Chapter Nineteen
Noah
My bandmates and I have been celebrating at Mikey’s for I’m not sure how long, but I’m not really here. Physically I am, but not mentally.
I can’t forget how incredible I felt when I was rocking it on that stage.
Evie and I were on fire—we totally killed it.
The songs and the music were amazing and I felt like I was the happiest person on the planet.
That no one and nothing could tear me down.
And when the audience clapped and jumped to their feet demanding an encore, I knew that was where I was supposed to be.
But of course I can’t be that guy.
“You’re quiet.” Wyatt throws a fry at me. “What’re you so preoccupied with?”
My eyes move to Evie, who’s sitting across from me, and from the look on her face, I know she’s also thinking about our amazing performance.
She hasn’t stopped smiling since the audience chanted our names.
Even though she doesn’t want a career in music, it still means a lot to her because singing is a big part of her.
“Noah?” Evie snaps her fingers in my face. “You’re being weird.”
I dip a fry in ketchup. “I’m okay. Just got a lot on my mind. We had a great gig, guys. Our best one yet. Hopefully we’ll have many more in the future.”
Elliot nods enthusiastically, then takes a bite of his burger.
“You mean until summer is over,” Mateo corrects.
“Right.” I clear my throat. “I meant that.”
Evie looks at me and I glance away from her.
“I’ll have to find a new band, but this should help get my name out there,” Elliot says.
“No business school for me.” He high-fives Evie, who laughs, her eyes bright.
I’ve seen her get excited over her art, but this is a different kind of happiness.
Maybe because we’re a team and we all understand each other.
Painting is more of a solitary activity.
Wyatt beams. “We’ll have an awesome summer. Us boys and our wow factor. It’ll be epic.”
Yeah, and then real life will begin.
Evie catches my eyes, lifting a brow. I glance away from her again, dumping a few fries in my mouth.
We talk about other things—the performance, Wyatt mentions he got a few girls’ numbers, and we’re just having a good time celebrating. I try not to think about how much I’ll miss it when it’s over and focus on living in the moment.
Elliot points his fork at me. “You’ve gotta come up with more songs, man. That new one was epic.”
I gesture toward Evie. “It was all her.”
“No, it wasn’t. You came up with the lyrics. I just…”
“Made them better?” Wyatt supplies.
Evie frowns. “Not better—”
“It’s okay, Evie,” I tell her. “I can own up to my mistakes and shortcomings. The song was bad and you elevated it.”
She shrugs. “I disagree, but whatever. If you need help, I’m your girl. Your wife will never leave you hanging.”
I nod in appreciation. “Thanks. I was thinking maybe we can move to a different kind of song. Maybe…love songs?”
The guys make faces.
I hold up my hands. “Or not. Was just a suggestion.”
Wyatt scowls. “We have a girl in the band and we’ve got a new style now. But we’re not a love song kind of band.”
“Evie and Noah were fire up there, though,” Mateo says. “Maybe Noah’s onto something. They’ve got great chemistry.”
Evie and I exchange a glance. I hate to admit it, but he’s right. We don’t always get along, but we create magic on the stage.
“I guess I’m not against the idea…” Elliot says as he rubs his chin. “We’ll see how it goes. All I care about is getting gigs and putting my name out there.”
We discuss other matters and then it’s time for us to head home. We make our way to the exit, but I notice Evie remains at the table. I tell the guys I’ll meet them outside, then return to her.
“What’s up?” I ask her. “Aren’t you coming?”
She shakes her head, keeping her gaze on her hands that are clasped on the table. “I just want to sit here and think for a little bit.”
The diner’s mostly empty at this hour, and it’s quiet and peaceful. The perfect place if you want to be alone with your thoughts.
“Want company?”
She slowly lifts her head. “I guess.”’
I whip out my phone and text Elliot to go home without us, then slide into the seat across from Evie.
We sit in silence, her staring at her clasped hands and me watching her.
After a bit, I say, “Do you want to talk about what’s bothering you?”
“It’s not me. It’s you.” She raises her hands in defense.
“I know you told me to leave you alone, but I can’t.
I overcame my fear today by singing in public and it was the most incredible thing ever.
I felt like I was a better version of myself.
A version I want to be. But then I look at you, at the fire in your eyes when you’re singing up there, and then I feel so… defeated.”
I’m quiet for a second or two before saying, “I don’t understand why you care.”
“I don’t either! I just do, okay? I can’t bear seeing you singing your heart out and then just leaving it behind like it means nothing to you.”
I look away from her.
She slides her phone over to me. “Someone posted this video online.”
I take her phone and watch the video. It’s the band during our performance. We look pretty much like an up-and-coming band. The crowd is wild with excitement and Evie and I are on that stage singing like pros. We look like we’re doing something we love. I look like I belong on that stage.
I swallow the lump in my throat as I slide her phone back to her. “I know…I felt really good up there.”
“Understatement. You were radiant. And you’re just going to throw it away for football?
Football players will come and go, but talent like yours is rare.
It should be shared with the world because it uplifts people, gives them hope and inspires them to overcome their problems. That’s the power you have.
But you know something?” She gets to her feet.
“Like you said, it’s your life, and I have no business telling you what to do.
” She reaches for her bag and turns away from me to head to the door.
“Evie, wait.”
She faces me.
Swallowing the lump in my throat again, I slowly get to my feet and make my way over to her.
“You’re…you’re right. I…” I squeeze my eyes shut.
“I felt amazing up there.” My eyes open.
“I was the happiest I’ve been in a very long time.
Being up there with you, jamming it out with the guys, feeling the crowd’s energy…
I want it. I want all of it, Evie. So badly I don’t know what to do with myself. ”
“Noah!” She flings her arms around me. “Of course you want it. And you deserve to have it.”
Shaking my head, I pull away from her. “But my dad…”
“No. I don’t want to hear about your dad.” She glances at the few diners who are watching us. “Want to get out of here and go for a walk?”
“Sure.”
We leave the diner and take a stroll around the nearby park. We don’t say anything for a bit before she breaks the silence.
“I know making your dad proud is important to you, but you need to put yourself first. There are so many people out there who will be uplifted by your music.”
I nod slowly. “I want to inspire others with my music. I want to make them happy and take them away from their stressful lives, even if it’s only for a short while.
I want to follow my dreams, Evie. I’m sorry I was so rude to you when you were just trying to help me.
It’s just that the thought of hurting my dad. ..”
She stops and places her hand on my arm. “Why is your dad’s happiness more important than yours? He’s living his dream life. He had a fantastic football career and has a wonderful family. Now it’s your turn.”
I don’t say anything as I think over her words. “I’m not sure. My dad is my hero and I want him to be proud of me.”
“Don’t you think he’ll be proud and happy knowing you’re doing what you love?”
Sighing, I lower myself on a park bench and bend forward, running my hand through my hair.
“But what if I fail? My dad has this life planned out for me. A life where I could be successful and provide for my future family. A career in music is so unpredictable. There’s no guarantee I’ll make it big.
And if I choose music over football, I’ll lose my shot at a stable life. ”
She’s quiet as she stares at the spot before her.
It’s silent except for the light breeze.
“You’re right,” she says after a bit. “Your concerns are one hundred percent valid. But life itself is so unpredictable. It’s messy and full of pain and uncertainty.
But life is also amazing and good and fun.
Chasing your dreams and achieving them is the most fulfilling thing in the world.
I mean, look at me. My art is very unpredictable, too.
What if I don’t sell a single painting? What if I can barely pay rent?
But I’d rather go after my passion than have a boring job where I’ll be miserable. ”
I nod slowly. “Good point. But I’m just so worried I’ll fail and disappoint everyone. What if I can’t provide for my future family?”
“Noah, you’re only seventeen. Why are you worrying about your future family? Can’t you for once in your life let go of this rigid demeanor you’ve got going on and have fun? I know your emotions come out when you’re on that stage. Why are you so scared to show your emotions to the world?”
“I don’t know. I guess I’m just not like that.” I rub a hand down my face. “I don’t know what to do.”
“What does your heart tell you?”
I take a moment or two to truly feel what my desire is. “My heart wants me to follow my dream.”
“Then that’s what you’ll do.” She beams at me. “But I think you need to tell your parents about your music. It’s not right to keep such a huge part of yourself from your family. Chances are they’ll find out anyway and they’ll be devastated that you couldn’t talk to them about it.”
She’s right. I’ve been so focused on making my parents proud of me that I’ve been hiding such a big secret from them. They would be hurt if they heard it from someone other than me.
“I want to tell them,” I say. “But you know what happened when I tried to tell my dad when we went running.” I rub the back of my neck. “My dad gets so excited about my future football career. I don’t want to hurt him.”
She’s quiet again, though I see her eyes spinning. Then she jumps to her feet, her eyes bright as she turns to me. “I’ve got it! You might not be able to tell them, but maybe you could show them.”
I stand up. “Show them?”
She nods vehemently. “We can have a performance. Maybe at a fancy place and have this huge show and invite your family—and maybe the rest of the Musketeers too because they love you—and you’ll be on that stage singing your heart out and your parents will see you.”
I rub my chin, my eyebrows furrowed. “Telling them through what I do best. Music. Honestly, I’ve always wanted to perform for them. This could be a good opportunity to show them how much music means to me.”
“Exactly!”
I start pacing. “We’ll need to find a good place and I’ll need to make sure the songs and music are perfect…”
“Noah, please get out of your head and stop stressing. I’ll get the guys to help me with the venue and all that other stuff. You focus on the music and the songs. And I’ll help you.”
I rush over to her, pull her into my arms, and spin us around. “I’m so excited, but so nervous.” When I realize what I’ve done, I lower her to the ground. “Sorry. I guess I’m a little emotional.”
She rolls her eyes before yanking me into her arms.