30. Reality Bites
Chapter 30
Reality Bites
Cole
Squinting my eyes at the glaring rays of sunlight that filter through my open blinds, I groan, rolling over in bed. My hand instinctively reaches out for Lila. Only when my hands finally rest, they’re resting on empty space. I feel around, eyes still shut tightly because if I open them, then I have to face the reality that she’s really not here.
It’s a big bed. Maybe she’s just rolled across to the other side. I reach my hand as far back as it can stretch. She is definitely not here.
Reluctantly, I open my eyes, blinking as they adjust to the brightness in the room. I already knew it. The bed is empty, the space where she’d lain cold. It’s easy to tell that she hasn’t been here for a while.
Disappointment tugs at my heart. I sit up, rubbing at my groggy eyes and taking in my surroundings once again. There is no trace of her left. Her dress and the sweats I gave her to wear are gone. Nothing left to prove that last night really happened. If I couldn't smell her essence on my sheets and pillow, I may have even convinced myself that none of it really happened.
Last night was undoubtedly the best night of my life. Not just because we had sex, although that was definitely the best sex I’ve ever had, and I’ve had a lot of sex.
No, it was because I saw a different side of myself. A side I had convinced myself was long gone. A version of myself I thought I would never again be, but she brought it to life effortlessly. For the first time in almost nine years, I let myself be completely vulnerable to a woman. It wasn’t about what I wanted from her, or what she wanted from me. It was just two people who felt comfortable enough to share their fears with one another. For the first time I wanted to talk and just have someone listen.
I wanted her to understand, and she did. There was no judgement in her eyes when I told her how I’d hurt other people because of my own pain, only understanding. She truly listened. Even though all I’d ever done was hurt her, she had far more grace for me.
That grace finally allowed me to tell her how sorry I was for the way that I treated her. I’d always wanted to say it, but I struggled to find the words. And now, here she was, making it easier for me.
I never thought I would care again what a woman thought of me. Not after Lydia. I was completely content with them seeing me as the spawn of the devil if it was what it took for them to leave me alone. But with Lila, I only wanted her to see me as someone worthy of her, even if I really wasn’t.
So, I told her truths that scared even me—truths that I’d struggled with and eventually resigned myself to. I was convinced love would never again be for me, but last night, somewhere in between all those moments where my heart skipped several beats as I stared at her gorgeous face, I think I started to believe again.
But now she’s gone. Her leaving the way she did makes me think it’s possible that she doesn’t believe. At least not in me.
Snapping myself out of the pity party I seem to be throwing for myself, I pull myself out of bed and make my way down to the kitchen for coffee in some loose-fitting sweatpants, and my mind is immediately taken back to the vision of her wearing another pair of those last night. I sit at my island, sipping from the steaming hot cup of coffee as I try to calm my raging hormones.
Last night, I thought we shared something special. I haven’t been the biggest fan of love in a long time, but last night, everything I’d been so convinced of was completely altered. For the first time in eight years, I felt…hope. Lila Smith has never been like other women to me. With her, I wanted it to be more than just one night—I still want it to be so much more than just one night.
I just need to figure out how to make it happen.
Sitting up, I whip out my phone, shooting her a text. If I can get her to come by my office, maybe we can talk about all this.
Two hours later, I’m seated behind my desk in a crisp, white shirt and dark blue pants. My sleeves are rolled up to my elbows as I type away at my computer.
A curt knock sounds at the door and my heart instantly skips a beat, fingers hovering over the keyboard. It’s her. I’d recognize her knock anywhere.
“Come in,” I mutter, leaning back in my seat to give off an aura of calmness that I do not feel. Lila steps into the room, looking stunning as always in a floral pattered dress that goes just below her knees. Her eyes scan the room, trained anywhere but on me.
I sit there drinking her up like a dying man getting his first sip of water.
She clears her throat, still doing her best to not look me in the eye. “Um, you said there was a problem with the event that you wanted us to go over?” she asks.
“I lied. I just wanted see you and find out why you snuck out of my bed this morning like—”
“I didn’t ‘sneak out.’ You were sleeping, and I didn’t want to wake you.”
“Or you specifically chose to leave at a time when you knew that I wouldn’t be able to ask you to stay or—”
“Cole—” she tries, but I cut her off.
“Please let me finish,” I say. “Or tell you that last night was the best night of my life, and it wasn’t just because we had sex. Absolutely incredible sex.” My voice turns husky with remembered passion.
Her gaze widens, eyes instantly seeming to melt into a puddle of her own desire as she stares back at me.
“Cole…” she whispers, trailing off weakly.
“I allowed myself to be completely open with you. You have no idea how difficult that is for me. It’s not something that happens often, Lila, but it happened with you. I bared myself to you, vulnerable and twisted, but I showed it to you. Then when you did the same, I thought that meant it could be the start of something for us.”
The disappointment tugs at my heart again, stronger now than anything I’d felt before.
“Last night was special for me too. I told you things about myself that I haven’t told another soul apart from Sue. Not even my mom. But I told you, because you made me feel safer than any other man ever has. I will never forget that,” she whispers, smiling through the tears that threaten to spill from her eyes.
“Why did you leave then? I mean, you just left this morning like it was nothing. Like I was nothing. I don’t—how can you do that if last night had truly been special to you? I don’t understand it. Make me understand it,” I say.
“I don’t—I can’t,” she murmurs.
“Try.”
“I really can’t, Cole.”
“Come on, Lila,” I whisper. I need to know if I’m the only one whose entire life changed last night.
“What do you want me to say, Cole? That last night scared me so much that I had to run, because I’d never felt anything so intense in my entire life? You want me to tell you that I was scared out of my mind because I know that this—you could hurt me more than anything or anyone ever has before? Is that what you want me to tell you?” she says harshly, breathing hard from her outburst.
“I would never—”
“Last night was great, but it can’t happen again,” she says, her voice barely above a whisper now.
“Okay. If it’s what you want,” I concede, raising my hands in surrender.
“If there’s nothing else, then I have to go.”
“Lila, wait,” I call out to her, standing to my feet and taking long strides around my desk till I’m standing right behind her. She turns around slowly, doe eyes peering into mine. She tries, but can’t hide the longing buried deep inside of them.
I raise a hand, caressing her cheek softly. Her breath flutters out of her.
“Cole, we just said we wouldn’t,” she whispers, voice so small I almost wonder if I imagined it.
“I know,” I say simply.
Slowly, I tilt her head up to meet mine, giving her all the time in the world to pull away, but she doesn’t.
I place my lips delicately against hers, holding back a smile when she sighs, leaning into me.
It starts out slowly, but suddenly, her tongue is wrestling with mine for dominance as her fingers claw against my neck.
She holds on to me, nipping my bottom lip slightly with her teeth. I bite hers back, causing her to gasp and open her mouth. I slip my tongue into her mouth, intertwining it with hers as our hands frantically run over each other.
Maybe it’s the way she’s been so close to me all this time in this office, yet I couldn’t touch her. The only thing I’m sure of is how much my body longs to be connected to hers.
When her hands curl into my hair, grabbing onto fistfuls of it as she tugs at me, I know she’s ready for more. I walk us back to my desk, not pulling away from her lips until her ass hits my desk. Without a single care in the world, I reach out and push everything within my grasp off the table, down to the floor, clearing a path to place her on.
Files, pens, and pieces of paper clatter to the ground, but neither of us spares the wreckage a glance, too focused on each other and the burning desire swelling between us to care. I place my hands around her waist, lifting her small frame up and placing her on top of it, dress hiked up to her waist.
I slip her silky, white thong down her pale, gorgeous thighs, bringing it up to my nose and taking a deep breath, inhaling her scent before tucking it into my pocket. I lean over, placing my lips at the curve of her shoulder, nuzzling up her neck as she arches for me and pulls the top of her dress down to bare her beautiful breasts.
My fingers make their way up her thighs and through her soft folds, already slick with her desire for me. She lets out a small cry as I slip a finger into her warmth, my thumb circling around her swollen nub rhythmically.
Her pants and gasps have me straining so hard against the fabric of my slacks that I worry it might rip.
I need to taste her.
Not even caring about the fact that anyone could walk in here right now, I pull her waist to the edge of the table, dropping to my knees between her legs.
She raises her head off the desk to meet my eyes, hers clouded with desire. I hold her eyes as I swirl my tongue around her clit, watching as her body jerks, eyes rolling into the back of her head. My tongue replaces my finger, thrusting into her warm wetness till her legs are trembling around my head.
Her hand in my hair grips tighter, pulling me back up to meet her, her hot, wet mouth instantly against mine.
“More…” she mutters shakily, eyes shut tightly.
Those eyes open, lips looking like sin itself as she drops down from the table and back on her feet. I’m confused for a second. Does she want us to stop?
The thoughts die in my mind as she starts undoing my belt with urgency.
She unzips my zipper, pushing my pants down, and my rock hard cock pops out eagerly, desperate to be inside of her.
Eyes locked on mine, she drops to her knees, hand barely able to wrap around my thickness, and takes me into her mouth. I jerk in response, grabbing the back of her head as I slide down her throat.
She makes a beautiful gagging sound as she pulls her head back and slides me back into her mouth over and over again till I think I’m going to explode.
I pull her up and flip her over so that she’s facing the desk now, bending her over it and lifting her dress up to her waist so that her gorgeous ass thrusts out in the air for me.
“Cole…” she says breathily.
I grab handfuls of her gorgeous flesh, spreading it wide while I rub myself against her slick entrance. In one powerful thrust, I bury myself to the hilt inside of her, loving the scream that rips out of her.
She moans when I reach around in front of her to rub her clit while I continue stroking in and out of her. My thrusts are slow at first, and I intend for them to remain slow, but soon enough, my body is acting on its own as I slam myself harder and faster into her.
“Oh my God, Cole,” she moans in ecstasy. “Yes…please don’t stop…” she begs, bouncing back on me and meeting me thrust for thrust.
“I’m gonna—oh, God, Cole…I’m—” she doesn’t finish the sentence as her body jerks violently, walls tightening around me when her orgasm rips through her.
She struggles for breath as I continue plunging into her as my own orgasm tears through me. I shudder, emptying myself inside of her while I hold onto her waist to keep her trembling legs from giving out underneath her.
My breath escapes from me in large puffs of air, my tired body leaning against hers limply.
I don’t know what doing this a second time makes us, but I need to figure it out. Fast.
Softly, she pulls away from me, fixing up her wrecked dress as much as she can. The silence that fills the room is louder than any sound either of us could have made.
“I—I have to go,” she stutters, hurriedly picking up her small purse from the floor where we’d tossed it along with everything else that was on the table.
“Wait, Lila,” I say, but before I can get another word out, she has already slipped through the door, leaving me alone in the echoing silence.