Chapter 26
Clyde
I sense Road’s eyes on my ass when we walk to our room, and while I’m nervous, excitement is like an eel trapped inside me and jolting me with electricity. I worry about how his dick will feel, but at the same time, I kind of… It’s Road. Not some stranger. If it hurts, he’ll stop. If I make some stupid sound, he’ll turn it into a joke and make me feel at ease.
When I open the door, I turn around in time to see him licking the icing remaining on his fingers. He seemed so happy to get that cupcake I know I made the right choice by celebrating his birthday.
He leans against the doorway and locks his gaze with mine. “May I come in?”
Behind him is my car, bathed in the warm light of the lamp above, and behind me—the room where I’ll finally confront my fears. I don’t know if he’s being playful or giving me a way out, but I appreciate it all the same.
Or… was it supposed to be dirty?
I gather my courage and wink at him. “Inside? You want to come inside ?” My breath may have hitched.
This time, he’s chewing on his lower lip, and his eyes gleam, as if he’s caught onto what I mean. “I do want to.”
I don’t even blink as I step back into the room, making space for him. “Then come in. ”
It might be the shadows, but for a moment I believe I see his chin trembling as he steps across the threshold. Then, the door slams shut, and I’m shoved to the wall, Road letting his hands crawl across my back as we kiss in the dark room I haven’t yet bothered to look at.
Unlike my lover, the room might as well stay anonymous.
“I missed this,” I whisper between one vanilla cream kiss and another. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be as I wrap my arms around his neck and hold him close. It was so hard to keep my hands off him at the bar, but now he’s all mine. He didn’t question a thing when I messaged him, just texted, [ ill be ther ]. By now, I find even his bad spelling adorable, because he’s a smart man, dedicated, dependable. It’s not his fault he had a shitty upbringing.
I taste his blood on my tongue, but then he settles his hands on my hips and pushes one knee between my thighs. It feels as though he’s splitting me open, and I moan when a delicious shiver runs up my legs, tugging at my cock.
He laughs, holding me against him, and buries his face in my hair. “I was so distracted thinking about you.”
“Oh yeah? Fucked up your chores with the goats, or whatever you have at that commune of yours?” I joke, sliding my hand over his nape and over the soft fuzz at the back of his head. I love how his short hair feels to the touch. It’s like a never-ending tickle with hundreds of tiny, delicate fingers.
“No. But you’ve lured me into breeding duty . That’s new,” he rasps, pressing his cheek to mine, then darting his tongue out to stab it at my ear.
I laugh out loud, shocked by what he’s just said. “I’m pretty sure you’re gonna like this work detail.” And since his thigh is between my legs, I grind against it shamelessly. He always knows how to turn my dials up to a hundred, and my dick is already getting hard. I want him to feel that.
“I think so too,” he teases, sliding his warm fingers under my top. “I’ve got a feeling I’ll be very... dedicated to it.”
“What other job is there for a bull?” I whisper and rub my cheek against his. I love the way he touches me. Like he can’t get enough. He worships me with his hands. And with his lips.
When they descend the side of my neck, warm and eager to mark me with kisses, I melt between my man and the wall, resting almost too much weight on that knee insistently rubbing my balls. But then Road’s pulling me deeper into the room. It’s too dark for me to see anything beyond the pale lines around the door and the covered window, but I trust Road to find his way. It’s exhilarating that he wants to take the reins, that I don’t have to always remain on guard and ready for confrontation.
I like to make my own choices in life, but when we’re alone like this, it turns me on that he’s such a guy . That he tells me what he wants and isn’t afraid to grab me either.
When he pushes me, I know the bed must be behind me, or he wouldn’t have done that, so I trust him. And just as expected, I fall onto soft bedding. It’s only now dawning on me what I’ve put on the table tonight, but it’s a good feeling. My insides buzz with excitement when I think about his dick, and the arousal I can’t wait to see all over his handsome face.
“You smell good. New cologne?” I ask, lifting myself to my elbows as I strain my eyes to see him in the darkness. His scent is different, smooth, with a hint of citrus, and I like knowing that he made that effort for me.
My eyes have now gotten a bit more used to the dark, and I see his widen. “Yes… yes, actually. It’s a sample, but I might just need an entire bottle.”
He nips my chin, and the wall lamp attached above the bedside table comes on, revealing tacky wallpaper, and even tackier bedding. But it doesn’t matter. I didn’t come here for a five-star hotel experience. I’m here for Road.
He grins and places both his hands on my knees, spreading them wide.
I gasp and my heart beats faster. I’m not sure about the exact logistics of how we’ll do things tonight, but I’m happy to follow his lead. I’ve spent too much of my life dissecting why I like what I like. I don’t want to overthink it anymore, or worry if I come off as weak.
“Fuck, that’s hot.” He must see that all over my face, but everyone loves a bit of encouragement, and I’m happy to tell him what turns me on.
The roguish smile I get in return makes my insides vibrate, and I curl my toes when he presses the sides of his feet to mine, towering over me as he pulls off his top. Fuck, he’s handsome. Not in the way models are—his attractiveness is rough around the edges, tainted with a bit of rust and damage that prove how much he’s been through—but I can’t imagine being with anyone hotter. Everything about him, from the many scars to the near-bald head and tattoos oozes masculinity, and while his looks communicate that he’s dangerous, I can’t be afraid of him any longer .
“You just relax. I’ll take care of you, Clyde,” he tells me, dropping his top to the floor, and I sink deeper into the mattress, unable to stop watching him.
I should laugh off his words or roll my eyes, but he’s hit a vulnerable chord inside me. I trust him and I had no idea how much I needed that. A man who would take care of me. Even though I want to keep him safe too, this is about something different. About trusting him with my body. I’ve never been this at ease with anyone.
I nod, all warm inside. It’s a strange mix of fluffy emotions that make me feel like a sap and an intensely physical arousal that has my cock straining against my zipper.
And he is enjoying this moment too, if the speed of his breathing and the bulge at the front of his pants are any indication. My mouth dries when he opens his belt, letting both ends hang loosely while he pulls down the zipper, watching me as if he wanted to feed on my reactions.
“Best birthday party.”
I grin at him, already flushed. “Feels like it’s my birthday. Since there’s a stripper.” I pull a crumpled note out of my pocket and throw it at him.
He laughs when it flutters to the bed, then kicks off his boot and places one foot on the mattress, right next to me. This way, his leg’s resting against my flank, and I’m closer to the open fly, where black cotton beckons me closer. Before I can make up my mind, Road slides his fingers into my hair and nudges me forward, until my nose and lips are buried between the folds of fabric, with the open zipper scratching my face and his scent yanking me by the balls.
All blood drains from my head and I grab his hips with a groan. I love sucking his dick so much that just the invitation to do that makes my whole body throb with lust. Two weeks. Two fucking weeks I’ve had to wait to touch him again.
I press my tongue flat against his cock, still hidden under fabric and moan to tell him how much I want him. I especially love that moment when he comes. Dick twitching, hot and hard, cum spurting into my mouth. He might not want his head pushed, and I respect that, but damn do I enjoy him gripping my hair harder when he makes those last thrusts into my mouth.
“I imagined pushing it inside you,” he tells me in a raw voice, and I rock my hips up when a pang of sensation trails up my cock. “That’s what you want, right? To give me your body? ”
“Yes,” I whisper, pulling his jeans and underwear down just enough to see his dick. It’s as perfect as he is. “I… want to feel it… deep in me.” It’s somehow easier to speak about it with my face against his cock. I lose inhibitions when I’m so close to sex, and when he pulls back, taking his erection out of my reach, I let out a disappointed moan.
Road grabs me by the chin and leans in to kiss my mouth. “I think it’s time to unwrap my gift.” With that, he shoves his remaining clothes off, soon standing in front of me naked. I did notice that he pulled something out of his pockets, and a little tube lands on the pillow alongside a single condom.
“You predicted this?” I ask, a little nervous again. It’s so stupid. I’m not nervous about slamming a chair into a guy, but this somehow has my fingers trembling so much I have to grip the sheet.
Road blinks, and for a moment he almost looks self-conscious. “No… I just always have it on me. Just in case.”
“I mean… That’s good. I don’t think spit would do.” I try to turn it into a joke but don’t manage to hold his gaze. He’s the man I want. I know it. This shouldn’t be hard.
“What about this?” Road grabs the rubber. “Do we need it?”
I shake my head. “I want to feel every inch of you.”
I take a deep breath when he straddles me, pushing his fingers in my hair. He’s sitting on my covered erection, and his cock’s poking at my stomach. Having him naked, in my lap, is an overwhelming sensation, his open-mouthed kisses leaving damp spots on the side of my face, on my ear when he whispers. “I want to make you feel good. I’ll open you up nice and slow.”
I breathe faster as I slide my hands up his muscular back. He’s so… big. I’m no shrimp but it feels so good to hug a man like this. I might want to let him inside me, but I also want to hold him.
It’s as though my body reacts to his words of its own accord and my ass clenches. Something I’ve not explored much. But I want to. With Road. It’s reassuring that he promises to take his time with me. I’ve denied myself these fantasies for too long, always wrapped up in a mix of feelings and memories too repulsive to explore.
Here, it’s just me and him.
Road pulls my T-shirt off, but then his hands and lips are right back on me, pushing me down, until I’m flat on the bed, and he’s mapping my torso, as if he worries he’s missed something all those other times we had sex .
I love his lips on me. The few times I decided to sleep with girls, it was never like this. They were all with me because I was a member of a biker club, a man’s man, who would play the role assigned to him perfectly. But with Road, I can let go, just be myself for a while, and let him take over.
I hear the distant hum of cars. But other than that it’s so quiet I’m aware of each gasp my lover makes as he explores my chest, playing with the hair in the middle and pulling on my nipples until I’m choking on air, increasingly sensitive to his touch.
Even the dusty scent in the room is covered by Road’s new cologne, as if I’m drowning in him. This is why I want him to fuck me. Not just because I have a vague idea that I want a man on top of me and his dick inside me. I crave the connection, the care, this moment of intimacy stolen from the clock ticking against us.
I moan in encouragement when he opens my jeans, then slides his hands in at the back to cup my ass. A shiver runs up my spine and I’m buzzing .
The pressure is almost impossible to take, but once my cock’s finally free, the cool air makes my head spin. It remains so for only a moment, then I sense a breath of heat, and soft, wet walls close around my shaft, sucking me in.
My eyes fly open. I don’t even know when I closed them, but I gasp as I look straight down at Road, his mouth full of my cock. He’s so hot like this. Even now, in control, lazily sucking me as he pulls my boots off.
“Oh fuck…” I whisper, my mind blank and filled with the excitement of being with him. No other pleasure can compete.
He continues giving me head while he gets rid of my jeans and underwear, leaving me breathless. I spread my legs a little wider when I’m naked, and he meets my gaze, staring back while my cock’s wet with his saliva. He keeps touching me, squeezing my ass, my thighs, touching my balls. Tension is already building inside me, and I arch my back, trying to keep myself from thrusting, but his lips are gone the moment I do it.
“Better than the cupcake?” I gasp when he pushes me farther on the bed with ease. He’s so damn strong.
Even though my heart jumps into my throat when he flips me to my stomach, I let him. I’m no coward. I even spread my thighs for him, because I’ve wanted this for too long, and won’t back out because of stage fright.
The growl he releases, looming behind me, reminds me of a hungry beast that has just left its lair after months of hibernation. He’s hungry, and with so much of my flesh on show, he’s soon nipping on my thighs and squeezing my ass before kissing all over the side of my buttock.
“You’re so juicy,” he rasps, shivering as if he can’t contain his excitement for me.
I rise to my elbows to look back at him with more ease. It’s such a turn on to see him so horny. We’re both naked, free, we have the whole night in this warm room far away from home. I grind my dick against the covers. Just a little bit, for my own pleasure, but I guess the movement of my ass in the meanwhile is fascinating to Road, because his eyes are like two shiny quarters.
“Fuzzy peach,” I laugh to hide my tension.
With a soft grunt, he digs his teeth into my flesh, not hard enough to break skin, but the sting of it makes me rock back and forth, which provokes him into doing it again.
“Sweet too,” he confesses, sending his palms up my back, kneading my flesh while I’m stuck imagining him mounting me now, while my ass still aches from the pain-pleasure of the bites.
I can be a bit vain, but no one’s ever made me feel so admired, as if my body is a work of art to be revered. And then Road also ruins me. Marks me. Bites me. Scratches me. Picks me up and toys with me. He’s the artist, so he gets to do what he wants with me.
And I want more. More. More.
“More,” I utter, and he doesn’t deny me.
His knees shove my thighs apart with such ease, my insides twitch with the need for… something. There’s an itch I can’t scratch by myself, a throbbing desire deep inside, and when he climbs my body and rests his weight on me, I clutch at the bedding, worried that I might come if my cock rubs against the fabric a bit too much.
My crack opens for his cock, cradling it as he rests on top, tugging on my hair to reach my ear with his mouth. “More of this?” he whispers and rocks his hips as if he were already inside, already fucking me, and his length shifts between my buttocks.
I had no idea how much I’ve wanted this. “Yes,” I murmur, grinding against him. I love that we’re both naked and I can feel the heat of his body, his thick hair tickling my back. The damp spot of pre-cum under me is more evidence of how horny I am for this. For him.
I shiver every time his cockhead rubs over my pucker. I’m so ridiculously sensitive down there I curl my toes in anticipation. “Fuck… It’s so hard,” I add and clench my buttocks over his stiff dick.
“Not just for this,” he breathes into my ear, then licks up my nape, into the hair, as if he were a cat grooming its mate. “It’s hard for you . I can’t fucking think when you’re like this,” he adds, resting his hands on my hips.
I’m trapped under him, and while I miss our kisses, I’m not worried about him doing something I don’t want him to, so I just let my mind drift, enjoying his weight and the firm hold he has on me. He only lifts his body once the lube is in his hand.
“Like what?” I murmur and arch my hips up, knowing exactly what he means. I love how much he desires me. And still, there’s that barrier inside me, woven from mocking comments about the secret that’s such a core part of me. But I’m not weak. Being gay and wanting another man to fuck me doesn’t make me incapable of holding my own in a fight, or less masculine than anyone else. If I’m to be my own man, then I’ll do what my gut tells me, whether those around me approve or not.
“So… submissive,” he whispers, straddling one of my thighs as he opens the slick. He keeps touching me, stroking me as if he can’t get enough of my skin. It’s a side of me I’m only discovering, but it’s damn easy to follow through when he’s loving it so much. “Show me your hole?”
His voice is dark, like burnt sugar syrup. I’d love to lick the inside of his mouth now. I bet I could taste it.
I’m hesitant, since I’ve never done this before. Not like this.
But my inhibitions are so fucking pointless. When I reach back to my ass and part it for him, my eyes are firmly on Road’s face. I might get neck strain, but I want to eat up his desire for me. I want to read his thoughts.
There’s nothing to read or guess, because the expression of awe relaxing his features is dead obvious. I feel cool air on my hole… almost inside it too, and I mewl when slick fingers roll over my flesh, teasing it. Our gazes meet, and Road dives in for a quick nip on my cheek. “One of the most beautiful sights ever,” he declares, as if he’s pledging his allegiance to my cause.
I smile like a fucking idiot.
The fact that I’m holding myself open for his fingers gives me a strange sense of agency. This act confirms I want him inside me. I’m taking back what was ripped away from me.
“Bet you say that to all the holes,” I whisper my joke. I never thought I’d be so at ease with anyone. He leans in and kisses me as the slick tip of his finger massages my entrance .
“Only this one,” he whispers, outlining my mouth with his tongue. “So wet and soft, and drinks down my cum so greedily.”
I’m not even tense when he slides in the tip of his slippery finger. It surprises me, because I expected to relive pain, but instead, I get to focus on Road.
I moan when he pushes in a bit deeper, testing me. My lust-filled gaze slides down his neck, chest, and between his legs where his dick is rock-hard for me. A bead of pre-cum drips from the slit in his cockhead, and the image is so erotic I regret I’m not close enough to lick it.
“Tight for you?” I mutter, increasingly excited. I want this to be just about us. About both the intimate connection and the filthy passion that makes me talk dirty to him in ways I never thought possible with another man.
He exhales and pushes his finger all the way in, leaving it there while he nuzzles my scalp, blowing hot air on my neck. “You’re as good as my first ever ride on a motorcycle. It’s like anything is possible.” He removes the finger and tickles my crack, once again poking at me moments later.
That has to be the best compliment I ever got.
Just like he promised, he’s taking it nice and slow, giving me time to adjust, stroking me, and pouring hot filth into my ear. At some point he pushes in another finger, but while the stretch is new, there’s no pain. My heart beats in a steady rhythm as I rock against his hand.
The girth of his dick will be more than two fingers, but I’m pretty sure my excitement will eclipse any discomfort. At this point, I want his cock pumping into me instead of the teasing fingers.
Will I have to say it? Ask for it?
I close my eyes. “I want your cock now.”
Road nips on my shoulder blade and moves his fingers back and forth, making my hole even needier. “Any last words?” he asks with a low chuckle.
It’s hard to focus when the pressure inside me is so intense, but I know what I want.
“Can we… do face-to-face?” I glance back at him. “I want to see you.”
And kiss you .
And know that it’s you.
I want this to be nothing like the scar of a memory in my heart. It already is, but I want to forget myself in his eyes .
Road gently removes his fingers before rolling me over as if he were a wild cat and I—just a man. He’s smiling as he reaches up and pulls a pillow close. “We sure can. I’ll get to see your face when I’m inside you.”
I lift my hips when he stuffs the pillow under me and kneels between my legs, bare chest rising and falling. He’s fucking magnificent, and as he slicks his hard erection, I find myself pulling back my legs, holding myself open for him again. In this position, my torso feels mildly constricted, and I’m so very exposed with my ass presented to him like a trophy, but my dick remains hard as steel, proof that I’m here out of my free will, and that I want this.
I’m too horny to care about looking weird. As long as Road eyes me like he wants to eat me alive, I’m good.
And what a beast of a man he is when he moves closer, the tip of his cockhead nudging my slippery hole as if he’s teasing me. He might want to watch my face, but I’m just as greedy to see his expression when he sinks into me.
My breath quickens, and I’m ready to face some discomfort. At this point though, it’s not gonna change my mind about how much I want him inside me.
I run my fingers up the vein on his forearm with a groan of satisfaction that turns into a soft moan the moment he pushes in. I squeeze his elbow, sucking in air when my body closes around him. The gentle entry feels like a stab, and he stills, watching me with his lips wide open.
“Okay?” he rasps and lets go of his cock to stroke mine, petting its underside as it rests on my tense stomach.
I lack the words to describe how this makes me feel, it brings back bad memories from years ago. I’m embarrassed to realize I grabbed his forearm so hard my nails dig into it. He doesn’t even complain.
Seconds pass, he doesn’t rush me, and the reflexive way my ass gripped him eases, as does my discomfort. I reach up to his nape and pull him down to me for a kiss. He sinks farther inside me, and this time my body doesn’t just accept him. It sucks him in. I cross my ankles at the back of his waist, shivering from the strangeness of being filled.
“Better now,” I whisper into his lips. “You?”
The way his knuckles rub over my cock builds my excitement back up again, but I barely need any more stimulation when he fills me so completely, arms like two pillars either side of my head, lips warm and needy for me. He nuzzles my cheek, then strokes his tongue over mine. We’re gravitating together, our bodies slotting in ever closer, until his pubes tickle my flesh, and we’re groin to ass. His exhale sounds like relief, as if he were looking for water and finally reached a spring to quench his thirst.
“You feel… incredible,” he whispers into my mouth.
I enclose him in my arms, wrapping them around his neck. I feel him in every move I make. It’s a tight fit, something I’m still adjusting to, but it doesn’t hurt.
I could get drunk on his new cologne mixing with the scent of his sweat. It’s my new aphrodisiac. “Oh fuck… I can feel your heartbeat inside me.” It comes out much more romantic than I intended, but that’s how it feels. Like his pulse is mine.
I keep my eyes half open, because I want to see him. Every scar, the hint of stubble, his thick brows and dark lashes, even the tattoo above his eye, messed up by the burn, make him perfect in my eyes, because he’s mine.
He gasps, his forehead hot and sweaty against my skin, breath sharp yet sweet from the vodka he drank earlier, and when he moves back, the friction it’s creating makes my toes twitch. This already feels nothing like my terrible experience years ago, so I let that go, focused on Road’s trembling lips, on his sharp breaths, on the stiffness in his muscles when he tries to keep his movements slow and controlled for my sake. I’m sure he wants to plow in hard and fast, and when I focus on him, he closes his eyes while his breath trembles.
I lick the salt off his top lip with a groan. “Mmm… good boy,” I tease him about his efforts, while I melt under him. His skin is so hot against mine and I’m loving this even when he pulls away from the kiss, stretching his back like the magnificent beast he is. But just as I stroke his cheek, he shifts his hips and changes the angle with which he fucks me.
“Oh fuck! Oh fuck!” I whine, pulling him close with the grip of a drowning man. My toes curl, sparks seem to rush from my balls to my dick, and I’m left a moaning mess when he does that again. I don’t know if it hurts, or if it’s pleasure, but the sensation is intense, making me throb all over in a way I’ve never experienced before
“Sorry.” He stops, eyes wide, and I squeeze his arms hard, rocking my hips, because finding my voice seems impossible. He finally realizes I want him to continue and the worried expression turns into a wide grin. “Oh, you like that, don’t you?”
I nod, my mind falling apart like he loosened a screw. “Do that again. Don’t stop.” My breath is shallow, my heart rattles, and I can’t get enough of the self-satisfied glint in his eyes. He has every right to be happy with himself .
I watch him in awe as he tortures me by sinking in slowly, but as soon as he reaches that spot inside me again, I moan for him and stroke his chest in appreciation. This is so intense, so overwhelming I struggle to breathe. Road accelerates, watching me with greedy eyes as he tests different speeds and depths of his thrusts. The heat at the point where we connect keeps growing, and each movement inside sparks sensations as intense as the roar of an engine at full throttle, vibrating through my core with raw, unfiltered power. I keep shivering as he works in and out of me, gaze on my face.
“This is what I fucking live for,” he mumbles, speeding up until my grunts become one long moan.
And in the middle of this fucking storm he’s unleashing on me, all I can think of is keeping him close. My legs are a vise, and I slide my nails over his back nonsensically. His muscles dance under my touch and I want to rip him open and climb inside.
I don’t know if I’m more turned on by the physical sensation inside me, the friction my dick gets between us when it’s lucky, or the ecstasy of watching just how much Road is enjoying himself in my body.
All of it is like sleet hitting me, but instead of ice, it’s made of fire.
I move with him, desperate for that shot of arousal every time he thrusts into me just right. It might become my new addiction.
I kiss him hard, seeking his tongue for yet more fleshy connection. Wet, soft, and hot. I lick his teeth, tease his gums, and nip on his lips.
I’m almost there, and I can’t fucking believe it.
He grunts and shoves his arms under my knees, folding me in two. I can’t breathe. My head’s spinning. But that’s okay as long as he keeps punching that hard cock inside me, kissing me, watching me as if I’m the only thing he cares for in this world.
“Baby, I’m close,” Road mumbles.
I’m half-lucid with the need to feel him come, but I still have a tiny bit of brain power left. “Same. So close. Jerk me off?” I beg, bumping my forehead against his.
I come the moment he touches me, almost as if my body was a firework that only needs this intense flame to explode in a rainbow of colors. I jerk, out of breath as my climax washes over me in endless waves.
Road’s moving above, his hard cock thrusting in and out, and just as I’m spent, he reaches his peak in a sequence of sharp jabs into my relaxed hole. He squeezes my shoulders, trembling against me, and I know he’s coming inside me, like I told him to .
I’m shattered, but somehow whole. My mind doesn’t understand it, but my body does.
I hold him close, kissing his scarred ear, and inviting him to take his time filling me.
Just like I love to swallow, I get off on the thought of him filling me with his cum. I seem to experience the pulsing of every vein in his dick as he makes his last jabs.
“Bet that made your balls feel good,” I whisper into his ear, pumped out, and just so… happy. My brain is fuzzy, still sparking with the afterglow of arousal. It’s no longer the overwhelming race to an orgasm, but the sticky, lazy pleasure of release. He slides both hands under my head, as if the bed isn’t soft enough for me.
Road’s eyelids droop more than usual as he strokes his thumbs over my cheekbones. “As good as riding Smokey. Maybe that’s what I should call you from now on, hm?”
I should probably feel offended, but I smile, drowning in the connection between us. “You did bet your bike against this ride.”
Road swallows, and as he shifts his hips, I feel his cock popping out of me. My entrance stings a little, and my insides still throb from the unfamiliar intrusion, but I feel amazing, finally unshackled from the ghosts that kept me from indulging this part of my life. And while I did expect Road to take care of me, the flood of emotion gathering in my chest is unexpected.
Road smirks before pressing his nose to mine. “I’ll get something to clean us up,” he says and eases off me.
I grab his waist and pull him close. “Wait. Or… I mean, unless you need to,” I mumble, embarrassed by the technicality of the aftermath when all I want is a cuddle.
I sense Road’s heartbeat quicken against my chest. “Oh… I figured you’d want to… but yeah, I can stay,” he adds and rolls to his side, taking me out of the wet spot growing under my hips.
I’m so torn between loving the sticky feeling because it’s his cum, and the strange shyness I rarely feel. It’s all so new.
I entwine my legs with his and hug him, unsure how to express any of it while I’m still fuzzy after coming. So I kiss him instead. “That felt so good. To be under you,” I finally whisper into his hot mouth.
I need him to understand how much this means to me, but I’m struggling to express any of the sweetness pooling in my heart. All my life, I’ve been taught to be tough, to keep my fists up, so talking about feelings doesn’t come easily .
I hear him swallow, and when he moves his lips into my hair, my gaze moves on to his hands. They are big, marked with several scars and patches of rough skin on the knuckles. After studying them for weeks, I also know the location of each callus. I fucking love Road’s hands. They can be firm and rough, or weirdly gentle, but their touch always feels just right. If only I didn’t have to wait such a long time for their touch again.
Now they’re sliding over my hot, painfully sensitive skin as if I’m a horse in need of calming, and I have no choice but to lean into it. Road’s lips grow paler as they stretch in a wide smile, and he kisses my brow, cradling me close. “Never felt like that before. Having you look at me when I was inside you, it was so intense. Like you let me burrow under your skin.”
I stroke his cheeks with my thumbs. He already has stubble. Our connection after tonight has bound us for better or worse. “I did. Like there was nothing between you and me. Like we shared a bloodstream.”
I’m so deep in my head, the sound of Road’s voice almost comes as a surprise. “Yeah, it was...”—he exhales—“When you fucked girls, did you also get this sense that you liked how your dick felt while it happened, but the moment it was over, there was this… shame? I don’t feel that with you. You’re who I’m meant to be with.”
I hide my face against in his hair, because it’s hard to talk about. “I didn’t do it often. It never felt right. Like I had to give a performance, so it almost felt like… I was pretending to be someone else. Someone who wants it.”
I’ve never admitted this to anyone, knowing they wouldn’t understand. Maybe Road will.
He nods and tightens his arms around me, cradling me against his chest. I love this new cologne and how it mixes with his natural scent. He keeps quiet, but the ghost of unspoken words hovers around us, making the air thick. I’m about to open my mouth when he finally speaks.
“I thought it would be different… you know, getting to fuck a guy. That it would be this hot thing to do in secret, completely separate from normal life. But now this feels more normal than the rest of it. Am I making sense?”
I nod and nuzzle his ear. I know what he means, because I want this to be my life. “I’ve never felt this at ease with anyone,” I admit, and my heartbeat already accelerates at what I’m about to say. “You’re not just some ‘fuck puppet’, Road. I want this to be more. It already is to me.” My stomach clenches in anticipation of what he could say to that. It’s as if I served him my heart on a platter and now await him to sample it.
His body yields, as if it’s let go of all the tension it’s been holding. Lips, the firmest but somehow also the sweetest I ever tasted, open mine, and he’s on top again, cock straining against my stomach as if he’s ready for another round.
“It’s been more for a while now.”
I didn’t want to admit it to myself, but I know deep down that it’s true. That I wait to get my hands on his messages like a lovesick puppy, that I want to cook for him, that I want to tell him about a movie I’ve watched, or warn him about dangers I have no right to tell him about.
“I don’t know how to make this last. But I don’t want it to end either. You’re so much more than I ever expected.” I run my hand over the short hair at the back of his head with tenderness, not just lust.
Road chuckles and shifts so we’re facing one another. I can look into his eyes now. They’re like two pools of molten chocolate.
“We really shot ourselves in the balls with this, didn’t we? You’re everything I like about being around the guys, but then you’re also hot, and you don’t just want me . You need the things I want to give.”
I sigh, stroking his back. He’s so fucking perfect for me. Big butch biker who loves nothing more than to fuck me, and then on top of it, really gets my lifestyle.
We didn’t think this through at all.
“It’s never not gonna be our secret, but… if we could calm down the fuckery between our clubs, things would be so much easier. It’s not unheard of for clubs to make peace or even work together after burying the hatchet. It then wouldn’t be so strange if we pretended to become buddies over time.”
I don’t know what Road is to me, but it would be so much easier to find out if I could invite him to my place sometimes. Even if we had to hide what happens behind closed doors, I’d love for him to be a part of my life instead of a lurking shadow I dive into when possible.
Road rolls onto his back. “We tried that already. But you’re Grizzly’s nephew. Can’t you get through that thick skull? ”
I groan and slide my hand over the taut muscles of his stomach. “Road. He won’t let it go. You need to give him the guy. And if it’s Prophet who killed my brother, find a fucking scapegoat. It has to be done.”
He freezes. “The fuck…?”
I grab his face and force him to look into my eyes. “That’s our reality, no matter how ugly. If you want this to work, we need to get serious.” And I want it to work so badly I’d overlook getting the real killer.
He twists away from my hold. “You just asked me to throw one of my brothers to the wolves. I don’t fucking know what you think about your club, but those guys are the only real family I have. And yeah, I’ve been lying, seeing you behind their backs, but I would die for each of them!”
It hurts to hear, but maybe for the wrong reasons. I’m jealous of all of them, because I want to be the most important thing to him. And I’m jealous of Road, because I resent half of the guys at my club even if I’d have their backs if push came to shove. I pull away to grab a cigarette from my jeans on the floor.
“So much for trust,” I say bitterly and light my cig without offering him one. “You know who did it, and you won’t even fucking tell me.”
“It’s not like that.”
“What is it like then?” I squint at him as I take a long drag of smoke. “Our thing always comes second, I guess.” I know it’s bitchy to say that, but I’m feeling real fucking vulnerable after letting him fuck me.
He’s so quiet I can practically hear the grinding of my own teeth as we sit in the bed, my thigh in the damn wet spot again. For all the nice things he’s said, he’s damn ready to shove me to the back of the closet, forgotten until one of us wants to get off again.
The crack of his knuckles makes me flinch, but he’s silent, staring at his own hands as if he’s considering twisting my neck with the same hands that held me only moments ago. That would get rid of his problem.
So maybe I am bitter, but is it really so strange to want more?
I’m on the verge of hiding in the bathroom when he speaks, voice dense with tension. “Can’t give you a scapegoat, Clyde.”
I put my cigarette out on the bedside shelf with so much frustration I struggle to breathe. I shouldn’t have gotten involved with him. I would have rather spent my whole life as an unsatisfied mess instead of whatever I am now .
“Why not? I would have done it for you!” I lash out and get up. I’ve already said too much, so I raise my arms to wash my hands of it. “Fine. Forget I said anything. Let’s just… do what we’re doing until one of us ends up dead.”
“It was me. I killed him.”