Chapter 21
Clyde
I wake so abruptly, for a moment I’m not sure what’s going on, but then I hear my uncle’s voice and see Road scrambling to his feet.
“Fuck,” I hiss under my breath in panic. “Under the bed. Now.”
The heavy steps are already resonating on the stairs as Road rolls to the floor.
My hands shake, and sweat’s covering my back by the time Grizzly’s familiar silhouette looms at the top of the stairs. I didn’t even bother shutting the door behind us, and my entire body throbs with the worry that he’s spotted Road, or heard him.
Still, when the bulky form of my uncle enters, I manage to speak. “Morning.” I rub my face to seem more sleepy than I am. I grab the pair of pajama bottoms I didn’t care to wear last night and put them on, because I’m not gonna be bare-assed for whatever conversation he wants to have.
“Would be a better morning if you answered your phone and I didn’t have to come here!”
I hate when he gets like this. I might be his nephew, but I’m not a kid. “Calm down already. Well, you’re here now, so what is it?” I groan, hoping it’s nothing too serious, because Road is under my damn bed, listening to every word.
The watery eyes narrow under the salt-and-pepper bush of Grizzly’s brows, and I’m torn by paranoid thoughts. What if he spotted the man under my bed as he entered? What if the reason for his scowl is an unfamiliar scent? The smell of an enemy? But my head remains empty, so I do nothing.
“The shipment’s out a day early.”
I struggle to come up with a way to discuss this without revealing to Road that my club’s bought the cargo meant for the Vultures by offering a better price. But how the hell am I to do that without tipping off my uncle that we’re not alone?
I wish I had a cigarette on hand. “Could have been a text.”
Grizzly narrows his eyes. “It was a text. Several in fact. Which you didn’t answer. We needed confirmation that we’re all clear for the van’s destination, and you were handling that part. So I had to make the decision in the end, but then came over to make sure you’re not dead.”
“Aww, so you do care,” I pat his cheek.
“Fuck you too.” Grizzly shakes his head. “You’ve been away for months last year. Summer is the perfect time to pick up where we left off before your accident.”
“Left off what?”
Grizzly claps his hands in front of my face. “Wake up, Clyde! The Vultures have had it easy long enough. We’re armed to our teeth thanks to the time we had during the truce, and we’re ready to find out which one of them killed Roy. Hell, at this point, I’d gut them all if it wasn’t too risky.”
My stomach turns into concrete. Road shouldn’t hear any of this, and worse still, I don’t want to hear it either. I wanna do business as usual, enjoy what we’re earning, and suck my fuckbuddy’s dick in peace three times a week. Is it really so much to ask? Or has this new temptation mellowed me out?
“The cops wouldn’t let the demise of a whole damn motorcycle club slide, and I rather like my life outside prison walls.” I also rather like Road alive.
Grizzly nods, but I don’t like the way he’s eying me. As if he’s not sure if he made the right call by choosing me as his protégé. Or I’m being paranoid because with every secret text from Road, I drift farther away from my club.
Getting more money, becoming a bigger club, landing stronger punches, taking revenge for Roy, all seem like less meaningful goals nowadays.
“Once they find out about the transport, they’ll lose their shit, and maybe then we’ll hunt ourselves a scavenger bird for a little chat. ”
I hate the way he rubs his hands together, because I instantly imagine Road tied to a chair and being interrogated by him. As soon as I envision pliers at his fingers, I wish I had my bottle of whiskey close by.
“We’ll get back to this when we need to. Sometimes I wonder if it even was them—”
“Clyde? Don’t even go there. It was.”
I raise my hands and urge him out. “If that’s all you came here to say, then I think we’re done. I’ve got stuff to do.”
Grizzly backs off without argument. “I’ll just piss while I’m here,” he says and heads down the corridor while I sigh with relief.
Which only lasts two seconds, because Road’s clothes are in the bathroom. Including his fucking club patch-decorated vest.
I rush behind Grizzly with my heart in my throat, trying to seem like I’m casually walking him to the door.
“Use the one downstairs, my toilet’s broken here again,” I say as Grizzly raises his eyebrows at me, but passes the upstairs bathroom to my utter relief. I might have a heart attack by the end of this morning. If Road’s found in my house, being gay might be the least of my problems.
“You gonna watch me piss or something?” Grizzly laughs as I follow him down the stairs, so I shove his ass with my foot.
“I’m going to make coffee, you fucker.” And make sure nothing else can suggest that I had an overnight guest.
We share a few more laughs, joke about whether Prophet’s amulets are already buzzing in alarm, but then he leaves as I listen to make sure he’s really gone.
The noise made by his hog isn’t enough, and I find myself peeking through the blinds to make sure Grizzly has left my yard before I dash upstairs, heart in my throat. The fallout I now have to deal with is only marginally better than being discovered with Road.
My feet slow when I spot Road’s muscular shoulders. He stands in the middle of my bedroom.
“He’s gone,” I say, unable to look him in the eyes, which ends up with my eyes passing over Road’s dick. At least I’m not naked, because my insides feel raw and vulnerable, so any shield from the anger surely coming my way is appreciated.
But Road’s silent. He takes a deep breath, as if about to roar, but instead of going straight for my neck, he rests his hands on his bare hips and shakes his head. “Wow. ”
I run my fingers through my messy hair. “Road. You weren’t supposed to be here. From the start, we established no club talk. They’re my family. Grizzly is literally my uncle.”
He snorts, but it sounds bitter rather than amused. “I bet I wasn’t supposed to find out your club’s planning to end the truce, and that you sabotaged our business,” he adds, his voice louder.
My stomach drops because all I want to do is hug him. Put my cheek against his shoulder and go back to bed, but that’s not happening, is it?
“I was outvoted! And I shouldn’t even be telling you this much. I’m struggling to keep everyone happy.”
“Your uncle is their president. You could have done more,” Road says in a hard voice and glares at me. The muscles in his jaw twitch with barely restrained fury. “Didn’t stop you from fucking me!”
I wish he’d punch me instead.
“Like you’re not enjoying yourself!” I spread my arms in frustration. He has no idea about the magnitude of the burden on my shoulders.
“This thing will be real short-lived if we’re all back to planting bombs!”
As I hang my head in frustration, I glance at the scar on his arm where a bone ripped right through. Because of rubble that fell on him after my bomb exploded.
“I’m trying to give them something , Road, without disturbing what we have too much.” It sounds weak even to my ears.
Road’s lips twist, and his eyes darken, like a forest after sundown. Soon, the wolves will be out for my blood.
“And what will that something be this time? Huh? Me? Our prospect? Someone from my community?”
Irrational anger rises inside my chest when I imagine one of the Butchers laying his hands on Road. This is a bad sign. I shouldn’t be protective of him. I shouldn’t care if he’s afraid, worried, or hurting, as long as he’s able to heal and fulfill the role of my convenient sexual outlet. I should be selfish about this, put my own comfort and safety first, but I can’t lie to myself anymore. I don’t know when that happened, but between me trying to get rid of temptation by stabbing him and him crashing into my home to do minor repairs, I began caring about him.
I want Road. Not just his body, the wide shoulders and delicious cock he’s always ready to feed me, but his company too. His company .
I’m so fucked.
The reasonable part of me suggests I should tell him to leave and forget what’s happened between us, but I’m too greedy, too volatile for that.
So I push him, and look into his eyes. “I don’t know. Maybe if you gave up who did it, we could wrap it all up and have peace!”
“‘Did it’ ?” he asks, and while he doesn’t lash out, his fingers curl around my wrist. I can’t breathe, because of course he doesn’t keep the death of my brother somewhere at the back of his mind. How the hell would he know what I’m talking about.
“Killed my brother! He was their prez. They will not let it go, and we know it must have been one of you. A crow in his open chest? Some crazy symbol carved on his forehead? You gonna tell me it was Satanist teens or some shit?”
Road lifts his chin, watching me as if he wants to make sure I’m reminded of the infuriating difference in our height. One corner of his mouth lifts, and I can’t help but notice how handsome he is. “ They , huh?”
I stall, because I haven’t even noticed it’s what I said. The truth is, the months of recovery after hospital kept me away from my club for too long. Sure, they visited, but while they were handling the business, I was seeing more of their old ladies when they brought me food than I did of my brothers.
I pull my hand out of his grip. “You don’t know what the last year has been like for me. I was just your average member, and got thrown in the spotlight like I’m some biker royalty. Roy knew how to handle this shit, but you know what else? He was a shithead, a liar, and a fucking pig, so maybe I don’t miss him all that much.”
I can’t believe I’ve said that to anyone, let alone Roadkill, the fucking Vulture Hollow MC enforcer, but here we are, and my chest is that little bit lighter.
Road swallows, searching my face for evidence of dishonesty, but in the end, he nods. “You can say that again. What did he do to you ?”
I step back, unsure if I haven’t already said too much, but it feels so freeing to share this with someone. I might be setting a future trap for myself, but if that’s the case, I already did that when I first kissed him. This man, with his searing gaze and smiles that always hide some kind of mystery, will be the death of me.
I swallow and point to the long scar on my face that goes from my forehead, through the eyebrow, to my cheek. “This? I must have been like ten or something. We watched The Lion King together, and once he decided I’m the ‘bad’ brother, he marked me like Scar. And since our parents weren’t home, no one heard me screaming. That would be just the beginning of the shit he pulled, but of course, since he’s blood ,” I say bitterly, “you’re not allowed to question your loya—”
I run out of words when Road cups my face and steps close, examining the scar I’ve had to get over at some point. At the time it happened, Roy was already old enough to understand that cutting someone’s face was not just play, but he did it anyway. Too bad he was always so charming it ended up being forgiven.
“Who’d hurt this face?” Road whispers, stroking his thumb along the mark in my flesh.
“You did. Quite a few times.” I have to inhale to gather my thoughts, but don’t push him away. “My dad just instructed me not to tell the doctor what really happened and got me a knife as consolation. He said the scar made me look ‘tough’, like I wasn’t such a pretty boy anymore. Do I look tough enough now?”
Road’s sigh makes me shiver, and when he leans in, moving his nose up my cheek, I am close to falling straight into his arms. “It’s not an either-or. You’re still a pretty boy, and anyone can see it. Bet Roy was so damn jealous. Now me fighting you? I was just looking for a way to get my hands on you.”
My face flushes and I can’t help myself, my hands find Road’s waist like it’s second nature by now. “Even before you knew I was an option?” I whisper, needy for his attention.
That smirk. I might just die because of it one day.
“I’m free in my head, right? I undressed you so many times before that bomb went off.”
My heart does that nervous flip that only he can elicit. “You’re such a dirty fuck.” I can’t help my own smile.
Road snorts, but he spins us around, knocking the air out of me as my back hits the wall. “Me? Dirty? How do you know I wasn’t dreaming about fucking you in some fancy palace, in a swan-shaped bed, all romantic and shit?”
I laugh, because now he’s being ridiculous. At least it eases the tension of our messed-up situation. I run my hands up his chest. “Because you want a fuckbuddy, not a husband.”
No one’s ever watched me the way Road does, nostrils wide, as if he doesn’t want to miss any of my scent. His pupils are like two coals burning for me. How could anyone have the strength to say no to this?
“What do you want?” he asks, sinking toward me, until his forearm rests against the wall above my head, and he’s leaning over me, almost touching .
Fuck, how I love his crooked nose, and even the burn scar. Road looks like he means business, and once again, I’m breathless.
“I want… I want this not to end just yet,” I whisper. “I know it’s messed up what we’re doing, but I want it too much to let go, so let’s navigate this best we can, okay?” I’m afraid even that is saying too much. Like I’m opening a wound in my chest in the presence of a hungry wolf. I can feel him salivating, but can’t stop myself, not when this desire for him feels like a first sip of water on dry lips.
Road dives straight for my mouth with a kiss that leaves my head spinning and my legs weak. But he’s there to hold me up, strong, rough hands, grabbing at my flesh as if he’s worried I might turn into dust.
“I want to keep you.”
I cup his face, and my heart pounds faster when he slides his hands under my waistband and squeezes my ass. “And you can’t be dead for that. So just listen to me when I tell you to stay off the road to the north of Felix Ruther’s farm today. That’s all I ask. Trust me that I’m trying to navigate this for us.” I give him a soft kiss on the lips.
He stalls, watching me from up close, and I worry that this is the moment he steps away, but instead, he grabs the hem at the front of my pants and drags me toward the bed, focused on me as if the reality of the upcoming war plays no role in our secret affair.
Soon, I land on the bed, and he’s climbing over me, naked and glorious.
As soon as he’s on top and we’re kissing, I spread my legs for him. It feels so good I don’t want to stop. I wonder about what he told me last night. What was a bad experience with some fuckers, was good for him with me. Maybe I’ll also eventually be free of this choking feeling that grabs my neck whenever I’m on the verge of offering him a fuck.
I don’t want to be afraid.
But I also don’t want to ruin what’s already good, so I push those thoughts aside for now and enjoy his weight.
I moan into his mouth when I feel his erection growing, pressed between us. I love it when he gets off like that sometimes, grinding it against me as if he’s already fucking me. It’s such an addictive rhythm my skin’s ripe with anticipation, and I whimper when he drags down my pants, until they’re kicked off altogether.
Our groans sound synchronous when he grabs our cocks with one fist, holding them together—hard, and throbbing, and needy for touch.
“I want my cum on your back,” he rasps .
I hesitate for a moment, that vulnerability of being down on my stomach hitting me hard, but I’m in my bed, in the sunshine, with a man who loves making me feel good. He wouldn’t abuse that position.
I bite my lip then give him one more kiss before turning under him. My heart beats so hard I don’t know if I’m excited or if it’s the fight-or-flight response, but it feels the same. What I do know is that my dick’s no less hard now.
“You wanna come on my club ink?” I joke to hide the nerves curling inside me.
“That what you want?” Road teases, moving over me in a way that sets my skin on fire. The noise of his hand slapping his balls as he jerks off echoes in my ears, and I half-expect him to rub himself off on my ass, but I feel his warmth all over. A lusty, open-mouthed kiss descends between my shoulder blades, and I rock my hips against the mattress as he goes lower, nipping on my flesh, only to soothe the burn of his teeth with that hot, talented tongue.
I was joking, but something in my fucked-up head wants that disrespect for my club. Like our thing is one big fuck-you to everything I’ve been brought up with.
I flex my back muscles to show off. “Yeah. Feels so wrong.” And yet I’m asking for it.
He gasps against my skin, as if that turns him on even more, then grabs my hips, pulling them up. For a moment, I’m struck by a sense of panic, but it’s gone when his saliva-slicked fingers grab my own erection. He’s touching us both, and my thoughts drift to the view I must present right now. With my knees wide and ass up, maybe he can even see my hole.
It makes my face flush with heat, but I’m as nervous as I am excited. Does he like what he sees? While I set the penetration boundary at the start, I never stopped him from fantasizing about it whether out loud or by text. In fact, I may have even encouraged it a few times.
It’s fucked up. I’m not rolling over for him, but I want him to want it. It turns me on, as if I’m some ultimate damn cock tease. Road fantasizing about topping excites me, and I’ve jerked off to it many times between our meetups.
And the few times he’s grabbed my ass so hard his fingertips brushed over my pucker were such a thrill I was too embarrassed to acknowledge it. And here we are again. I know he’s watching it, and when his thighs hit my buttocks, I know he’s imagining that he’s pushing himself in, until he’s fully embedded in my hole .
I arch and shiver in response to the tingling sensation those thoughts give me. Would he go at it fast, or would he be gentle, giving me a lot of time to adjust to the size of his shaft?
“Fuck, Clyde,” he rasps, tugging on my cock so fast a climax is already building inside me.
“So good,” I utter, rocking into his fist. I can’t even feel self-conscious about the way I’m clenching my ass at the tension he creates in me, because all I can think of is the sounds he makes as he’s jerking off.
The grunts.
The little moans.
The scent of him in the pillow I’m pressing my face to is just the cherry on top of this sex cake. I wanna gorge on it. I rock back, and when the knuckles of the hand with which he’s gripping his dick press to my tail bone, I come with a low moan of satisfaction.
I’m trembling, arching my ass to him, my mind blank as if someone has turned on their headlights in my skull. I’m still riding my high when Road rests his fist on my lower back, right above the crack and grabs my side with his free hand. What happens next can only be described as exhilarating. He’s slamming his hips against my ass now, fucking his hand fast and so hard my skin prickles from the slap of his balls against my buttocks.
This is as close as he can get to fucking my ass without doing it, and I sink into a headspace where all I want is to give him satisfaction.
My chest is so light and carefree after my own orgasm, and for once, none of that pent-up anxiety is there. I turn my face on the pillow and push back my hair so he can see me.
“Faster,” I whisper, sinking into the fantasy.
His eyes meet mine for the briefest moment, then roll back as he sinks over me, hand pressing down the front of my body.
A low grunt.
A few frantic thrusts.
And then, hot cum paints my back. It almost feels permanent, as if Road has marked me as his. Maybe I should get a splatter of ink tattooed on my lower back? Only I would know what it means .
I’m still barely catching my breath, filled with adrenaline and joy as he trails a finger through the sticky mess on my skin. Road looks like a beautiful beast now. Flushed, panting, the veins on his arms somehow more pronounced from the effort.
I fucking want him.
I’m so comfortable with him, even as he grabs my hips, and his cock rests in my crack. I like every part of his body in ways I never imagined I could feel about another man. For someone who grew up around the club, men might be your blood, your friends, your brothers, but there’s always a wall behind which you need to protect yourself. It seemed the most natural thing to be guarded around men, because they could pose a threat if they recognize weakness.
With Road, I can be soft sometimes, without fearing to have it used against me.
He likes it. He kisses and strokes me because of it, and when I arch to his touch, he rolls to the bed so we can cuddle without getting the cum off my back.
It’s perfect.
I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him, in case there’s no tomorrow.
“Stay off that road today, okay… babe?”
He sighs, but before I can open my eyes to check what expression he’s making, I hear a soft “okay,” and then I’m once again silenced by his tongue.