CHAPTER 18
Alexander
My head pounded with the desperate need to sleep, but I refused.
As long as Amara still slept, I would stay awake to watch over her.
I had failed in my duty as her older brother to keep her safe from harm.
My enemies had hunted her down, stolen her, and hurt her in unimaginable ways, and I hadn’t even known.
‘Let me watch over her,’ Addy pushes and not for the first time.
‘You need sleep, Xan.
Let me take care of her for a bit. Please.’
But I was already shaking my head no. ‘Can’t.’
‘You’ve not said anything more than a word at a time for days, Xan.
How are you going to take care of her if you’re not even taking care of yourself?’ she asked, but I ignored her.
She couldn’t understand.
Her family ostracised her, so she didn’t have anyone to care about the way I cared about my family. Cruel though that may have sounded, she had never experienced the type of family unit I’d been lucky to be born into. And I knew I was lucky.
Except I failed them.
The thought came unbidden, its haunting tone burrowing deep into my brain and latching on with sharp hooks that tore and shredded, uncaring of the damage it left behind.
But they were wounds I deserved.
She was in this state because of me.
If I could take her suffering upon myself, I would in a heartbeat if it meant she would just wake up.
Addy sighed from the chair she’d pulled up beside mine, then reached over to drop something in my lap.
I knew what it was without needing to tear my eyes away from Amara.
I’d refused the meals Addy had prepared for me the first couple of days until she eventually gave up and started pushing the Nutri-Bars my way.
I ate those, at least. They were a form of punishment in and of themselves, but they provided the necessary nutrients to keep me alive and healthy.
And alive and healthy was the only concession I gave.
I couldn’t protect anyone if I was dead or dying.
With one hand still clasped around Amara’s, I used my teeth to tear off a corner of the wrapper before taking a large bite.
It was tasteless, but I didn’t think I’d have been able to taste anything anyway.
It was like ash in my mouth, hard a chewy before it crumbled to dust that I struggled to swallow.
But I didn’t complain. Torture came in many forms, and this was the least I deserved.
I struggled to keep chewing, exhaustion pulling at me insistently enough that my eyelids began to droop and I swayed forward before catching myself on the side of the cot, Addy decided she had finally had enough.
‘All right, that’s it.
I’m serious, Xan.
You’re no good to anyone if you collapse.
Get some sleep and a shower and I’ll watch over her until you get back.’
My shoulders slumped even lower and I found that I had bent almost in half already when I forehead grazed Amara’s stomach.
A stomach that lifted as she breathed in more deeply than she had since we’d rescued her.
Suddenly alert, my back snapped straight as I settled wide eyes on my sister’s rousing form, the half-eaten Nutri-Bar crashing to the ground, completely forgotten.
Her consciousness started to return with another deep, stuttering breath that she release with a long, pain-filled groan that was more of a croaky whisper than a real vocalisation of her discomfort.
Then came the muscle twitches, first in her fingers before they travelled to her hands, her arms, and then her head.
Her eyelids fluttered open, just a crack, and she turned her head to take in her surroundings.
‘W-where… am… I?’ she asked before falling into a weak coughing fit, her throat dry and scratchy from the lack of lubrication.
A whimper caught in the back of my throat, and I bit my lip to keep the sob of sheer relief from escaping, only speaking once I’d composed myself.
Yet, the shake in my voice was unmistakable and completely involuntary.
‘You’re in an infirmary on a ship,’ I told her, a trembling hand stroking her hair back from her forehead.
‘You’re safe now, Amara.
We got you out.’
Her eyes took a moment to adjust when they landed on me, but tears escaped when she processed who I was. ‘Xan?’
I gave her a wobbly smile.
‘Yeah, it’s me.’
‘You came for me,’ she said weakly.
‘He said you wouldn’t, but I knew you would.’
My heart splintered at her admission then glued itself back together at her complete and utter trust in me.
Her faith in me had never wavered and I wasn’t sure I deserved it, but the selfish parts of me were more than happy to cling to that forgiveness.
But her words made me pause.
‘He?’
The beeping of the monitor picked up as she began to panic, her eyes darting around the room as if expecting her tormentor to leap out of the shadows to drag her back to hell.
‘Is he here?’
My head was shaking but I couldn’t give her an answer until she told me who she was talking about.
‘Who, Amara?’
When her eyes met mine again they were wide with silent pleading, her terror practically a tangible thing between us, but her words slice through every ounce of hope I had managed to scrounge up.
‘Markus.
He took me.
Said you were waiting for me, but you weren’t there.
The chains… those men. He’s lying to you, Xan. He’s a bad, bad man.’
My failures were stacking up against me at a rate I couldn’t keep up with.
I was being crushed under the weight of my inadequacy, the consequences of my shortcomings far greater than I could have ever imagined.
How many more people that I trusted were slowly driving that knife into my back? How many were still twisting it?
Before I could respond, Amara’s eyes closed and she went slack against the mattress of the cot.
My heart lurched and I leaned closer, my hand tightening around her.
‘Amara? Amarantha, can you hear me?’
‘I’ll go wake Henrik,’ Addy said, reminding me she was still there before she darted from the room.
My hands stayed clamped over hers, my eyes fixed firmly on her once again unconscious form, but my ears strained as they focused on the steady beeps of the monitor keeping track of her vitals.
I wasn’t aware of the passage of time so when Addy returned with Henrik it could have been moments or turns, but I would never know.
Henrik bustled in with urgency, yet he maintained his typical calm, sturdy attitude that brought a moment of respite from my worries.
When he confirmed Amara’s vitals were within range and she was merely sleeping off the trauma her body had been through, it brought a sliver of hope to the chaos that was my life.
A tiny flicker of a flame that ignited despite the chill that had permeated all the way to my bones.
‘She’s stable,’ he said again when I didn’t respond after the first time he told me.
‘I’m going to check her wounds now.
Nothing to be worried about, but I noticed some blood seeping through the bandages.
I just want to make sure she hasn’t pulled a stitch.’
I nodded numbly, watching him work absentmindedly as I focused on the way Amara’s small, dainty hand rested limply in mine.
Her skin was warmer than before, though still cool to the touch, but I wasn’t sure if it was my own body heat transferring to her or her body slowly recovering.
I hoped it was the latter.
Henrik pulled the privacy curtain around us and folded up her blanket before getting to work.
With gentle precision, he removed the bandages covering my baby sister’s injuries.
His expression was one of deep concentration as he check over her front first, then gently rolled her onto her side to check the whip marks on her back.
‘There doesn’t seem to be any pulled stitches but I’ll reapply the cream to help them heal and fight of any potential infections,’ he informed me before doing just that.
Once the wounds were treated, he re-bandaged them carefully, ensuring they were secure and wouldn’t budge if she thrashed in her sleep.
‘She’s stable,’ he assured me yet again, and this time I heard him.
‘She’s no longer in any danger.
She just needs time to rest and heal.’
His duty fulfilled, he clapped me on the back and stepped out from inside the bubble the privacy curtain afforded, even if it was mostly an illusion.
At least her body wasn’t open for public consumption, but sight wasn’t the only sense that could be used against us.
She was a celebrity, after all, and her privacy had always been a priority concern.
Addy, however, had remained.
She approached me tentatively and another piece of me broke to see her so unsure in my presence, but I didn’t have the energy to fix it.
Concern etched in every line of her face as she knelt at my knees, her oversized magenta eyes swimming with compassion as she gaze up at me.
‘Xander, you heard Henrik.
She’s okay.
You need to sleep.
You’ve been up far too long and there’s nothing you can do for her right now anyway. Let me take over for a while.’
I shook my head, rejecting her offer like I had all the others, my lips pressed into a thin line.
‘I can’t Addy.
I need to be here for her.
I wasn’t there when she needed me before, but I can be here for her now.’
‘You can’t be here for her properly if you’re not taking care of yourself, too, Xan.
You’ve been awake for days.
You can barely keep your eyes open let alone stay upright.
You’re tipping over even now. I’m not taking no for an answer anymore, love. Take care of yourself. Now.’
I was about to decline again, but my body chose that moment to finally betray me.
A wave of nausea hit me like a boulder to the gut and I barely managed to lean away from Amara’s to expel the meagre contents of my stomach all over the floor.
Distantly, I could feel Addy’s hands as they rubbed my back and held back my hair that had fallen from it’s ponytail and I continued to heave.
After a while, nothing was coming up but by stomach kept convulsing. When that subsided to the occasional gag and that finally faded to a throbbing ache throughout my entire body, I sat back against the chair.
‘Stay here, love.
I’m going to grab some cleaning supplies.
I’ll be right back,’ Addy said softly before hurrying away.
As my eyes trailed after her the room began to sway.
I tried to call after her but all that escaped was a weak grunt before darkness consumed my vision and my body collapsed.
I slid off my chair and fell right into the puddle of vomit I had just created, but I didn’t have the energy to move.
That’s where I stayed until unconsciousness dragged me under.