Chapter 8
8
I step out of the shower and pour baby oil onto my still-wet skin. Kate reckons that is where her glow is coming from – she glistens, subtly, and it makes her look radiant, so she’s given me her bottle to try it (with explicit instructions to put a towel down; apparently baby oil and tiled floors won’t mix well, if I want to stay upright). I’m feeling nervous, but good nervous, I think. I text Hope for a pep talk.
Me
Tonight is the night! Are you proud of me?
Hope
BBQ night with the Greek god? OF COURSE I AM PROUD! This is a big step for you.
Me
Thanks, pal
Adonis keeps calling me ‘pretty lady’, though, every time he texts
That’s a lot, don’t you think?
Hope
How fit is he, on a scale of one to Captain America?
Me
Off-the-scale fit, to be fair
Hope
Well then, he can call you whatever he likes!
Have you shaved your legs?
Me
Yes
Hope
Your bikini line?
Me
Hope!
Hope
You didn’t answer the question
Me
… yes. NOW NO MORE QUESTIONS!
From the bathroom I hear Jamie come into our room, and I pause like a squirrel sitting upright in the face of danger, listening to him open drawers and unzip bags, the rustling of fabrics and the sound of an aerosol, maybe hairspray? I know he hasn’t used the bathroom yet, because everything was bone-dry when I got up here, but I don’t know where Jamie has been since our run this morning – or if he’s even coming tonight.
Me
Urgh, Jamie alert. I’m hiding in the bathroom and he’s just come up to our room
Hope
How was it this afternoon? So weird, your little run together
But at least it’s progress on the exposure-therapy front!
Me
Well, is it, though? By the time I got back from the shop with Mum, he’d gone off ‘exploring’ with Laurie and I’ve not seen him since
I keep thinking about what he said, though, about having nobody
Obviously he’s got us, like The Greenbergs, as a family unit …
Hope
Do you think you should maybe get Laurie, or somebody, to reiterate that to him? Couldn’t hurt (not that I’m not still mad at him for what he did, but also: bless him)
‘Do you need the bathroom?’ I yell through the door to Jamie. I could open it a fraction to make sure he hears, but I think we’ve done enough interacting while half dressed. The movement stops.
‘No,’ he yells back. ‘I showered in Alex’s room. The bedroom is all yours – I’m going down for a drink.’
I try to listen for any subtext in his words, any hidden depths to his tone. I come up blank.
‘’Kay,’ I shout back, and I hear footsteps that seem to stop, right on the other side of the door. I reach out to the wood. I swear I can see his shadow under the crack, in the space between the door and the floor. Is he going to say something?
Jamie clears his throat then, drawing me out of my thoughts, and keeps moving. I listen, frozen to the spot, as his noise echoes all the way down the hall and eventually disappears entirely. I clear the steam from the mirror with my hand and look at myself.
I put on some blusher and lipstick, and comb my hair back from my face to pile high on my head. I’m going to wear my backless maxi-dress, so having my hair up will show off my shoulders, and I find some studded earrings in my make-up bag that add sparkle to the look. I take a picture and send it to Hope.
Hope
Approval granted!
I find a gold bracelet to wear where I’d normally put on a watch, and top up my lipstick, but I can’t shake the growing feeling of unease in my chest. I feel anxious, my head full of all these scenarios and hypotheticals: what if Adonis invited me as a joke? What if he tries to take things too far? What if I go off with him, but get lost? What if Dad disowns me for being a slut?
This is what my brain does. It makes me catastrophise and spin out, no matter how positive I try to be. It manufactures worst-case scenarios and tells my body to panic in preparation. I will myself to breathe, like the therapist taught me. I’m okay. I’m okay. I’m okay.
‘Flo!’ Laurie bellows up the stairs. Footsteps. ‘Flo!’ he shouts again.
‘Coming,’ I scream back. ‘Give me a minute.’
I look in the mirror one last time, remembering to breathe and listing everything I like about myself in my head. I am kind. I listen well. I am a good daughter. I am an accomplished runner.
‘Florence!’ Laurie yells up the stairs once more, and I bolt down to join everyone.
Jamie is there, looking tense but handsome in a shirt and chino shorts. It’s the most covered up I’ve seen him all holiday.
‘Nice of you to grace us with your presence, Your Highness,’ Laurie says, curtsying deeply, and I scowl at him.
‘Sorry if I’m holding you back from your Adonis man-crush,’ I say.
‘Hardly,’ shoots back Laurie, rolling his eyes.
Mum slaps my arm, dispersing the sibling tension. ‘ I’m desperate to go and stare at him again,’ she giggles. ‘Now come on, or all the food will be gone.’
Jamie chuckles. ‘This is the most food-obsessed family I have ever known,’ he says, and we make brief eye-contact before he looks away quickly. Does he regret confiding in me this morning? I’m getting ‘let’s not repeat that’ vibes. I try to smile, but he’s already looking away, his hands on Alex’s shoulders, jostling him out of the door. I swear to god, it’s one step forward, two steps back with him.
‘We going out drinking after dinner?’ I hear him asking Alex. ‘See what trouble we can get into?’
‘I’m bloody starving,’ says Dad, further proving Jamie’s point about us being food-obsessed.
Kate links arms with me as we follow the path to the main town, with instructions to turn off halfway to get to the part of the beach where the party is.
‘And honestly,’ she’s saying, ‘I could have spent a hundred euros, easy, couldn’t I, Laurie?’
Laurie isn’t listening. He’s explaining something about his job to Dad, who is doing his level best to look like he: a) understands and b) is interested. That’s love.
‘Anyway,’ Kate presses on, ‘I just have to go with you. You’ll love it. Most souvenirs can be tacky, and something you end up throwing in the back of a cupboard at home, but it’s almost like there’s a buyer or something for this market – like somebody in charge of curating it all? Honestly, I was blown away. Maybe we could go the day before we leave? You have room in your suitcase, don’t you?’ I can’t get a word in edgeways, which suits me fine. A couple of times I feel Jamie watching me, but when I look up, his glance has changed direction.
The beach is set back from the road, and it has been transformed from what it looked like the other night, when we could see it from the mom-and-pop restaurant. There are strings of lights and a big makeshift dance floor with a live band, and a DJ station next to them. Fish is being grilled, and there are a few high tables festooned with ice buckets of beer and wine. There are kids and grown-ups of all ages, locals and tourists alike.
‘Hey! Hi! Hello, friends,’ Adonis says when he spots us, opening his arms wide in greeting, all man-bun and arms. He kisses everyone hello and then reaches me. ‘Pretty lady,’ he says, kissing each cheek. I flush with something familiar from yesterday – happiness, I suppose, at his openness and positivity. This is going to be fine. I shouldn’t have let myself worry. I deserve to have a little fun, especially after everything I’ve been through. Who knows what adventure I might have, if only I let myself. And so I resolve, right here and now, to eat with this kind man and drink with this kind man, and later, if he asks for a dance, I shall do exactly that with this kind man, too.
‘Can I take her?’ Adonis asks my dad, with a weird sort of respect.
And Dad gestures with a hand and says, ‘By all means. Have a nice time, you two!’
Laurie says something that the rest of the family giggle at, but I can’t hear, so I just shoot him a look. Jamie has turned away and doesn’t watch Adonis lead me off, like the others do.
‘This dress,’ says Adonis, as he orders us drinks at the bar. ‘You look so beautiful, Flo.’
‘You keep calling me pretty lady,’ I tease him. ‘I was beginning to think you couldn’t remember my actual name.’
Adonis’s wide, happy face crinkles in dissatisfaction. ‘You think I wouldn’t be so respectful as to remember your name?’ he says, and I feel bad for ribbing him. I only half meant it.
‘I’m nervous,’ I explain. ‘I’m making stupid jokes because I’m intimidated by how hot you are.’ There. I’ve said it. That’s something else my therapist taught me: if in doubt, tell the truth – plainly, and without fear.
Adonis looks at me. ‘Hmmm,’ he muses. ‘I think, if I may …’ He pauses for permission. I nod, gently. ‘Okay, so I think you maybe have what many of the tourists who come here have,’ he says. ‘You are too much here …’ And with that he touches my temple with two fingers. ‘And not so much here.’ He lowers his hand to my heart.
I nod again, harder this time, noting how his touch is an inch lower than it needs to be – but I like it.
‘Ding, ding, ding,’ I trill. ‘Correct. I don’t suppose you have the cure, do you?’
I am given that smile again.
‘Dancing,’ he tells me, offering a hand. ‘Come. We can drink later.’
And that is that. I don’t know how long we’re up there for, but to begin with there is only us, and after six or seven or eight songs everybody else is up dancing, too – including, I can’t help but noticing, Jamie with some brunette girl.
Adonis does some silly moves to make me laugh, which I mirror and add to. And as we both get bolder he comes closer, taking a hand and putting the other on my waist so that we dance together, occasionally twirling me or dipping me, all of which serves to make me focus entirely on the here and now, which is spectacularly welcome.
‘You really are pretty, lady,’ Adonis says to me over the music, and I believe him when he says it. I feel pretty, dancing this way, being in the moment like this. I put my arms round his neck and sway to the rhythm with him, and he breaks away again to spin me – out away from him and then back towards him. It’s like a movie or something. I think of what Hope said, in her texts. If she was here, at the party with us, she’d be waving her arms from the side of the dance floor with a cheer, a signal to go for it, to really let go and have fun.
‘God,’ Kate intones in my ear, from where she’s dancing beside us. ‘He’s so fit. I’m jealous.’
Laurie pulls a face but laughs, too. ‘I heard that!’ he warns her, playfully.
I spin and spin on the dance floor, enjoying the cool air rippling off the water and onto my sweaty body, the feel of Adonis’s hand on my bare lower back. Round and round I go, splaying my arms out, tipping my head back, laughing until I’m so dizzy I have to excuse myself to get some water.
‘I’ll be right back,’ I say to Adonis, my fingertips lingering on his forearm, and relishing his hand on my hip before he nods and says, ‘Okay, pretty lady.’ I’m starting to enjoy the way he says that.
I head off to the makeshift bar and lean on the counter as I wait for my turn. The guy is changing a barrel, I think, and motions that he won’t be long. I smile and mouth Okay , curious as to how I’d say that in Greek. I’ll ask Adonis. I turn so that I can see everyone on the dance floor – Mum and Dad have got up there now, dancing cheek-to-cheek, like they do, and both of them grinning inanely and happily. I like seeing it. I like this night.
‘I could almost be jealous of your dancing partner.’
Jamie.
‘I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to that,’ I tell him.
‘No,’ Jamie concedes, and irritation prickles at my neck.
‘I saw you talking with a few women before,’ I say. ‘Seems like you’re having a nice night.’
It isn’t a question.
‘I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to that ,’ Jamie retorts.
Thankfully, we’re interrupted by the barman, and Jamie gestures to me to go first.
‘Water, please,’ I say.
‘Two,’ Jamie adds, holding his fingers in a peace sign.
The barman grabs two bottles and Jamie slips him cash.
‘On me,’ he says, cracking open his lid.
‘Thank you,’ I say grumpily, like I don’t want to be around him, but I don’t move. Neither does he.
‘It’s none of my business,’ Jamie says. ‘But your man there, I think there’s a tourist in every port, so to speak.’
I look over to where he has gestured, to Adonis being greeted by two blonde girls with deep tans and crop tops. They air-kiss on each cheek and one of them keeps her hand on his hip, lingering, like she’s used to touching him.
‘You’re right,’ I reply.
Jamie looks puzzled. ‘And you’re … okay with that?’ he asks.
‘Oh,’ I tell him, ‘I don’t mean you’re right about a woman in every port. You’re right that it’s none of your business.’
‘Message received and understood,’ he says, putting two fingers to his forehead in a captain’s salute. We both look out across the dance floor, watching Adonis chat with a group of girls, including the one Jamie was dancing with earlier. She must feel our eyes on her, because she looks up, raising a hand at Jamie and blushing, coyly.
‘Well,’ I say.
‘Well,’ he repeats.
My eyes settle on the ground just in front of our feet, my mood sullen. So Jamie has opinions about who I spend my time with, when he’s off flirting, too? That’s absurd. I shoot a look at him, annoyed and confused. We lock eyes and I’m shaking my head, a gentle What the fuck? Jamie’s eyes roam my face, deciphering what I can’t find the courage to actually say. And then the most annoyingly strange thing happens.
Jamie shifts his body to block my view of the party and reaches up to my face. I can’t help but look at him now. I hold my breath and his hand comes towards me, reaching to an errant piece of hair that’s come loose from my up-do, gently pushing it behind my ear. His face softens as he does it, but he doesn’t smile.
‘He’s lucky to have you, if that’s what you want,’ he says gently. For a moment he looks wistful. I get a strange thought at the very back of my brain, a hazy alert that he regrets passing on me himself. But then the thought disappears – a helium balloon I have accidentally let go of, floating away up to the clouds.
‘I agree,’ I say, with more conviction than I feel.
‘Florence!’
Adonis appears at my shoulder and instantly takes a hand and spins me round.
‘Hey,’ I say, feeling the disjointedness between Jamie’s solemn stare and Adonis’s high energy.
‘You’re the prettiest girl here,’ he says to me, pulling me close and rocking me back and forth in a dance. ‘Do you know that?’
I shake my head and crease up my face.
‘Really,’ he says. ‘Everybody is saying so.’
‘Okay,’ I chuckle. ‘Now I know you’re laying it on thick.’
‘Laying it on thick?’ Adonis asks, and it makes me laugh harder.
‘Being charming,’ I clarify, and Adonis raises his eyebrows and smiles in agreement.
‘I am very charming, yes,’ he says, and he cups my face with a hand, his thumb stroking my cheek. Okay, then: contact has been achieved. I look up at him from beneath my eyelashes, not feeling brave enough to look at him head-on. Did he just see Jamie do the same?
‘Come on,’ he says, voice lowered. ‘I want to show you something.’
I turn round to where Jamie was standing, remembering that we were in a quasi-conversation, but he’s no longer there. I can’t see him anywhere in fact.
‘Okay,’ I reply, and Adonis takes my hand to lead me away from the crowd.
Around the corner to the beach is the entrance to a cave, where we go down a steep ramp into its belly. Adonis uses the torch on his phone, and it lights up what can only be described as an enchanting display of Mother Nature. Rocks emerge from the ground in thin spikes, like icicles coming from the wrong direction. Some are as big as Adonis, others about up to the knee, a sandy-orange colour with ridges.
‘What is this?’ I marvel.
‘Stalagmites,’ Adonis says. ‘It is … I think you say … a deposit? Of the minerals? It comes from the water.’
‘It’s beautiful,’ I say.
‘I thought you might like it.’
‘It’s like being underwater,’ I go on. ‘Or how I imagine the bottom of the ocean to be, you know? Like we could float through in our diving gear, looking at all the fish.’
I tread carefully through it all, holding on to Adonis’s arm.
‘This is my favourite part,’ he says, his torch on a mural painted onto one of the flatter parts of the cave wall. It is intricately done. Whoever painted it spent hours on it, probably coming back day after day until it was finished. It’s of a man, lying on the beach with the waves crashing behind him, and a woman curled around him, holding him tightly. They both have their eyes closed, as if they’re sleeping.
‘It’s Hero and Leander,’ Adonis tells me. ‘You know this?’
I shake my head. ‘It’s Greek mythology?’
‘You are correct,’ he says. I keep my eye on the art as he leans in to explain. ‘Hero was a priestess of Aphrodite. She was not allowed to be with men. She lived in a temple on the other side of the village to Leander. When, one day, he saw Hero, he immediately fell in love. She was the most pretty lady he had ever seen.’
I find myself smiling, even though this is so cheesy.
‘Leander was a good man, with a kind heart and a devotion to Hero. Soon she fell in love with him, like he was in love with her. Every night Hero would light a lamp for Leander, to guide him across the river so they could spend time together. For a while they were very happy. But one night the wind was strong, and it blew out the lamp Hero had lit. Leander persisted because it was important to him to see his love. But because of the wind, and because he could not see the lamp, he lost his way and drowned.’
‘He died?’ I say. ‘That’s so sad.’
‘In grief, Hero threw herself into the sea and drowned as well. Somehow, though, they found each other, and we know this because their bodies were found just like this, on the beach, in a tight embrace. This is how they were buried, too.’
‘Whoa,’ I marvel.
‘I think the right people come together, always,’ Adonis says. ‘In the end.’ He turns to me, only partially illuminated by our torch. He’s smiling. He’s flirting .
‘I think you’re correct,’ I smile back. ‘The right people always do come together in the end.’
I stare at him, daring myself not to look away. Adonis’s smile fades until he is serious, and he reaches out a hand to my waist to pull me closer. I step towards him. I look up.
‘Oh, shit – sorry,’ comes a woman’s voice, giggling in shock at walking in on two people who very obviously aren’t catching up about the weather. It’s one of the blondes from earlier, the one who kept her hand on Adonis’s waist. ‘I think my secret spot is otherwise engaged,’ she says to someone in an American accent. I’m frozen to the spot in horror.
The person she is talking to is Jamie.
He looks at me, and I hold his gaze in the moonlight. Something about it makes my heart sink, and I hate myself for it.
‘Let’s go,’ Jamie says to her, and Adonis and I leave not long afterwards.