Chapter Fourteen
Ari
Three months ago, I wandered into the Metropolitan Museum of Art the night before I was going to meet my long-lost half brother.
We’d only been chatting for a few weeks at that point, finally connected thanks to an ancestry website.
The next few weeks had been pleasant, getting to know each other through messaging, then email, and finally the phone call that led to me flying to New York to meet him in person.
I can still remember the restless energy that moved through me as I wandered New York, the grief, guilt, and anger all bound up into a pulsing knot inside my chest. I went to the museum because I needed a distraction.
I wandered, seeing everything and nothing, as I relived the last thirty-eight years of my life, wondering what they would have been like if I had had a brother beside me.
Now, as the elevator doors to my penthouse slide open, there’s no anticipation, no faint flicker of hope. There’s only anger. Anger and a possessive jealousy for the woman at my side, who just two hours ago, was nearly naked in my arms as her body shattered around me.
A woman I suspect my brother is still in love with, even if she doesn’t feel the same way.
Liam stands there, one hand casually tucked into his pants pocket, the other wrapped around a glass of what appears to be the whiskey from my library. He shoots me a brash grin from a face so similar to my own it’s like looking in a mirror.
“Hello, brother.”
His gaze shifts from me to the woman next to me. I keep my hands at my sides, even as I want to wrap them around his neck.
“Di!”
He surges forward, wrapping her in a hug. She returns it, even as she shoots me a glance. I look away. The sight of my brother holding her in his arms, even in a gesture of friendship, makes my blood boil.
Liam releases Diana and turns to me, offering me his hand.
“Sorry to drop in on you like this. One of my clients invited me to join him on a European tour, which included a stopover in Iceland, and I thought, why not? See my brother, see my best friend.”
My gaze starts to bounce back and forth between Liam and Diana.
“Best friend,” I repeat.
Liam blinks.
“Yes. Just because our engagement didn’t work out doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.” He grins at Diana. “Right?”
“Right,” she says weakly.
“Well,” I say with a tight smile, “we’re happy to have you. Your friend has been instrumental in helping move our deal forward.”
“She’s the best.”
The familiarity in Liam’s voice, the pride, makes my jaw harden. Fortunately, we’re interrupted by the ring of the doorbell.
“I asked my secretary, Malla, to have dinner delivered.”
Liam looks surprised. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“It’s a long trip from New York. It’s the least I could do.”
Dinner passes at the same pace as a snail making its way across a highway, dodging traffic.
Smoked salmon with dill-infused crème fra?che and pickled red onions, crispy Arctic char tartare, and grilled scallops with seaweed butter taste like ash.
I force small talk with my brother over appetizers.
It’s a macabre repeat of our dinner in New York, with Liam and I chatting as Diana sits quietly.
Every now and then, she responds to a question of Liam’s, putting on a smile before he looks away.
But, I realize halfway through the pan-seared Icelandic cod with mashed root vegetables, Liam isn’t a fool. He continues to talk, laugh. But he’s aware of Diana’s mood, his eyes darting to her face with an increasing frequency that makes me grit my teeth through the end of our meal.
“Malla ordered chocolate lava cake topped with berries and Icelandic honey for dessert.”
Liam’s eyes widen appreciatively. “I don’t think I’ve eaten this well in…ever.”
Guilt cuts through my anger at the reminder of the stark difference between how Liam and I were raised.
“I’m glad you’re enjoying it.” I stand. “I’ll bring dessert into the library.”
I leave before either of them can say anything. I need a moment to get myself back under control, to analyze and figure out the best way to proceed with the evening.
One way or another, this needs to be settled. Tonight.
Diana
I watch the flames in the hearth. Better that than looking at Liam and giving him even the tiniest hint of what his brother and I were doing just before he arrived in Reykjavik.
How, I wonder as I watch an errant spark shoot out toward the edge of the hearth, was I partially unclothed in a sauna on the shores of an Icelandic lake two hours ago?
And now I’m in the penthouse of my client and former lover while his brother, my best friend, stares at me with such scrutiny it makes me feel like spiders are crawling over my skin.
“It’s nice having you here,” I finally say.
“Is it?”
Surprised at Liam’s dark tone, I look over “What?”
“I know you’ve been keeping something from me, Di.” He pushes away from the table and walks toward me, anger written across his face. Anger and, I realize with a sinking heart, hurt. “Ever since the day I asked you to pretend to be my fiancée.”
“Liam…”
God, I don’t want to have this conversation. Not now, not ever. But as he scoffs and walks back to the fireplace, I know I have to. I thought keeping my night with Ari to myself would protect our friendship, not harm it.
Liam speaks before I can.
“You didn’t have to say yes, you know.”
I frown. “Of course I did.”
He whirls around then, hands clenched into fists at his sides. “No, you damn well didn’t. Do you think you have to keep paying a price to be my friend?”
The words act as a lance and stab straight into the heart of my deepest fear.
“No.” I shake my head. “No.”
“Don’t lie to me.” His voice drops down, so low I can barely hear it over the crackling logs. “Please.”
I slowly walk over to him. Square my shoulders as I suck in a shuddering breath. As I confront the harsh truth of what he’s saying.
“I don’t think I have to. But,” I add as he raises his head, “sometimes it’s almost a…
compulsion. A little voice whispering to do something just to make sure.
It’s hard to realize how much that fear has been driving me.
” I reach out and lay a tentative hand on his arm.
“But I know without a doubt that I said yes back in New York because I wanted to. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you and Aislinn. ”
“I know.” His inhale is sharp, sudden. “I don’t want to lose you, too, Diana.”
The words comes out harsh, guttural. My heart breaks at the pain in his voice, the ache for someone who may be lost to us both. I hug him, fighting to keep my tears at bay. A moment later he hugs me back, crushing me to him as if he’s holding on for dear life.
A log falls in the fireplace and sends up a shoot of sparks. A creak sounds behind me, but I ignore it, focusing on my friend.
“I shouldn’t have doubted you,” Liam says quietly.
Guilt curls in my stomach. I start to speak, to confess my own sins, but someone else speaks first.
“Am I interrupting a reunion?”
My stomach drops to my knees. I pull away from Liam and turn my head to see Ari framed in the door.
“No.” I look between Liam and Ari, my friend and my lover. “No, we just—”
“Don’t deny it.” Ari’s voice is as hard as the rocks stabbing out of the black sands of Reynisfjara. “Allow me to congratulate the happy couple. Again.”
Liam frowns. “We’re not engaged, Ari.”
Ari’s eyes flick to his brother. “Then, what did I just overhear?”
The arrogant tone makes my very thin thread of patience snaps. “It’s none of your business.”
His gaze shifts back to me. Fury makes his eyes burn. His body is coiled tight, as if he’s ready to spring forward and attack. The connection between us disappears, replaced by suspicion and jealousy, pain and betrayal.
It’ll never work.
My breath freezes in my chest. I don’t know what’s worse—realizing Ari and I will never work, or finally accepting that I hoped for something more all this time.
“Really?” His voice is silky, deceptive softness layered over ice. “I would say given the events of the past three months, and especially the last twenty-four hours, it is very much my business.”
Liam head swings back and forth between the two of us. “What are you talking about?”
The world presses down on my shoulders. It’s heavy, too heavy for me to keep up any longer. Maybe Liam will hate me. Maybe he won’t. I should have told him months ago.
“He’s talking about how we slept together the night before you proposed in New York.”
Ari’s eyes widen slightly, as if he didn’t believe I actually said it. Liam’s mouth drops open.
“What?”
“Yep.” I walk over to the couch, grab my coat, and shove my arms into the sleeves. Frantic energy pumps through my veins, keeps me moving. “Now it’s out in the open. I’m going back to my hotel.”
“You can’t just leave after—”
I hold up my hand as Liam starts toward me. “I can and I will. I’ve shared my secret. Now I need some time alone.”
I don’t even bother looking at Ari as I walk out. I can feel his eyes burning twin holes in my back, but I keep my gaze forward as I leave his penthouse and let the door close behind me.
One long elevator ride later and I am out in the winter’s night. The wind is frigid, tearing at my coat as I move down the sidewalk. I hunch my shoulders, register the cold. But inside I’m numb. So exhausted it feels like even my bones are tired.
I may have just lost my one remaining friend. And if Ari didn’t hate me before, he did in those moments before I unveiled our secret. I don’t know if I preferred his indifference and occasional loathing or the raw, pulsing anger when he thought Liam and I were getting back together.
It doesn’t matter. I’d like to think Liam will be understanding and our friendship will survive this. I’ll find out soon enough. And as to Ari, I had feelings for him once. I survived.
Survive.
My life’s motto. Always surviving. For the last eleven years, I had something more with Liam and Aislinn.
Do you think you have to keep paying a price to be my friend?
Liam was right. There’s always been a fear lurking beneath the surface, a fear that one day people will see the real me. The me that drove my mother away, that sent me from one foster home to another, that motivated Dale to bring that belt down across my back.
My eyes grow hot. I don’t like this fear. Don’t like confronting just how much it’s been ruling my life. I’ll have to deal with it. Have some hard conversations with myself, with Liam. God willing, one with Aislinn, too.
And Ari—
No. That door is shut.
My steps are heavy, my feet slapping against the sidewalk. The wind stings my cheeks. I don’t even bother glancing at the sky as I slowly make my way back to the hotel.