not ready to go in blind.”
“You mean without a crystal ball?” he asks sarcastically.
“That’s not fair.”
“Dammit, I know. I’m just frustrated. You’re right, though. I can’t ask you to be exclusive when I can’t give you what you want. As long as you don’t count us out, I can handle that for now.”
“I’m sorry I can’t commit to more.”
“I’m sorry too… for not being what you need.”
I giggle. “Did we just have our first fight?”
He scoffs. “I think we did. You know what that means, don’t you?”
“What?” I ask, with a sneaking suspicion of what the answer is.
“Makeup sex.”
“You’re terrible,” I scold, even though my body automatically responds to the suggestion.
“I bet you just clenched your thighs and are already wet for me.”
“Don’t you dare tease me when you can’t do anything about it.”
“Fine. We’ll make up properly tomorrow, so plan some extra time for me. Okay?”
“Okay, bossy.”
“Don’t pretend you aren’t excited.”
I giggle in acknowledgment. “Not at all. I’m looking forward to it.”
I’m grinning ear to ear as we end the call. When did he turn into the man who makes me smile instead of scowl? Or maybe he’s always been that man, and I was too hung up on my sexual conservativeness to notice. Either way, I like how he is—a little sweet and a whole lot filthy.
Noticing the time, I rush to the kitchen to pour a glass of wine before curling up on the couch for my chat with Owen.
I’m anxious to see if it’s all in my head or if I’m as into him as I remember.
I’m also excited to exchange pictures tonight and hopefully set up an actual date.
We need to move on to the next step so I can figure out if I’m interested in the real deal or just the idea of Owen.
My phone pings on the dot with a notification from the dating app.
We’re still communicating through that since it’s required.
We found out early on that we weren’t allowed to enter numbers into the chat.
Their algorithm even looks for numbers spelled out and blocks the text if it detects you’re circumventing the system.
We’re supposed to receive approval after our fifth qualified exchange, and I’m more anxious each time we talk, counting down conversations.
Owen: Hey, beautiful. Is this a good time?
Shoot. I’m immediately disappointed when no message pops up telling us we can send pictures. I’d like to know whether we’re physically compatible, because like it or not, it’s important. But I shake my frustration off for now, not wanting the sour mood.
Poppy: It is. Chilling on the couch with a glass of wine. How about you?
Owen: I’m enjoying my wine in bed. Would you like to join me?
Poppy: Sure. You can tell me about your weekend while I get comfortable.
Crap. I shouldn’t have suggested that. Now he’ll ask how mine was. That was stupid. I go to the bedroom and am almost situated when I hear his reply chime in.
Owen: You inspired me to catch up with a friend. How did your visit go?
Poppy: It was good. Really good, actually. I was sad when it came to an end.
Owen: Same. I’m glad you enjoyed yourself. Are you excited for your brother to come home?
That was easier than I thought, and even led to a topic I don’t have to shy away from. It’s weird, but I’m not as enthusiastic as I usually am when we chat, and it most definitely has something to do with another man I’d like to be talking to.
Poppy: Yes! I can’t believe he’ll be here to stay. It’s the best present ever. What are you doing for the holidays?
Owen: I always go visit my mom.
Poppy: Where does she live?
Owen: Florida
Poppy: I bet you’re glad to escape the snow then. I’m jealous.
Owen: Don’t be. I’d rather be where you are.
That’s a weird statement. He couldn’t have meant he’d rather be with me. He probably means that he’d rather stay in Bozeman. His profile shows he lives within a certain distance, so he must be near here.
Poppy: Well, we’re even then, because I’d choose the heat.
Owen: If you prefer the heat so much, do you think you’ll ever move somewhere warmer?
Poppy: Funny, I was just thinking about that today. I would love to, but I don’t think I could leave my family.
Owen: Didn’t you say your best friend moved? What about where she is?