16. Desperation
Chapter 16
Desperation
Lila
I lean against the wall of my kitchen, eyes fixed on the pot I have heating on the stove. I watch as it comes up to a rolling boil, the divine aroma of the tomato soup wafting through the house.
A dry, humorless chuckle leaves my lips, still bearing a pink stain from the lipstick I’d put on when I went out to meet with Sue earlier.
I can’t believe her. How could she ask me to work with Cole to plan the ball? The Valentine’s ball was always our thing. It’s our tradition.
The days leading up to it were always the best. From picking flowers to decorations to tastings and figuring out what cocktails we wanted making the rounds at the ball throughout the night. We went from shop to shop figuring out every little detail of the night together. It was the one time I didn’t have to be the boss. Nothing was ever set in stone until it had been agreed upon by both of us. For the last ball, we even invented our own cocktail. It was a cross between her favorite one and mine. At first, we thought it would be a crazy combination, but it turned out to be the best thing either of us had ever tasted. I was looking forward to seeing what new, fun ideas we would come up with this time.
I couldn’t tell her this, but it was the only thing I was looking forward to.
It would’ve been the only thing capable of lifting the veil of depression trying to blanket me. Now, even that’s taken away from me.
My body sags against the wall, and every fiber of my being just wants to let the weight of my body slither to the floor, curl into a tight ball, and just…do nothing.
Sue’s words come back to echo loudly in my head, bouncing around the void.
“I promise there’s more to him than that one encounter. He’s a good person. He just had a lot going on .”
Well, I don’t care. I only care that he hurt me and never apologized for it. I only care that he tore me down when I’d done nothing wrong to him. He can’t be that good of a person to have run into me over the years and never once apologized.
I try not to look too closely at why it bothers me that he hasn’t. I shake it off; anyone would feel the same way.
Cole Matthews may be beautiful on the outside, but on the inside, in the words of Paula Abdul, he’s a coldhearted snake who doesn’t care how his words or actions affect others.
I would literally jump off a cliff before I would ever ask him for help.
The sharp, sizzling sound and smell of something burning jolts me back to reality.
“Shit, shit, shit!” I yell, rushing to take the tomato soup off the heat. The scorching handle of the pot burns my palm, instantly turning it red.
“Dammit,” I mutter under my breath, running my blistering hand under cold water. Something else to blame on that jerk.
Crisis averted, but not without casualty. Exactly what will happen with Sue’s plan. She thinks she’s helping by getting Cole to assist me, but in reality, I will eventually become a casualty yet again. With a man as destructive as Cole, it’s inevitable.
I’ve just shut off the water when I hear what sounds like a faint knock at my door. I pause, listening for the sound again. A second later, I hear the sound of knuckles softly rapping against my door again.
I wonder who that could be. I’m not expecting anyone.
“Coming,” I call, drying off my hands and making my way to the front door.
“Who is it?” I yell, without taking the time to look through the peephole.
“It’s me,” Sue’s voice comes from behind the door, barely above a whisper.
I pull the door open, my face instantly contorting with worry when I see her. She’s a disheveled mess, tears mixed with her mascara to form black streaks down her face. She sniffles, eyes glimmering with more unshed tears.
“Sue. What’s wrong?” I ask gently, instantly pulling her into the house. Arms around her shoulders, I guide her over to the couch.
“I’m so sorry. I know how selfish it was of me to ask you to work with Cole. I know how much you hate him, and I have no right to ask. I just didn’t know…I didn’t know what else to do,” she whispers, breaking off into a sob now.
“Hey, hey. Come here,” I whisper, pulling her stiff body into my arms. I trace soothing circles into her back, brushing back her hair while she holds on to me as if for dear life and cries on my shoulder.
I’m not sure how long we stay like that. It feels like hours. Eventually, her sobs quiet down until they’re nothing more than little sniffles. Finally, she lifts her head, bottom lip still trembling slightly. The next words out of her mouth leave me stunned, unable to move or speak.
“Lila, I’m pregnant,” she whispers.
My entire body freezes.
I stare at her like a deer in headlights, as I try to process the words that just came out of her mouth.
The feeling that burns through my chest is unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. It’s euphoric happiness for my best friend who’s finally about to become a mother, but also this soul deep sadness at the thought that I will never get to experience what she’s about to. I will never be pregnant. I will never get to break this news to anyone.
It’s the feeling of a knife plunging and twisting inside my chest.
She stares back at me, eyes wide and filled with what looks like fear.
“Oh my God, Sue. That’s amazing,” I finally whisper, throwing my arms around her slender shoulders, but she doesn’t hug me back. I pull back slowly, staring at her tense face.
“What’s wrong?” I ask when her eyes start to fill again.
“I should be happy, I know. And I am! It’s just…I’m scared, Lila. You know how long Greg and I have been trying for a baby. It’s just ironic that now that it’s finally happened, I can’t even bring myself to break the news to him,” she sighs, a fat tear slipping down her cheek.
“What? Why?” I ask, brows drawn tightly together.
“I know I said that I was going to confront him, and if that led to the end of our marriage, then so be it, but that was before I found out about this baby, Lila. I don’t want to bring this child into a broken home, yet at the same time, I can’t stay married to a man who is capable of cheating on me,” she sobs.
“It feels like I’m living with a stranger now. He keeps asking me what’s wrong, why I won’t talk to him, but there’s nothing to say. If I ask him, he’ll just lie to me anyways,” she continues. “I don’t trust him. I’m not even sure I want to bring a child into this world with him,” she whispers, fear and sadness at war in her ocean eyes.
“The only way I could’ve known for sure—”
“Is if I had agreed to help you find out from his best friend,” I finish for her. Finally, everything is coming together in my head. The final piece of the puzzle slips into place.
It all makes sense now.
“It’s why you asked me to work with him to plan the ball, isn’t it? You were hoping that I could find out some info on what your husband has been up to.”
I don’t even need her to respond. The way her shoulders slump even further, head bowed, is a clear validation of everything I just said.
“Is this whole thing about your mom even real?” I feel bad for asking.
Her head snaps up quickly, eyes wide and sincere. “I swear. That’s the last thing I would lie to you about,” she says, and I believe her.
“Then what part did you lie about?” I ask, crossing my arms.
“I’ve known about her surgery for a while,” she confesses, “but I asked her to wait till it was close to the planning of the ball, hoping that would convince you to accept Cole’s help since there was going to be so much to do in a short time. I’m sorry I lied to you, but it’s only because I was desperate. You wouldn’t help me the first time I asked,” she sighs, dropping her head into her hands.
“Please, Lila. I need to know what I’m bringing this baby into. If Greg is cheating on me, it’s going to change everything. I need to know for sure before I make any decisions,” she begs.
“I’ve tried to look up that woman in Denver, but I don’t remember her full name. I was so shocked when I first came across their messages, I didn’t even write down her email address, so I can’t send her a message. I’ve tried to get into Greg’s email again, but he’s changed his password.” She takes my hand, clasping it tightly in her sweaty ones. “I shouldn’t have tried to trick you, but I really need your help. Please help me, Lila.”