7. Too Much To Ask
Chapter 7
Too Much To Ask
Lila
Present Day
I pull up to Sue’s driveway, a box of drinks in my passenger seat. I take a deep breath thinking back to yesterday.
There wasn’t much I could say to console her. All I could do was hold her while she cried and promise that we would find a way to get to the truth of it.
Sue’s suspicions stirred up memories and emotions that I have buried away for almost a decade. I thought that I was over it all, but the burn in my chest and the knot in my stomach let me know that even now, I’m still affected by it.
I’ve spent my entire life romanticizing the idea of love. With parents like mine, it was impossible not to. Forty years of marriage, and they still look at each other like they’re the only two people in the world. They adore each other, and I spent my entire childhood bearing witness to that love.
I’ve always known that I wasn’t ever going to settle for anything less. I would never be able to be with a man who wasn’t completely and totally committed to me. I wasn’t the type to give just a little in love. It had to be my all, and that’s why it had to be with someone who would do the same for me.
I told myself I would wait. However long it took to find that man—or for him to find me, I would wait. Any man that could love me the way my father loves my mom is worth waiting for.
After Seth, I pretty much gave up on that idea. How could I not have seen the blinking signs? Was I so blinded by the idea of love that I couldn’t see what was so clearly in front of me? I laughed away his flirtatious nature. It was one of the things that attracted me to him in the first place. I chalked up his tendency to override my wants as him being the alpha male. I should want someone strong to lead our family, right? Even though I had the gentle guidance of my father as a role model, I found myself slowly falling into the trap of being less than. Believing that I would never be able to succeed on my own.
It took me five years to have my first date since the near wedding disaster, and I’ve had a few dates since, but nothing to write home about. My sister and Sue both say I’m scared of intimacy, and intentionally sabotaging my relationships before they get a chance to start. Maybe they’re right. My last attempt was three years ago. Not exactly great for the whole baby making thing.
When Sue met Greg, I was ecstatic. It was a year after Seth, and their love refilled my love bucket and made me think that maybe my generation could be lucky in love too. That it wasn’t something that only happened in fairytales, and the old days.
It might seem crazy for me to not easily believe it, considering it happened to me too, but I see how Greg practically worships the ground she walks on, and who can blame him? She’s literally the perfect human being. Beautiful, caring, loving, her warmth lifting up anyone who’s lucky enough to be in her presence.
He stares at her in a way I can only dream of having someone look at me.
If Sue can be cheated on, what hope is there for the rest of us?
Meeting my own cloudy eyes in the rearview mirror, I run a hand through my hair. Grabbing the drinks, I finally step out of the car and take short strides to the front door. I raise my free hand to knock, but it opens before my hand makes contact with it.
Sue tries to put on a brave face, but her cheeks are pale and her hair looks like it hasn’t seen a brush since yesterday.
“I was wondering how long you were gonna sit in that car,” she says, glancing gratefully at the pack of alcoholic beverages in my hand as I make my way in.
“I wasn’t sure what exactly to bring, but I figured we could both use a drink. Or six.”
“Thank God. It feels like years since I've had alcohol. We both stopped once we decided we were seriously trying to have a baby.” Her voice cracks as she opens a can and gulps the entire thing down.
I feel my eyes moisten. Kids were next on their list, and it breaks my heart to think that this dream might be in jeopardy for them.
“Speaking of Greg, where is he?” I ask, trailing behind her into the kitchen.
“Went back to Denver first thing this morning. For ‘work,’” she says, voice breaking as she takes another deep swig of the beer.
“Sue…” I trail off, unsure of what to say.
She’s hurting, and there’s nothing I can say that’ll take the pain away. Not unless I can prove that her husband isn’t cheating on her.
“God, how could I have been so stupid? All these years. I should’ve known. Men will be men. That’s what my father used to say to my mother,” she says bitterly. “I don’t know how I managed to convince myself that mine was different, but here’s proof of how wrong I was,” she chuckles sadly, downing another beer.
“Who knows how many women there have been over the years?” She’s practically hysterical now. “God, Lila, how long do you think it’s been going on? We’ve been trying to have a ba—” She stops as deep sobs rack her body.
I pull her into a hug. “I’m here, honey.” I gently comfort her, running my hands up and down her back. “We don’t know anything for sure.” I try to reassure her.
She takes in a deep, shaky breath, swiping at the tears on her cheeks. “I know he’s been sending huge sums of money to some woman in Denver. What other explanation could there be?” Her voice rises several decibels, yet trembles at the same time.
“I don’t know, honey,” I say softly, wishing I could give her the answer she needs.
“Here I am thinking my husband is out working hard to take care of the family we’re trying to grow, and instead he is out there screwing some other woman.”
“You don’t know that.” I say again.
“Oh, don’t I?” She laughs incredulously.
“What else do you think he’s doing when he’s gone for a week at a time? ‘Cause I bet you a thousand bucks, it’s not working.”
“Have you spoken to him about it?” I ask softly.
“And say what? Who’s the slut you’re seeing in Denver?”
“Sue,” I say, trying to keep her from going down that road.
“That’s exactly what she is, Lila. There’s no way she doesn’t know he’s married. He literally can’t take his wedding ring off since he broke his finger, yet she’s still taking his money and screwing him on the side. To hell with his family,” she says, throwing her hands in the air.
“I don’t know, Sue. It’s just—we could be wrong about all of this.”
“Why are you so unwilling to accept the truth, even when it’s staring you straight in the fucking face? You’re supposed to be my best friend, so why are you taking his side?” she yells. “I would think that you out of everyone would be on my side after what happened with Seth. You should know that sometimes there is no happily ever after,” she says sharply.
I wince, and I immediately see the regret in her eyes.
I’ve never seen Sue this upset. I’ve never heard her use a swear word in my life.
“I’m so sorry, Lila, I didn’t mean that.” She comes over and gives me a hug. Tears roll down both our cheeks as I hug her back.
I lean back, staring into her tear-stained face. “I am your best friend, Sue, and I am on your side. It’s just that I am having a hard time believing that Greg—the man I’ve known for as long as you have, the man who thinks you could probably walk on water, would wreck his family like this.”
“Then you’re even more blind than I am,” she chuckles dryly, shaking her head.
“I see the way he looks at you,” I continue as if she hadn’t spoken. “He’s looked at you that same way from the moment you met. He adores you, and I just don’t believe that he would do this.”
I cross my arms tightly as if it were my heart breaking. I can’t bring myself to believe it, because if he could betray someone as perfect as Sue, it would mean that there was truly no hope for a happily ever after for someone like me, an almost forty-year-old woman with no relationship prospects or children.
I feel slightly queasy at the thought.
“You don’t believe he’s cheating on me.”
“No, I don’t,” I respond, crossing my fingers and toes.
She stays silent again, watching me. Her eyes seem to have gotten brighter now. Just a fraction, but it’s enough for me. They’re filled with hope. Hope that maybe, just maybe, I’m right and she’s wrong.
“Help me prove it then,” she says.
“How?”
“I can’t imagine my life without him, Lila. I don’t want it to be true, but I also can’t ignore what’s right in front of me. So please, please help me find out what’s really been happening.”
Her eyes are soft and pleading.
“I can’t ask Greg. I wouldn’t believe a word out of his mouth anyway, so it’ll be pointless.” She pauses for a bit. “There’s only one other person who can tell us the truth.”
My brows furrow deeply as I try to make sense of her words.
“Who?”
“You’re my best friend, and you know everything about me. There’s only one person who would know everything about him too.”
It takes me a moment to follow, but when I finally do, my eyes widen at the implication of her words.
She can’t really mean what I think she does.
“If anyone would know if Greg is really cheating on me, it would be his best friend, Cole,” she finishes.
Shit, she does mean what I think.
“You’re going to talk to Cole about this?” I ask, and just the mention of his name instantly makes my stomach tighten.
“No.” There’s a pause of a few seconds. “You are.”
I start to chuckle but stop when I notice the serious glint in her eyes. She isn’t joking.
“Sue, this has to be some kind of joke. You already know how I feel about that man. Plus, I’ve literally not had a conversation with him, like ever, since I don’t consider what happened at your wedding a conversation, and you want the first one we have to be, oh, hey, can you tell me if your best friend is cheating on my best friend?” I say incredulously.
“Please, Lila, I know that I’m asking a lot from you, but I can’t think of another way.”
I stare into her wide, sorrowful eyes. I want to say yes.
My mind takes me back to that day eight years ago. I remember the feeling of nausea washing over me as his words seemed to intertwine eerily similar to Seth’s. “You're not good enough,” came through loud and clear. I fought to keep the tears at bay, but it was beyond my control. I was ripping at the seams while everyone watched.
I stared at him numbly, trying to figure out how a man so beautiful could utter such ugly words.
Sue and Greg have respected my wishes to never talk about him; however, our best friends are married to each other, so we very well may be doomed to an eternity of running into each other on occasion.
That’s okay though; at least he doesn’t live in Boston.
He’s an evil I’ve resigned myself to tolerating if I’m forced to be in the same room, but that’s about as far as I can go. I draw the line at asking him for anything, much less answers that he wouldn’t give even if I tried.
“Anyway,” I continue, “it’s not like I can just walk over to casually talk to him. He lives in Seattle, remember?”
Her eyes shift, and the knot in my stomach tightens even more.
“Actually,” the words come out slower than usual, “he moved here a few months ago,” she says as my eyes widen with surprise. “Greg helped him buy his new place.”
She raises her hand as my face flushes and mouth opens. “You told us you didn’t want to hear anything about him, remember?” I close my mouth as I can’t think of a quick enough comeback.
“Whatever really happened between Greg and this woman—whatever’s still happening, he knows about it, Lila. I can feel it. You just need to—”
“Sue,” I say softly, interrupting her spiral.
“I can’t. I’m sorry. If it were anything else, anyone else, you know I’d do this for you. But not him. Remember how you were my therapist for months! He told me I was useless, that I was wasting my life away, and that I—” I pause, cutting myself short.
I refuse to go down that road. Not today.
“I’m sorry. I just…can’t.”