Chapter 39
Road
My bladder’s on the verge of bursting, but I can’t bring myself to get up. I woke up some time ago with Clyde molded to my back, and it’s been a struggle ever since. The bedroom smells of us both, and as I remain in the sheets, with Clyde’s arms circling me, this doesn’t feel new at all. His embrace is as familiar as breathing, and for a moment, I imagine he’s been here a long time, and this is just another morning together.
Soft breath keeps caressing my scalp, like when we rested together at the lake, with the sun heating our skin while we breathed in the fresh air. I can almost hear his heartbeat, when I ignore everything else, even my own, and its rhythm feels like yet another layer to this hug.
I could have chosen someone easier. Someone who wasn’t an enemy, and who didn’t need protection, but when his chest presses against me, expanding each time he fills his lungs, I’m reminded why it can’t be anyone else.
We are a good fit, yes, both in bed and out of it, but the conflict between our clubs is a part of our story, and it ended up bringing us closer together. Thanks to what’s happened, I know I can depend on him with my life, that this relationship is serious for both of us, and that it means something.
My bladder wins, but I still try not to wake him up as I slide out of his embrace, inch by inch, like a chick emerging out of its egg. He looks so serene under my comforter when I stand up. After all he’s been through, he deserves as much sleep as he wants .
When I’m relieved, I look around my house with a critical eye. It’s… pretty bare. Not something I ever minded much, but I want it to feel like a home to Clyde, so I need to step up. And if he wants a kitchen, I’ll build him one myself, but for now, I don’t even have breakfast for him.
I leave a note on my side of the bed saying I went out to get food, then get myself in order, because I know I’ll be stared at. I remember his comment from yesterday and add shampoo to the list of things I need to bring back. But before I leave him in the bedroom, I end up glancing toward the bed and stalling. He’s so damn handsome with bright light seeping through the curtains and covering his skin with a dense weave of sunshine. It’s almost as if he were sleeping under a translucent veil.
Maybe I am transforming into a mushfest, but nobody needs to know that I worship the ground under Clyde’s feet. Tempted to stroke the long blond locks spread over the white pillow, I take one step closer, but if I touch him now, he will wake up, and we’ll start making out, and he won’t get anything for breakfast, since the serving hours at the canteen are soon coming to an end.
With that on my mind, I step outside, immediately accosted by a crowd of furballs. Once they receive their food, I leap from my porch, straight onto the mossy ground, right past the steps.
I’m about to walk off but look back to assess my cabin. I have enough land around it for an extension if the place is a little too cozy for—
“Creep?” I yell, because I swear I spotted a figure in black scrambling away on my roof.
That’s right. On my roof .
The sun’s peeking through the leafy canopy above, its light blinding, but I know what I saw and dash alongside the cabin with blood thumping in my ears. How long was he here? Had he been… creeping on us?
It would have been funny if this was any other home than mine.
He attempts to crawl out of my sight, but I grab a green pinecone that somehow ended up falling from the tree, and toss it at him.
Bullseye . Right in the back of his head.
He turns around with a growl. “What? Prophet told me to keep an eye out! If the Butchers are after him, who knows if they don’t come here. Brigid’s cards have spoken of a threat.”
Oh, so now that he can’t run anymore, he’s being confrontational .
I glare at him and call him over with a gesture, my eyes pinned to the wild bird nest on his head.
He lets out a theatrical sigh and slides off the roof, glaring at me with those black eyes, shoulders stiff. He’s so… strange, but now that I’ve found out he’s gay, I assess him anew. If he sorted out his hair, spent more time in the sunlight, and stopped biting his nails, maybe he could find a guy too. After all, he’s tall, toned, and has the angular features of a rogue. Then again, he does live in a cave, which would be a stretch even for me.
“You could have watched the house from where you wouldn’t risk overhearing every single moan and grunt,” I tell him, not even trying to avoid being accusatory, because what the actual fuck? I did suspect someone might loiter around the cabin, trying to satisfy their curiosity, but I didn’t expect it to be one of my brothers.
Since his skin is like milk, the blushing is all too easy to spot despite him positioning himself in the shade of the house like some damn vampire. I can’t help but wonder… Is he experienced? Top? Bottom? Switch? Does he have a guy? He does sometimes go away for extended periods of time, so who knows?
“It’s a good vantage point, and unexpected in case someone did come.”
“Someone did come ,” I deadpan, glaring at him. “Two someones.”
He shifts his weight and rests his entwined hands on the back of his head, as if I didn’t call him out for eavesdropping. “So… How did you get him?”
Is he asking me for dating tips?
“I didn’t get him . I told him he was hot, he said he could go with that, and that’s how it started.”
It’s not the whole story, but I don’t owe anyone the truth about my dying regrets.
“Just like that?” He cocks his head, watching me as if his eyes were two scalpels about to open my skull and rummage inside.
I’m not sure if he’s serious, but Creep’s a weird guy, and I don’t want him to start stating his intentions to every guy whose face he likes, so I take pity on him and exhale. “I didn’t think he would be up for it, to be fair. But there’s apps, and gay clubs, where there’s men who like the same stuff, right?” I ask, as if I’ve fucked my way through half the state.
The bastard rolls his eyes at me and walks off like I don’t even deserve a nod. Annoyance simmers under my skin, and I dash after him, grabbing his shoulder. “Seriously? ”
Creep frowns, and now that I see him in a new light, I have to give it to him that the sharpness of his features could definitely be attractive. “Yes, seriously. I want what you have, not Grindr. I’m not stupid.”
My shoulders drop. “I didn’t try to insult you. It’s just… go out and meet other gay guys? It’s not like I have a lot of experience with that myself,” I mutter and shove my hands into my pockets, kicking a pebble up the hill. “Listen, I’ve got to go before the canteen closes, but could you actually stay? He’s sleeping, and I don’t want anyone bothering him.”
Creep hums. “Fine. Bring me a sandwich. The sweet one, with raisins.” He turns around and climbs my drainpipe with the ease of a wild cat.
I shake my head and watch him crawl onto the roof like a giant spider before forcing myself to look away, so I can get the food on time.
With the sun so bright in the cloudless sky, I regret putting on my leather jacket, but I don’t let that stop me on my way down the path. The green roof of the food hall is already peeking through the trees ahead, and I can almost smell bacon, eggs, and pancakes.
I choose to cut the distance to the canteen by going straight through the playground. I ignore the unusual silence from the parents of the three kids enjoying themselves in the sandbox, and go straight for the building close by. It’s the time of the morning when Jeremy, one of the cooks, switches the radio to a station playing jazz, but I don’t mind and walk along the wall, straight for the counter smelling of all sorts of delicacies.
It’s only now that I sense a cramp of hunger in my stomach, but the eyes following me from the moment I step inside cause a bit of nausea. I haven’t come out to be fucking ogled in my own home. Still, when I see some of my biker brothers at a table, I give them a quick nod and wave.
“Sorry, we’re closing, I can give you a sandwich,” Hank says to me from behind the counter, putting a lid over the eggs laid out on the buffet, as if to hide them from me.
His wife, Rhonda, elbows him and picks it right back up. “Ignore him, Road, he’s being an ass.”
“Good save,” I say calmly, even though every bit of me is fired up. “Don’t think he would like me to have a problem with him, or would you, Hank?” I ask, grabbing a tray and placing it on the counter. I then take two plates and help myself to every single fucking thing available. Because fuck Hank .
Hank might be the size of two men, and appears even larger when he crosses his arms, but he’s no fighter. He pouts and watches my every move while his wife is already setting up two mugs for me.
“How does he like his coffee, sweetheart?”
Hank’s scowl deepens, though he doesn’t dare interfere when I drizzle pancakes with honey. “So we’re also feeding that bastard now?”
I take a deep breath and lean forward, placing my palms on the counter and pin Hank in place with the sharpest glare I can muster. “Clyde Turner is my future husband, so you better watch your mouth when you speak about him. This is your last warning,” I say, and while calling Clyde mine feels good, I’m fucking pissed off that I have to fight for us both in the first place. I helped build this place. Literally renovated this building, and now I’m being disrespected inside it. But Rhonda did nothing wrong, so I offer her a tight smile. “Strong, no sugar or milk.”
Hank looks like he’s swallowed a turd, but at least he shuts up.
Rhonda sighs deeply. “Please don’t mind him, Road. His heart is in the right place, but you know we have kids, and he’s worried about a Butcher living here. I’m sure that if you chose him, he’s safe. I’ll get you the fresh bacon.”
A sudden pain spreads through my chest like electricity, and I squeeze the edge of the counter with both hands, because I’m not ignorant of the potential fallout of my actions. Clyde’s not a danger to anyone, but his former club might be, and by bringing him here, I am putting everyone at risk.
I exhale, swallowing the rock forming in my throat when guilt rises inside, because those are all my people, and I want to protect them. Still, Clyde won’t be safe out there, and there’s safety in numbers. Even Butchers aren’t crazy enough to attack a whole settlement when they could just ambush us somewhere on the road.
“There’s no perfect solution,” I say, watching Rhonda place two mugs on my tray.
Her expression turns to concern, and she pats my forearm. “There never is. We will deal with it together. We always have the caves if worse comes to worst.”
I’m not glad she thinks it might get so dangerous the civilians will need to hide in the caves, but it’s reassuring she believes I made the right choice. I thank her, then take my piles of food and the coffee mugs she put lids on. I barely had room for the two cream cheese and raisin rolls for Creep .
When I first came in, I did my best to not meet anyone’s gaze, to not react to provocation, but now my eyes wander straight to the long table where my brothers sit. They’re all staring at me, and while I’ve had enough confrontation to last me the whole morning, I find myself drifting toward them.
“Morning,” I say, capturing Prophet’s gaze.
He nods at my tray. “You can bring him here, you know?”
I almost get angry on Clyde’s behalf, because he’s no coward and would accompany me here, if he knew I left. “Didn’t want to wake him up. He had a tough few days.”
“You’re the one who was in the hospital,” Yeti mumbles.
“Will he just… live here now?” Rooster asks. His spot is farthest from me, so he rises in his seat to see me better.
I choose to ignore questions with such obvious answers and stare back at Yeti. “And I’m fine, so I let him sleep longer. Not a crime.”
Harvey smirks into his coffee. “What was that word you used, Rooster? Simp?”
Rooster starts choking on toast. “Nah. No idea… what you… mean!” he says between one cough and another as I simmer in anger and the other guys chuckle.
I guess that’s better than being called homophobic shit and drowned in a lake. I don’t have the energy to argue with those idiots over them calling me out for being too dedicated to Clyde, so I instead swipe my gaze over them all as I speak. “I need you to go with us to Clyde’s house. He needs his shit, and it’ll be safer with an escort.”
Martin groans. “I wanted to go swimming.”
Prophet cuts him off. “We’ll be there after breakfast. Rooster will bring the van.”
The knot forming in my stomach relaxes as I give him a nod. I know he and I will need a longer conversation about all this, but he’s as supportive as he’s always been, and I hope I can be that kind of friend for him too.
“Thanks. I’ll be… home,” I say, clearing my throat. And then I’m off, away from the guys, maneuvering the tray overflowing with food for three on my way out of the canteen. I’m squinting to get used to the bright sun outside when I hear loud footsteps behind me.
“Road?” Molly asks, and I swear I’ll never get this food to my man at this rate.
“Yeah? What is it?” I say, not even stopping. She can follow me if she wants. We’ve fooled around once or twice in the past, but I don’t owe her anything .
She speeds up to walk next to me and flashes me a big smile. “I just wanted to say that it’s cool with me that you’re with Clyde. He’s so hot I don’t blame you. So… if you’re ever looking for a third…”
“We’re both gay,” I say, because I don’t know what else she’s expecting. A thank-you for her permission to fuck whoever I want?
“Oh…” She bites her thumb with a sigh. “But didn’t you—”
I’m not about to explain to her the details of my sexuality.
“Listen, if you wanna be helpful, bring me some shampoo later, okay?”
To my relief, she beams at me and nods, staying behind. “On it, Road!”
At least someone is being semi-normal about my new partner.
I’m halfway back when I spot a familiar figure in a long blue dress crossing the path ahead alongside a whole flock of chickens. The worry about consequences is back, and I speed up, eager to catch up to Luna. “Morning!”
She’s carrying a large basket and spills chicken feed from her fist every now and then, to make sure the birds follow her. She looks back at me with a smile, but I can’t really read her well. “That’s a lot of food.”
I stall, frozen in place. Doesn’t she know yet?
“Yeah… you didn’t hear about the person who moved in with me?”
My guts coil like snakes inside me when she doesn’t meet my eyes. “Right. Makes sense. Mom told me. You can’t fight destiny.”
I swallow.
Maybe I know nothing of magic, fate, and all that spiritual shit, but I feel at home with Clyde, and everything else needs to adjust to that fact one way or another. “I know he used to be a Butcher, but he’s a good one.”
She chews on that for a while as we walk together in silence, followed by her clucking chickens. “We… consulted the cards last night with Mom. You two are bound by the Death card. Whatever he was, he’s been reborn and I look forward to meeting him in the future for who he is now.”
I’m still not sure if Brigid actually believes the cards, stars, and tea dregs can tell her the future, or if she’s just using them to achieve the result she desires, but whatever helps. If tarot can help Luna get over the fact that Roy’s brother moved into Vulture Hollow, that’s what counts .
“Thanks. I’m sure he’d like that too. He’s… been through a lot lately,” I say, staring at the crowd of little chicks hunting for grain. “Actually, may I... borrow one of them?”
“A chicken?” She cocks her head at me.
“Yes. I’ll explain later, but the food is already cooling…”
Luna shakes her head with a smile, and after a bit of wrangling, she manages to put the tiny chick in the wicker basket with a closed lid. She then carefully helps hook it on my arm so I can carry the tray.
We say our goodbyes and I rush off with my heart overflowing with joy.
My arms are aching from the effort of carrying the heavy load while simultaneously keeping it as steady as possible, so by the time I reach my home, I’m happy to see Creep. I get him to open the door for me, and then send him on his way, eager to feed my man.
I let out a playful whistle and enter the bedroom, called over by his choked grunt.
Clyde sits up on the bed, yawning and rubbing his eyes. “What time is it?” he asks but then glances at the tray I brought. “Wow! That looks like everything I want right now.”
I was hungry before, but he looks good enough to eat in my bed, wrapped in my blanket, and smelling of me . I place the tray on the bed, then walk around it until I can embrace him from behind, and ah…. there’s nothing like burying my face in his hair. If that means I’m a simp, so be it. Whatever.
“I have a surprise,” I say, placing the basket in his lap.
He raises his brows at me but then opens the basket. The chick cocks its little head and lets out a melodic tweet.
“Is this for me? Where did you get it?” Clyde utters, stroking its head with his fingertip. He’s so gentle with that tiny thing, I end up enfolding him in my arms more firmly, because with everything in his life hanging in the balance, he’s fragile too.
“My secret,” I tell him and rest my chin on his shoulder, melting into him. Only when he’s this close can I stop worrying about him all the fucking time. “We have to later return him to his brothers and sisters, but I thought you’d like a guest at breakfast.”
“That’s so thoughtful. You remembered I like chickens,” Clyde says and turns to kiss me on the cheek. As if I could ever forget anything he told me, when I’m so hyper aware of everything about him.
Now that he’s here, it does feel like we have a future, and that we’re a real couple.
“No one gave you shit?” he asks, pulling the tray closer, but he keeps glancing at the chick trying to find its way out of the basket .
I wonder if I should keep the truth from him, but I kiss him back and sigh. “They’ll come around. It’s all new, but I can take care of myself. Now eat, we’ll be going to your place soon.”
“Right. I was thinking though,” he says, already loading a fried egg onto his toast, “Maybe we shouldn’t. I don’t know if it’s safe. There’s a chance some Butchers might be there—”
I stop him, because I’m there to carry this burden with him. “We won’t be going alone. The guys agreed to come. Strength in numbers.”
Clyde puts down the toast and picks up a pancake instead. “It’s weird to eat the egg when he’s looking at me,” he says, pointing to the chick. “I wasn’t expecting their help, but it’s honorable of them that they have your back like that. Makes me think that maybe there is a future here.”
I grasp on that thread and bite the pastry he holds to my lips. “They’re great guys once you get to know them. They’ll warm up to you. I know they will,” I say as the buttery croissant melts on my tongue.
I’m so damn desperate to give him all the peace he needs, and maybe soon enough he will be as much part of Vulture Hollow as I am.
Our breakfast is peaceful, we avoid talking about the Butchers, about Bracer, about all the deaths and schemes and danger yet to come. It gives me a taste of what our life could be like in the safety of this cocoon with Clyde.
We’re full, happy, and we took a shower by the time Prophet knocks on my door and I let him in. Clyde sits in a chair with just a towel wrapped around his hips, and my heart beats faster, as if in panic, even though I know he’s allowed to be there, and it’s obvious to everyone that we’re fucking.
Prophet clears his throat and pulls something out of his pocket. Necklaces made of small black beads, with a thin metal pendant adorned with a symbol I don’t know. He puts one on the table in front of Clyde, and the other in my hand.
“We’re ready to go, but Brigid’s got a bad feeling. She made these for your protection.”
Clyde groans. “Ominous much?”
But I smile as I put the necklace around my neck, because its presence means acceptance. “Just go with it.”