Chapter 14
FOURTEEN
“How are you feeling, finally being able to let the world know you’re a couple?” Dave asks, right after saying my name.
This is one of the questions I did prepare for.
“It’s a huge relief,” I say, leaning my shoulder into Jaxon’s as he stretches his arm across the back of our plush purple velvet love seat. “Keeping the secret has been hard. We had to sneak around just to be together. But now? We’re here. Out in the open.”
I turn to Jaxon, bat my lashes, hold eye contact for three seconds—just like I practiced—and then shift my gaze back to Dave.
“What do you say to the other women who question the authenticity of your relationship?”
“I say…” Jaxon jumps in before I can get a word out. I had a whole answer rehearsed for that one, too. “I went with my heart and my gut. Choosing Zara wasn’t easy. I never wanted to hurt anyone. But if I hadn’t been interested in her, she never would’ve made it to the final pinning.”
I exhale—just slightly—relieved he’s doing what he promised: having my back.
“Well, that’s surprising to me,” Ashley cuts in, her Disney-princess voice sharp and rising. “Because Zara never said she had any interest in him. At all.”
“Actually, she said the opposite,” Heather chimes in from the front row of contestants.
“Same,” adds Marie, raising a finger like she’s in class.
“I don’t know how she went from constantly calling him a ‘dingbat with abs’ to saying yes to the final pen,” Sara says.
I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. And worse—Jaxon has removed his arm from the back of the couch. The signal is clear. He’s not protecting me anymore.
“I don’t remember calling him a dingbat,” I say, weakly. Which is a lie, because now that they’ve said it, I do remember. I did call him that. Because, well… he kind of is.
“And she didn’t even want to be there,” another girl piles on.
“Now she’s lying,” Ashley says, taking over like she’s the spokesperson for Team Morality. “She used to say all the time that he was all abs and no brain. And hey—if that was her opinion, fine. But I’m thinking about him and who’s right for him, and honestly? It’s not her.”
I glance at Jaxon. He leans away from me. His jaw is tight, clenched. Really? He’s shocked I didn’t like him? He didn’t like me either. And now he’s backpedaling. Asshole.
“I don’t know, I—” I start, stalling. I let the silence stretch, let the suspense build just long enough for the camera to catch it.
“I agree with all of you,” I say, finally.
“Jaxon and I had a slow start. We did. Sure, we had great dates, great debates, and great conversations whenever we stole time together, as you all saw… But I honestly don’t remember referring to him as a dingbat. He’s a very successful quarterback—”
“Wide receiver,” Jaxon corrects in a low, gritted voice.
“Right!” I say brightly, slapping my forehead. “Wide receiver. But I was going to say… I made personal relationships with all of you, and I would’ve been happy for any one of you if Jaxon had chosen you.”
I place my hand gently on his knee, a small gesture of claim. He doesn’t put his hand over mine.
“But he chose me. And I chose him. We’re falling in love more and more every day, learning from each other, loving each other.
He’s certainly not a dingbat. And my heart…
” I summon tears to the edges of my eyes, and they come on cue.
“My heart is open—still and forever—to every single one of you. Because I could’ve walked away from this with nothing but the friendships I made in the house, and still felt like I won. ”
I’m shivering a little, because—if I’m being honest—I meant the last part. Or I used to. Now? After they just tried to throw me under the bus like that?
Bitches.
But at least the audience is eating it up. They’re applauding. Some are even dabbing at their eyes. My performance has landed.
Only when I turn my teary gaze to Jaxon do I see what’s behind his eyes—and I swear, I’ve scared the hell out of him.
He’s looking at me like I’m a stranger. Like I’m a liar. Like I’m some kind of beautiful, soulless machine.
And maybe I am. I hate this feeling. I want to tell him this was survival. That I had to fight, claw, and perform to protect us both.
But the truth is, he faltered. He pulled back. I had to carry us.
And I will let him know it.