Chapter Eleven
Noah
I still can’t get the image of Evie’s shocked face out of my head as I get into my car on Monday morning. I hope she keeps her promise not to tell my parents and sisters about the band.
Like I told her last night, she wouldn’t understand why I’m keeping it a secret from them. She wouldn’t understand the kind of pressure I’m under to be a good son and make my parents—specifically my dad—proud of me by being the next Barrington football legend.
Shaking those thoughts away, I head toward school.
I don’t know what’s worse—having Evie know my secret or the negative feedback the band received after that dismal performance.
Who am I kidding? Of course the latter is worse.
I don’t know why it’s so important to me that the band does well when I’m clearly heading toward the path my dad has laid out for me.
Two back-to-back bad gigs is not something aspiring musicians should hope for.
I wouldn’t be surprised if Elliot ditches us.
Not wanting to feel sorry for myself, I put on a podcast to distract myself from my problems. The guys and I haven’t had a chance to talk about what happened. Can’t say I’m looking forward to that.
Now that my car is fixed and I have my freedom back, I arrive at school earlier than usual because I like to give myself time and help teachers and faculty if they need it.
Today, I’m setting up the art classroom with new supplies. Mr. Morris asked me to help him out, and to clean up the place if I have time. As soon as I get there, I get to work.
I force myself not to think about the bad feedback circling online. Not to mention the videos posted online, where I stood frozen on stage.
All because I saw Evie.
I shouldn’t have blamed her for what happened. It’s my fault I’m keeping the secret from my family.
Should I just tell them?
Dad’s disappointed face floats before my eyes. Ditching football—his favorite thing in the world—would be like a slap in the face, and I can’t do that to him.
Sighing, I continue setting up. Maybe one day the answer will come to me, but for now, I’ll do what’s expected of me.
I stop moving when I hear movement on my left. My ears perk up, but the sound vanishes. Maybe it was a bird or something?
As I start cleaning the classroom, I hear that movement again. And something else that I can’t identify. I look around the room, but don’t see anything. When I turn the corner, I stop and stare at the person sitting hunched over on a chair.
Evie.
She’s hidden behind the wall, a canvas before her with what looks like scribbles. But maybe that’s art? I’m not an expert.
Sniffing, she shifts in her chair and sighs. Is she…crying?
I’ve seen her cry before, but it’s different now. I can’t really explain it. It chips away at my heart a little.
As if she feels me standing there, her head lifts and her eyes widen. She quickly swipes her tears away. “What are you doing here?” she asks, shifting in her chair again, her eyes not meeting mine.
I inch closer to her. “Are you okay?”
“Fine.”
“You’re crying.”
She crosses her arms over her chest, scoffing. “No, I’m not.” She sweeps her arm over her nose, still not looking at me.
Grabbing a nearby chair, I slide it next to her and sit down. “Do you want to talk about it?”
She finally looks at me, and I notice her eyes are red, as though she’s been crying for a while. “I’m fine. Just go. If you’re here because you’re worried I’ll tell someone your secret, don’t worry. It’s safe with me.”
“That’s not why I’m here.” I gesture toward the new paint supplies. “Mr. Morris asked me to set up new supplies.”
“Oh.”
“Why are you crying?” I ask again. “Did someone hurt you?”
“No.”
I wait for her to say something, but she doesn’t. She wrings her fingers in her lap, once again not looking at me.
“Why are you here so early, anyway?” I ask. “Evie Hastings always comes to school at the last second.” I keep my tone light because she looks upset and I want her to laugh or even give me her irritated expressions. But her eyes are hollow.
I’ve never seen that look on her face.
“Came here to paint,” she says after a little while.
“I was up all night because I couldn’t sleep, so I went down to my studio to paint.
But I couldn’t. It’s like I was frozen. I don’t know.
I figured maybe I needed a change, you know?
So I decided to come here early and give myself time to paint.
But as you can see, it’s garbage.” She waves her hand at the canvas.
“It’s not terrible…”
She gives me a face. “I didn’t know what was wrong with me at first. Why I was so off. But as I sat here, it came to me. And that’s why…” Her voice trails off.
“That’s why you’re so upset,” I finish for her.
Nodding, she continues to wring her fingers in her lap. “Trust me, I didn’t want you to see me like this.”
“Like what?”
She runs her sleeve over her nose. “A mess.”
Reaching into my pocket for my bag of tissues, I hand it to her. “You know it’s okay to cry, right? But I’m concerned why you’re upset.”
She shrugs as she dabs her eyes and nose with a tissue. “It’s silly.”
“Doesn’t look silly to me.”
She doesn’t say anything.
“Look, Evie.” I place my hand on her arm. “I know we don’t get along most of the time and we certainly don’t have heart-to-hearts, but I’m here if you want to talk.” I lift a brow. “And a good husband always listens to his wife.”
That gets a small chuckle out of her. “It’s okay. You’re off husband duties right now. Really, Noah, get back to whatever you were doing.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to talk?”
She nods. “Classes will start soon and you don’t want to get detention again.”
She’s right. I don’t.
“Okay, see you later.”
I get up and am about to leave the art room, but stop and turn to Evie. She’s still bent over on the chair, staring at the canvas. She seems just as bothered as she was when I first noticed her sitting there.
“Coming to class?” I ask her.
She glances up, her eyes brimming with fresh tears. “I don’t know. Everything feels useless.”
I step back into the room and lower myself on the chair next to her. “Evie, what’s bothering you?”
She shrugs. “Nothing. You’ll be late for class.”
“I don’t care. I need to know if you’re okay.”
She laughs bitterly. “Do I look okay?”
“Talk to me, then,” I say, my voice soft. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
She squeezes her eyes shut, the tears dripping down her cheeks as she leans back in her chair. “I’m scared, okay?”
“Scared? Of what?” As far as I know, Evie isn’t afraid of anything. Except maybe roaches. Once when we were thirteen and were early to class one morning, there was a huge cockroach and she practically shot to the ceiling in fear. Only after I removed it did she relax.
“Graduating, the future,” she says, so low I have to bend close to hear her. “Living on my own. So far away from my parents and siblings. Being an adult.” She glances at me, then averts her gaze. “I told you it’s silly.”
Placing my hand on her arm, I say, “Of course it’s not silly, Evie. It’s normal to be scared.”
She gives me a look. “Is it normal to cry about it? I don’t even know why I’m crying. Just…I’ll miss my family so much and…” She shakes her head. “I don’t know.”
“Evie, what you’re feeling is perfectly normal. I’m also nervous to graduate and be on my own.”
“Yeah, right. You’re just saying that to make me feel better. But I’m fine, Noah. You’ll miss first period.”
“I don’t care.”
“But detention…”
I scoot closer to her. “It’s more important for me to make sure you’re okay.”
She just stares at me. Then she blinks. “Oh, I see. It’s payment for me keeping your secret. But it’s fine. You don’t owe me anything.”
“Evie. This isn’t about me owing you. I care that you’re upset and I want to help you.”
She shakes her head. “I’m just being silly and immature. I’ll be fine.”
I stare into her eyes. “I wasn’t lying when I said I’m also scared. I think most kids our age are. We’re leaving the comfort and safety that is our parents’ home and our normal life. We’re embarking into the unknown. We’ll be forced to make decisions all on our own. It’s terrifying.”
She just watches me.
“But you’re smart, driven, and you know what you want,” I continue. “And you’re so strong. If anyone can make it out there, it’s you, Evie Hastings.”
She gapes at me for a long time, as if she’s not sure if she heard me correctly. Then she slowly turns her head toward the front of the room and blinks a few times, seeming to be deep in thought. When she focuses back on me, she smiles shyly. “You really think so?”
“I know so. And it’s normal to miss your family.
I’ll miss mine like crazy, too. But there are phone calls and video chat and texting.
You don’t have to feel far away from them just because you’ll be on the other end of the country.
And you’ll always carry them in here.” I tap my heart.
“They’ll always be with you, supporting you and cheering you on in whatever you do. ”
Her mouth drops open as she gapes at me again. “Wow, Noah. That was actually pretty great. Thanks.”
I dip my head. “If that helped with anything.”
“It did. It totally did. It is scary to start a new chapter in my life, but if I don’t take that step, I could be missing out on so much.”
“Exactly. And we’ll make mistakes along the way, but we’ll learn from them and grow and do better next time. It’s scary, but fun, too. It all depends on how you look at it.”
She nods slowly as she takes in my words. Then she grins at me. “Look at my Shnookums. He’ll be the perfect husband to a lucky woman one day.”
My cheeks heat up. “Evie…”
She bends close, eyes wide as she gasps dramatically. “Are you blushing? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you blush so intensely before. Wow. Who knew the great Noah Barrington could get flushed from a compliment? Hmm…wonder what else makes him blush?”
I shoot to my feet. “I’m out of here.”
When I reach the doorway, she says, “Noah.”
I turn around.
“Thanks for the talk.”
I nod. “Anytime.”